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Welcome back from the bye week, fellow Texans fans! Did you miss NFL football? We did. Did you miss good, quality football from your favorite team, especially in the 4th quarter of a very winnable game? Yeah, well, we’ve been missing that too...actually for quite a long, long while now. Normally, a 20 in Vegas, if you are at the Blackjack table, is a good thing. That’s usually a winning hand. However, in the NFL, you can actually go over 21 and not get penalized for it. Houston may have missed that part.
As you would expect, your Battle Red Blog Masthead took in this game, with some actually on -the-scene to observe in-person. We had a few thoughts on this contest. Join us to relive (if you want to gamble with your patience and psyche) the game as seen through our eyes. As always, we’ve replaced any questionable words/content to make this suitable for classic work decorum.
With that, final calls for bets, and on with the ‘Dog:
vballretired
There is the run defense we know and love.
It’s the ALL HAIL PENALTY DEFENSE.
Carr goes down.
Patrick
Got hit in the [KITTEN] did he?
vballretired
He’s got a bobo
Stidham is in.
We might want to cover that guy. Just a suggestion.
Raiders up 3-0
Patrick
Could’ve been a lot worse.
[Ed Note: Please note this statement as we move through the picture]
vballretired
So far yeah, decent pass rush and fairly good against the run.
l4blitzer
Announcers tried to talk up the kicker for the jinx…didn’t work.
vballretired
They gotta talk up someone. These are two one win teams we are talking about.
Patrick
Ladies and gentlemen, the Davis Mills Experience.
vballretired
I think a blind man was faked out by that ball fake.
Wow, a touch pass!
Nice conservative call. No chance of making the first down.
Patrick
Oh [DURGA][KITTEN].
vballretired
Hahahagaghagahaha
Texans miss chip shot field goal. Still 3-0.
vballretired
Rasheem Green, welcome to the game
l4blitzer
GLORY TO ALL QB DROPS THE BALL PASS DEFENSE!!!
vballretired
That’s a three and out folks
The Bays both lost. Not looking good for them.
bigfatdrunk
Breece Hall is real fast.
vballretired
Nico with two catches now
l4blitzer
Pep trying to put together a game tape for the Charlotte gig, no?
vballretired
Gig?
Ah, the obligatory Burkhead play.
bigfatdrunk
What a waste of a roster spot.
vballretired
NCIS is still on the air?
Patrick
That was desperation right there.
There’s three of them I think.
vballretired
Pep didn’t draw that up?
I know of the other two. Let’s make Vanessa Lachey seem like a bad[KITTEN]
bigfatdrunk
Well, at least Brevin was on camera for a moment.
vballretired
Holy Kittens!
Texans up after a touchdown to Chris Moore. Now lead 7-3.
Jeremy
Yay
bigfatdrunk
How embarrassing must it be to be a Raiders fan these days.
Wow, that was serious OPI.
Levy
Excellent drive
vballretired
This could be a Mills Mafia Truthers game.
Levy
Pierce the Fierce
Looking efficient coming off the bud
bigfatdrunk
I know how that feels.
LOL!
vballretired
How’s the atmosphere in that stadium?
bigfatdrunk
Oh, my long-time GOAT Marquise Goodwin with a TD.
vballretired
We have played some kitteny teams this season.
The Chargers are the only playoff team so far.
Levy
Don’t know why they are not targeting Stingley more
vballretired
There’s a pinball hall of fame folks
Pierce is a beast
l4blitzer
Are we…are we kinda playing competently?
vballretired
Pierce is for certain
l4blitzer
Right now, Dan Mullen must be like “if I had actually used Pierce, I might still be in Gainesville”
vballretired
We are matriculating down the field
Time to put that formation in the circular file
l4blitzer
Oh, that phrase will so rankle old school Raider fans…
vballretired
Another drop by Cooks
Fairbairn nails a 55 yarder. Texans lead the Raiders 10-3.
vballretired
I foresee drafting a linebacker in our future.
bigfatdrunk
I see lots of talk about drafting a DT early, which is stupid unless he can rush the passer.
vballretired
True. I might go edge defender first so we aren’t relying on 30 something’s and castoffs.
bigfatdrunk
Owens with another tackle 10 yards downfield.
Caserio’s refusal to sign younger players is infuriating.
vballretired
I think that’s particularly true at RB. I’d bring a half a dozen UDFA and I’d guarantee you’d find a decent backup RB.
Patrick
Lil Jon and Carl Weathers are here at the game.
l4blitzer
Eric M***y now in…brace yourselves
vballretired
Apollo Creed in the house
bigfatdrunk
Did you sign up for acting lessons, Patrick?
bigfatdrunk
Mills is 11/15 for 95 and a TD. 10 points. Typical Mills game that he’s not pushing the ball down the field.
uhh Joe
hahaha
vballretired
Nice tight defense on fourth down
bigfatdrunk
Sarcasm?
uhh Joe
Well at least the game breaking interception hasn’t happened yet
[Ed Note: Please keep this statement in mind for later in the picture]
vballretired
Six yards per attempt. That’s good right?
And that’s a touchdown. Could be tied pending extra point.
Patrick
And then that happened.
vballretired
It’s Lovie Smith football. Play it safe. Keep it close. Hope something stupid happens.
l4blitzer
Such gooder 2 minute defense by the Texans there
bigfatdrunk
The entire problem with Mills is that he doesn’t score points, which is kinda important in the NFL.
l4blitzer
…and such a glorious way to end the half.
10-10: Halftime
REACTIONS
bigfatdrunk
I’m seeing lots of comments on Twitter that Mills looks great. LV is 27th by DVOA, and we still have only 10 points. Mills sucks. He’s [KITTEN]. He needs to be replaced immediately.
vballretired
Clearly, Pierce is a huge part of the future. I see decent enough players out there, but outside of Pierce is there anyone else that can make a big play on either side. When this team actually plays good teams they’ll be in trouble.
Mills is a backup QB. Does this make him kittens? I don’t know if I’d go that far, but can we dispense with the drama over whether he’s the future?
bigfatdrunk
I think that question is more than settled at this point.
I’m seeing lots of comments on Twitter that Mills looks great. LV is 27th by DVOA, and we still have only 10 points. Mills sucks. He’s [KITTEN]. He needs to be replaced immediately.
uhh Joe
exactly
l4blitzer
Perhaps the only “win” this team will log this week is the sacking of Easterby. Raiders can’t be happy to be in a dogfight with the Texans. Want to see the kids keep playing. Mills is looking like he will make some team a decent backup.
bigfatdrunk
That’s still a pretty tremendous win, though.
uhh Joe
I was really rooting for mills at the beginning of the season to really improve but it didn’t happen and maybe he’ll get better through the course of the season but we shouldn’t accept Gardner Minshew imo
At some point you gotta be scoring points a lot and that hasn’t happened yet and it doesn’t look like it will
Unless they can somehow convince themselves Josh McCown can unlock him next year lol
l4blitzer
Do not speak that evil name here
uhh Joe
hahaha
bigfatdrunk
What is there to unlock, though? He doesn’t have the arm, processing, legs, etc., to be an elite QB. He has no above average skill, much less one that’s elite.
/continues railing on the dead horse.
uhh Joe
I don’t think he has a great arm but he has shown some competency in college and in the NFL of some downfield and midfield passes so i think there’s enough of an arm to make you wonder, like Daniel Jones or something
and that’s about it
maybe they were hoping his processing and athleticism would improve enough this year to be able to consistently make like Jimmy Garrapolo plays but that’s not worked out
and like who wants Jimmy Garrapolo
l4blitzer
The Raiders know they are playing us, right? They know we’re not that good, right?
Oh, the Raiders just realized it
bigfatdrunk
Yup. And another worthless FG.
uhh Joe
them points!!!!
Fairbairn with the 35 yard FG. 13-10; 10:59 3rd. Blackjack offense is still a go.
bigfatdrunk
JimmyG with an awful pick. I don’t want the next JimmyG. I don’t want the current one, either!
l4blitzer
Harris comparing Jordan Akins to an ex-girlfriend. It was as awkward as you might expect
bigfatdrunk
It’s just so easy to move the ball against us.
l4blitzer
Especially on the ground
bigfatdrunk
Kirksey celebrating a 6-yard gain like it’s the SB.
Owens with another 10+ yard tackle. It is, truly, a gift.
l4blitzer
Putting the “safe” in safety
bigfatdrunk
Jeebus, that was easy.
uhh Joe
man
there’s some mighty air in the Texans defense
Jacobs with a 4-yard TD run; Raiders 17-Texans 13; 5:48, 3rd. Raiders probably not going to stand on 17.
bigfatdrunk
MARQUISE GOODWIN!!!
Oh, kitten, JC Jackson went down on the play. Looks bad.
l4blitzer
Well, Mills decides to throw a 3rd and long TD pass.
Maybe…
vballretired
Maybe he’s Nick Foles in disguise?
Texans with a 25yard TD pass; HOU 20–17. Almost a BLACKJACK!!! But the hand is over, right?
bigfatdrunk
LOL!
Owens with yet ANOTHER tackle after a 15 yard plus gain. This has become like a hobby for me.
vballretired
Always sit on 20. The new Texans motto.
bigfatdrunk
AND AGAIN LOLOLOLOLOL!
vballretired
I hate political ads
We have two keepers in Pierce and Collins. I guess that’s something. Maybe include Green on the line and that three out of 11.
4th Quarter
bigfatdrunk
The oline has been solid all year. It’s easily our best unit.
vballretired
Yeah, upgrade at center and you have yourself one of the better units in the NFL.
Razzle dazzle
The fourth quarter. It’s our time.
bigfatdrunk
That second pass looked forward???
vballretired
I suggested in my behind enemy lines on their side that betting the over on Jacobs for 100 yards was a smart play. Too bad I don’t gamble on sports.
bigfatdrunk
The Texans are fantastic at making kitteny teams look good.
vballretired
I think the lack of DTs hurts but our linebackers are kittens.
bigfatdrunk
Yeah.
They played around with the formation and kittened it up. Nice job, y’all.
l4blitzer
The Texans continuing that 4th quarter glory
bigfatdrunk
What’s funny is that the win probability has leaned heavily LV all game. It’s 81.2% for LV now. Stats really hate the Texans.
Owens with another one!
l4blitzer
Texans really want to get out of there and to the casinos, no?
Patrick
I wish. Then I could yell at Davis Mills personally.
bigfatdrunk
It’s a 4 point game, and the WP is 87.4% for LV. LOLOLOLOL!
Patrick
And to think I was worried the Raiders wouldn’t cover.
bigfatdrunk
Welp, Owens couldn’t get the tackle on the 15+ yard gain on that one.
l4blitzer
Wow…the Texans giving a master class in bad, bad pre-snap penalties
Patrick
STOP THE COUNT!!! STOP THE COUNT!!!! STOP THE GAME!!! I’m happy where it is.
bigfatdrunk
So, the Texans highest scoring game this year is still 24 points??? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!
Jacobs with the 15 yard run. Raiders 31-Texans 20. Raiders have long since busted, but that’s just me.
Patrick
uhh Joe
hahaha
How’s Las Vegas, Patrick?
What’s the stadium like?
NOOO NOT KENYON GREEN
Patrick
It’s my favorite place in the world.
Outside of Houston at least.
It’s really beautiful, I’ve taken a lot of pictures...
uhh Joe
Is it real close to the strip
Also do they have a giant empty area close to the stadium where they grow the grass?
Patrick
Not really. You have to go west of Mandalay Bay to get to the stadium, across the freeway.
bigfatdrunk
And there’s your clutch pick by Mills.
Patrick
I’M GONNA WIN MY BET! I’M GONNA WIN MY BET!!!
l4blitzer
Even though the Texans once again derped in the 4th quarter, let us look at the big picture. The franchise was already playing with house money with the purging of the Easterby. If the kids do well, we can build in that.
Patrick
And I won my bet. Life is [KITTEN]ing beautiful.
bigfatdrunk
I just want Mills gone, or at least not starting. He’s a waste of everybody’s time.
l4blitzer
Stroud or Young are still in play. Gotta have some hope.
Patrick
Oh sure we get our right tackle hurt in garbage time. How very Texans of us.
l4blitzer
Oh good. The Raiders can finally end the misery
It’s over. The Raiders 38-The Texans 20. Raiders covered the spread and the game went over on points. Congrats if you took those bets
bigfatdrunk
Mills still managed to get his y/a to 7.4 on the game. Amazing.
GAME BALLS: At this point, unless otherwise noted, just presume that Dameon Pierce will win a coveted HOTD game ball. 117 total yards to include 92 rushing yards will do that for you. We feel generous today and will give Jordan Akins one as well (3 catches for 68 yards).
However, I think that we ALL deserve game balls for the long-term prognosis for the team. This week, the team won by losing the services of Jack Easterby, who did as much as anyone in the Texans’ organization to get the team to the depths at which they currently reside. Oh, and if the season ended today, the team would hold the 2nd and 5th picks in the 2023 Draft (thanks Cleveland).
BUSTED AT THE TABLES AND SENTENCED TO WALK THE STRIP AS A BACK-UP “CARD SLAPPER” WHILE BEING FORCED TO LISTEN TO JACK EASTERBY SERMONS ON A MOBILE DEVICE: Unfortunately, we have way, way too many candidates for this one, so we will just point out some of the notable ones.
- Kenyon Green and Roy Lopez for executing the worst-timed pre-snap penalties in the 4th quarter (a false start on 4th and inches when the Texans were only down 4, and a neutral zone infraction on a decisive Raiders’ offensive drive on 4th and 1). While not alone the deciding factor, these offered the Raiders the opportunity to deliver the coup de grace, allowing the Raiders to make a 4-point lead morph into a 11-point cushion.
- The Texans’ Run Defense: Most would view the NFL as a passing league, and as such, a defense needs to be able to stop the pass to have any success in the NFL. That being said, teams in the NFL still like to run the football every now and then. It is the most basic of football offense concepts, to run the ball. Most players get introduced to it in Pee-Wee League. Given that the Texans gave up 164 yards on the ground, with Jacobs responsible for 143 of those, it is possible that some remedial training is in order here.
- The Texans’ 4th Quarter Performance: Outscored 21-0 in the 4th. Took a 3 point lead and let it become an 18-point laugher. For the 5th game this season, the Texans put up zero points in the 4th. On the season, the Texans have been out-scored in the 4th quarter 61-17. Unless something dramatically changes in the next few weeks, expect the team to NOT play their best when it matters the most.
With that, the Texans will attempt to regroup and return home to host the Tennessee Titans on Halloween Eve afternoon. We’ll see you then.
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