BREAKING: Malik Willis to Start For Titans on Sunday

You know, when you watch the Houston Texans play their silly little football on our silly little televisions, you come to expect a degree of consistency for the game. You expect them to play hard (Kamu Grugier-Hill excluded) and lose. You expect them to not score in the fourth quarter. You expect them to not shake up the game plan (if there is one) too much. For example, you don’t expect Lovie Smith to pull Davis Mills and replace him with Kyle Allen or, Durga help us, Jeff Driskel, for something like a paltry stomach virus.

The Tennessee Titans (BESFs for those of us who know better), obviously a lesser and very skittish team, do NOT believe in consistency. Because if they did they would have kept Ryan Tannehill in for tomorrow’s game against the BESFs, stomach flu be damned. You know Davis Mills wouldn’t let something like that stop him from going out onto the field, and any difference in how he would play sick vs. healthy would be negligible.

But nooooooooo, instead the Traitors, because of their implicitly devious and untrustworthy nature, have decided to shelve Tannehill for Sunday in favor of Malik Willis, their rookie quarterback drafted out of Diploma Mill State Liberty University.

How rude of them to change their plans like this at the last second!

Anyway, the Texans will be lining up against Malik Willis on Sunday. This probably won’t end badly. The Texans historically never struggle against mobile quarterbacks or backup quarterbacks. This should be fine.