Maybe there is something to it. Since all we are is electricity, and energy, maybe the electromagnetic plane we are born into affects are mood, our desires, and what we shall eventually become. It’s polarity or something like that. I’ve taken to the stars. Measuring the turning of flaming orbs, tracking the sun’s location, allowing the moon to push and pull me. This is what happens when you live with a woman.
But I haven’t been doing this for personal reasons. No. I don’t care where my sun is rising. It doesn’t matter if I’m feeling curious this week. The only thing I care about is the Houston Texans, baby. By translating this hocus-pocus to our favorite football team, I’ve been able to see past the binds of external reality, what we see, what we hear, and gather a true and correct account of what the Texans final roster will look like.
From our perspective, finding out who makes the roster, and who becomes week one starters is what training camp is for. We don’t care about getting into football shape, and hip placement, and coverage calls, that’s for what happens behind closed doors. I’ve spared you the the concerning, and wondering, so you can hit fast forward. This who will end up on the Texans 53 man roster once September rolls around.
QB: Tyrod Taylor, Davis Mills (Deshaun Watson exempt list)
I know there’s always an offer that can lead to Deshaun Watson being traded, but at this point, with the suspension bewilderment, I don’t think it’s going to come. Nick Caserio can’t trade Watson without knowing what the picks will be worth. Top five draft selections is what he should be after. Midround selections aren’t going to cut it.
I also can’t see Watson playing in Houston this year either. They can play cute, and make him play petty scout team safety. Saving 50K a day will go a long way to make up for the game checks he’s going to miss. What’s done is done. This is a blimp and embarrassment until this works itself out by next March.
Instead get ready for Tyrod Taylor to make a start or two until he crumbles under his personal curse. Injured in Cleveland and replaced by Baker Mayfield. A poorly aimed needle and replaced by Justin Herbert. The same will happen here. Give it a month, until Davis Mills shows why he’s a midround pick, a backup quarterback. This is going to be a long season.
RB: David Johnson, Phillip Lindsay, Mark Ingram, Rex Burkhead
It was unreasonable to expect all four backs to make the roster, but 53 players is a lot, and each one is a little bit different. Johnson is an inside zone running back who can catch passes. Lindsay is a midzone back who can run power plays as a counter, but is terrible in the passing game. Ingram is a power run back who will be used in the redzone. And Burkhead is a worse version of Johnson, and can back him up. Houston is going to run the ball like 45 times a game. They need plenty of legs to get it done.
WR: Brandin Cooks, Chris Conley, Keke Coutee (Slot), Nico Collins, Anthony Miller, Andre Roberts (KR/PR)
Houston signed numerous wide receivers to compete, but only Conley will make the cut. Tall and fast, he offers something different than the redundant rest. I’m still banking on Coutee to win the slot position, and beat out Miller, who has had one good season, and was dreadful last year. Cooks remains the defacto #1 wide receiver, and Collins will come in here and there and play on the outside.
TE: Jordan Akins, Kahale Warring, Brevin Jordan, Pharoah Brown
Virgin Jordan Akins fans don’t know what they are in for. The Chad has risen out from the sea. Get ready for Kahale Warring season. Jordan has a strange profile, but is a YAC monster, and Brown is the best blocking tight end on the roster. Throwing the ball will be hard. There’s going to be plenty of snaps for the tight end group.
OT: Laremy Tunsi (LT), Marcus Cannon (RT), Roderick Johnson, Charlie Heck
Houston should play Howard at right tackle, but that makes too much sense. Instead they will waste what Howard is great at, pass protecting along the edge, so the veteran Cannon can play where he’s used to. It’s the dumbest decision they will make this training camp.
G: Lane Taylor (LG), Tytus Howard (RG), Max Scharping
Scharping was weak, meek, and didn’t know the playbook last year. You can’t pencil him in as a starter. I don’t see much changing for 2021. Taylor is the best of the guards they picked up this offseason.
C: Justin Britt, Cole Toner
I wouldn’t be surprised if Houston finds another center that ends up starting over Britt, let alone making the roster, yet, for now, this is where they are at.
DE: Shaq Lawson, Charles Omenihu, Jacob Martin, Demarcus Walker, Jonathan Greenard
This is going off a base 4-3 defense. It will be Lawson and Omenihu on the outside, and hopefully Omenihu has figured out how to defend the run even a little bit. He’ll probably remain on the interior during pass downs. The rest of the defensive ends are really just edge pass rushers. Walker, Martin, and Greenard are completely out of place when Houston runs their base defense.
DT: Ross Blacklock, Maliek Collins, Vincent Taylor, Roy Lopez, Jaleel Johnson
Blackock should be better off playing a weakside ‘1’ then playing a 3-4 defensive end. It’s another case of the Texans not utilizing the players they add in a correct manner. Collins is the best all around interior player they have if he is what he was two years ago—he probably won’t be. The rest are plug and play run defenders. The defensive line is all over the place and doesn’t really coalesce into something that makes sense.
LB: Zach Cunningham (WLB), Christian Kirksey (MIKE), Whitney Mecilus (SLB), Garrett Wallow, Kevin Pierre-Louis
Without D.J. Reader and Benardrick McKinney, Cunningham had to move from the weakside to the strongside and had to anchor the front seven. It didn’t work. He had plenty of tackles, but his run fits were awful, and he missed numerous tackles. He was no longer handed over chase and tackle chances. Houston will put him in his best position in Lovie Smith’s defense once again. Expect for Kirksey to play the middle, and for Mercilus to end up as a strong side linebacker. Kevin Pierre-Louis is here for Nickle and Dime situations, even though he was pretty underwhelming in coverage in Washington.
CB: , Bradley Roby, Terrance Mitchell, Desmond King II (SCB), Vernon Hargreaves III, Keion Crossen, Jon Reid
With Roby out for week one, the Texans need another outside cornerback. Get ready for some hot Vernon Hargreaves III action once again. With Roby back, it will be him and Mitchell on the outside, with King playing in the slot. As long as King is playing zone coverage he’ll be great in this role. Crossen and Reid are the scraps of youth Houston has at this position.
S: Justin Reid (FS), Lonnie Johnson Jr. (SS), Eric Murray, Lonnie Johnson Jr. (SS), A.J. Moore
Lonnie Johnson Jr. is a right field safety. He did become a better tackler last season. He doesn’t affect plays at free safety though, so Reid will play this spot where he led a great deep passing defense in 2019.
K: Ka’imi Fairbairn
P: Cameron Johnston
LS: Jon Weeks
KR/PR: Andre Roberts
The only intrigue here is at kick returner. Coutee has had fumble troubles, and it isn’t worth him risking injury as a starter to return kicks. Roberts was brought here for this reason.