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Texans Continue to Embarrass Houston; Drop 23-10 to Washington Commanders

In a battle of two of the worst owners in all of sports, the Dan Snyders easily beat the Cal McNairs.

NFL: Washington Commanders at Houston Texans
Davis Mills doing what he does best: throwing the ball three yards downfield.
Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports

Davis Mills is the NFL equivalent of a AAAA pitcher. Mills looks great against backups and fifth-teamers, and he can do some serious damage in garbage time against prevent defenses.

Against legitimate NFL starters, however, Davis Mills is firmly entrenched as one of the worst QBs in the NFL. Even my taunting comp for Mills, Case Keenum, is a major diss against Keenum. Mills can’t even carry Keenum’s jock.

Now, where was I? Oh yeah! This is supposed to be the long-form game recap. Right.

The Texans looked pathetic again this afternoon, led by its poster child for gross incompetence, Davis Mills. Mills’ 19/33-169-0-2 slash line led to an awe-inspiring 46.1 QBR. Mills’ 5.1 yards/attempt was, once again, impotent. What’s funny in a dead clown kind of way is that Mills’ 2022 isn’t all that much worse than is middling 2021. The biggest difference is the TD/INT ratio, which was flukily in his favor last year. Stat-wise, they are sadly similar.

The Texans were statistically out of the game from the get-go. The team, after all, has averaged just over 16 points/game in 2022, and their season high is 24 points. Once the Commanders went up 14-0, their win probability (my new favorite toy with the Texans this season) was already 87%. In the second quarter. With two-thirds of the game left to go.

That’s bad.

The defense didn’t play as badly as we are accustomed to, but the Commanders took their foot off the gas in the second half. As UprootedTexan said in the Hair of the Dog Thread, it’s almost as if the Commanders pulled out their pre-season playbook just so they wouldn’t show future opponents anything new.

Next week, the Texans are at the Dolphins in what should be another ugly game for the home team. There’s no way the Texans can keep up with the Dolphins’ offense, much less your average D-III college offense.