Goooooooooooooooooood evening all you Houston Texans fans out there still sober enough to read at this time of night. I come bringing good tidings of Texans football, especially since they’re playing the Baby-Eating Sister [Kitten]ers of southern Kentucky. From here on out it’s all cupcakes, technically. Because the last three games of this accursed season are all against AFC South teams. And for once, your Texans are in a beautiful position to make every single BESFs fan and his mother/cousin/aunt cry. Because the Texans have nothing to lose and nothing to really play for except one thing: spite.
Spite can be a truly wondrous thing. It can move people to do things they never thought they could simply because it would piss off the person who thought they couldn’t do it. It can move mountains. It can move people to find the very best version of themselves because it drives them to do things they wouldn’t ordinarily be capable of just because someone else said it wasn’t possible.
So with that in mind, and spite deep in our foul, black hearts (okay, just mine, whatever), let’s see what our opening odds against That Team Up North are.
Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit, the Texans are underdogs again! Who could have possibly guessed that?! Anyway, it’s hardly surprising, especially since the Texans will be taking the foul journey to the north to Nashville to hopefully ruin the BESFs’ Christmas plans; which probably would’ve included a first round exit anyway, but the Texans could maybe, possibly, in a decently run universe, keep the BESFs out of the playoffs.
Favored: That Team Up North (-7)
Underdogs: Houston Texans, duh (+7)
Moneyline: That Team Up North (-435)
Moneyline: Houston Texans (+350)