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BRB Groupthink: Can Kyle Allen Continue For Texans?

Analyzing the putrid performance of the backup QB

Houston Texans v Miami Dolphins Photo by Megan Briggs/Getty Images

More of the same against the talented Miami Dolphins this past week. The team tried a new quarterback Kyle Allen under center and saw absolutely no change. The offense was held to under 60 yards again in the first half. The Dolphins packed the defensive stat sheet; five sacks, seven tackles for loss, five passes defended, one scoop and score. The few eyes that were on this game were paying attention to Allen, who moves to 7-11 for his career, his performance this weekend was a wash.

Welp, another loss. What were your thoughts on Kyle Allen’s first start? What’s the best move for the team going forward?


I think you just do what you can to get through this season. Allen might be better than Mills because he has a few more starts under his belt, but otherwise they are pretty much the same guy. They are both backup quarterbacks and one of them has to play. At this point I really don’t care which one you play. This coaching staff is just unimaginative and outgunned physically and mentally.

Simply put, there are just too many other teams that were bad, switched coaches, and are now good for me to buy that Smith (or Culley) were/are doing the best they can with inferior talent. I’m calling BS on that. The Jets were a dumpster fire and they are better in year two. The Jaguars are already better in year one. The Lions aren’t good but they are better as well. Sure, teams like Denver look pathetic but they’ll flush that coaching staff the first chance they get.

These coaches need to be gone. It’s time to retire the bridge coach concept. It’s stupid and it was never going to work. Hire a young coach with some innovative ideas. Maybe it works and maybe it doesn’t but I’d rather have hope that you can outsmart some people than hiring fossils that were outdated ten years ago much less now.


Does the name Henry Wilde ring a bell? Former Royal Naval officer and career sailor? No? Ok, well, how about the fact that his most famous posting was as the Chief Officer aboard the most luxurious ship to ever sail the ocean…at least when it was launched? Being the second in command is a big deal, and in many cases, a gateway to a captain position. Wait a minute, you might be asking…why didn’t you address him as Captain Wilde, and why the [KITTEN] are you talking about him? Well, you see, he was the Chief Officer on the maiden voyage of the Titanic.

Now, to bring this metaphor back from 1912 to 2022, the Houston Texans are sinking their analogy of the Titanic’s collapse. Kyle Allen is playing the role of Chief Officer Wilde, if Captain Smith had been fired by the owner Ismay and Wilde had orders to do something. Based on his performance against Miami, especially when the game was really competitive, Allen could no more save the Texans than Wilde could have saved the Titanic.

The season is doomed. Whether it is Mills, or Allen, or Driskel, or some quarterback currently not appearing in this picture, it makes no difference. This iteration of the Texans, unlike last season, are regressing as the season goes on. The coaching staff is not getting this team ready to play, and by the time the team does get around to showing some life, the games are already over. I am sure you could extend the Titanic metaphor to compare the Texans organization to White Star Line and Harland and Wolff, with the building shortcuts and the key flaws they ignored, but at least the White Star Line had better orchestras. So, let the Texans start whomever. I have little faith that they will dramatically change much, as the long, long rebuild continues. Let us hope that the rebuild moves a little faster than it took for society to locate the wreck of the Titanic after she sank.

Kenneth L.:

Candidly this game was lost from the beginning. We only looked good when our starters were playing their backups. Mario Addison did look good, but that’s not to answer the question, I posed.

Allen could not get the engine of the offense started. I again, candidly, believe that Pep Hamilton will begin to fall on the hot stove after this. The offense did not feel any different, which is purely disappointing. You can’t expect anything better if you don’t do any different.

Allen isn’t the guy. If you didn’t know that before the game then you are as lost as this offense. Carolina knows it quite well. Now, the Texans are fairly well aware he is a third string QB in this league. If the QB quality isn’t up to the task, the entire TEAM won’t be.

Still, we wait.


The BESTEST move the Houston Texans can make is taking Cal McNair, throwing him in a sack, and beating him with soap, Private Pyle style until the bag stops wriggling.

Since that is annoyingly and extremely illegal, we will have to settle for half measures. If we really want to pursue the tank, and I don’t for a minute think anyone on Kirby is trying to tank, we would be best served by keeping Texas A&M’s (AND ONLY TEXAS A&M’S) own Kyle Allen on the field instead of Davis Mills. Not only is he clearly a vastly inferior quarterback, but it would serve no real purpose to bring back Mills after he was so unceremoniously benched in favor of Texas A&M’s Kyle Allen.

The Texans aren’t going anywhere this year, saying anything to the contrary would be nothing short of malpractice (especially now that the Texans are guaranteed a losing record on the season). Our focus should be on the future, like our Texans-fans ancestors before us; improving our draft stock, playing all the rookies for the rest of the season, see if we can find another banged-up can of corned beef hash in this bare-ass pantry.

As for Kyle Allen’s performance on the field, you will note that I have been referring to him as Texas A&M’s Kyle Allen because I don’t want him associated with my alma mater after Sunday’s game. It would be difficult to rank his performance against other bad Texans quarterbacks, but hoo boy that game was downright special.

All I can say is... GO GO USA. Root for young Americans. Big game tomorrow and a team that’s fun to root for.