:format(webp)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/71740836/1448391506.0.jpg)
When looking back on this game deep into the future, most will just see that the Dallas Cowboys beat the Houston Texans 27-23, moving to 10-3 and playing a close game against a team that had only one win coming in to the matchup. Yet, what history won’t so easily show is that Dallas had to rely on a 98 yard drive after a massive goal-line stand to get the go-ahead touchdown. To further add to the story, the Texans got an incredible gift of a turnover, with a 1st and goal at the Dallas five-yard line; five yards to score a TD and go up 10 points with less than 4 minutes left in the game. However, in that sequence of plays, where the Texans only gained a net of three yards, the Houston squad showed why they are in the driver’s seat for the #1 pick in the 2023 draft. Bring Rex Burkhead back on to the field, when you had more capable back...major miscommunication on the critical third down, no disguise for the fourth down...yep, the Cowboys escaped, but the Texans let them off the hook as well.
Perhaps it is a good thing overall that there was genuine anger after this loss. This team can still inspire more than apathy in the fanbase. Props for coming out with a devil may care attitude with the alternating QBs to keep Dallas off-balance. The special teams delivering their usual better than bad performance and the defense doing just enough to keep the game winnable for the team. However, you are what your record says you are. Yes, the Texans beat the spread of 17 points, but they are now a symmetric 1-11-1, they have never won a regular season game in Dallas, and they lose bragging rights to the one fanbase you never want that to happen to, as they will repeat it over, and over, and over, and over, and over again...
As always, your Battle Red Masthead had their real-time takes on the game. All questionable language has been modified for clarity and content, with liberal use of the word [KITTEN]. So, if you wish to relive perhaps the most painful of the 2022 losses to date, join us on this trip down near-term memory lane.
With that, on with the ‘Dog:
vballretired
Just noticed Justin McRae and Troy Hairston are out in addition to Cooks and Collins. Ladies and gentlemen, brace for the pain.
Patrick
Jayron Kearse is out for Arlington. Maybe we get a field goal this week because of it?
l4blitzer
Optimism…the Texans best chance
vballretired
Maybe it was an empathetic injury. Or sympathetic. Those words are interchangeable like morals and ethics
l4blitzer
Holidays are pretty stressful. Sometimes you just need a mental health day…as good as any for the OK Cowboys
vballretired
Maybe Cal can work a name redacted style trade and trade Caserio and a third to the Titans and let them pay the balance of his contract
vballretired
Watching them promo Pittsburgh and Baltimore makes me so sad. They’ve both cultivated an image of being hard nosed football teams in victory or defeat. What have we cultivated?
Patrick
I expect I’m going to be swarmed by Cowboys fans here. I think if any of them give me [KITTEN] I’ll ask them how the Lakers or the Yankees are doing.
vballretired
Ask them how many playoff wins they have this century
Patrick
We have cultivated football longtermism.
vballretired
Must be an Easterbyism
Are we playing on CBS or Fox
Patrick
Fox.
l4blitzer
Great, we’ve become the NFL version of Job, but without the whole promise of a better future thingy….
vballretired
I thought it went to the road team’s network
It’s a better future in a yet to be determined decade
vballretired
Cal has kids and maybe grandkids right? Maybe one of them happens to be smart. Maybe there is a hidden smart niece or nephew somewhere we haven’t met yet.
Patrick
The Cow[KITTEN] fan sitting next to me already has a bloody mary. Doesn’t he know you’re not supposed to start drinking until AFTER your team starts losing.
l4blitzer
It’s is the Cowboys…there are no limits where their beverage consumption is concerned.
vballretired
He will be waiting a few more weeks to drink
l4blitzer
Or until they get squashed by Philly and then Tampa Bay in the playoffs.
vballretired
Yeah but they have Jacktown next week. That’s two whole weeks of sobriety.
Patrick
And we’re off.
vballretired
Hey that’s TCU alum Turpin on the return
vballretired
We are tied folks. There’s hope.
Cowboys Possession
vballretired
Again opposing OCs don’t run the ball. It’s almost like “yeah, we know, we just want to work on some stuff first.”
l4blitzer
Well, they will need Dak to actually throw, so they don’t suffer the same end-of-game as they did against San Fran in last year’s playoffs.
Wonder what will happen to Zeke after this season? Can’t imagine Jerruh will want to keep paying him with Pollard emerging as RB1
vballretired
Pollard is a FA right?
Patrick
I don’t know how they didn’t complete that there.
vballretired
The smart move is finding the next Pollard. Some fool will pay Pollard a ton. In an unrelated note, the midday show on 610 suggested we sign him.
l4blitzer
Yes, but I am sure he could be brought back on a better deal than Zeke
Patrick
Sure, let’s hobble the development of Dameon Pierce for a free agent we don’t need for money we can spend elsewhere.
Again, it must be so great to be a sports talking person.
vballretired
This is just a cat and mouse game at this point
Patrick
You can sound so stupid and never lose your job for it.
vballretired
Landry Locker is his name
l4blitzer
Stephen A. Smith: The smartest idiot out there. No knowing what you are taking about, and getting nearly $10M to do that
Patrick
Cat and mouse generally implies that the mouse is able to avoid the cat at some point.
l4blitzer
Our goodest run _efense is playing to form
vballretired
That was highly competitive defense right there
Patrick
The second that ball was snapped I knew it was a TD.
vballretired
Touchdown Pollard by the way
Those guys on the outside were just running aimlessly to the sideline
11 YARD RUN BY POLLARD: Dem Boys 7- Dem Oxen 0; 11:20, 1st
vballretired
I think the stadium might technically be in Grand Prairie. It’s the Pasadena of the Metroplex.
HOU POSSESSION
vballretired
Sweet, lose yardage on first down.
l4blitzer
Classic CHUM…going back to basics I see
Patrick
Oh sure, I thought Kearse wasn’t playing today.
vballretired
Oh sweet, the coach at Clear Creek High School ran this offense years ago. It was terrible then and that was 30 years ago.
l4blitzer
A better CHUM…getting there…
vballretired
If we go three and out, we’re good. — David Culley
l4blitzer
At least it wasn’t an INT…progress
Patrick
THE ONE GOOD THING THAT HAPPENS TO US PER GAME!
vballretired
Sweet a special teams splash play. I smell 7-3.
l4blitzer
Frank Ross saves the team again
HOU RECOVERS THE MUFFED PUNT
vballretired
It’s DRISCOLL TiME
Patrick
Oh my [DURGA] they brought back the Driskel gadget play.
l4blitzer
Can’t hold nothin’ back
Patrick
Driskel again. Did something happen to Mills and I didn’t hear about it?
l4blitzer
Henceforth to be named the “Driskel Cat”
vballretired
Can we go with the multiple spellings of his name. It’s unintentionally hilarious
l4blitzer
Per Vandermeer
Patrick
Sure, why not.
vballretired
IE I know I’m spelling it wrong and just don’t care
l4blitzer
Hey, it loosened up the running game
vballretired
Or they stopped caring
Patrick
I’m so confused.
I think Pep is going full Stanford here.
vballretired
They’ve read the papers too. They know they are toast.
l4blitzer
An 18-inch penalty…hardly a backbreaker there
vballretired
It’s a Pierce touchdown
It’s because I benched him on my fantasy team
PIERCE WITH THE 1-YARD RUN: H-Town 7 - D/Ft W/A - Town 7; 5:33, 1st
vballretired
I’m smelling back door cover
DAL POSSESSION
vballretired
Oh Durga. That’s two straight run stuffs
Patrick
Three different groups of Cow[KITTEN] fans have come in and each one within five minutes of sitting, have asked for the game to be put on the big screen.
vballretired
That’s a three and out
We will see Davis Mills and more Stone Age offense now
l4blitzer
Owens made a tackle on a play less than 15 yards downfield…potentially a career day.
HOU POSSESSION
vballretired
It’s early
Patrick
And now Mills is back in.
Ooooooookay, y’all.
l4blitzer
Bring on the Gallopin’ Giraffe offense…
vballretired
Off tackle. Off tackle. Screen PASS. Punt.
Hey sing it to the tune of “Daylight come and we want to go home.”
Patrick
That was beautiful.
vballretired
What in Durga is going on right now?
l4blitzer
Are the Texans…are they matriculating that ball down the field???
Oh…under review…please stand by…please stand by…please stand by
vballretired
Oh they are challenging
l4blitzer
Please stand by…please stand by…please stand by…
vballretired
Stiffler’s mom
Patrick
::to the tune of Foreigner’s I Want To Know What Love Is:: I want to know what a catch is...I want you to show meeeeeeeeee
l4blitzer
Ware really wanted them to snap it quickly…so, of course, the Texans do not.
vballretired
Love that actress
l4blitzer
Please stand…oh, looks like the Cowboys didn’t get that check in to the refs retirement fund in time…play was upheld
vballretired
More Driskel
Patrick
I wonder if they’re using Mills for longer drives and Driskel/coll for when they get close to the red zone?
l4blitzer
At this point, I want to see Jon Weeks under center. What do you have to lose?
vballretired
My Durga, they are running the ball. They are throwing it downfield. Then they resort to this?
It’s a lead!
l4blitzer
Great, Green is injured.
Patrick
STOP THE GAME! STOP THE GAME!
Someone knock out the power or something!
FAIRBARIN WITH THE 43 YARD FG; HOU 10 - DAL 7; 0:18, 1st
l4blitzer
BTW, Job opening at Navy
vballretired
We were leading after a quarter
DAL POSSESSION
END OF 1ST QUARTER: TEXANS HOLDING AN ACTUAL 1ST QUARTER LEAD, 10-7
Patrick
Is this the first time the Texans have led since Jacksonville?
vballretired
Eagles
Patrick
LOL, one group of Cowboys fans just left BECAUSE they can’t get the game on the big TV. Arrogant, entitled little [KITTEN]s to the very core.
I’ll bet they left a solid 11% tip too.
vballretired
How many Cowboys fans are there in the Pacific Northwest?
l4blitzer
7-0 Eagles (1st Quarter of that game)…last lead
Patrick
They’re [KITTEN]ing everywhere. Not as much as Seahawks fans obviously but way more than I’m okay with.
l4blitzer
You have a LOT of them in the DMV area
vballretired
Nice pass defense
Was that a catch?
Patrick
DMV = DC, Maryland, Virginia?
l4blitzer
Yep
Patrick
It was a penalty.
vballretired
Sure
Ok, why have they abandoned the running game? It was cute for a series but….
Oops there it is
Patrick
Or I saw a flag thrown. I should’ve known it would’ve been against us.
l4blitzer
Gotta get Dak ready so he can derp against Tampa Bay
Awww…a pity penalty.
vballretired
I loved the guy’s response to my Dak question….”but of course he’s a franchise quarterback…”
Hahahagaga
PRESCOTT TO POLLARD FOR 10 YARD TD. AMERICA’s TEAM 14 - AMERICA’s PUNCHLINE 10; 12:28, 2nd
Patrick
Cowboys fans: YEEEEEEES COWBOYS!!!! Me: Yes, you must be so proud beating the literal worst team in the league. Much impressive. Very stunned.
vballretired
Think of the hilarity of it all. These units alternate weeks with terrible play.
As opposed to the figurative worst team in the league
Patrick
Give them time, they could get there too.
vballretired
Do Franchise QBs lose routinely in January?
HOU POSSESSION
vballretired
Jaguars and Titans in a grudge match
Go Bengals!
It’s a first down!
The time wasn’t right for the key INT
l4blitzer
(Cue Hallelujah Chorus for the 1st down)
vballretired
So Amari Rodgers gets a carry before Eno Benjamin
Look at Driscoll/Driskel go
Patrick
They let our third string quarterback and fifth string tight end run for a first down.
l4blitzer
We may yet be running my Texans dream offense of the single wing
vballretired
Veer
l4blitzer
What could be more Texan than the Wishbone?
Patrick
Is Bill Yeoman’s grandson doing anything?
vballretired
Sweet, going for it
l4blitzer
Come on….give us the quick kick!!!
vballretired
Looks short
Patrick
He’s short.
vballretired
And here it comes
Texans short on four consecutive Pierce runs
l4blitzer
Vandermeer not thrilled with the spot for some reason.
vballretired
I called for that this week so I can’t crush them now
DAL HOLDS ON 4th DOWN AT THEIR 40. DAL POSSESSION
vballretired
You at least went down swinging with your best player
Thomas Booker sighting
Patrick
Oh he IS alive!
vballretired
Rumor
l4blitzer
“North Dallas Forty” References from the commentators: 1
Patrick
Brett Kollmann was really high on him, I wish he’d get more time.
vballretired
Dak is so much a franchise QB
Patrick
I’ve never seen that movie.
l4blitzer
Eh, it was a lame attempt at a joke, since Dallas was at the 40…
HOU POSSESSION
Patrick
BTB is lamenting how bad the Cowturds are looking and I am resisting so hard reciting the Bane speech from Dark Knight Rises to them.
“You merely adapted the suck, we were born in it.”
vballretired
Wow the Lions! When did they hire Dan Campbell again?
Three and out. Awesome.
l4blitzer
Guess if you eat enough kneecaps, it can improve athletic performance…who knew?
Patrick
I think the same year we hired Culley?
vballretired
Yeah. That’s right and they could move to 6-7.
l4blitzer
Annnnddddd that’s why Mills has been benched the past couple of weeks.
DAL POSSESSION
Patrick
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
vballretired
Oh my goodness. It’s a pick
Clutch flag. Good to see Green healthy
T. SMITH WITH THE INT, SMITH ADVANCES THE BALL TO THE DAL 27; HOU BALL
vballretired
Here comes the all keep it close offense
Holy kittens!!!!!!
l4blitzer
Ware no fan of the formation before the penalty
Patrick
WHERE HAS THIS [KITTEN] BEEN?!
vballretire
On the practice squad
TEXANS SWISS ARMY KNIFE JEFF DRISKEL TO AMARI RODGERS FOR 28 YARD TD: TEXANS 17 - COWBOY 14; 2:23, 2ND
vballretired
It’s the sudden realization that you can actually use guys you sign
Baker showed them the way.
Prescott just isn’t that good
DAL POSSESSION
TWO MINUTE WARNING
vballretired
Hey those fans paid NFL prices for this game. They deserve four quarters of entertainment.
Patrick
They’re Cowboys fans. No, they don’t.
vballretired
Entertainment yes. Happiness no.
Patrick
Fair point.
l4blitzer
Now the Cowboys are realizing “oh, we are trailing the worst team in the league…maybe we should play better or something.”
vballretired
Nice hit by Pitre
Dak is the biggest fraud in the league. He puts up big numbers in garbage time and everyone thinks he’s a top ten QB.
I could have completed that one
Pitre playing well
l4blitzer
Are we gonna hold Dem Boyz to a FG here?
We did
vballretired
It’s good. It’s tied
MAHER WITH THE 33 YD FG; TIED AT 17; 0:40, 2nd
Patrick
LOL, Butt Fumble is the color commentator for the game.
vballretired
The Colts game was close going into the fourth
How about a pick six before the half? I demand to be entertained.
l4blitzer
I guess we could turn it over 3 out of 4 possessions, but Lovie Smith is held in better regard than Jeff Saturday, so I don’t think Dallas would run it up like they last week.
HOU POSSESSION
vballretired
Anyone of us might be more qualified than Jeff Saturday
Patrick
Moore is turning into Mills’ favorite receiver.
l4blitzer
Go figure, a receiver that is ok being here and gets the ball…who would have thought?
vballretired
How are we doing this without Burkhead?
l4blitzer
It’s a miracle
Patrick
Okay we’re past the 50, time to put in Driskel/coll
l4blitzer
I must admit I am a fan of Ogunbowale as a 3rd down back.
vballretired
Multiple flags and a throw to Joe Grass
Patrick
Offsides and what else?
vballretired
Interference
Patrick
Holding, looks like.
Never mind, you called it VB.
vballretired
Should have been defensive holding
It occurred before the throw
l4blitzer
Dallas with the assist on the 2 min drive.
vballretired
How are we doing this without Cooks?
l4blitzer
Addition by subtraction it looks like.
Patrick
Luck?
l4blitzer
Not a terrible sequence to get into position for the FG.
Patrick
WE HAVE A LEAD! WE HAVE A LEAD!
vballretired
We have a half time lead! Close the polls!
FAIRBAIRN WITH THE 50 YARD FG TO END THE HALF. TEXANS 20 - DALLAS 17.
(YES, YOU ARE AS SURPRISED TO READ THIS AS I AM TO TYPE THIS)
HALFTIME REACTIONS
Patrick
I...I don’t get it.
vballretired
I guess better late than never. We are actually seeing imaginative things on offense leaving everyone to wonder where all of this was. We did get 14 points off of two key Cowboys mistakes. They are still the better team. Yet, we actually showed up to play. Players always want good tape to show the other 31 teams. It looks like these coaches do too.
l4blitzer
Well, Dallas was close with Indy until the 4th quarter last week. Perhaps that happens again. Houston is getting away with a lot of trickeration with the Driskel/Mills QB swap action. Yet, this is a major indictment of the Cowboys. If you fancy yourself a contender that wants to get to the Super Bowl, playing like this against a team like Houston in your house is absolutely NOT how you do it. If McCarthy isn’t reading the players the Riot Act in all known languages at halftime, he probably does need to be fired forthwith and Sean Peyton needs to be brought in just as quick.
vballretired
Watson with only three points at the half
l4blitzer
Aww…poor guy…not really
Patrick
Yeah, I’m [KITTEN]in’ heartbroken.
vballretired
We were tied with the Eagles at halftime. Just sayin
Patrick
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh...
l4blitzer
Yeah, but the Eagles took care of business in the second half on the road. I am not sold on Dallas doing that at home. They are capable, but it shouldn’t be this way…especially from the Metroplex perspective.
vballretired
This is the main reason you can’t convince me that a large part of this season hasn’t been because of kitteny coaching
l4blitzer
I won’t argue the point. Houston probably should have a few more wins. The last few games, this team has been way too lifeless.
vballretired
There have been too many games where the play and playcalling has been uninspired. To see this shows they are capable if even for just a half.
I won’t argue the point on Dallas either. They are the ultimate front runners. Give them some adversity and watch them crumble
Patrick
You suppose that Cal issued an order that they try today? I mean it seems improbable because that would imply Cal McNair actually gives a damn, but I have no other ideas why they’re looking different this week.
l4blitzer
Hmm…Watson is actually more accurate passing today. Still, they ain’t paying him $220-$230M guaranteed money to just be accurate.
vballretired
I think the heat is getting to everyone on Kirby
l4blitzer
Jags up on the Titans at the half. Guess the whole “Fire the GM to get a win” isn’t quite working as planned.
vballretired
When the heat drifts up to the GM office it’s pretty serious
I think this game ultimately goes the same way as the Eagles game but still, there’s no good reason they can’t show up and play like this.
It’s also why I want to see Denver and Chicago get to four wins
START OF THE 3RD QUARTER
HOU POSSESSION
Patrick
Starting with Driskel/coll this time.
Interesting.
vballretired
The D guy starting the third
l4blitzer
Positive yardage on the 1st play…ok then.
vballretired
It’s our three and out offense
Holy kittens a first down
l4blitzer
Amari Rodgers…having himself a game.
vballretired
Hahahaha hagaghagaga
Patrick
Oooooooooooookay, now this feels familiar.
vballretired
Now we are cooking with liver and vinegar
HOUSTON FUMBLE, DAL RECOVERS AND ADVANCES TO THE HOU 28 YARD LINE; DAL POSSESSION
vballretired
Nice tackling
Notice they’ve been running it every time. I think McCarthy has decided it’s time to just win this thing.
l4blitzer
Gee, playing a team with the worst run defense by far in the NFL…guess it would make sense to actually try to do that then.
vballretired
More positive yardage
Patrick
We should try doing that sometime.
vballretired
Nah, it’s overrated
l4blitzer
Lacks entertainment value
Patrick
It...it looks fun though.
I think we’d enjoy it if the Texans could do that.
vballretired
Go for it you cowards
l4blitzer
What is this concept you speak of…Enjoyment and the Texans?
Patrick
I know, it’s absurd but it has happened before.
vballretired
It’s a goal line stand on the dumbest play call I’ve ever seen
HOUSTON WITH A GOAL LINE STAND AGAINST THE RUN OF DALLAS. HOU BALL
vballretired
Nah, I can’t say that. I’ve seen dumber.
l4blitzer
Ok, the sheer joy from Vandermeer is worth it in this instance
vballretired
It’s safety time.
l4blitzer
You doubting Driskel and the 98 yard run to glory?
vballretired
Come on. It’d be entertaining
What no QB sneak with Driscoll
l4blitzer
Boo….a boring 4 yard Pierce run….Where’s the fun in that?
Patrick
Is...is Driskel not complete [KITTEN] or is this just fool’s gold?
l4blitzer
Yes
vballretired
A Driskel run for first down. It’s almost like having an athlete at QB is an advantage
Pierce is a bad bad man.
l4blitzer
Good, good….keep this ball on the ground for the rest of the game…both teams.
vballretired
Benjamin in and no run
l4blitzer
Why the throw? No throw the ball. Bad things when throwing ball in second half. Run the ball. Get the game over with…
vballretired
Almost a pick six
Patrick
Wow, that was impressive.
And there is Eno Benjamin, y’all.
vballretired
Ok, not a first good carry for Benjamin
l4blitzer
Are we going to do the Tom Landry dream of alternating QBs on every play? I can appreciate the entertainment value here.
vballretired
Look at the Lions!
l4blitzer
How can you watch something that is not the glory that is Jeff Driskel?
Patrick
Glory to all field goal offense.
l4blitzer
Please, please, please let there be a play where both Mills and Driskel are in the backfield. That would be my new dream play for the season
vballretired
All hail all field goal offense
vballretired
With a direct snap to Pierce
Patrick
Can they put two QBs on the field at one time?
FAIRBAIRN WITH THE 54 YARD FG: HOU CASHES IN ON THE GOAL-LINE STAND TO INCREASE THE LEAD; HOU 23- DAL/FT WORTH/ARLINGTON 17; 3:03, 3RD
l4blitzer
Sure. Now, I don’t think it would work for both to be under center at the same time, but maybe a modified shotgun T formation with Mills and Driskel lined up right next to each other.
vballretired
Stagger Lee baby!
I smell a touchdown drive here
DAL POSSESSION
l4blitzer
Just saw the chryon on my phone that Baltimore just lost another QB
vballretired
Why do you slide there? That’s so stupid
There’s that pathetic defense
l4blitzer
I guess DAL had no choice but to go for it on 4th. Punting there would have been bad for the home guys
vballretired
Thomas Booker sighting
It’s the fourth quarter. It’s OUR time!
END OF 3RD QUARTER: HOUSTON 23 - THE METROPLEX 17
(WAIT, IS THAT RIGHT???? ::CHECKS NOTES:: YES, THE NEW TEXANS LEAD THE HOME OF THE OLD TEXANS)
vballretired
23-20 Texans over South Oklahoma
START OF THE 4TH QUARTER
vballretired
If you’re tanking you need to start now
MAHER 53 YARD FG: HOU 23 - DAL 20. 14:50, 4th
vballretired
That’s a 21 point lead for the gamblers among us
l4blitzer
Must say, both kickers are bringing their A games…3 50+ Yd FGs in this game so far.
HOU POSSESSION
vballretired
Holy cow that’s a naked bootleg with Mills
l4blitzer
The Galloping Giraffe in the Serengeti play…love it.
Patrick
Oh [DURGA] Pierce is hurt.
vballretired
Pierce down
Oh Kittens!
l4blitzer
Grrrrreeeeaaatttt….really didn’t want that to happen.
vballretired
It’s Eno Benjamin time
l4blitzer
Jags murdering the Titans right now. 33-14 in the 3rd
Patrick
Welp, we’re [KITTEN]ed.
vballretired
Three and Out! Great timing.
l4blitzer
Well, a 60 yard punt does help in this instance
DAL POSSESSION
vballretired
I wished Pro Football reference would track those
Three and outs and not 60 yard punts (not that there’s anything wrong with that)
l4blitzer
Owens with another tackle inside 15 yards from the line of scrimmage. Career game?
vballretired
What in the kittens is going on right now?
Block in the back
HOU POSSESSION
Patrick
Well, we wanted to see Eno Benjamin, time to ride the lightning.
l4blitzer
Does this mean that Jeff Driskel is about to become our best running option the rest of the way?
vballretired
Puke emoji
l4blitzer
Nice start by Eno there.
Patrick
Pierce is back in.
At least I’m pretty sure it was Pierce.
vballretired
First down Pierce
l4blitzer
He is
Patrick
Must’ve taped his ankle up.
vballretired
It’s another first down
l4blitzer
Panic meter for Dallas approaching the red
Patrick
Davis, why do you think anybody would believe you were running with the ball?
vballretired
Pierce back out
l4blitzer
Chris Moore: Slinky Smooth….interesting language there by Vandermeer
Patrick
And there’s Burkhead, the band is all back together!
vballretired
[KITTEN] I thought Burkhead was still in the protocol
And there it is.
l4blitzer
Doah!!!
vballretired
They read screen. How could they have guessed
Johnston is a pro bowler
l4blitzer
Well, rather they would have gone for it, but I guess pinning the ‘Boys at the 1 is the next best thing. Frank Ross earning his “Best Coordinator on the Texans” award
DAL POSSESSION
vballretired
I still see it ending in defeat but I can live with this kind of loss
That’s how you QB sneak without fumbling
l4blitzer
Guess Watson actually led the Browns on a TD drive?
Patrick
Yeah he got one. The [KITTEN]er.
vballretired
That’s the run defense
Patrick
They’re still losing though so Durga bless them.
l4blitzer
WHOOOOO!!! Dallas dodged a major bullet there.
vballretired
Holy Durga!!!!!!!!!
Patrick
NO THEY MOTHER[KITTEN]ING DIDN’T!!!
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
They better get a touchdown here [DURGA][KITTEN].
vballretired
Why Burkhead?
“If the right one doesn’t get you, the left one will…” SMITH WITH HIS 2ND INT; HOU POSSESSION
l4blitzer
Vandermeer will be hoarse by the end of the game.
vballretired
Almost a touchdown
Patrick
This is what I get for hoping for things.
vballretired
Third and one and you hand it to Burkhead. Your 2022 Texans posterized
l4blitzer
Why Burkhead? Oh, right…this iteration of the Texans
Patrick
WHY?!
What the literal [KITTEN] are y’all thinking right now?
l4blitzer
I would almost go with the FG here.
Patrick
This feels like a mistake.
l4blitzer
Given how bad the play call was leading up to it.
vballretired
Maybe just have a picture of that play with “DERP!” Written beneath
Patrick
We lost.
DAL GETS THEIR OWN VERSION OF A GOAL-LINE STAND; DALLAS BALL AT THE 2
Patrick
I want to know who decided to put Burkhead in at the most important part of the game so I can go kick the [KITTEN] out of them when I’m in Houston next week.
vballretired
It’s our bread and butter play (Necessary Roughness reference)
l4blitzer
Ogumbowale is not a rookie. He is much more mobile than the corpse of Burkhead.
vballretired
Caserio getting nervous about the number one pick
l4blitzer
Why? We hold the “tiebreaker” over the Bears and the Raiders. LA won Thursday night, so Detroit is further back.
vballretired
OT or out and out failure?
Kenneth L.
This is unbelievable
Patrick
And yet so very believable too.
TWO MINUTE WARNING
vballretired
No just answering Patrick’s question
l4blitzer
Ah….got it.
vballretired
Isn’t Caserio still on the headset
It’s in the script
Nice catch
Patrick
Yep. We [KITTEN]ed.
l4blitzer
Go figure. We get a goal-line stand to get a FG. Cowboys get one and get the likely TD
Kenneth L.
This [KITTEN] is on purpose
vballretired
Okay, honest question. There was talk of removing Pep’s playcalling but this has been his best game. Still that series was criminal. Is that a worse crime than the last month or just three bad plays?
Patrick
No, the fact that they had this and haven’t used it up to this point should be grounds for dismissal.
vballretired
Well yeah but that’s a Black Monday thing
I’m just talking next week
I think it’s a catch
If you have possession beyond the goal line you don’t have to land
Patrick
Just give the whiny brats their touchdown and be done with it already.
l4blitzer
Play under review…please stand by…please stand by….please stand by…
vballretired
And there it is.
l4blitzer
Dallas with another chance to excel
Patrick
And there’s the bed-[KITTEN]ting moment.
Kenneth L.
Hahahaha
Patrick
Wait, no, the real bed-[KITTEN]ting moment was going for it on fourth and goal and missing.
vballretired
Nah that the wife discovering the [KITTEN] in the bed moment
DALLAS WITH THE FACESAVING ELLIOT 2 YARD TD: DAL 27 - HOU 23; 0:41, 4TH
Patrick
Oh look, we still have 41 seconds to get another field goal!
vballretired
Was it the Driskel/Burkhead combination period or the fact that they clearly ran different plays?
Nice one yard gain
Patrick
Just pretend it’s garbage time, Mills.
vballretired
Gee, wouldn’t a field goal had been helpful?
l4blitzer
Well, there is a chance now…slim, but a chance
vballretired
Thank Durga! A penalty
Patrick
Just kill me.
vballretired
Tunsil with his weekly false start under the wire
l4blitzer
And we wonder why we have 11 non-winning performances?
vballretired
Make that two
Kenneth L.
This is on purpose
Patrick
And that’ll do it.
vballretired
And there it is
Kenneth L.
Murder
MILLS HAIL MARY INTERCEPTED BY THE COWBOYS. DAL POSSESSION
vballretired
Can’t blame Mills. He wasn’t even on the field for that key series
Kenneth L.
Every one is happy
FINAL: DALLAS SURVIVES 27 - 23. HOUSTON WITH THE SYMMETRIC 1-11-1 RECORD.
vballretired
Predictions on the opening line next week? I’ll go 20.
The good news is the Browns lost.
Go Broncos and Bears. I want us to be dormie by week 16.
GAME BALLS: Yes, we can issue couple in this one. Tremon Smith, with two huge INTs, is a clear game ball winner. Amari Rodgers, playing in his first game with Houston and delivering four receptions for 57 yards and a TD, gets one. Give one to Chris Moore, who delivered a WR1 worthy performance of 10 receptions for 124 yards. Special teams had some quality moments, with Cam Johnston punting as well as anyone in the league on this day. Fairbairn with two massive 50+ FGs on the day.
FORCED TO CLEAN UP THE FT. WORTH STOCKYARDS WITH TOOTHBRUSHES FROM JERRY JONES’ YACHT AFTER A MASSIVE PARTY: For three quarters, you could almost give it up to Pep Hamilton for leveraging the QB swap-out moves as inventive and effective. Then the play-sequence on that critical 4th quarter drive where the Texans started at the Dallas five-yard line. Five yards to execute the kill-shot and win the game. Yes, Pierce was injured, but to rely on Driskel and Rex Burkhead as your primary running threats...well, is anyone shocked that it didn’t work out? Why is Burkhead out there, when you have Benjamin and Ogunbowale, who are younger and more effective runners at this point in their careers? Sorry, Hamilton and Burkhead get bathroom clean-up duty for this one. The comedy of errors, especially with Mills and Tunsil on the final last drive, also deserve mention here.
What could have been? Alas, the Texans are 1-11-1, and the clear favorites to lock up the #1 pick in the draft. Houston is apparently unable to win on the road or at home. However, since the NFL will not grant the team a neutral site game, they will return home to host the Kansas City Chiefs. Nothing to get unduly concerned about here. Nope, nothing at all.
Loading comments...