I had planned to do a parody of A Visit from St. Nicholas by Clement Moore for this week’s How To Watch post but I learned something very early on in the proceedings: I suck at the rhyming stuff.
But we all know what’s going on here. The Houston Texans will face the Tennessee
Titans BESFs in what can best be described as playing the spoiler for the flaming thumbtacks. It’s not the same as competing to win the AFC South ourselves, not by a long shot, but there is some simple joy in being the spoiler. If they don’t spoil the BESFs’ season, it won’t be the most surprising thing in the world, so the stakes are dirt low. But if they do, if, on that magical Tex-Mas afternoon, the Texans find themselves in the W column for the first time since ::consults calendar:: early October, it will mean the BESFs hopes of making the playoffs would be all but quashed. And it would be because of the team BESF fans hate the most.
But wait! There’s more. Not only would they blow their division lead which they’ve held for most of the season, it would also mean that the perennial cellar-dweller Jacksonville Jaguars would supplant them. Imagine how upset you’d be if the Texans had led the division all season and then not only lost the lead but gave it up to the team that nobody thought would so much as sniff the playoffs this year. Now lace that anger with crystal meth and that only makes this potential upset that much funnier.
I admire that. And best of all, a win by the Texans on Saturday would not necessarily screw up their quest to obtain the top overall pick in the draft.
It’s a win, win, win, win, win. Except for Tennessee, but who cares what they want. They shouldn’t be allowed to be happy about football, anyway.
Okay, let’s consult the big board from 506 Sports to see where you can watch the Texans game.
Red: Cincinnati Bengals at New England Patriots (Ian Eagle, Charles Davis)
Green: Buffalo Bills at Chicago Bears (Greg Gumbel, Adam Archuleta)
Yellow: Houston Texans at Tennessee Titans (Andrew Catalon, James Lofton)
Orange: New Orleans Saints at Cleveland Browns (Spero Dedes, Jay Feely)
Blue: Washington Commanders at San Francisco 49ers (Kevin Harlan, Trent Green)
I’m a little surprised. I would have thought for sure this game would have Spero Dedes’ name all over it. If you live in south and east Texas or that blighted land out east, you’ll get to watch this game from the comfort of your own home. Considering how Durga-awful cold it is today, that is a mighty nice luxury to have.
Here are the options for your viewing/listening pleasure on Saturday:
What: Houston Texans at Tennessee BESFs
Where: Nissan Stadium, Nashville, TN.
When: Saturday, December 24, 12:05 p.m. CST
TV: CBS (Andrew Catalon, James Lofton)
Radio: KILT Sports Radio 610 AM
Game Odds (per DraftKings Sportsbook)