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Week 9 Opening Odds for Eagles at Texans (with Special Guest)

Wait, wait, don’t tell me...they’re underdogs, aren’t they?

Tennessee Titans v Houston Texans Photo by Bob Levey/Getty Images


It has come to attention of Ministry of Information that at the same time as glorious people’s baseball army of Houston, the Houston Astros combat the vile imperial hordes from the barren east called Philadelphia Phillies, the football-loving fans and players of the Houston Texans will fend off Philadelphia football team as well!

Truly, it is fortuitous that two arms of the sports teams of Houston should lock in glorious struggle against the depredations of the same decadent yankee thieves; to say nothing of the various haters, whiners, and losers who keep screaming about cheating or whatever. These vexatious heathens shall know our cause of righteousness, our cause, our glorious Mother Houston and her children.

Do not believe the scandalous lies sold to you by outsider information. You should not trust any information source that does not have our seal of approval literally on cover. You should also only use Ministry of Sportburo Online Gaming Platform or DraftKings Sportsbook. Honestly you’re probably better off at DraftKings Sportsbook.

Just look at this alleged “opening line” from an “article” from “DraftKings Nation:”

While Ministry of Information disagrees with numbers, it appears that DraftKings is fair and realistic for Thursday Night game.

Glory to the Astros, may Dusty Baker live 10,000 years!
Glory to the Texans, may their enemies become lost and confused on the way to Houston thereby winning by forfeit!
Glory to the people of the motherland!
Glory to Mother Houston!

OK, truth time. It’s gonna be ROUGH, y’all. Here are the odds, brought to you by DraftKings, who are run by lovely people I’m sure and I really don’t want them to think I mean anything otherwise.

Favored: Philadelphia Eagles (-13)
Underdog: Houston Texans (+13)

Over/Under: 43

Moneyline: Philadelphia Eagles -700
Moneyline: Houston Texans +510

Kickoff is Thursday, Nov. 3, 2022 at 7:15 p.m. CT

Dress accordingly.