HAIR OF THE DOG: Week 7 Houston @ Las Vegas...or Where In Some Games, It is OK to Go Over 21.

Welcome back from the bye week, fellow Texans fans! Did you miss NFL football? We did. Did you miss good, quality football from your favorite team, especially in the 4th quarter of a very winnable game? Yeah, well, we’ve been missing that too...actually for quite a long, long while now. Normally, a 20 in Vegas, if you are at the Blackjack table, is a good thing. That’s usually a winning hand. However, in the NFL, you can actually go over 21 and not get penalized for it. Houston may have missed that part.

As you would expect, your Battle Red Blog Masthead took in this game, with some actually on -the-scene to observe in-person. We had a few thoughts on this contest. Join us to relive (if you want to gamble with your patience and psyche) the game as seen through our eyes. As always, we’ve replaced any questionable words/content to make this suitable for classic work decorum.

With that, final calls for bets, and on with the ‘Dog:

vballretired

There is the run defense we know and love.

It’s the ALL HAIL PENALTY DEFENSE.

Carr goes down.

Patrick

Got hit in the [KITTEN] did he?

vballretired

He’s got a bobo

Stidham is in.

We might want to cover that guy. Just a suggestion.

Raiders up 3-0

Patrick

Could’ve been a lot worse.

[Ed Note: Please note this statement as we move through the picture]

vballretired

So far yeah, decent pass rush and fairly good against the run.

l4blitzer

Announcers tried to talk up the kicker for the jinx…didn’t work.

vballretired

They gotta talk up someone. These are two one win teams we are talking about.

Patrick

Ladies and gentlemen, the Davis Mills Experience.

vballretired

I think a blind man was faked out by that ball fake.

Wow, a touch pass!

Nice conservative call. No chance of making the first down.

Patrick

Oh [DURGA][KITTEN].

vballretired

Hahahagaghagahaha

Texans miss chip shot field goal. Still 3-0.

vballretired

Rasheem Green, welcome to the game

l4blitzer

GLORY TO ALL QB DROPS THE BALL PASS DEFENSE!!!

vballretired

That’s a three and out folks

The Bays both lost. Not looking good for them.

bigfatdrunk

Breece Hall is real fast.

vballretired

Nico with two catches now

l4blitzer

Pep trying to put together a game tape for the Charlotte gig, no?

vballretired

Gig?

Ah, the obligatory Burkhead play.

bigfatdrunk

What a waste of a roster spot.

vballretired

NCIS is still on the air?

Patrick

That was desperation right there.

There’s three of them I think.

vballretired

Pep didn’t draw that up?

I know of the other two. Let’s make Vanessa Lachey seem like a bad[KITTEN]

bigfatdrunk

Well, at least Brevin was on camera for a moment.

vballretired

Holy Kittens!

Texans up after a touchdown to Chris Moore. Now lead 7-3.

Jeremy

Yay

bigfatdrunk

How embarrassing must it be to be a Raiders fan these days.

Wow, that was serious OPI.

Levy

Excellent drive

vballretired

This could be a Mills Mafia Truthers game.

Levy

Pierce the Fierce

Looking efficient coming off the bud

bigfatdrunk

I know how that feels.

LOL!

vballretired

How’s the atmosphere in that stadium?

bigfatdrunk

Oh, my long-time GOAT Marquise Goodwin with a TD.

vballretired

We have played some kitteny teams this season.

The Chargers are the only playoff team so far.

Levy

Don’t know why they are not targeting Stingley more

vballretired

There’s a pinball hall of fame folks

Pierce is a beast

l4blitzer

Are we…are we kinda playing competently?

vballretired

Pierce is for certain

l4blitzer

Right now, Dan Mullen must be like “if I had actually used Pierce, I might still be in Gainesville”

vballretired

We are matriculating down the field

Time to put that formation in the circular file

l4blitzer

Oh, that phrase will so rankle old school Raider fans…

vballretired

Another drop by Cooks

Fairbairn nails a 55 yarder. Texans lead the Raiders 10-3.

vballretired

I foresee drafting a linebacker in our future.

bigfatdrunk

I see lots of talk about drafting a DT early, which is stupid unless he can rush the passer.

vballretired

True. I might go edge defender first so we aren’t relying on 30 something’s and castoffs.

bigfatdrunk

Owens with another tackle 10 yards downfield.

Caserio’s refusal to sign younger players is infuriating.

vballretired

I think that’s particularly true at RB. I’d bring a half a dozen UDFA and I’d guarantee you’d find a decent backup RB.

Patrick

Lil Jon and Carl Weathers are here at the game.

l4blitzer

Eric M***y now in…brace yourselves

vballretired

Apollo Creed in the house

bigfatdrunk

Did you sign up for acting lessons, Patrick?

bigfatdrunk

Mills is 11/15 for 95 and a TD. 10 points. Typical Mills game that he’s not pushing the ball down the field.

uhh Joe

hahaha

vballretired

Nice tight defense on fourth down

bigfatdrunk

Sarcasm?

uhh Joe

Well at least the game breaking interception hasn’t happened yet

[Ed Note: Please keep this statement in mind for later in the picture]

vballretired

Six yards per attempt. That’s good right?

And that’s a touchdown. Could be tied pending extra point.

Patrick

And then that happened.

vballretired

It’s Lovie Smith football. Play it safe. Keep it close. Hope something stupid happens.

l4blitzer

Such gooder 2 minute defense by the Texans there

bigfatdrunk

The entire problem with Mills is that he doesn’t score points, which is kinda important in the NFL.

l4blitzer

…and such a glorious way to end the half.

10-10: Halftime

REACTIONS

bigfatdrunk

I’m seeing lots of comments on Twitter that Mills looks great. LV is 27th by DVOA, and we still have only 10 points. Mills sucks. He’s [KITTEN]. He needs to be replaced immediately.

vballretired

Clearly, Pierce is a huge part of the future. I see decent enough players out there, but outside of Pierce is there anyone else that can make a big play on either side. When this team actually plays good teams they’ll be in trouble.

Mills is a backup QB. Does this make him kittens? I don’t know if I’d go that far, but can we dispense with the drama over whether he’s the future?

bigfatdrunk

I think that question is more than settled at this point.

I’m seeing lots of comments on Twitter that Mills looks great. LV is 27th by DVOA, and we still have only 10 points. Mills sucks. He’s [KITTEN]. He needs to be replaced immediately.

uhh Joe

exactly

l4blitzer

Perhaps the only “win” this team will log this week is the sacking of Easterby. Raiders can’t be happy to be in a dogfight with the Texans. Want to see the kids keep playing. Mills is looking like he will make some team a decent backup.

bigfatdrunk

That’s still a pretty tremendous win, though.

uhh Joe

I was really rooting for mills at the beginning of the season to really improve but it didn’t happen and maybe he’ll get better through the course of the season but we shouldn’t accept Gardner Minshew imo

At some point you gotta be scoring points a lot and that hasn’t happened yet and it doesn’t look like it will

Unless they can somehow convince themselves Josh McCown can unlock him next year lol

l4blitzer

Do not speak that evil name here

uhh Joe

hahaha

bigfatdrunk

What is there to unlock, though? He doesn’t have the arm, processing, legs, etc., to be an elite QB. He has no above average skill, much less one that’s elite.

/continues railing on the dead horse.

uhh Joe

I don’t think he has a great arm but he has shown some competency in college and in the NFL of some downfield and midfield passes so i think there’s enough of an arm to make you wonder, like Daniel Jones or something

and that’s about it

maybe they were hoping his processing and athleticism would improve enough this year to be able to consistently make like Jimmy Garrapolo plays but that’s not worked out

and like who wants Jimmy Garrapolo

l4blitzer

The Raiders know they are playing us, right? They know we’re not that good, right?

Oh, the Raiders just realized it

bigfatdrunk

Yup. And another worthless FG.

uhh Joe

them points!!!!

Fairbairn with the 35 yard FG. 13-10; 10:59 3rd. Blackjack offense is still a go.

bigfatdrunk

JimmyG with an awful pick. I don’t want the next JimmyG. I don’t want the current one, either!

l4blitzer

Harris comparing Jordan Akins to an ex-girlfriend. It was as awkward as you might expect

bigfatdrunk

It’s just so easy to move the ball against us.

l4blitzer

Especially on the ground

bigfatdrunk

Kirksey celebrating a 6-yard gain like it’s the SB.

Owens with another 10+ yard tackle. It is, truly, a gift.

l4blitzer

Putting the “safe” in safety

bigfatdrunk

Jeebus, that was easy.

uhh Joe

man

there’s some mighty air in the Texans defense

Jacobs with a 4-yard TD run; Raiders 17-Texans 13; 5:48, 3rd. Raiders probably not going to stand on 17.

bigfatdrunk

MARQUISE GOODWIN!!!

Oh, kitten, JC Jackson went down on the play. Looks bad.

l4blitzer

Well, Mills decides to throw a 3rd and long TD pass.

Maybe…

vballretired

Maybe he’s Nick Foles in disguise?

Texans with a 25yard TD pass; HOU 20–17. Almost a BLACKJACK!!! But the hand is over, right?

bigfatdrunk

LOL!

Owens with yet ANOTHER tackle after a 15 yard plus gain. This has become like a hobby for me.

vballretired

Always sit on 20. The new Texans motto.

bigfatdrunk

AND AGAIN LOLOLOLOLOL!

vballretired

I hate political ads

We have two keepers in Pierce and Collins. I guess that’s something. Maybe include Green on the line and that three out of 11.

4th Quarter

bigfatdrunk

The oline has been solid all year. It’s easily our best unit.

vballretired

Yeah, upgrade at center and you have yourself one of the better units in the NFL.

Razzle dazzle

The fourth quarter. It’s our time.

bigfatdrunk

That second pass looked forward???

vballretired

I suggested in my behind enemy lines on their side that betting the over on Jacobs for 100 yards was a smart play. Too bad I don’t gamble on sports.

bigfatdrunk

The Texans are fantastic at making kitteny teams look good.

vballretired

I think the lack of DTs hurts but our linebackers are kittens.

bigfatdrunk

Yeah.

They played around with the formation and kittened it up. Nice job, y’all.

l4blitzer

The Texans continuing that 4th quarter glory

bigfatdrunk

What’s funny is that the win probability has leaned heavily LV all game. It’s 81.2% for LV now. Stats really hate the Texans.

Owens with another one!

l4blitzer

Texans really want to get out of there and to the casinos, no?

Patrick

I wish. Then I could yell at Davis Mills personally.

bigfatdrunk

It’s a 4 point game, and the WP is 87.4% for LV. LOLOLOLOL!

Patrick

And to think I was worried the Raiders wouldn’t cover.

bigfatdrunk

Welp, Owens couldn’t get the tackle on the 15+ yard gain on that one.

l4blitzer

Wow…the Texans giving a master class in bad, bad pre-snap penalties

Patrick

STOP THE COUNT!!! STOP THE COUNT!!!! STOP THE GAME!!! I’m happy where it is.

bigfatdrunk

So, the Texans highest scoring game this year is still 24 points??? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Jacobs with the 15 yard run. Raiders 31-Texans 20. Raiders have long since busted, but that’s just me.

Patrick

uhh Joe

hahaha

How’s Las Vegas, Patrick?

What’s the stadium like?

NOOO NOT KENYON GREEN

Patrick

It’s my favorite place in the world.

Outside of Houston at least.

It’s really beautiful, I’ve taken a lot of pictures...

uhh Joe

Is it real close to the strip

Also do they have a giant empty area close to the stadium where they grow the grass?

Patrick

Not really. You have to go west of Mandalay Bay to get to the stadium, across the freeway.

bigfatdrunk

And there’s your clutch pick by Mills.

Patrick

I’M GONNA WIN MY BET! I’M GONNA WIN MY BET!!!

l4blitzer

Even though the Texans once again derped in the 4th quarter, let us look at the big picture. The franchise was already playing with house money with the purging of the Easterby. If the kids do well, we can build in that.

Patrick

And I won my bet. Life is [KITTEN]ing beautiful.

bigfatdrunk

I just want Mills gone, or at least not starting. He’s a waste of everybody’s time.

l4blitzer

Stroud or Young are still in play. Gotta have some hope.

Patrick

Oh sure we get our right tackle hurt in garbage time. How very Texans of us.

l4blitzer

Oh good. The Raiders can finally end the misery

It’s over. The Raiders 38-The Texans 20. Raiders covered the spread and the game went over on points. Congrats if you took those bets

bigfatdrunk

Mills still managed to get his y/a to 7.4 on the game. Amazing.

GAME BALLS: At this point, unless otherwise noted, just presume that Dameon Pierce will win a coveted HOTD game ball. 117 total yards to include 92 rushing yards will do that for you. We feel generous today and will give Jordan Akins one as well (3 catches for 68 yards).

However, I think that we ALL deserve game balls for the long-term prognosis for the team. This week, the team won by losing the services of Jack Easterby, who did as much as anyone in the Texans’ organization to get the team to the depths at which they currently reside. Oh, and if the season ended today, the team would hold the 2nd and 5th picks in the 2023 Draft (thanks Cleveland).

BUSTED AT THE TABLES AND SENTENCED TO WALK THE STRIP AS A BACK-UP “CARD SLAPPER” WHILE BEING FORCED TO LISTEN TO JACK EASTERBY SERMONS ON A MOBILE DEVICE: Unfortunately, we have way, way too many candidates for this one, so we will just point out some of the notable ones.

• Kenyon Green and Roy Lopez for executing the worst-timed pre-snap penalties in the 4th quarter (a false start on 4th and inches when the Texans were only down 4, and a neutral zone infraction on a decisive Raiders’ offensive drive on 4th and 1). While not alone the deciding factor, these offered the Raiders the opportunity to deliver the coup de grace, allowing the Raiders to make a 4-point lead morph into a 11-point cushion.
• The Texans’ Run Defense: Most would view the NFL as a passing league, and as such, a defense needs to be able to stop the pass to have any success in the NFL. That being said, teams in the NFL still like to run the football every now and then. It is the most basic of football offense concepts, to run the ball. Most players get introduced to it in Pee-Wee League. Given that the Texans gave up 164 yards on the ground, with Jacobs responsible for 143 of those, it is possible that some remedial training is in order here.
• The Texans’ 4th Quarter Performance: Outscored 21-0 in the 4th. Took a 3 point lead and let it become an 18-point laugher. For the 5th game this season, the Texans put up zero points in the 4th. On the season, the Texans have been out-scored in the 4th quarter 61-17. Unless something dramatically changes in the next few weeks, expect the team to NOT play their best when it matters the most.

With that, the Texans will attempt to regroup and return home to host the Tennessee Titans on Halloween Eve afternoon. We’ll see you then.