Totally Not Fake News: Simply the Worst

Houston – “Uneasy is the head that wears the crown. They get all of the credit…and all of the blame, depending on the fortunes of their empire. Throw resources, money, people…everything under the sun, and probably half of that too, and yet, the masses will probably still never be happy...”

“Or so Mr. Jack [Easterby] told me in our last mentoring session” noted Houston Texans CEO Cal McNair. “Yeah, it has been a rough off-season. Coming off a disappointing 4-12 season, followed by all of the bad press I kept getting, for what reason. We hired a top GM prospect, we were the ONLY franchise that actually hired an African-American to be a certified head-coach during this season’s coaching carousal. We made massive changes, which we clearly had to do after the dumpster fire of a season, and we have to deal with this whole legal mess which I had ZERO to do with…and do I get ANY credit from the Houston fanbase??? [Easterby] NO!!! They just all whine and grip that I am killing their childhood dreams, or something like that? The nerve of these fans?!?”

“I even reduced the season-ticket waiting list, and I still can’t get any love…I am a human being. One who deserves love and respect.”

While we may not quite know what it is to be a Kyle, er, Cal McNair, surrounded by lots of money, a family business and unlimited bandwidth for Fortnite marathons, it did get us thinking. The press for McNair has not been, uh, great this past off-season. Arguably, it hasn’t been great ever since he took the helm from his late father, Bob McNair.

We won’t recount the lamentations that Kyl…[Easterby] it, we did it again!!!! Cal, Cal, CAL MCNAIR…anyway, we won’t recap the past, but it did get us wondering. Is Cal (see, we can get it right) the worst of the owners/CEOs in the NFL?

In the credit part of the ledger, the Texans still rate as the 23rd most valuable pro sports franchise in the world. The team is still rocking a long sellout streak (19 years and counting). While the prospect of a down couple of years awaits, the past decade for the squad did see six division titles. Also, they could claim a three-time DPOY/Walter Payton Man of the Year winner (ok, that is more individual accolades, but he was wearing Texans colors).

The debits…well, an 18-20 record since he took over the leadership position of the team, the disintegration of a contending team and the possibility of major financial losses, even if the team can allow a full house of fans for future games. Plus, one who really doesn’t manage press conferences well. Also, the leading vote getting in this “glorious” poll.

Yet, Cal is not alone in the world of negative press. The other “contenders” for “worst owner”

Photo by Jonathan Newton / The Washington Post via Getty Images

Dan Snyder: Where to begin with this one? Owner of the team for over 20 years. Actually found a way to alienate a rabid football fanbase. Facing a lot of legal trouble that he is very much at the center of, including sexual harassment charges. Is actually having to finally change the name of the franchise, backing down after saying he wouldn’t change the name [ethnic slur] for anything…until he had to. Team is on an upswing, but will it be because, or in spite of him?

Photo by Rich Fury/Getty Images for Hollywood Park Management Company

Stan Kroenke: Owner of the St Louis, now LA, Rams. (who actually once started life in Cleveland, before making the first move to LA, before moving to St. Louis but admittedly, this was before Kroenke’s time). Moves his team on a whim, fans be damned. Actually managed to enrage all type of pro-football fans (American and Rest-of-The-World). Really thought that the European Super League would be a great idea for Arsenal…not many fans like him in LA, even with some of their recent successes.

Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images

Mark Davis: Told the historic fans of the Oakland Raiders to “Just [Easterby] Off, Baby!!” Moved a venerable franchise to Las Vegas (ok, in thinking it over some, Al might just have done the same if still alive.) Really thought that Jon Gruden and Mike Mayock would be a great combination for team leadership. Possesses the world’s worst bowl cut for an owner.

Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

Jerry Jones: Owns the Deep Southern Oklahoma Cowboys. Ok, ok, he did win three Super Bowls (but none this millennium). Yes, his team is the most valuable pro franchise on the planet. Yet, he is Jerry Jones, and he owns the Cowboys. For such a great team, when his venerable franchise has fewer playoff wins than Houston since 2002, and he has been running EVERYTHING this side of the concession stands since 1995…probably should tell you something.

Photo by Kirby Lee/Getty Images

Bud Adams: Cursed be his name and his family’s name. Doesn’t matter that he is dead. Just curse him, even as the ex-Oilers look to be in a much better place than Houston for the next few seasons for football success.

Photo by Marcus Ingram/Getty Images for Super Bowl Gospel

Jack Easterby: As the owner of the Texans, Easterby has…wait, what was that…oh, he is actually NOT the owner/president of the Texans???? Who knew?

So, perhaps we have been a little too hard on K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-YYY-AAAAAAALLLLLL….CAL!!!! Maybe he is not the worst of the worst. Maybe…or maybe not.

I think you, the reader, know where this is going: