How many of y’all reading this watched the Thursday night slogfest between the Indianapolis Colts and Denver Broncos?

How many of you thought to yourselves while watching the Thursday night mulefight “oh surely the Houston Texans can outdo this, right?”

Well, depending on how you define “outdo,” the Texans both outdid and did not outdid (bad grammar but I’m keeping it in because it amuses me) the Jacksonville Jaguars on Sunday, eking out a 13-6 win in a game where points were hard to come by.

In a game that included eight punts, 10 penalties, and four field goals, the only really noteworthy offensive explosion on either side came from one Dameon Pierce, who played his college ball 75 miles away from Jacksonville, at the University of Florida.

Pierce was truly the difference maker in today’s game, rushing for 99 yards (with his longest run of the day being 20 yards) and a touchdown late in the fourth quarter. Beyond that, neither offense could get much of anything going. Both Davis Mills and Trevor Lawrence spent most of the game ostensibly trying to throw to their receivers but, more often than not, might also have been throwing balls to people they knew in the stands based on how inaccurate their throws were.

Lawrence had the better day in the air, purely from a yards gained perspective, throwing 25-47 for 286 yards and two interceptions (one of which was Derek Stingley’s first career pick as a Texan, so hey, good news!). Mills couldn’t even crack the 200 yard mark, registering only 16-24 for 140 yards (that’s 8.75 yards per completion, for the record). So again, this depends on your version of “outdoing” someone. Lawrence had more yards in the air but Mills had no interceptions.

The rest of the game was balanced out by two high-powered and frequently employed kicking units who knotted the game at 6-6. Ka’imi Fairbairn kicked two 50+ yard field goals while the Jags’ kicked a 26-yarder in the first quarter and a 45-yarder to end the first half.

We Need To Talk About...

Nothing, because I don’t want to spend another minute thinking about this ugly-as-sin game we all just watched.

So, What Have We Learned Today?

• The Texans have a killer running back, a pretty nice secondary, and that’s kind of it.
• We will always* be able to rely on the Jacksonville Jaguars to give us a much needed win when we need it the most.
• Vegas oddsmakers made the Glitter Kitties seven point favorites and the Texans beat them by seven. So we learned the oddsmakers don’t know everything.

The Texans are off next week but after that they make their first ever trip to Vegas, baby, to take on the Las Vegas Raiders, which I will be attending. So see y’all then!

*Not always.