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Incompletions: Texans v. Rams (Spooky Season Is Over)

With so much to write and talk about after every game, one person isn’t enough to write about it all. The Masthead joins together and writes about the same thing repeating itself.

Los Angeles Rams v Houston Texans Photo by Bob Levey/Getty Images

MATT WESTON:

During this string of Texans games, most have used words like miserable, unwatchable, disgusting, ridiculous, embarrassing, to describe the Houston Texans. They hated what they were watching, disgusted by the performance, and destructed by what this season has provided them.

I haven’t felt the same. This season was what we expected. It’s what the stagnated rebuild deserved as they worked to fix the culture, which is based around the players, not the general manager and cultural director, instead of, you know, add as much draft capital as possible, sign young players with some allure of future potential, pay their bills next year to have cap space for 2022. Rebuilds can be short in the NFL. They become a lengthy process when you waste an entire year.

What are we even doing here? This week got to me. I went from howling at fake-fake punts, to checking out Lonnie Johnson Jr. missed tackles and pursuit angles, to swimming with the angler fish, to laughing at how unnecessary Laremy Tunsil, to feeling nothing. Indifferent. I wish I was indignant, because that would mean I was feeling something at all.

Every Sunday has been the same. Davis Mills throws the same five concepts that he’s only allowed to throw. The run offense is the worst in the NFL no matter who is carrying the ball or what play call they toss out there. Run, screen pass, quarterback hit is the name of the game, especially against an elite interior pass rush. No one on the interior could limit Aaron Donald, and Leonard Floyd rained hell upon Charlie Heck. The defense has molded to a cover three scheme, where Johnson Jr. misses tackles, takes terrible angles, and doesn’t affect anything to the middle of the field. He’s a real Earl Thomas. Jonathan Greenard and Maliek Collins are the only one who can get a pass rush. They miss tackles. They can’t fit the run. The scheme is bad, the players are worse, and every week it’s a revolving door of misery.

What we saw against the Rams was the same as it was against the Panthers, the Bills, the Colts, and the Cardinals. The Patriots game was the only one slightly different, the result of Davis Mills making three throws he hasn’t made again this year. Scoring points down by 38 against the backups doesn’t mean anything, but nothing this season on the field really means anything anyways.

GO TEXANS:

BIG FAT DRUNK:

The Houston Texans scored 22 points in trash time while the Rams had a bunch of backups in the game and were playing prevent defense. That’s what it took for the Texans to score after 12 straight quarters without a touchdown.

At this point, the Texans are what they are: one of the most hilariously inept NFL teams in the past 20 years. Every aspect of the organization is a train wreck running into a dumpster fire, whether it’s the front office or the coaching or the players themselves.

The Texans are entertaining in a dead clown kind of way.

REBUILD THE REBUILD AND THEN REBUILD THAT REBUILD:

UPROOTED TEXAN:

Games like this make me wish there was relegation in the NFL and college football. Because the Texans are crappy. There’s simply no two ways about it, but even if they’re crappy, if there was relegation, the Texans would still have something to play for, that something being not getting sent down to a lesser league where we’d end up playing Salt Lake City and Birmingham or whatever the fuck.

As it is, the only thing I have to look forward to is how the Texans will continue to entertain me in ways I would MUCH RATHER NOT BE ENTERTAINED BY and hope that our quest for the number one overall pick is successful; that is boring and it makes me sad.

I don’t like being negative about Houston sports, or the Houston Texans, but goddamn this team makes it really, really hard not to see all the warts this team has to offer.

BE WHOEVER YOU WANT TO BE:

L4BLITZER:

Another week, another ugly loss for the Texans. I suppose you could look at it this way in that the Texans score more points at home than on the road, especially under the Mills regime (17.7 at home vs. 2.7 on the road since Mills took over as full-time starter). Yet, that probably doesn’t do the real truth justice. The 22 points the Texans put up in the fourth quarter only came after the Rams had dropped 38 and decided to empty the bench, something that is not a common occurrence in the NFL.

The Texans actually had a couple of defensive moments in the first half, where they held the Rams to a field goal and turnover on downs after the first touchdown. Yet, another turnover on downs failed when the man, the myth, the legend, Vernon Hargreaves III committed a holding penalty that gave the Rams another series of downs to get a touchdown, which they proceeded to do, and at that point, the competitive phase of the game was over.

The lost season continues. At this point, I would not be surprised if the Texans advocated for a running clock for the rest of their games. Concurrently, I am having a hard time figuring out where the next win this season could come from. Next week at Miami, hosting the Jets and their visit to Jacksonville are the last remaining chances, but given the way this team plays on the road and the fact that the Jets proved they could beat a good team with their win against the Bengals, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Texans don’t get their next win until the 2022 season.

HAHAHAHA SEE NOBODY CARES, WELL, EXCEPT FOR US:

MATT ROBINSON:

I don’t care what the final score was. This was a shut out followed by a brief pre-eason game to close it out. The only positives came after backups were inserted on the Rams side playing conservative calls. Aside from one shot to Nico Collins I didn’t see anything contrary to a training wheel offense for Davis Mills. Brevin Jordan and Scottie Phillips got playing time (yay?) hopefully this is a confidence builder for them going forward but there was a reason Brevin had to wait for a Pharoah Brown injury to crack the lineup. Similar to perennial practice warrior Kahale Warring the game is a tad to physical and fast for what Jordan is used to. A note that is slightly odd considering he was one of the main playmakers on an SEC team before he came out. Regardless he can still provide a pass catching boost while doing nothing in the blocking department just fine when Akins leaves this offseason.

Aside from that I’m not gonna bore you by waxing poetically on what was pretty much a copy/paste from previous terrible Culley games. It is however worth mentioning the Desmond King benching for disciplinary reasons. Blah blah Culture and all that but one of the reasons King was put on the trading block by the Chargers initially to my knowledge was the fact that he was openly critical of Anthony Lynn the head coach (you know the one Twitter would roast constantly for his poor game management, sound familiar?) so it doesn’t surprise me one bit to see yet another veteran expressing frustration or apathy this point in the season. But at least this game won’t be as awkward as the Dolphins game coming up with the potential Watson deal awkwardly lingering over the week.

EMPTY PARKING LOTS AND BROKEN HEARTS:

MIKE BULLOCK:

Like Matt said, this was a three quarter shut-out, followed by a fourth quarter of Houston facing 11 water boys so they could score 22 points.

But, why would anyone expect any less? Brandin Cooks and Justin Reid do not an NFL team make, and, as I mentioned last week, the Texans might as well forfeit the rest of the season.

The offensive line was once again sorely over matched, Lonnie Johnson was busy doing his “Look, I dressed up as Vernon Hargreaves for Halloween” schtick and the rest was just as embarrassing.

Hopefully they pull off the Deshaun Watson trade today or tomorrow so we can all have a little ray of hope that 2022 might get better, that is til we remember Cal, Jack and the rest of the Culture Crew are still in control and we’re all doomed... #Suck

TRUST THE CULTURE: