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Houston Texans Final Score/Post-Game Recap: Texans 3, Colts 31

Get Wentzed, y’all.

Houston Texans v Indianapolis Colts Photo by Justin Casterline/Getty Images

Synchronicity is a non-casual event in the external world which coincides with things going on in the internal world, such as our thoughts, feelings, and dreams. It’s dreaming about a golden scarab, only for one to show up your window the following day. The red jewel pushed upon the rocky shore. A sunflower I saw when I was meditating last summer.

T.Y. Hilton started the season on Injured Reserve, only for him to come back and make his first start against the Houston Texans today. Clown mask covering his face, biannually crushing the Houston Texans. Of course Hilton was going to start this week.

Hilton immediately delivered. He had 3 catches for 70 yards in the first half, including a reception that went for 52 yards. The trouble Carson Wentz had finding big plays vanished right away. Wentz hit Parris Campbell against a two high shell for a 51 yard touchdown, taking advantage of Terrance Brooks playing for Lonnie Johnson Jr. The following drive, Hilton made his big catch. The things we were accustomed to are still here all these years later. Hilton finished with 4 catches for 80 yards.

After scoring first, the Colts never relinquished the lead. The Texans managed one scoring drive, a 13-pla,y 62 yard clock-churning affair, designed to keep Houston’s terrible defense off the field. Aside from that, the rest of the day was miserable. Tim Kelly kept calling a slew of terrible screen passes against a fast defense that has a major weak point—defending the deep pass. It took 45 minutes for Houston to take a meaningful shot downfield. The rest of the game was spent ESTABLISHING THE RUN (a mystical ideal that doesn’t exist), with quick curls, comebacks, and outs to the sideline.

Like last week, when Houston lost because of their coaching staff, David Culley didn’t help this week either. Throwing the ball to kill the clock at the end of the first half. Punting on 4th and 2 down down 14 with the ball at the 45 yard line; Indy scored on the following possession. Wentz hit the money shot against Cover Two with Lonnie Johnson Jr. screaming at his cornerback after the play.

The Texancels were wrong. Houston wasn’t going to surprise everyone. Phillip Lindsay season never arrived, Tyrod Taylor is still injury prone, Davis Mills wouldn’t have been a first round pick if he entered the 2022 NFL Draft, signing a horde of veteran NPCs don’t matter, Laremy Tunsil is overrated, James Campen didn’t solve the offensive line problems or the run game, and Nick Caserio isn’t a genius.

Houston is going to be 1-7 by the time Taylor returns. By then, what’s the point? Draft capital is what matters. Winning four games for some semblance of not completely failing doesn’t matter. Seeing whether Davis Mills has anything, anything at all, along with the rest of the kids, is what matters.

The Texans are back next Sunday at 3:05 p.m. when they play the undefeated Cardinals and ex-Texans greats DeAndre Hopkins and J.J. Watt in Arizona.