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Thursday Night Football Open Thread - Cowboys at Titans


Houston Texans v Tennessee Titans
lol, lmao
Photo by Wesley Hitt/Getty Images

Dallas Cowboys of Arlington (11-4) vs. Tennessee Titans (7-8), December 29, 2022, 7:15 p.m. CST

Where: Nissan Stadium, Nashville, TN.

TV/Steaming: Amazon Prime

Radio: ESPN 97.5 FM

You know how when you’re watching the Cowturds play, because the Cowboys were kind of okay in the mid-to-late 60s or whatever and now the rest of us have to suffer through them getting 13 prime time games a year as a result, and they either lose a game they shouldn’t have or got pushed to the last drive of the game against a one-win team? The team leaves themselves open to mild but accurate criticism.

You know what happens next, right? Inevitably, you get on social media and you see some variation of “hurr, durr, we won five rings and you haven’t, hurr durr.” It’s as inevitable as the tides only worse because at some point the tide will recede and the dead fish the tide leaves behind are at least friggin’ quiet.

And this is despite an entire generation of children being born, raised, gone to college, reached legal drinking age, and, in some cases, become eligible for AARP in the time since the Cowturds have done anything meaningful in the playoffs.

I actually looked it up, because I was curious and malicious. Since the turn of the century, they haven’t advanced any further than the divisional round of the playoffs in 21 years.

Cowboys Fails

Year Record Division Place Playoff Fate
Year Record Division Place Playoff Fate
2001 5-11 5th N/A
2002 5-11 4th N/A
2003 10-6 2nd Wild Card L
2004 6-10 3rd N/A
2005 9-7 3rd N/A
2006 9-7 2nd Wild Card L
2007 13-3 1st Divisional L
2008 9-7 3rd N/A
2009 11-5 1st Divisional L
2010 6-10 3rd N/A
2011 8-8 3rd N/A
2012 8-8 3rd N/A
2013 8-8 2nd N/A
2014 12-4 1st Divisional L
2015 4-12 4th N/A
2016 13-3 1st Divisional L
2017 9-7 2nd N/A
2018 10-6 1st Divisional L
2019 8-8 2nd N/A
2020 6-10 3rd N/A
2021 12-5 1st Wild Card L
2022 11-4 TBD TBD, LOL

Now you can look at this cornucopia of incompetence, turn to me and say, “well, yeah, but the Houston Texans haven’t even done that much.”

You’re right. I’m not even going to try and argue that one little bit.

HOWEVER...there is one glaring difference. No Texans fan, no matter how big a homer they are, is remotely as deluded as to think this year is the Texans’ year. Whereas with the Cowboys EVERY year is gonna be their year right up until the minute they either lose in hilarious fashion in the playoffs, or don’t even so much as sniff them.

While this has proven to be a Cowboy-heavy post, I do not want to leave out the Baby-Eating Sister-[Kitten]ers of Tennessee, whose season the Houston Texans effectively ended last week. Hey, y’all remember that time you used an illegal forward lateral to win a game you absolutely had no right winning, also just before the turn of the century? Well live by the [THE FOLLOWING POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY DraftKings Sportsbook, PLEASE IGNORE WHAT MIGHT BE WRITTEN HERE].

Anyway, here are my picks for tonight’s game, brought to you by...well...[points above].

For entertainment purposes only, please do not take financial advice from a football blog.

Enjoy rooting for the sinkhole, y’all.