Blessed are those who believe in the path of the Texans, for they shall have victory everlasting! Brothers and sisters, it is a truly great day to be a Texans fan. For we have shown the world the power of our beliefs! Belief in our system. Belief in our quarterback. Belief in our management, but most of al,l belief in our Vice President of Football Operations! For without his steady hand at the helm, we would not have been granted Sunday’s momentous victory over Jacksonville.
Today, I want to talk to you about faith. Faith, as we’ve seen, can move mountains. It can sustain us in our darkest days, and it can lead a team to a comfortable 16 point victory, but it can do so much more.
Lemme tell you a little story here. See, early on in the preseason, we had a very serious mishap with one of our wide receivers, guy by the name of Anthony Miller. Now in the preseason opener, we lost Brother Anthony to a shoulder injury. The mood was grim and hearts were heavy. There was wailing and gnashing of teeth as we feared how bad the injury was.
A day later, I received a visit from McNair the Son, praise his name, and we had a real frank conversation about his status. It wasn’t good, friends. Cal, bless him, told me, “Minister, I fear that we might not see Miller again this season.” His shoulder was badly mangled in Green Bay, as you’ll recall. Brother Cal, peace and blessing be upon him, told me, “his shoulder might never be the same.”
Did I let that get me down? Well, I’ll be honest. For a moment, it did. I felt great pity for Brother Anthony. But then I had a second thought. I thought, “If I believe hard enough and have faith in the sacred Texans trinity, they might, just might, breathe new life into Brother Anthony’s shoulder.”
So that very same day, I went to see Brother Anthony in the hospital. I could hear his heart weep from across the room, swamped in self-pity. I said to him, “What troubles you, Brother Anthony?”
He said, “I don’t think I’m going to get to play another down.” And I said to him, I said, “Brother Anthony, you need to have faith.”
You know what he did? He laughed! Said to me, “Faith? Ha, faith ain’t getting me out of this hospital bed.”
So I had to show him the power of faith. I stood next to him, laid my hand on his shoulder, and said, “O great Father McNair, through whom all things are possible, my brother here does not believe you can save his season. I beseech you, I beseech you in your name, I beseech you to show him the power of faith. Let my faith soak into him and bless his shoulder with renewed strength so that he may catch another ball this season. In the name of McNair the Father, McNair the Son, and the Holy Toro, I ask you to let his shoulder be healed!”
Not a moment later did Brother Anthony’s shoulder move like brand new, and I am happy to report, my fellow Texans, that not only is Anthony Miller’s shoulder healed, but he will be on the field for this week’s game against Cleveland. PRAISE BE TO MCNAIR!
Now why do I mention this? Why do I bring up the working of this miracle in today’s sermon? Because you have that same power within you, brothers and sisters. If you believe strongly enough, and focus that belief into the one true team, nothing is impossible.
The unfaithful tell you that the Browns’ defense is stronger than Jacksonville’s? You tell them that your faith will have Mark Ingram dancing between those linemen like a ballerina. They say that our defense will be facing a competent passing game? You tell them that through Bob, the father, those balls will sail harmlessly to the ground or into the waiting hands of Vernon Hargreaves III.
We have seen the potential that our collective faith can accomplish. What we haven’t seen yet is how much power our faith will give the Texans.
Here endeth the lesson.
Now open your playbooks to the Book of Arian, Chapter 6, Verse 23.
Blessed are those who have patience in the face of adversity. For as long as ye continue to do what ye want, thou shalt be rewarded with the happening of things.
This is, of course, a loose translation of the pterodactyl proverb which Brother Arian quoted frequently during his time upon this sacred NRG earth. And it is valuable today to remember that patience and faith will conquer any obstacle this team will face.
Let us join together on the seventh day and sing the praises of the one true football team, our Houston Texans. And may the way of the Texans lead to victory everlasting.
In the name of McNair the Father, McNair the Son, and the Holy Toro, we say, Go Texans!