Hair of the Dog - Week Two: Texans/Browns

Hi. That was a very weird game, wasn’t it? There was some good, a lot of bad, and quite a bit of depressing. The offense looked kinda good for a little bit there, like they weren’t going to be completely terrible this season, then Tyrod Taylor gets injured and we got our first taste of the Davis Mills experience.

The Texans get a favorable offsides call on 3rd and 15 and instead of taking the penalty and trying their luck on 3rd and 10, they decline the penalty and punt on 4th and 2? Weird, confusing, and it makes me feel kinda stabby. C’mon David Culley, I was just starting to feel kindly disposed towards you and you do this?

We almost got to see the return of Case Keenum to the field, even if he was lined up against us, injuries to Reid and Tunsil, it was...it was a lot today.

That said, this week’s Dog is really short, partly because I was unable to attend today. Rest assured that will not be the case on Thursday. No, stop acting like me being gone was a good thing!

So let’s get to the Dog. As always, in finest Hair of the Dog tradition, all swear words have been replaced with [kitten] to make this thread safe to read at work.

Enjoy!

FIRST QUARTER

Joe Critz 11:56 AM

My prediction: 34-28 Browns

Kenneth L. 12:01 PM

Let’s gooo

Interested to see if we can stop Chubb

l4blitzer 12:07 PM

Jacob Martin sighting.

Matt Weston 12:08 PM

He and Blacklock were pesky last week. There’s some actual meaningful production.

The Texans doing their best Jaguars impersonation.

l4blitzer 12:09 PM

And our first turnover of the season

Kenneth L. 12:09 PM

That was probably the worst fielding of a punt I’ve seen in a while

Matt Weston 12:10 PM

I swear that was Tyler Ervin

l4blitzer 12:14 PM

Down 0-7 before the offense takes the field…perhaps not the ideal start?

Matt Weston 12:18 PM

It always cracks me up whenever they chip to help Laremy Tunsil out.

bigfatdrunk 12:20 PM

Great play design on the screen. Damn.

Joe Critz 12:20 PM

LETS GOOO

Kenneth L. 12:21 PM

WHO ARE WE

Matt Weston 12:21 PM

CASPER ACTION

NOBODY BELIEVES IN US?

Joe Critz 12:22 PM

THEY SAID WE COULDN’T DO IT

l4blitzer 12:22 PM

Mayfield:4-4 for 45 yds and a TD.

Taylor: “that’s nice, now try 6-6 for 84yds and a TD”

Matt Weston 12:25 PM

David Njoku lives and somewhere Luke is smiling watching Overwatch

l4blitzer 12:29 PM

Did we manage a timely turnover?

Matt Weston 12:30 PM

The asinine punk revenge game

This game is going to take like a hour and a half

l4blitzer 12:33 PM

Not the worst fate in the world, ending the 1st tied 7-7.

SECOND QUARTER

bigfatdrunk 12:36 PM

COWARDS.

Matt Weston 12:37 PM

Culley better [kitten] go for it after taking the penalty

l4blitzer 12:37 PM

3rd and 10 or 4th and 1? Interesting situation…

Decline so you can punt? That’s a new one

Do we have the clubhouse leader for dumbest call of the season? For the team if not for the league???

Matt Weston 12:42 PM

There’s nothing interesting about it. It’s really stupid.

Just crushing the middle of the field against cover two, who’d have thought

l4blitzer 12:44 PM

Into the second quarter and we have more turnovers (2) than incompletions (0). Now, teams can play pass defense, right? They can defend passes, right?

Never mind….

Matt Weston 12:46 PM

NOBODY BELIEVES IN US

l4blitzer 12:46 PM

Justin Reid with the pick and Mayfield is coming up injured…this game is going all sorts of weird.

Kenneth L. 12:46 PM

Wow

I’ve been impressed with the running game today

Matt Weston 12:50 PM

KEEEEEEEEEEENUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM

l4blitzer 12:52 PM

Taylor finally missed

So, to make up for it, he had to run sprints…a 15yarder to be exact.

Kenneth L. 12:53 PM

THIS OFFENSE

Currently walking through San Francisco’s Chinatown high fiving people, yelling, hugging everywhere

l4blitzer 12:56 PM

A 14-7 result might be the only quasi normal thing about this game. 3 missed passes and 3 combined turnovers. This game…

Matt Weston 1:00 PM

the OL is really pass protecting well against a front that consistently created pressure against the Chiefs brand new offensive line

l4blitzer 1:13 PM

14-all after a matching Mayfield scramble

…and Tunsil is down.

Matt Weston 1:17 PM

Pray for Geron Christian

l4blitzer 1:22 PM

Like the Browns aggression towards the end, but it nearly backfired.

This might be one of the strangest games I ever followed. I would say this game is more than drunk…more like on a full-up acid trip.

Matt Weston 1:27 PM

If they turned that into three after using their timeouts I would have melted

bigfatdrunk 1:35 PM

Why in the [kitten] is Mills in the game?

Carlos Flores 1:35 PM

DAVIS MILLS WTF

Matt Weston 1:36 PM

awww I love Culley running out to yell at Brown and check on Auclair

l4blitzer 1:37 PM

Guess the end of the half was worse for Taylor than we thought…the Mills era begins…and another injury

bigfatdrunk 1:37 PM

Nathan Peterman has entered the chat.

THIRD QUARTER

Matt Weston 1:38 PM

[Durga] that was an awful 3rd and 6 throw

l4blitzer 1:42 PM

2021 DPOY and MVP Hargreaves makes another play.

Browns commentators nostalgic about Mitchell

Matt Weston 1:45 PM

Zach Cunningham has been awful to start this season

l4blitzer 1:47 PM

Feels like Chubb has more yards than he actually does.

But why run him when you can execute a WR screen and score anyway (21-14)

bigfatdrunk 1:55 PM

Mills is going to struggle. Badly.

l4blitzer 1:56 PM

And now we are seeing the reason why we are a true contender for the #1 pick in the 2022 Draft

bigfatdrunk 1:59 PM

Not Justin Reid, FKS.

Matt Weston 2:01 PM

Thursday is going to be a blood bath

This sucks. This game isn’t fun anymore

l4blitzer 2:04 PM

Are the Browns showing us mercy w/ this FG?

24-14

Matt Weston 2:05 PM

it doesn’t matter, nothing matters anymore, without TYGOD

bigfatdrunk 2:06 PM

Mills couldn’t hit a bull in the ass with a bass fiddle.

That taunting call is weak sauce.

bigfatdrunk 2:16 PM

Good kitten, all these injuries today.

Looks like an ab.

FOURTH QUARTER

l4blitzer 2:18 PM

This game is now a combined MASH unit game, geesh.

Kelly starting the 4th qtr w/the ol’ DPI play…there is a chance for something.

Matt Weston 2:26 PM

wtf I love Tim Kelly now

l4blitzer 2:27 PM

The game’s afoot. Mills with his first TD. 24-21 and this game is back to acid trip weirdness

Matt Weston 2:29 PM

That was the most boring TD drive I’ve ever seen

l4blitzer 2:30 PM

Cleveland commentators: “We can’t get rid of these Texans” The mantra of this team

bigfatdrunk 2:39 PM

It’s the culture. The Texans are the only team that plays four quarters, wants to force turnovers, etc.

l4blitzer 2:40 PM

Our 2020 run defense has returned. Chubb w/a rush TD against the Texans. 31-21

bigfatdrunk 2:58 PM

If we had a culture, that FG would have been good.

l4blitzer 2:59 PM

No praise for Slye’s guns today

bigfatdrunk 3:00 PM

He’s not here to give us boners, just to kick FGs.

l4blitzer 3:01 PM

31-21 at the 2 min warning.

FINAL: CLE 31 - HOU 21. Both teams are 1-1 on the season.

So that’s that. What do you have to say about the game? Let us know below!