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Quick Hits: Texans vs. Dolphins

Who will blink in the Tankapalooza stand-off?

Miami Dolphins v Houston Texans Photo by Tim Warner/Getty Images

Yes, that’s a picture of Alfred Blue. Yes, this season is so bad memories of Blue are... well...

Anyway, this weekend sees two of the worst teams, worst franchises, and worst rosters in the NFL collide. The Texans and Dolphins couldn’t get a Deshaun Watson trade done yesterday. It’s a wonder they can get an NFL game done on Sunday.

Prior to the beginning of this worst of all seasons, this game was circled on many calendars as a potential win for H-Town. Now, it’s with fear and an all too familiar dread that some of us believe Houston will actually win this one, effectively ruining any chance of getting the #1 pick in the 2022 NFL Draft. Admittedly, there’s probably a healthy continent of Dolphins fans thinking the same thing. The numbers:

Houston Texans Quick Hits

QB DAVIS MILLS (rookie) completed 29 of 38 passes (season- high 76.3 pct.) for 310 yards & 2 TDs vs. INT for 106.3 rating last week. Aims for 3rd in row with 70+ comp. pct. Ranks 2nd among rookies with 67 comp. pct. this season.

RB DAVID JOHNSON had 121 scrimmage yards (80 rush, 41 rec.) & 5 catches in only career game vs. Mia. (12/11/16 w/ Az.). Has 100+ scrimmage yards in 2 of 3 career games on road vs. AFC East.

RB PHILLIP LINDSAY rushed for 82 yards in only career game vs. Mia. (11/22/20 w/ Den.).

RB REX BURKHEAD had season-high 48 scrimmage yards (27 rec., 21 rush) & 1st rush TD of season last week. Has 50+ scrimmage yards in 2 of his past 3 vs. Mia.

WR BRANDIN COOKS led team with 6 catches for 83 yards & TD last week. Aims for 8th in row on road with 5+ catches. Has 80+ rec. yards in 2 of past 3. Is 1 of 2 WRs (MIKE EVANS) with 500+ rec. yards in each of past 8 seasons.

TE JORDAN AKINS set season highs in catches (5) & rec. yards (53) in Week 8. Rookie

TE BREVIN JORDAN had TD catch in NFL debut last week.

S JUSTIN REID led team & tied career high with 10 tackles last week. Aims for 3rd in row with 7+ tackles. Had 8 tackles, 2 PD & INT in last meeting.

CB TERRANCE MITCHELL led team with 2 PD in Week 8, his 2nd game with 2 PD this season. Aims for his 4th in row vs. AFC East with PD & 3rd in row with FF.

DE JONATHAN GREENARD aims for 5th in row with sack & 3rd in row with PD.

HC DAVID CULLEY aims to take toxic positivity to a whole new level by shining on the fans:

There’s an old saying, “If I wanted smoke blown up my rear-end, I’d sit home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose.” Apparently David Culley has never heard that.

Miami Dolphins Quick Hits

QB TUA TAGOVAILOA passed for 205 yards & had 5th-career rush TD last week. Has 70+ comp. pct., 2+ TD passes & 95+ rating in 2 of past 3.

RB MYLES GASKIN had 55 scrimmage yards (35 rush, 19 rec.) last week. Aims for 3rd in row with 50+ scrimmage yards.

WR DEVANTE PARKER set season highs in catches (8) & rec. yards (85) in Week 8. Aims for his 3rd in row with 75+ rec. yards. Had 6 catches for 134 yards in last meeting. Aims for his 4th in row vs. AFC South with 65+ rec. yards. Rookie

WR JAYLEN WADDLE had 4 catches last week. Has 7+ catches & 70+ rec. yards in 2 of past 3. Has 6+ catches in 2 of 3 home games this season. Leads rookies with 48 catches this season, tied for 2nd-most ever by WR in 1st 8 career games.

TE MIKE GESICKI had 48 rec. yards in Week 8. Has 7+ catches & 85+ rec. yards in 2 of past 3. Had 4 catches in last meeting. Aims for his 3rd in row at home with 5+ catches, 50+ rec. yards & rec. TD. Has TD catch in 4 of his past 5 at home.

CB XAVIEN HOWARD aims for 7th in row with PD. Has 3 PD & INT in 2 of past 3 at home. Ranks tied-2nd in NFL with 10 PD this season. Has 12 INTs since 2020, tied-most in NFL.

CB NIK NEEDHAM led team with season-high 8 tackles last week.

CB BYRON JONES had 6 tackles & PD last week.

LB ELANDON ROBERTS had 4 tackles & 2nd FF of season last week. Aims for 3rd in row at home with 6+ tackles.

DT CHRISTIAN WILKINS had 6 tackles, 2 TFL & PD last week. Aims for 3rd in row with 6+ tackles.

Now, please excuse us while we head out to Baytown to bury our heads in the polluted sand after we stop for a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose.