HAIR OF THE DOG: Week 5, Houston Texans @ Jacksonville Jaguars

What to make of the Texans? They are among the worst in the league for yards gained/allowed. Mills is ranked among the worst starting QBs in the league. They are still the money favorite to land the #1 pick in the 2023 draft. Yet, this is a team that can legitimately say that they should be 4-1, just as much as they could be 0-5. The teams that they have played are far from the 1985 Bears, the 1984 49ers, the 1972 Dolphins, the 1978 Steelers and the 1999 St. Louis Rams. Some of the rookies and younger guys look like the type of players that will do much to help the team in the years ahead.

Still, the Texans are 1-3-1. They will continue to be among the lowest rated. Oh, and they will still be the Texans in that they will beat the Jaguars. Never mind that the Jags were 7-point favorites and were off to a great start. Never mind the Texans’ being the 2020s Texans. Just go ahead and always figure on the Texans beating the Jags until otherwise noted.

With that said, the Masthead at Battle Red Blog certainly had their thoughts on the Texans’ first win of the season and 9th straight over the Jaguars. Along the way, you will find discussions on qualities of various fast food establishment and some Dad jokes to pass along to the kids for their education. In the classic tradition of HOTD, all questionable words have been replaced for classic office decorum for reading.

With that, on to the ‘Dog:

Levy

Ugh tough to see Greenard won’t be playing. That’ll limit our pass rush for sure

bigfatdrunk

We don’t have a pass rush.

vballretired

Hughes has done well but he’s not a take over the game kind of guy. We do get the legendary Mario Addison back

Patrick

Oh thank Durga, Mario Addison, we’re saved now.

bigfatdrunk

Hughes shouldn’t even be on the roster.

That we have ANY players over 30 on the entirety of the roster is a waste of time.

Patrick

You know, I’m getting real annoyed at all these daily fantasy leagues that I can’t take part in because they’re not legal in Washington.

vballretired

Hey, isn’t 30 the new 20?

Patrick

Ah, nice to see that Texans fans also disguise themselves as empty seats for away games too.

bigfatdrunk

Yeah, but not in football life.

Patrick

True, and if you really think about it, signing a 30 year old free agent is really just a very very very very late draft pick.

vballretired

[KITTEN]it, I was hoping 50 would be the new 35

bigfatdrunk

Announcer: “I swear, if they [KITTEN]ing me to another Texans game, I’m going to quit.”

/sees schedule //assigned to Texans @ Jaguars

“KITTEN THIS TO KITTEN!”

Patrick

At this point if Spero Dedes hasn’t gotten the hint he’s never going to.

vballretired

He’s just happy to be in the league. I could see a similar dialogue as Crash Davis in Bull Durham. “You can keep announcing games and get paid to do it.”

FIRST QUARTER

TEXANS FIRST POSSESSION

Patrick

Hold onto your butts kids.

Please tell me that got hit.

Because I do not want to think that throw was on purpose.

vballretired

Nah, it was deflected

Patrick

Cooks was going to need a rocket up his [KITTEN] to catch that one.

JAGS FIRST POSSESSION

vballretired

We have top ten yards per carry average and bottom tier passing attack. Let’s pass three times. It’s a bold strategy.

Patrick

Lovie Smith heard us [KITTEN]ing about starting the game with a CHUM and decided to make a point to us specifically, I would bet money on this (not really, not at all).

bigfatdrunk

Alligator armed that one (3rd down pass 1st drive Jags).

TEXANS SECOND POSSESSION

vballretired

The AFC South is an absolutely kitteny division

Patrick

A tradition truly unlike any other.

And I think that’s on purpose.

corydlg

“Worst tackling team in the NFL”? We are setting records baby!

vballretired

I would love to see the analytics on that

corydlg

I also was curious how they measure that, I wonder if it’s just a YAContact stat?

vballretired

I think it would have to be unless they actually count missed tackles

Patrick

Probably something like that, I can’t imagine they expend too much energy looking for Texans stats.

vballretired

I enjoy watching Pierce run

corydlg

They’re determined to get Mills in rhythm it seems

Patrick

He really is the best part of this offense, all due respect to Brandin Cooks.

vballretired

Cooks can’t throw it to himself

Patrick

Davis, could we have a quick whisper fight over here on the sideline?

bigfatdrunk

In all the years I have watched football, I have never seen a more useless player than Rex Burkhead.

Patrick

What the [KITTEN] was that?

vballretired

Look a pass to CHUM on third down

JAGS SECOND POSSESSION

Patrick

Great field position there.

corydlg

Lol did Burkhead just duck a ball? Lol

vballretired

Give the special teams coach a raise. They always manage to do well despite this kitteny roster

Patrick

Now THAT is not something you could say about Texans special teams of the past.

corydlg

[DURGA] we have had some historically awful special teams. I still remember the Patriots just onsiding one because we didn’t line a guy up upfront.

vballretired

I almost feel sorry for Burkhead. He’s that kid coach always seemed to like for no reason so the parents of the other kids hate him.

bigfatdrunk

Jonathan Owens with yet another tackle after a 25+ yard gain.

vballretired

Manute Bol the intended receiver on that one.

Patrick

So far this game is living up to its billing.

TEXANS THIRD POSSESSION

vballretired

Pretty safe to say neither QB is putting up highlight reel throws

Patrick

1st and 10 at our own four-yard-line. This can’t miss.

Patrick

For some reason they put up two quarterbacks in that graphic who have never played for the Texans before. I wonder why.

Not yet, Saints need to be ahead for me to feel safe.

vballretired

This is just rough

Patrick

He...he was right there. He was at practically point blank range and he overshot Pierce.

vballretired

So we have two good throws to Collins and then a bunch of kittens

bigfatdrunk

These teams suck.

corydlg

Wow. Just wow.

JAGS THIRD POSSESSION

corydlg

1 of 19 now... on 3rd and 8+

vballretired

Here we are almost completely through a quarter and Pierce has what, two carries? I thought we were a running team.

Each week of this gets us closer to Stroud or Young so…..

Patrick

Three carries for seven yards.

vballretired

Oops, forgot one. That changes the entire analysis.

Patrick

Wooooow, scenic Jacksonville which has a bridge and...uh...a bridge.

bigfatdrunk

You couldn’t pay me to live in JAX.

Patrick

Just picturing you yelling DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUVAAAAAAAAAAAAAL at the top of your lungs while shotgunning a beer.

Is it a bad sign that a first down conversion by either team feels noteworthy?

corydlg

So no one covers the running back on play action roll outs?

vballretired

It’s like Correa said when moving to Minnesota. “Well, there’s Netflix”

corydlg

That’s like the fifth time this season someone’s gone house or long in those plays

vballretired

I’m going to enjoy seeing how PFF manages to give Mills a 70 grade

Patrick

LOL, Jets/Dolphins is 2-0 Jets.

vballretired

Home run by Pete Alonso to take the lead in that one

corydlg

And Bridgewater is out?

Patrick

I would expect so, Tua’s definitely not playing.

corydlg

No I mean he’s hurt already

Patrick

Oh [KITTEN], really? Yikes.

bigfatdrunk

Lawrence’s shoulders are all over the place when he throws.

vballretired

Lawrence seems to think he’s throwing to NBA centers

corydlg

We gotta pick those

vballretired

Insurmountable lead?

corydlg

Get Pitre a step ladder lol

Patrick

Yao Ming is still in his 40s, I’m sure we could convince him to stand out there and grab the ball.

bigfatdrunk

KITTEN! I was going to make that joke.

vballretired

Jags up 3-0 after a chip shot field goal

Levy

This game is ugly

JAGS KICK FIELD GOAL, JAGS LEAD 3-0

vballretired — Today at 1:36 PM

Great minds think alike

corydlg

So this year I am 10-4 in picks against the spread and over/under and I picked us to win this game and the under to hit. So far we’re on pace lol

vballretired

You gotta score to win

TEXANS THIRD POSSESSION

corydlg

Very true

vballretired

Fourth carry

Fifth carry

Patrick

Pieeeeerce...

vballretired

Keep feeding the beast

SECOND QUARTER

uhh Joe

Howard with some good run blocking!

corydlg

The Jags are playing the run well though

Lots of green jerseys around the ball

vballretired

Pierce needs multiple carries to get in rhythm

Patrick

Are we...matriculating?

uhh Joe

Pierce!!!!

vballretired

Three run bomb for the Mets er Jets. They are up 5-0

Patrick

Funfer!

vballretired

Hand off to CHUM for no gain

Patrick

And a-[KITTEN]ing-gain for no gain.

bigfatdrunk

We’ve replaced Pep Hamilton with Bill O’Brien. Let’s see if anybody notices!

Patrick

GLORY TO ALL FIELD GOAL OFFENSE!

TEXANS FIELD GOAL. GAME TIED 3-3.

vballretired

Ooh, we have a tie. Let’s see a 3-3 tie

Patrick

It would be nothing short of hilarious if we got nothing but ties against all AFC South teams.

corydlg

Ugh that play call isn’t going to cut it

vballretired

A run up the gut on third and four? The heck you say

Patrick

C’mon show us that vaunted Jeff Driskel package that we saw the first two games of the season.

corydlg

Yikes those are fighting words

vballretired

They can’t. They can’t elevate him again or he becomes the backup

Patrick

In my defense, I am midway through my first LIIT of the day.

corydlg

“Jeff Driskell package”

JAGS THIRD POSSESSION

vballretired

“Little bit of a slow start” well, that’s assuming these teams have more somewhere

bigfatdrunk

It just feels like the Jags are going to rip off a 50+ rush or two.

vballretired

Mills could make that play….as Lawrence on Madden

Patrick

They could at least have the decency to use Etienne to do it.

bigfatdrunk

Owens has got to lead the league in tackles after plays of 25+ yards. He has to. It’s uncanny.

corydlg

How did the Saints score 5?

bigfatdrunk

There’s only one way...

vballretired

You get the Giants and Jets possibly with winning records. If it starts raining frogs I’m out.

Patrick

“What about if we just made the water run red as blood?” “Eh, it’s New Jersey, who would notice?”

vballretired

Camp Lejune water?

Patrick

Jackson, Mississippi water.

TURNOVER ON DOWNS TEXANS FOURTH POSSESSION

vballretired

Burger King is still open?

Patrick

Somehow.

bigfatdrunk

I haven’t eaten at Burger King since high school.

vballretired

Houston Texans 2022, we play ugly football

Patrick

We will occasionally eat there on Fridays because of their Impossible Whopper, but that’s about it.

vballretired

Nope, not in the last decade

Patrick

The Impossible Whopper is okay, btw. It’s still disappointing because it’s Burger King but as burgers go, it’s not bad.

bigfatdrunk

I still think Raheem Mostert is the worst utilized player in all of football in the past decade. He is so fast, and his vision in more than adequate (he just scored a TD).

Patrick

Who’s he playing for now?

vballretired

No self-respecting Texan goes there with Whataburger down the road

bigfatdrunk

Miami’s track team.

Patrick

Well I’m in luck because I think the nearest Whataburger to me is in Colorado.

vballretired

In-and-Out burger?

Patrick

I think the closest one of those is in Vegas.

bigfatdrunk

Y’all have to see Gabe Davis’ catch. My goodness.

Patrick

Maybe Oregon?

bigfatdrunk

In-and-Out = kitten.

l4blitzer

So, ugly game with only FGs? Guess Jacksonville and Houston saw the Thursday night game and decided “Challenge Accepted”

vballretired

Yeah, I went to one in CA. Not impressed

Patrick

Oh man, please let them be as boring as TNF was. I had the time of my life watching that awful [KITTEN] game.

I keep telling myself I’m gonna try it when I go to Vegas later this month but I’m still not convinced.

l4blitzer

Wasn’t Iowa and Illinois a FG-fest as well?

Patrick

LOL, delay of game.

vballretired

Watching the Vikings blow out the Bears is just hilarious. I think we interviewed that guy.

More CHUM

Patrick

O’Connell? He was on the list I think.

But he wasn’t Josh McCown so he obviously wasn’t going to get hired.

vballretired

I smell Fairbairn offense

Patrick

And Durga bless him for it.

I will give you $10 if you can tell me who Davis Mills was actually trying to throw to there.

TEXANS FIELD GOAL, TEXANS LEAD 6-3

Patrick

GLORY TO ALL FIELD GOAL OFFENSE!

vballretired

Sacrifice a calf to Durga! This special teams could get us on the board in the win column

uhh Joe

We’re winning!!!

Patrick

Durga is Hindu, if you sacrifice a calf to her, she’s going to be really really [KITTEN]ed.

uhh Joe

One day Davis Mills will not launch passes over his receivers heads and we’ll be so much better

vballretired

You have a point. Okay, maybe offer up some broccoli

Patrick

He also won’t be a Texan and we’ll be better too.

JAGS FOURTH POSSESSION

vballretired

He will always be here

Patrick

YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

vballretired

He’s the guy in the Overlook Hotel

The caretaker

uhh Joe

hahaha

Patrick

I uh...I’ve never seen The Shining.

vballretired

Oh come on….

uhh Joe

I could see davis mills being a backup that will occasionally start to replace an injured starter

I could see us suffering from him for another year or two even if it doesn’t mean he’s a starter

vballretired

He’s the Gifford Nielsen of the 2020s

Patrick

That’s a name I haven’t heard in a long, long time.

vballretired

Maybe Oliver Luck. I haven’t quite decided

If either Stroud or Young become Moon we’d all be happy

Patrick

Oh wow, Giff Nielsen is still alive. I wasn’t 100% sure.

vballretired

He was a local sports anchor for a long time on our CBS affiliate

He had good news hair

Patrick

Oh I know, I remember him because he was the sports guy on KHOU.

vballretired

I smell a 6-6 tie at the half.

Patrick

Settle in, y’all, we’ve got us a game of Thanosball.

vballretired

I saw lots of games like this when my daughter was a cheerleader in 8th grade

Patrick

So how has Texans’ juggernaut Mario Addison done today?

vballretired

I heard his name once I think

Oh we get a bye. I’m smelling some run differential VOT action

Durga bless all penalty defense

Patrick

Pitre!!!

vballretired

Pitre helping out the fantasy cause!

Patrick

At the expense of Travis Etienne though.

Ah [KITTEN] that’s gonna be incomplete.

vballretired

Both Bridgewater and Tua with concussions. Here comes Jamie Foxx

JAGS KICK FIELD GOAL. SCORE TIED 6-6.

vballretired

Flag on the play

Never mind

I know it’s tied but you can see the talent differential very clearly

GAME TIED 6-6 HALFTIME REACTIONS

vballretired

I guess we can say the defense looks better this week. Or, maybe that’s just the difference between the Chargers and Jags. Pierce is the real deal but again Pep finds creative ways not to give him the ball enough. We know what this team needs and it’s been obvious from day one.

bigfatdrunk

Mills is 28th by DYAR (for qualifiers), and even that seems far too generous.

JAGS FIFTH POSSESSION

THIRD QUARTER

Patrick

Uh oh, I think the Jags made adjustments.

vballretired

The Bears are a great example of what scares me. I have no ideal whether Trubisky and Fields were the wrong guys or if the coaching was horrible (or yes) but here they are more than half a decade later still looking for their guy.

Patrick

STINGLEY!!!!

vballretired

But why run it out?

DEREK STINGLEY JR. PICKS OFF LAWRENCE. TEXANS BALL TEXANS FIFTH POSSESSION

Patrick

That was my first response too.

bigfatdrunk

Holy kitten, this is some of the worst football I’ve ever seen.

Patrick

Did you watch TNF last Thursday?

bigfatdrunk

YES. This is worse.

Patrick

Okay, just making sure. I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying that’s a high bar to clear this week.

bigfatdrunk

High?

vballretired

Well umm yeah

Patrick

High in terms of level of suck. If we’re being literal you’d have to dig to find the bar to clear.

bigfatdrunk

My vertical these days is negative, and even I can clear the bar.

Patrick

Welcome to the game Jordan Akins.

Guess Mills finally locked eyes on someone other than Cooks for once.

Go for it you weenies.

Or don’t. Whatever.

JAGS SIXTH POSSESSION

vballretired

You don’t get it. You lose and….wait what were we talking about again?

Patrick

Tacos?

vballretired

I’m still [KITTEN]ed about the 2016 election. We were promised a taco truck on every corner. I want my tacos.

Patrick

Honestly they probably would’ve reneged on the taco truck promise too.

FOURTH QUARTER

Patrick

“My Possessed Pet” is now a TV series? You know what? Launch the nukes. We’re overdue.

vballretired

“My Mother the Car” was actually a show on network tv. Just saying

Patrick

But “My Mother The Car” wasn’t a reality show.

vballretired

Fourth quarter….it’s our time….oh never mind

Patrick

We can’t let them score. We’ll never get back into it if they do.

bigfatdrunk

They had numbers with the keeper, and Lawrence handed it off. I don’t know if Lawrence can be saved. He is just too bad.

vballretired

He’s the best QB on the field for what it’s worth

bigfatdrunk

I’m the prettiest girl in Arkansas, FWIW.

Patrick

LOL

TEXANS SEVENTH POSSESSION

vballretired

You know how you know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky?

Patrick

How?

bigfatdrunk

Rex Burkhead.

vballretired

Anywhere else it would be the teethbrush

JAGS EIGHTH POSSESSION

Patrick

LOL!

bigfatdrunk

DAMN!

Patrick

There are AirBNBs where you can live in a cave? Why the [KITTEN] for?

vballretired

Real talk, what worries me about picking a QB number one is watching this coaching staff get him. Maybe Lawrence makes it without that dumpster fire of a coaching staff last year.

Patrick

I kind of want to see a comeback in popular culture for the mullet. I hate them, they look hideous, but I think it’d be funny if mullets came back.

bigfatdrunk

I don’t think there’s any way that Pep and Lovie come back next year.

They shouldn’t, of course.

Patrick

I think you overestimate the competence of this team, BFD.

vballretired

You firing a coach three years in a row?

Patrick

At least it’d be funny.

bigfatdrunk

Absolutely. Lovie should have never gotten the job in the first place.

Patrick

This whole thing is supposed to be entertaining so why not just fire our coach every year. Hell, get celebrity fill ins for each year.

bigfatdrunk

He’s a sunk cost.

Patrick

Wouldn’t you love to watch, I dunno, Steve-O as head coach of the Houston Texans?

vballretired

Is Switzer still alive?

Patrick

“I’m Johnny Knoxville, and this is Jack[KITTEN]: Football Edition!”

vballretired

Maybe force him (Lovie) to hire a new OC

TEXANS EIGHTH POSSESSION

Patrick

Jack: You’re going to hire Josh McCown, Lovie, and that’s all there is to it.

Lovie: But why?

Jack: [Whispers into Lovie’s ear]

Lovie: Oh, okay.

vballretired

Just as funny

vballretired

Who is the football equivalent of Ted Lasso?

Of course, I’m serious about the number one overall pick and this coaching staff

Patrick

Becky Gammon, head coach of the WNBA Las Vegas Aces. That’s who.

bigfatdrunk

Nobody associated with the Texans in 2022 should be around for 2023. Nobody. Ownership, GM, ball boy, nobody. Fire ‘em all.

vballretired

Cooks with like four catches for 17 yards

Patrick

We can keep Pierce, Pitre, and Stingley, though, right?

vballretired

Collins too

bigfatdrunk

Players excepted. My bad.

vballretired

Maybe one of those Avengers half and half kind of deals

Nice holding penalty there. Good timing for one of those.

Hahahahahahahahahaha

bigfatdrunk

Mills missed that receiver by 10 yards.

Patrick

The [KITTEN] was that?

vballretired

Pure comedy gold

There’s your QB of the future

Patrick

Third and long, time for Mills to launch it 40 yards to a receiver who would need a [KITTEN]ing kaiju to catch it.

bigfatdrunk

Trayvon Walker with one of the worst penalties you can imagine. WOW.

vballretired

Personal foul by Jags. Holy kittens this is just awful

Patrick

Roughing the passer. Guys y’all ain’t gotta rough him, just wait for him to [KITTEN] up.

vballretired

That’s your number one overall pick

l4blitzer

Nice to see that the Jags are still gonna Jag…

bigfatdrunk

I really, really want to tackle Pierce. Goodness.

vballretired

I think we’ve discovered we only got Pierce

Patrick

Well, better than nothing I guess.

vballretired

Nico Collins is a keeper

l4blitzer

The Texans and Jags may yet trump the Ponies for dumbest game of the week

Patrick

We can’t even outscore a mulefight.

vballretired

Russell Wilson got a shot in his throwing shoulder. What’s our excuse?

l4blitzer

#WeAreTexans…that is all that need be said

Patrick

Wow, we converted on 3rd and 10.

I think?

vballretired

We’re going to put up nine points

bigfatdrunk

That was Earl Campbell-esque.

vballretired

Dear Durga, what a run!

vballretired

Challenge or timeout

Patrick

Jags are challenging. Which is stupid, he was clearly down.

vballretired

I think it’s loose but not out

DAMEON PIERCE TOUCHDOWN RUN. TEXANS LEAD 13-6

Patrick

This isn’t the first lead we’ve had this season, right?

I feel like we’ve had the lead at some other point this year.

vballretired

It’s like 1981-1982 Earl Campbell

20-3

20-3 against the Colts

l4blitzer

Hey, the second straight game we scored points in the 4th quarter. Improvement

uhh Joe

WOOOO

Patrick

Oh right, I remember now.

It just feels like we haven’t been up this season.

vballretired

Hahaha

Patrick

[KITTEN] of a catch and throw in the Seahawks game.

vballretired

I think we were leading the Bears and maybe even the Broncos

It’s the red rifle

Let’s see a 13-13 tie. Come on Durga. Work your magic.

Patrick

Inshallah.

vballretired

Shiva?

Patrick

Durga’s our gal, she’s always seen us through before.

I so badly want an X-X-2 record, just because it’d be funny to have two ties on our schedule.

l4blitzer

Houston hasn’t seen that since 1969…so it would be quite historic for 2 ties in a season

vballretired

Nobody’s seen that in a season in quite awhile or a hot minute as the kids say.

TWO MINUTE WARNING

vballretired

Ah the All-Drops-Defense

Go Chargers!

Patrick

Is Trevor Lawrence...bad?

vballretired

He hasn’t looked great

l4blitzer

Just something else we can blame Urban Meyer for…screwing up Trevor Lawrence

bigfatdrunk

I don’t think Lawrence has a future in this league. He is so freaking terrible.

If I had to choose between Mills and Lawrence, it’d be the cyanide pill. Easy.

vballretired

Who knows. This has been five weeks and four QBs have looked bad. Maybe Lovie has Jobu over there on the sideline.

TURNOVER ON DOWNS, TEXANS BALL

l4blitzer

Did the Jags mess with Jobu’s rum? Probably the only reason

Patrick

We’re gonna win?

vballretired

It is very bad to steal Jobu’s rum. Very bad.

l4blitzer

The most tense moments of the season for the Texans right now.

Wondering how they are going to screw this up.

A) Strip sack fumble returned for a TD

B) Pick-Six on ill-advised screen pass.

C) Punt return for TD.

D) Texans actually hold on to win, giving everyone hope.

Patrick

Still a whoooooooole lotta time left.

l4blitzer

See…all options are on the table.

Patrick

Speaking of too much time, the Houston Texans, guys and gals and non-binary pals.

l4blitzer

25 carries for 101 yards. 26 carries for 99 yards. Welcome to the Texans, Dameon Pierce

JAGUARS POSSESSION

bigfatdrunk

Hook and lateral??? Nice!

vballretired

Stingley has looked great

Patrick

Stingley with the PBU.

Look at all those Texans fans in the stands dressed as empty seats.

Texans win.

bigfatdrunk

Lawrence couldn’t get 45 yards from that pass. OMK.

Patrick

What the absolute [KITTEN] was that T-Law?

vballretired

Nine in a row against the Jags. Wow they suck.

l4blitzer

A win…with the Texans actually winning the 4th quarter?

vballretired

Go Chargers!

The Texans Win! The Texans Win! Thhhheeee Texans Win! 13-6. Off to the bye we go with a win

uhh Joe

The Texans won!!!

I can’t believe they just handled a very competent Jaguars offense even into the 4th quarter

bigfatdrunk

I didn’t see anything remotely competent from the Jags’ offense.

l4blitzer

Just looking at the Twitter world and saw where Russian expert Michael McFaul took time out from his busy schedule blasting Russia to slam bad calls against the Falcons and favoring Brady.

uhh Joe

No yeah they were awful this game but like that’s pretty commendable since they were very good every single other game this season

Holding like arguably a top 5 offense in the league to 6 points today is pretty good

bigfatdrunk

JAX 12th by DVOA.

Lawrence was missing receivers by zip codes today.

vballretired

They’ve done that to everyone but the Chargers. Maybe there’s something to it.

uhh Joe

They were either 1st or 2nd DVOA entering the Philly game last week

And like yeah obviously they’re gonna drop after losing to Philly but like so is every single other team

vballretired

Nice Titanic battle between Titans and Football team

Wentz going to Wentz.

GAME BALLS: At this point, Dameon Pierce is the locker room leader for team MVP. His 26 carries for 99 yards and 1 TD were the difference in the game. His 20-yard 4th quarter man-run brought back memories of peak Earl Campbell. Yet, I think that Pierce deserves a game ball for this reason alone: In his 1st 25 carries of the game, he had 101 yards, giving the Texans their first back-to-back 100-yard rusher in years. The 26th carry of the game, on a 3rd down play late in the 4th, Pierce ran for a loss of 2 yards. Goodbye consecutive 100-yard rushing games. Pierce kept the ball in-bounds and didn’t fumble, which did much to secure the win, but he also lost the triple-digit game. For that sacrifice for the team, a coveted HOTD game ball to you, sir.

Also, Fairbairn, the #2 ranked team MVP candidate, get a HOTD game ball. Ok, only 2 FGs, but both were from 50+ yards. Say what you will about kickers, but in a low-scoring slugfest like this, points are at a premium. Kicking two 50+ yard FGs outdoors in the oppressive humidity of Jacksonville...Fairbairn also gets a game ball nod. It is also right to give a shoutout to the Texans’ scoring defense. Yes, they gave up over 440 yards in offense, but held the Jags to only 6 points. A tough way to win, but a way to win nevertheless.

CONDEMED TO CHUG MULTIPLE GALLON JUGS OF ST. JOHNS RIVER WATER FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK WHILE FORCED TO LISTEN TO URBAN MEYER SPEECHES ON LEADERSHIP AND INTEGRITY: DL/LB Travon Walker. While most NFL sites show him playing for Jacksonville, his inexplicable roughing-the-passer penalty on Davis Mills in the 4th quarter did as much to turn the game in the Texans’ favor as the running of Pierce and the effort of the defense. It was 3rd and 20 midway through the 4th quarter. Walker was already going to get busted for a neutral zone infraction, and it was unabated to the QB. The resulting 3rd and 15...even that is a good thing for a defense facing Mills. Instead, Walker wrapped up Mills and slammed him to the turf as if Walker was auditioning for AEW. That was so egregious and asinine a play that no other derp on either side of the field could trump that.