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Albert Einstein. One of the giants of physics. From his theory of relativity to his work on the atomic bomb, Einstein’s work and thoughts still dominate well into the 21st century. He is also attributed a few quotes that many still reference in this day and age. In particular, there are two concepts/lines attributed to Einstein that are especially relevant for what we saw on the field at NRG this past Sunday.
Time is Relative: In one respect, this game moved quickly. Given that you had two teams whose most dangerous offensive weapon is at running back, it is not surprising that the game would move relatively fast in terms of game clock/speed. Yet, the relative dullness of the game, from two struggling QBs (granted, one was a NFL rookie making is first start on short-notice), to a lot of sloppy play from both teams made this one drag. It could be a sore on the senses to see this game in action. Also, while the final score (17-10) indicates a close affair, the actual game play reflected a matchup that was never that close. Tennessee rushing for over 300 yards as a team will do that. One wonders how much worse the final would have been if the Titans had any semblance of a passing game and the Houston Texans didn’t get the near-garbage time TD at the end of the game.
“The Definition of Insanity is Doing the Same Thing Over and Over and Expecting a Different Result”: Derrick Henry is one of the best running backs in the modern game. In his games against the Texans alone, he has over 1,000 yards rushing. He has averaged over 210 yards a game in his last four matchups. The Texans have the worst run defense (yards surrendered per game) in the league. With a rookie back-up in the game, there was no surprise in the game plan. Somehow, the Texans once again allowed Henry to add to his domination of the team. Even with a defensive-minded coach, and knowing all of this, the Texans did nothing to stop Henry. Sellout on the run and force the rookie to beat you through the air, eight-man fronts...all to no avail. Give credit to the Titans O-line and Henry, but no back should be able to average over 200 yards a game against any team, at any level. Henry didn’t do that at Alabama, but he never faced as porous a run defense either.
As always, the Battle Red Blog Masthead had some real-time reactions to this game. In HOTD tradition, we have edited out swear words for (relatively) safe reading at the office.
With that, on to the ‘Dog:
bigfatdrunk
Well, at least we get to play against Willis today. That should be exciting!
Patrick
[KITTEN] the Traitors. That is all.
vballretired
I always called them the Adams. Kind of like Cleveland Browns except their helmet would be a toupee
Patrick
No Collinses at all today, no Maliek or Nico.
bigfatdrunk
The Iggles are going to motorboat us. OM[D].
Patrick
Well...yeah.
vballretired
So you’re saying there’s a chance
bigfatdrunk
It’s great to see D’Onta Foreman playing like the guy I thought we drafted.
Wow, and he just scored his third TD of the game to prove my point.
Patrick
And PJ Walker sounds like he isn’t doing badly himself.
Patrick
Gentlemen, welcome to hate week.
Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate
bigfatdrunk
HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Patrick
Ohhhhhhhhhhh we’re starting early! LOLOLOLOLOL
This is gonna go so bad so fast.
l4blitzer
I see our run defense was ready for Henry week
296 is the single game record, right?
bigfatdrunk
BEERCAN.
l4blitzer
I also see that counting is also a little difficult for HOU
vballretired
The Fat Aggie on the email miss
Bullock misses from 48 yards; HOU ball
vballretired
Field goal miss
bigfatdrunk
Field goal, email. Tomato, tomahto.
vballretired
Working on very little sleep here
Patrick
Trickery! For one yard!
bigfatdrunk
Davis Mills is basically good at two things, and the flea flicker is one. That didn’t work.
PJ WALKER!!!!
Patrick
Houston Roughnecks legend PJ Walker.
vballretired
Pierce is consistent at least
l4blitzer
Roughnecks vs this iteration of the Texans…who wins (using NFL rules)?
Patrick
Tie.
l4blitzer
Using XFL rules?
vballretired
Let’s pray Cooks doesn’t get hurt
Patrick
Ibid.
l4blitzer
Ya know, if we run Pierce and the BE-SF get smart and just keep running Henry, we could have a super fast game
vballretired
Can we go don’t care on Roughnecks vs. Texans?
Welcome to the game Brevin Jordan
bigfatdrunk
Davis Mills is kitten on a kitten.
vballretired
Very nice INT by Mills. Super clutch.
bigfatdrunk
I mean, kitten, Fulton ran the route better.
vballretired
PFF will somehow have Mills graded at 75 following the game.
Patrick
I will say this, at least this game is giving me a lot of laughs.
Oh thank [DURGA], the Cowboys fans are leaving. Now this Buffalo Wild Wings is gonna be classy.
vballretired
Da Bears
Mills audibles into an INT; Titans ball
Patrick
I’m wondering if you watch soccer or are like me and just watch the World Cup, are you going to watch this year?
l4blitzer
I am not so sure we will be there all that long
vballretired
I thought soccer ended in high school
l4blitzer
For most of America, except for the respective World Cups
Patrick
Europe and South America are just rebels like that.
I think, real talk, soccer is going to take over from American football within my lifetime.
vballretired
FIFA is like a cartoon evil organization
Patrick
It’s like the NCAA if the NCAA stopped caring about appearances.
l4blitzer
Hey, how bout that??? Two good run stops and a 3 and out?
Patrick
That’s okay, I’m sure Davis Mills is more than ready to give it right back.
bigfatdrunk
Two penalties on one return HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
vballretired
Two penalties on the return. Nice.
l4blitzer
Maximizing value in derping…the Texans way
Patrick
Man, I miss all the funny [KITTEN].
vballretired
I’m just waiting for the “but if he had all his WR and AJ Cann he would play like a franchise QB” talk
Texans possession
vballretired
Get ready for eight in the box
Patrick
They’re daring Mills to pass. DON’T FALL FOR IT LOVIE!
bigfatdrunk
The Texans are awful. Top to bottom awful with only a couple of exceptions.
vballretired
Pierce can break tackles when six guys are there
bigfatdrunk
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!
vballretired
Intended for John Turf
Patrick
I can make a deeply sarcastic bordering on MOI argument that the Texans are the most valuable franchise in professional sports just from a pure non-fan entertainment value point of view.
vballretired
Wow, stupid fumble by Woods
Patrick
Woooooow, the world has so much beauty to offer.
bigfatdrunk
I don’t understand why a 30 year old dude is returning punts.
Texans recover BE-SF fumble
vballretired
My grandpa used to say they are the strongest team in the league: they are holding up everyone else.
bigfatdrunk
Pierce runs so nasty.
Patrick
Legit wow that Dameon Pierce run.
vballretired
Negated by derp
bigfatdrunk
CAR missed a cheap shot FG to deny Walker a win.
Patrick
This is why we can’t have nice things.
Bless their hearts, BFD.
Levy
This offense is mud
vballretired
This offense and the Lions defense would be pure comedy gold
Patrick
Who the [KITTEN] thought having a zombie as their spokesman was a good idea for Upwork?
Levy
The fact that we feasibly could still win the division is horrible
l4blitzer
Wasn’t that the Lions 2008?
vballretired
Or any other year really
Levy
@Patrick that was my old client for advertising
Patrick
YOU’RE [KITTEN]TING ME.
Levy
It’s actually not a bad ad for their audience
Patrick
Please tell me the zombie wasn’t your idea or I am going to be very embarrassed.
Levy
Hahah no
We help buy the ads spots. Not create them
Patrick
I mean I suppose, but from a dude on his recliner point of view it’s [KITTEN]ing weird.
Ahhhh okay, thank Durga.
bigfatdrunk
OK, OM[D], these are your starting QBs in the AFCS: Davis Mills, Trevor Lawrence, Malik Willis, and Sam Ehlinger.
vballretired
That John Turf is a [KITTEN] of a receiver
Patrick
Wooof.
vballretired
We recover at their 40 and lose a penetration (old high school rules)
Patrick
They are going the wrong way!
l4blitzer
Stupidball rules!!!!
Patrick
Why does the villain in the new Black Panther movie look like Russell Wilson?
vballretired
This next Thursday will make Kirk Herbstreit demand a raise
bigfatdrunk
Woods ain’t having a good game.
Patrick
If Al Michaels retired midway through the Texans/Eagles game on Thursday I wouldn’t blink.
l4blitzer
[Herbstreit] was down to learn that the WS games would be in PHI, not HOU…so, he will have to work on the banter with Al
Patrick
“You know what, [KITTEN] this, I’m going to gamble legitimately now.”
vballretired
Apparently my Behind Enemy Lines went negative according to Titans fans
Patrick
They’re like Phillies fans, always looking for excuses to be unhappy.
BE-SF possession
bigfatdrunk
Typing out “Kitten the BE-SFs” for 250 words would be a fantastic post.
vballretired
I’m picturing that scene in Major League 2 where Bob Uecker passed out drunk on the air.
Levy
Is this the worst I’ve seen Mills play? Idk but it’s horrific
bigfatdrunk
Owens doing what he does best: tackling a guy 20 yards downfield.
l4blitzer
It’s still early
vballretired
All hail all penalty defense
bigfatdrunk
That wasn’t a hold.
vballretired
More flags. Gosh these teams are kitten
Patrick
Just wondering apropos of nothing, what’s the record for most penalties in a game and longest game in NFL history?
vballretired
Longest by time or by perceived time?
Patrick
Either suits me.
vballretired
At least the Adams’ have an excuse
l4blitzer
Longest non-playoff game? Cause the two longest I can think of are MIA @ KC in ‘71 and SD @ MIA in 81
Both were playoff games
vballretired
That SD/MIA game was fun to watch though. This one is like listening to all fishing radio on Saturday morning.
Levy
This kitten offense right now
Patrick
I think you need to be more specific right now.
End of first quarter…scoreless, and almost as joyless
vballretired
What’s joyless is watching all the teams that have beat us on pace to miss the playoffs.
Also seeing Hopkins outperform all our WR in just two weeks is fun too
bigfatdrunk
HAHAAHAHAHAHAHHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
l4blitzer
Oh those tricky 3rd and long draw plays
Patrick
Stat nerd: [pushes up glasses] Well actually if you exclude the first run by Henry, these teams would be about even in offense.
PICK!
vballretired
All hail all derp offense
Patrick
Steven Nelson, ladies and gentlemen.
bigfatdrunk
Jeebus, Willis off on that pass by about 5 yards.
vballretired
This has the makings of that 2002 win over the Steelers
Patrick
Oh man I remember that game, that was HARD to watch.
vballretired
Burkhead hahagagagafaf
Steven Nelson with the INT; HOU ball at the TEN 10
Patrick
This field goal is going to be awesome.
vballretired
I see Fairbairn in our future
bigfatdrunk
Mills is clueless.
Patrick
L. O. L.
l4blitzer
Commentators wondering why Pierce wasn’t in on 1st down. Answer: #WeAreTexans
vballretired
Blow the whistle, blow the whistle, blow the [D][K] whistle
Patrick
STOP THE COUNT!
vballretired
He misses I’m losing it
Patrick
POINTS! POINTS!
ALERT ALERT THERE ARE POINTS IN THIS GAME.
vballretired
It’s the snowplow game in a domed stadium
In spite of the Texans’ best efforts, they get a 43 yard FG. HOU 3 - TEN 0. Fans: -230
vballretired
I’m setting the over/under on combined QBR for Willis and Mills at about 14.5
Patrick
I refuse to accept a world where a show called “So Help Me Todd” gets more than one full season.
vballretired
There are titanic battles between Brady/Manning and Allen/Mahomes and then there are these two.
Jaleel Johnson on camera there
Patrick
Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks CBS. Didn’t need to remember that.
l4blitzer
Had a reference to the -Innigan game by the commentators. Could only pray for that excitement
vballretired
Pitre!
This game has to end in a tie
Patrick
I’ve been trying to stoke the fires of BESF hate all week and that’s the best we got to fire people up with.
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
l4blitzer
The standard is the 14-12 Miami-Virginia game yesterday. If it doesn’t equal that, don’t want to see it
vballretired
Punt returners are dumb
Patrick
That was a pearl of inadequate perfection, that game.
l4blitzer
Are we sure that Pep Hamilton hasn’t been secretly replaced by the Iowa offensive coordinator for this week?
BE-SF possession
vballretired
Is there a difference?
l4blitzer
Hence the challenging question
Patrick
Oh great, Eric Murray is seeing field time instead of Jonathan Owens. But he’s the best tackler on the team, how will we withstand this?!
bigfatdrunk
Or, perhaps, replaced by a ham sandwich?
Patrick
If you’re asking me to tell the difference between Brian Ferentz and a ham sandwich, this may take a while.
vballretired
Our greatest strength is the voodoo we put on other teams causing them to play their worst football of the year.
No Pierce will make for a very dark day
bigfatdrunk
Neither of these offenses is interested in winning this game.
vballretired
Holy kittens, a three and out. Haven’t seen that in 13 minutes
TEN possession.
l4blitzer
Now is the obligatory moment when I ask for a running clock for the rest of the game…please
Patrick
There it is.
bigfatdrunk
That may put the game away.
vballretired
There’s the Henry we know and love.
Patrick
Let’s not throw the L word around all willy nilly like that.
vballretired
Already over 100 yards
I think that’s the fourth or fifth back to do that this year. Let’s see, Taylor, Henry, Jacobs, the Bears backup, and am I forgetting someone?
Did Etienne get there?
Derrick Henry doing what he usually does against the Texans. 29 yard TD: BE-SFs 7 - Texans 3; 4:20, second quarter
l4blitzer
Didn’t Etienne get at least 80-90 yds. Didn’t recall him breaking
vballretired
Pierce is our offense
l4blitzer
Lonnie Johnson sighting
vballretired
I thought he was selling insurance or bagging groceries
l4blitzer
Vrabel seems to have a thing for ex-Texans
bigfatdrunk
The play-calling is so bad.
l4blitzer
If Hamilton is trying to audition for the Charlotte job, this is not helping his chances
vballretired
I think Henry Winkler from Waterboy could take over from here
Patrick
Hamilton: So...what do you think?
Charlotte: We already know how to lose, why do we need you to help us do that?
Two minute warning
vballretired
But have you lost like this?
bigfatdrunk
It’s great to see Tim at the game:
vballretired
Isn’t Tim Kelly over there?
Patrick
OM[D], BFD.
[Editor’s Note: We don’t think this is actually the legendary Tim. Hi Tim.]
bigfatdrunk
Two minute warning, and more runs up the middle.
l4blitzer
GLORY TO ALL CHUM NFL GAMES!!!
vballretired
They are matriculating their way down the field
bigfatdrunk
Well, you get into trouble for [KITTEN]ing your way down the field. I should know.
l4blitzer
…and the Texans executing their 2 minute defense to season standard
vballretired
Sounds like my long handle spoon story
l4blitzer
::discards beer…goes straight to Jack Daniels bottle…chugs::
vballretired
Roy Lopez with a sack
bigfatdrunk
Beercan chugging beers to prepare for a potential FG.
l4blitzer
Yeah…you have Derrick Henry…don’t get cute. Instead…the Titans will not be outdumbed by us
vballretired
Punt?! Come on you cowards
l4blitzer
Even the officials are bored of this game, lacking some focus
Patrick
We ready for a Davis Mills two minute offense?!
Anyone?
bigfatdrunk
Thank Durga no.
vballretired
Kneel down here. Our most effective play.
Halftime: BE-SFs 7 - USED-TO-BE-THE-FIGHTING-EASTERBYS 3. (Why are watching this game again?)
Patrick
Because it’s better than prison?
bigfatdrunk
But it’s close.
Halftime Reactions (if this game hasn’t drained all significant IQ from your brain).
Patrick
I’ve had two Long Island iced teas…I’ll be [KITTEN]ed if I’m going to let the Baby-Eating Sister-[KITTEN]ers drain my IQ before I do.
l4blitzer
I’m surprised this game wasn’t on Amazon Prime. It has that type of “quality”.
Patrick
Don’t worry, that’s what the Eagles game will be on Thursday.
l4blitzer
Yeah, but the Eagles kinda play good football. I don’t know what this game is…
A matchup between the University of Houston and University of Tennessee would be far more entertaining.
Patrick
Why you gotta do that to me, l4?
I didn’t do anything to you to bring that kind of violence to my person.
WEINER DOG RACES! WHY DIDN’T THEY JUST REPLACE THE GAME WITH WEINER DOG RACES?!
l4blitzer
My apologies…
Patrick
Eh, it’s fine.
vballretired
Mills with 1.6 yards per attempt. I’m new to this football thing. Is that good?
Patrick
They are garbage this season anyway.
bigfatdrunk
HOF bound!
l4blitzer
Vols playing exciting offense this year…and they got over on BO’B, so there’s that
Patrick
That was pretty fun, I will say that.
bigfatdrunk
Willis QBRat: 43.5, Mills: 21.5.
Patrick
And what’s the QBR you’d get if you just threw it at the ground on every play?
Because I suspect it’s higher than both of those.
Teair Tart is an...interesting name.
HOU possession
Patrick
We have 13 minutes to score 17 points.
bigfatdrunk
I swear to Durga: I will not watch Mills if he starts another game after this season. He sucks. He’s trash.
Patrick
I can’t stop looking at all the empty seats at NRG., Friggin’ amazing.
Patrick
[Durga] this defense, if you can call it that.
vballretired
Holy cow this team sucks. What’s worse? The passing offense or rushing defense?
bigfatdrunk
The LB play is so atrocious.
vballretired
That’s Baby Lovie you’re insulting there
Patrick
We’ll never make our 20 point quota by the end of the third at this rate.
vballretired
Ummm, the sun set on that one in the first quarter
bigfatdrunk
Holy. Kitten.
Patrick
Wow. Not even an effort.
Patrick
I should’ve taken the under.
l4blitzer
Eric Murray with a stop???
Patrick
[Citation Needed]
A lot of business decisions made on the Henry one yard TD run. TEN 14 - HOU 3; 6:31, third quarter
HOU possession
l4blitzer
OJ Howard sighting
vballretired
Business decisions by the OL. Maybe they really do miss Cann
BE-SF possession
vballretired
That’s 223 yards rushing for the Titans and we’re in the third quarter. I’m guessing that’s bad.
vballretired
Do they clear 300 yards rushing by the fourth quarter?
l4blitzer
At this rate, they could clear it by the end of the 3rd
vballretired
I meant third
Patrick
They’re at 116 yards right now.
l4blitzer
Ah..
vballretired
Willis could clear 100 passing
Patrick
Correction, they’re at 259 right now. So it could happen.
I think that 116 was just this quarter, maybe?
vballretired
Would have to be.
Do they let Henry go for 200 or call off the dogs? I mean the water boy could average five yards a carry.
Patrick
He’s only 15 yards away, it wouldn’t take him very long I suspect.
l4blitzer
The score is still (theoretically) close enough that you run him as much as possible.
vballretired
Except we couldn’t score 20 points in ten more quarters
End of the 3rd: Derrick Henry 14 - HOU 3
Patrick
Oooof.
vballretired
Over 200
Patrick
And now they’re over 300 yards rushing if my math’s right.
Patrick
Malik Willis has gone 6/9 for 55 yards and a pick. And we’re down double digits.
SISTER [KITTEN]ER FIELD GOAL IS GOOD. BESFs lead 17-3
Patrick
Fourth and 15, GO FOR IT, [KITTEN] YOU!
Cowards!
If you’re going to play poorly, do it with style!
OH! There’s a guy with a paper bag over his head. WE MADE IT, Y’ALL!!!
l4blitzer
A mercy FG…man, Vrabel just toying with us now
BESFs PUNT TEXANS POSSESSION
l4blitzer
Shall we start the Kyle Allen chants now?
bigfatdrunk
Why bother having Pierce play at this point, though? Such a stupid team.
Patrick
Ugh…
Two minute warning. We might not score another point today.
Take those Oilers colors off you, you [KITTEN] dirty traitors.
l4blitzer
ALERT, ALERT, ALERT!!! WE ARE OVER 100 YARDS IN TOTAL OFFENSE!!!
Patrick
Don’t you dare score now, [DURGA]dammit.
MILLS TO PIERCE TD, TRAITORS LEAD 17-10
TEXANS LOSE 17-10.
Levy
This team can’t win. It’s not in their nature. Ugh do we need to fire another coach?
Patrick
To what end?
Levy
That’s what I’m saying. There is no quality. No momentum. Languid playing. I’m not sure anymore if the team is bought in
l4blitzer
This is the most mis-leading 17-10 score I have ever seen
Levy
Something needs to change. Sell the [KITTEN]ing lot of them
Cooks to the Rams. Tunsil to the Bucs
vballretired
This I agree with. The best thing about this team are the first and second year guys. Let’s go full youth movement.
GAME BALL: For the Texans, they almost have NO ONE worthy of such a designation. Even Dameon Pierce, about the only weapon any NFL team will need to worry about on the Texans this season, could only muster 35 yards on 15 carries. Yeah, he did get a TD reception, but it really didn’t mean much in the competitive flow of the game. I guess you have to go with Old Faithful, Jon Weeks, who played his 200th game as a Texan. Yeah...great achievement...he was quite busy with 8 punt snaps, a FG and a XP snap. No errors.
SHOULD BE FORCED TO STARE AT NOTHING BUT BUD ADAMS PICTURES, PRESS CONFERENCES AND OTHER ARCHIVED MEDIA FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK WITH NO REPRIEVE: Outside of Jon Weeks, Cam Johnston, I guess Dameon Pierce (but not by much)...yeah, pretty much the entire roster of the Texans. Especially the run _efense (they are not worthy right now to be consider a “d”efense). It was so pitiful that the Titans, in a one-score game to start the second half, in the 21st century, attempted all of ONE pass (incomplete, so, yay pass defense???). ONE PASS ATTEMPT?!?!?! You would say that set football back 100 years, but 100 years ago, even those players, way smaller and with way less gear, didn’t usually give up 300 yards rushing, and the forward pass wasn’t exactly the popular play. The Texans will need to dig deep and give greater effort to elevate to only an embarrassing run _efense.
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