HAIR OF THE DOG WEEK 16: Houston Texans @ Tennessee Titans (aka BE-SFs)

In the 20 year history of the old-Houston team vs. the new-Houston team rivalry, there have been a lot of strange and (at times) ugly matchups. Yet, you would have a harder time finding a stranger, uglier version that ended in such dramatic fashion. A game delayed for one hour to try to relieve the pressure of a Tennessee power grid facing unexpected pressures. Arguably the coldest day in the lives of all the players on the field. A game where Derrick Henry rushes for over 125 yards, and it feels like a major victory for the Houston run defense. Davis Mills with his first come-from-behind fourth quarter comeback win. A game where the Titans had a puncher’s chance with a Hail Mary. All of that equates to the Houston Texans’ second win of the season, third straight division road game win (last season @ Jacksonville, earlier this season @ Jacksonville), as well as second straight win @ Nashville.

Whether you are happy that the Texans stuck it to the hated BE-SFs of the vile Adams clan or ticked that the Texans could not lock up the #1 pick in the 2023 draft, you have to admit that it was nice for some of the young guys to get a payoff for their hard work after just missing the past two weeks. It doesn’t make up for a season of bad football, nor for the need for massive coaching and personnel changes, but for one day, the Texans were actually better than someone else. A nice holiday present.

As always, your Battle Red Masthead followed the events of this matchup in real-time, and have the requisite real-time takes. We continue our usual practice of editing out questionable words with the Battle Red Standard of [KITTEN], which should allow you to read this without too many issues at the family get-togethers. Although, the fact that you are a Texans fan might be enough for your extended family to consider you a degenerate relative to not invite you back for next year (whether that is a good thing or not is up to you).

With that, on with Holiday ‘Dog:

l4blitzer

Our D is bad enough at tackling Derrick Henry in regular conditions, but dealing with him in this type of weather…Ouch Time!

vballretired

On this Christmas Eve we remind you about Bartesian. When you are watching your 1-12-1 team take on another possible playoff team you need to drink and drink often. Bartesian mixes up to 50 different cocktails flawlessly. We remind all of our readers not to drive or use power tools while enjoying Bartesian.

l4blitzer

One hour delay…should do more wonders for the Texans run _efense…especially thinking about trying to tackle Henry in the cold, dark 4th quarter

Oh, and proof that things are really not good in New England:

Patrick

Oh my [Durga] yes, bring him home, New England.

Or don’t, and let Alabama suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous derpitude.

Either suits me.

l4blitzer

Eh, Cardinals fire Kingsberry, Saban hires him…latest offensive coach reclamation project

vballretired

Let him become the head coach at Jackson State. It’s a natural fit.

O’Brien in Jackson St. kinsbury actually oddly fits in Alabama

Patrick

A flinty, hardscrabble Boston Irishman deep in the south at a HBCU? That’s a sitcom right there.

l4blitzer

No, Jackson State has not offended anyone that badly. Let’s not inflict that evil on them

vballretired

I agree with Patrick. It’s a Hard Knocks waiting to happen.

l4blitzer

It would be a sequel to Joe Moorhead’s 2 years at Mississippi State

vballretired

Maybe give him a whacky former racist as a coordinator and an inept DC like Jim Eddy or one of the Ryans.

In all seriousness it looks like Sean Payton wants to team with Vic Fangio. Any bets on where they wind up?

l4blitzer

If the Cowboys don’t get to at least the NFC Championship, you have to figure Jerruh will put on a full-court press to get him

vballretired

I’m thinking the Los Angeles Chargers are a strong possibility

l4blitzer

That could be dangerously good. Make the Kansas City Chiefs-LA Chargers tilts even more bonkers with Reid vs Payton

Patrick

He’s gotta be licking his chops at Arizona, right?

l4blitzer

Any gouge out there on what he thinks about Kyler Murray?

vballretired

I don’t think he hitches his wagon to Murray

[KITTEN], he’d more likely want to go here than there.

And I don’t think he remotely wants to come here

Apparently this Payton to Houston thing has legs. Tiny legs, but legs.

l4blitzer

Don’t want to start buying into it, ‘cause when has Houston ever done the obviously smart thing?

vballretired

It would supposedly involve a first rounder going the other way (for whoever gets him)

l4blitzer

Well, this is likely a deal breaker, but it wouldn’t be the worst thing Houston has done with a 1st round pick

vballretired

Nah, depending on which one I’d do it. If we could give them Cleveland’s 2024 pick Id make that deal right now

Patrick

If they hired Sean Payton I’d do a friggin’ backflip.

I’d be in traction through the offseason but I’d do a backflip.

vballretired

Nah, paralysis isn’t worth it

It’s game time boys. Titans get ball

Patrick

Okay, showtime.

l4blitzer

Texans _efense with a chance to excel early

TEN POSSESSION

Patrick

Pitre getting an early start this morning.

vballretired

Wow. Actual defense

That’s a three and out and a sack

Patrick

A lot of actual defense.

l4blitzer

Hmmm…guess the Texans finally figured out that you might want to stop Henry and force 3rd and long…

vballretired

Titans actually lead league with 50 three and outs. I would have bet hard cash we led in that category

HOU POSSESSION

Patrick

We probably would if it weren’t for turnovers.

vballretired

Backhanded compliments are great

Patrick

I gotta be me.

Well the offense is at least living up to expectations.

vballretired

Why is Cooks playing?

Patrick

He just wants to win, that’s why.

vballretired

Intended for Phil Grass

l4blitzer

Our 3 and out was better…didn’t lose yards

TEN POSSESSION

vballretired

I feel our offensive ranking going down to 35th following this game. There have to be three defunct franchises better than us

l4blitzer

Our ranking gets worse if you include USFL and other leagues

vballretired

Sure, let’s go with that

Patrick

Imagine this defense with the Houston Roughnecks offense.

vballretired

Pj Walker baby

Ok that looks familiar

Patrick

I feel like someone should’ve been flagged for early movement there.

I’m not sure which side but someone moved early.

vballretired

Flag on the play

Illegal formation

l4blitzer

Aww…the BE-SF with the early Xmas gift

vballretired

Owens with a tackle inside of ten yards

Go for it you cowards

That’s a coach that knows what he’s doing

Hahahahahahaha

What run defense there

Patrick

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh...

DERRICK HENRY WITH THE USUAL 48 TD RUN: BE-SF 7 - HOU 0; 8:48, 1st

l4blitzer

It would seem Henry is on pace for the usual 200 yds against us…again

vballretired

Bears winning 10-6. If they beat the Bills we can clinch the number one pick before the end of the day.

l4blitzer

Uh…yeah…???

vballretired

A loss guarantees number two at worst.

Patrick

HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

Not quite 48 yards for Freeman

Driskel/Driscoll with some key playing time

l4blitzer

Ware really wants that pass to Driskel when he is split out wide

vballretired

First down!

Patrick

Davis Mills looked so excited on that first down. Good for him.

Gentlemen, merry Tex-mas to us all.

vballretired

Tytus Howard down

Patrick

Oh, wonderful.

Guess better now, if it has to happen, when the stakes are in the dirt.

vballretired

Mr. December with a catch

l4blitzer

Just saw where Nashville has a balmy windchill of 12 (above). We are at 5 (above) here.

vballretired

Driskel with a catch!

Patrick

GLORY TO ALL QUARTERBACK OFFENSE!

l4blitzer

Ware is a happy man. “Using some imagination”

vballretired

Akins wasn’t open. He was lost.

Patrick

He should be lost more often.

l4blitzer

[Insert Obligatory “Matriculating the ball down the field” line]

vballretired

I say let them go off one one at a time and see how long it takes Lovie to notice.

Patrick

I have a feeling the words “done for the year” will be appearing by Tytus Howard’s name by day’s end.

vballretired

Nah they will announce that Wednesday

l4blitzer

Mills in the film review: See, I prevented a pick-six. Never mind the open Moore…I stopped a pick six with the inaccurate throw

Patrick

Yes, because you want to use a time out with less than three minutes left in the first.

vballretired

Oh great Burkhead!

Patrick

“Too inaccurate to throw interceptions” is a [KITTEN] of a choice to add to your resume

What exactly do we call this?

vballretired

It won’t stand

Patrick

And that’s not going to count either.

vballretired

It stands. What the [KITTEN]?

TEXANS WITH THEIR VERSION OF THE HOLY ROLLER, BURKHEAD WITH THE FUMBLE RECOVERY OF THE MILLS FUMBLE AFTER THE 5 YARD SCRAMBLE; TIED AT 7; 2:34, 1ST.

Patrick

Holy [KITTEN] it counts.

If we somehow win by a touchdown, Tennessee is going to be furious and this will be the best game of the season.

vballretired

That touchdown was the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen from play call to execution.

END OF 1st: TIED AT 7; HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

Give the man a five year extension

l4blitzer

I think the Texans D was fired up by Johnny Harris’ sideline rant. Another 3 and out.

vballretired

Howard in concussion protocol

l4blitzer

Henry up to 69 yards. On pace for approx 240 yards rushing.

SECOND QUARTER

l4blitzer

MOAR BE-SF XMAS GIFTS

Patrick

Mills and Driskel/coll should tag each other when they switch.

vballretired

Pile driver? Full Nelson?

l4blitzer

Driskel passing the ball. Not bad.

Patrick

I’ll be [KITTEN]ed.

No, THEY’LL be [KITTEN]ed.

l4blitzer

Apparently Houston returning one of the Titans’ gift.

That’ll do to Moore, but apparently missed Dorsett open

vballretired

This game is off to such a predictable start. Somehow we are stupidly in this game.

Chicago losing. [Kitten]it

Patrick

I don’t think anyone predicted that fumbledown earlier though.

vballretired

The odds on that prop bet…

l4blitzer

We predicted stupidity, but you just don’t know what the stupidity will look like.

vballretired

Right now it looks like competence

l4blitzer

Textbook Texans Red Zone play by Mills

vballretired

Ah the obligatory Burkhead screen

Patrick

Go for it you cowards.

l4blitzer

Burkhead spinning at the speed of a sundial.

vballretired

It’s a 10-7 lead.

Patrick

They should make Fairbairn an emergency third quarterback so we can really have an all quarterback offense.

PRO BOWL ALTERNATE FAIRBAIRN WITH THE 25 YARD FG: CURRENT H-TOWN 10 - OLD H-TOWN 7; 6:50, 2ND

vballretired

I’ve done that spin in the Galleria to avoid fellow shoppers

Patrick

Yikes, you’re a braver man than me going to the Galleria.

vballretired

Our daughter made a special request so she could go ice skating

Patrick

We’re all in agreement the dad in that Sonic ad is the stupidest human being on the planet, right?

Or he’s Wimpy from the Popeye cartoons.

vballretired

Nah the guy on the sofa next Pathew Pafford

Patrick

I think he just has brain damage. Like serious, saw [KITTEN] in Iraq, levels of brain damage.

l4blitzer

Patriots gettin’ blanked. Belichick will hire BO’B by the 4th quarter

BE-SF POSSESSION

vballretired

I still remember the thick headed guy

Patrick

Who was that?

Greenard!

vballretired

It was an A&W commercial. He was the same guy from those old State Farm ads that wanted the creamy Brûlée

Patrick

Oh right, I remember now.

l4blitzer

At this point, the Texans should just sell out to stop Henry. If Willis passes for 200 yards, so be it.

vballretired

That’s a face mask

Patrick

Wow, holding on the tacks.

vballretired

Really not a penalty in that one?

Patrick

It didn’t look like he grabbed it, he just got a hand out.

l4blitzer

Titans really want that prime-time Week 18 NBC game against JAX. Winner-take-all

vballretired

Saints tied with Cleveland

HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

Ok. That looks more familiar

l4blitzer

Houston Texans 2022: Two yards forward, three yards back

Patrick

They’re daring Driskel to throw.

vballretired

Three and out

l4blitzer

Mills to Cooks: The incompetent to the discontented.

vballretired

And it didn’t work. Shocking.

DERRICK HENRYS POSSESSION

Patrick

Lovie, I know what you’re thinking and don’t do it.

They’re gonna Earl Campbell him into an early professional grave, aren’t they?

TWO MINUTE WARNING

vballretired

Two minute warning. Primed for a Henry 75 yard TD run

l4blitzer

Welp, Henry is at 74 right now. Maybe we can derail the 200 yard train…maybe?

Patrick

You mean he’ll have to settle for a 150-yard day instead?

l4blitzer

The Texans would Gatorade Lovie if we end up with that defensive performance

That’s more within Owens’ tackling range

Patrick

Best. Tackler. On. The. Team.

l4blitzer

Can the Texans keep Henry under 100 for the half now?

vballretired

Can we celebrate a halftime tie?

Patrick

It’s Christmas, so sure, why not.

vballretired

[KITTEN] kittening Oilers

Patrick

Did...did the ref freeze in place there?

vballretired

Beaten with wet noodle?

Another TFL

Kenneth L.

Good to see Greenard

vballretired

Saints ahead!

Kenneth L.

Their offense sucks

LETS GO SAINTS

Patrick

Geaux Saints indeed.

vballretired

Kenneth L.

Lol

l4blitzer

Titans with another Xmas gift to the Texans (False Start)

vballretired

Gosh these teams suck

Boy their offense sucks other than Henry

Patrick

Underwhelming is probably how I’d put it.

l4blitzer

Houston didn’t have to use a TO before the 4th down play. Probably will still be a kneel down, but still…

Patrick

They’re gonna take a knee aren’t they?

HOU POSSESSION

HALFTIME: TEXANS 10 - TITANS/EX-OILERS/FOREVER BE-SFs 7

vballretired

Okay, so the scoreboard says we are up 10-7. In a season where Lovie has practiced the voodoo witchcraft keeping games closer than they should be, this one takes the cake. I have no idea how we are leading at this point.

Patrick

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Mattress Mack Gallery Furniture ad! [DURGA][KITTEN] Mattress Mack looks like he opened the ark of the covenant these days.

l4blitzer

The Texans have slightly derailed Derrick Henry’s 200 yards rushing a game against Houston average. Otherwise, this game is about what you would expect of two teams with a combined 13 game losing streak between them playing in the coldest weather many of these players have ever experienced.

Detroit’s rush defense is making ours look like the 2000 Ravens. 266 rushing yards allowed to Carolina and they are barely into the 4th.

Patrick

Woof.

Kenneth L.

I can’t tell if Daniel Jones is HIM or not

vballretired

Maybe the Powerpuff Girls version of HIM

SECOND HALF/3RD QUARTER

vballretired

Shudder….should Driskel play more?….shudder

Patrick

Not in the red zone.

HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

Unspellable and Howard out

l4blitzer

Apparently, Mills might not be the QB for inside or outside the Red Zone

vballretired

Cooks makes a fair catch on the throw-punt

l4blitzer

Oh, NOW that connection wants to work.

Patrick

LOL, how do they keep making these dumb[KITTEN] throws work?

vballretired

Intended for Stanley Sideline

l4blitzer

Not the worst throw he could have made there.

vballretired

Cooks with second catch

l4blitzer

Ware in pure bliss with the hitch route descriptions

Kenneth L.

Why is Charlie heck starting?

vballretired

He’s all that’s left

Clutch fourth down call there from Pep

Kenneth L.

[KITTEN]

That didn’t work

BE-SF STOP THE DRISKEL/DISCROLL SNEAK: BE-SFs POSSESSION

Patrick

Tytus Howard got hurt.

vballretired

Straight line speed is nice, but you need to be capable of a football move

Kenneth L.

Giants are tragic

Oh shoot

vballretired

Unspellable is also out

Quiorituano

See I spelled it wrong

Patrick

But how do I know you didn’t do it on purpose to make the point?

vballretired

You don’t

Patrick

Hmmmmm, well played sir.

l4blitzer

Malik Collins: The “Vending Machine” (per Vandermeer)

vballretired

Willis with a first down run

Patrick

I need to get back to boxing.

vballretired

That’s more like it

Wow that was competitive run defense there

Patrick

That was holding [KITTEN].

Kenneth L.

[KITTEN] Greenard read it right

l4blitzer

So, we will stop Henry, but still allow everyone else to run the ball…sounds about right.

vballretired

Pitre made the tackle sort of

l4blitzer

Ok…now, we are back to allowing Henry to run the ball.

vballretired

Hahahahahahahahahaha

Patrick

E-[KITTEN]ing-gad that was trash.

vballretired

Man the un efense is great

Kenneth L.

Pitre looks horrific

Get him off the field

vballretired

Nah, let’s see how he reacts

Kenneth L.

That was his reaction.

Patrick

He has to learn or he’s going to keep letting that happen.

This feels normal.

vballretired

My feed just froze

THE STARTING QB FOR THE DERRICK HENRYS SHOWS HE CAN ALSO RUN WITH THE 14 YARD TD SCRAMBLE; DERRICK HENRYS 14 - TEAM W/2 BAD QBS ON THE FIELD AT THE SAME TIME 10; 8:51, 3RD

Patrick

Now I’m just a simple country billing associate but I have to ask if it’s possible to get both Driskel and Mills on the field at quarterback.

vballretired

Wasn’t that a bad Arnold movie?

Patrick

That’s a long list, you might want to be more specific.

vballretired

True Lies

HOU POSSESSION

l4blitzer

It seems like Houston is thhhiiiissss close to breaking a return for a score.

Patrick

First of all that’s a great Arnold movie and second yes, I can see it like that.

vballretired

Ok, looking like a three and out

The weekly Tunsil false start

l4blitzer

Tunsil with a Pro Bowl Starter-level False Start

Patrick

Okay kids, say thank you to Laremy for his weekly dumb[KITTEN] false start penalty.

vballretired

Hahagagagahshagaga

Interception. Now that’s clutch

Kenneth L.

I hate laremy

Ughhhhhh

Patrick

This game is proof that you CAN go home again.

Kenneth L.

I hate mills

MILLS WITH HIS FIRST INT OF THE DAY; DERRICK HENRYS POSSESSION

vballretired

Tied with Matt Ryan for league lead. Congratulations Davis!

Kenneth L.

That okay was comical

Patrick

Let’s be honest, it was coming no matter what, the only question was when it would happen.

vballretired

The key is always the clutch moment

Kenneth L.

Atta boy Harris

vballretired

Nice stop by the defense

Wow they are going for it

Patrick

Maybe it’s just me but the BESFs’ player numbers all look like Cyrillic characters right now.

l4blitzer

Willis with some sympathy throwing there.

Patrick

I swear 61 looks like the Russian letter for the hard e sound.

DERRICK HENRYS WITH THREE STRAIGHT INCOMPLETIONS; HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

I’m not your friend buddy

Patrick

61 = Ы

vballretired

I’m not your buddy guy

Patrick

Are any of y’all not country music fans and if you’re not are y’all at all interested in that George Jones/Tammy Wynette show?

Because Mrs. UT is interested and neither of us could give one tenth of a [KITTEN] about country music.

vballretired

Not a fan and not interested

l4blitzer

Not a George Jones fan.

vballretired

That was a pathetic possession by the Titans

l4blitzer

Titans to Texans “Anything you can do, I can do better”

Three yards forward, Three yards back

Patrick

And not for nothing but Michael Shannon is [KITTEN]ing terrifying in anything he does.

He just looks like he could [KITTEN] you up for looking at him funny.

I’m sure he’s a lovely person but [KITTEN] he looks intimidating.

l4blitzer

This game is the live action interpretive dance of “Ugly-Ball”

Kenneth L.

Brandon Jones showing that DAWG

vballretired

Seeing Carolina actually win games with no discernable talent proves it’s possible.

TEN POSSESSION

vballretired

New Orleans Saints beat Cleveland Browns

Patrick

They keep cutting to the Vikings/Giants game and the screen is such that I’m having a hard time telling which team is which.

Halle-[KITTEN]-lujah.

l4blitzer

ALERT: We are under 4 minutes in the 3rd quarter, and the Texans have only now given up 100 yards to Derrick Henry

vballretired

Yeah, on pace to give up 200 total but not to Henry. Progress?

l4blitzer

Take any wins you can with this team

HOU POSSESSION

Patrick

vballretired

That was the most hilarious looking pass ever

l4blitzer

“….and he throws…liiikkkeee UGLY-BALL!!!” (To the theme from Thunderball)

Kenneth L.

The browns are 6-9. Nice

Patrick

The more I watch Davis Mills, the more I feel like he got treated like the biggest nerd in his high school.

vballretired

The throw five yards out of bounds is the kind of throw you’d expect from a 7B QB

Patrick

Like I expected that BESF to give him a wedgie right there.

vballretired

That one intended for Minute Bol

Patrick

Technically, since Manute Bol is dead, any ball that hits the turf can be considered a pass for Manute Bol.

This is canon.

Kenneth L.

Jimmy Morrissey is bad.

l4blitzer

At this point, the only way we can advance the ball is to use the Mills-fumble-rooski with some Texans player ready and able to recover said fumble down the field.

Kenneth L.

Do I need to say more?

vballretired

Ok is George Muresan still with us?

TEN POSSESSION

Patrick

CBS has to be so happy that they reserved Rams and Broncos as their flagship game for Christmas Day, right?

I think so.

Yep, still alive, and living his life, Durga love him.

vballretired

Are there any games really worth it.

Kenneth L.

Okur Pitre

Patrick

Chiefs/Bills maybe but that’s probably the end of the list.

vballretired

They ain’t playing this week

Patrick

I know, but that’s probably the only game that would be worth watching on Christmas.

I know I’d pull myself away from my nephew and nieces to watch that game.

vballretired

I’ve seen worse games than this one but not many

Patrick

Of course you have, you’re a Texans fan.

vballretired

You got me there

My wife watched a live Saints game under Dikta where they didn’t have a first down until the third quarter

Patrick

Yuck!

vballretired

So it’s all relative I guess

Patrick

Mrs. UT is a relatively recent Saints convert. Since before the Saints won the SB, but that’s mostly because she loooooooooooves Drew Brees.

vballretired

We have a fumble

Patrick

I’ll be [DURGA][KITTEN]ed.

Kenneth L.

Wow what a game winner in the giants game

Patrick

What happened? I didn’t get to see it.

Kenneth L.

Who is Hansen

Patrick

I don’t know but he earned a bonus there.

Kenneth L.

15 yard screen to lead to a 61 yard game winner

I HATE MILLS

vballretired

Undrafted free agent

Nice throw

Cooks with his third catch

Morrissey has to go out. Popcorn vendor taking his spot

Matriculating down the field

Kenneth L.

Fantastic running

Patrick

Oooooooh, Davis Mills has a whopping 104 yards passing on the day.

Kenneth L.

Yeet yah

vballretired

And more than the Titans

This Titans team is pure kittens

Kenneth L.

Really bad route running

vballretired

Can I laugh now? A pass to Burkhead doesn’t work. Shocking.

Patrick

Permission granted

vballretired

Ok Titans need to put this game away.

Fairbairn FG is good. BESFs lead 14-13.

Patrick

Ughhhhhhhhh...

vballretired

Dr. Pepper deserves better than that.

Which team sucks worse?

This is absolutely pathetic

Kenneth L.

We need a bunch of these 6-8 teams to win

vballretired

Mr. December with a catch

We are going to screw around and win

Patrick

If it’s a win against the flaming thumbtacks, I’ll allow it.

vballretired

Touchdown Cooks pending penalty

It counts! MILLS TO COOKS FOR THE TEXANS TOUCHDOWN: TEXANS LEAD 19-14 AFTER FAILED 2-PT CONVERSION

Kenneth L.

DAVIS MILLS. DAWG

this won’t go well

Called it

vballretired

Ok, setting up for the Titans go ahead score

Patrick

Welp, it was a nice dream while it lasted.

vballretired

Here it comes

Patrick

That was intentional grounding, dammit.

vballretired

Yeah

I love how they make fanning difficult

178 yards rushing for the Titans

TWO MINUTE WARNING

vballretired

Oh my Durga it’s a pick by Harris!

Kenneth L.

LETS RIDE

HARRIS

HAHAHAHAHAH

MUAGAHAAH

TEHEHEEHE

LM[K]O

Patrick

Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

vballretired

Ok, gotta lose to Jacktown next week

Patrick

First ever pick for Christian Harris.

Kenneth L.

NO FACEMASK!!!

Patrick

Is Christian Harris the reason this defense has turned around in recent weeks?

vballretired

He should get out of DAL for linebackers according to PFF

Kenneth L.

Horse[KITTEN]

vballretired

Driskelcat

Kenneth L.

I agree to punt

vballretired

Yeah

Nice special teams

Kenneth L.

Malik Collins needs another contract. He’s all we got

BESFs POSSESSION

Patrick

Aw [KITTEN].

Kenneth L.

This is a disaster

We are going to flub this aren’t we

Patrick

That was really [KITTEN]ing stupid Greenard.

Of course.

Kenneth L.

Om[k][d]

Patrick

Five seconds left so there’s a hope in [KITTEN].

What. Now.

Kenneth L.

We won!

Patrick

WE WON! WEWONWEWONWEWONWEWONWEWONWEWONWEWONWEWONWEWONOM[D]OM[D]OM[D]OM[D]OM[D]WT[K]BBQ!

vballretired

Pitre and Harris making key plays. We need the Bears to win one of these last two.

TEXANS WIN (Yes you read that right) 19-14!

Patrick

THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

vballretired

I wouldn’t say we won as much as the Titans lost but it counts as a W either way.

Patrick

At this point, I’ll take it. We [KITTEN]ed with the BESFs’ playoff hopes!

vballretired

Yeah I suppose. The problem is we might fritter away the first pick

Patrick

Merry Tex-Mas everyone.

We still have a game and a half lead on the Bears with two games left. Do you see us beating the Colts or Jags at this point?

vballretired

Jags no, Colts yes

If we reach three wins they get the pick due to the tie

GAME BALLS: Well, combine a Texans win with Christmas Eve, and you can imagine that there are game-balls a plenty to hand-out:

• Davis Mills: While he is not one to usually receive these, the fact that he lead the Texans to a comeback victory in the fourth quarter, his first as a pro, in tough conditions, must be fully acknowledged. That doesn’t change the fact that he isn’t the long-term answer for this team, but he earned props for his performance today.
• The Texans DL: Usually not seen as a strength of this team, the D-Line did their job today. They helped limit Derrick Henry to ONLY 126 yards (from a back that averages over 210 yards/game against this team in his last last four matchups) and made some highlight-reel worthy tackles for loss against the monster back. They also pressured rookie Mallik Willis into 4 sacks and made his day as a starter a rather rough one.
• Jalen Pitre: Another pick for the rookie safety and the leading tackler for the team on this day. Pitre demonstrated some of the most effective torpedo tackles of Derrick Henry I have ever seen. There are still plenty of areas for the rookie to work on, but he is on his way to being one of the best second round picks in team history.

SHOULD BE FORCED TO DRINK WATERED-DOWN EGGNOG SPIKED WITH FAKE MOONSHINE WHILE CLEANING UP THE BARS ALONG MUSIC ROW:

• Laremy Tunsil. Odd to say for a Pro Bowl starting LT who went another game without giving up a sack (still only charged with 1.0 sack on the season). Yet, for all the good the guy is providing this lost team, Tunsil still managed to get flagged for his one false start/week. It was on a second-half third down, which really doesn’t help. The team won, but you expect better from arguably the best player on the Texans.
• The Titans Coaching Staff: How did this team, which is now in a dog-fight with JACKSONVILLE, yes, JACKSONVILLE, for control of the AFC South, drop this one? Yes, Henry fumbled in the 4th quarter, but only 23 rushes? Apparently they thought that they could outsmart Houston, but Willis is not ready to take on that kind of burden. On a day when the temps begged the Titans to unleash Henry, who would be the equivalent of a steel bowling ball launched through a super-conducting super-collider, more than the 30+ carries he got in Houston, the Titans couldn’t do it. Yes, they have their share of injuries, but if the BE-SFs view themselves as a playoff team, you can’t lose to Houston on your home turf, when you know that the Texans have the worst run D in the NFL. That they did in the way they did, they are absolutely deserving of the scorn the local and national media will heap upon the coaches and leadership of the team.