A Tale of Two Owners
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, a man named Jack Kent Cooke owned an NFL franchise located in Washington, DC. Cooke was the J.J. Watt of owners, giving more to the community than he ever took, knowing if he was going to make a living on the backs of the locals, he owed them something in return. Cooke was one of the last, if not the last NFL owner to build a stadium for his team, Fed Ex Field, without one penny of public money.
This mindset of existing symbiotically with the population worked very well for Cooke, who owned the aforementioned NFL team, the Los Angeles Lakers, the Los Angeles Kings, and the Toronto Maple Leafs, among other successful business ventures.
Unfortunately, Mr. Cooke died of congestive heart failure in 1997 and his children sold the football franchise to none other than Dan Snyder, a local D.C. fanboy turned business tycoon.
Snyder is everything Cooke was not, as one can see by this now infamous article in the Washington D.C. culture outlet The City Paper, The Cranky R*dskins Fan’s Guide to Dan Snyder
So before we welcome the New Dan Snyder, let’s look back at the one we know. That’s the Dan Snyder who left his mark, or stain, on more than just a football team. That’s the Dan Snyder who got caught forging names as a telemarketer with Snyder Communications, made a great view of the Potomac River for himself by going all Agent Orange on federally protected lands, and lost over $121 million of Bill Gates’ money while selling an “official mattress” while in charge of Six Flags. That’s the Dan Snyder I’ve found to be the most fascinating and consistent man on the planet, responsible for the hilarious and/or heinous deeds outlined in the following pages.
Introducing the Washington Football Team:
All this to say, having an absentee owner in Cal McNair, a universally panned general manager in Bill O’Brien, and a team that seems to rejoice in shipping off top shelf talent like Jadeveon Clowney and DeAndre Hopkins for peanuts and magic beans isn’t so bad. Is it?
At least H-Town got Jeff Bagwell for a lopsided trade of our own... and no children’s charities or cheerleaders were pimped out in the process.
Speaking of baseball, what’s on your current pastime list? Pining for sports? Video games? Household projects? Rebuilding a muscle car? Learning to play guitar? Collecting belly button lint?
Toss out some suggestions for great ways to pass the time while we all wait for the return of football. Or not, cause it’s Saturday night and off topic is alright.