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FINAL: Browns 27, Texans 14: A final word on Deshaun Watson, who we are still not talking about

Ugh, this game.

NFL: Cleveland Browns at Houston Texans
[Kitten] this guy. I hope he [you know we can’t post this, Patrick].
Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports

This is supposed to be a review of the Cleveland Browns vs Houston Texans game that we just watched. I’m supposed to tell you that the Browns scored on a punt return, a fumble return for a touchdown, an interception for a touchdown and so many field goals and the Texans scored nothing but field goals and a safety until garbage time where we got a Nico Collins touchdown.

The Texans lost 27-14, there. That’s your game recap.

Instead, I would like to point out that Deshaun Watson was not responsible for a single point that the Browns scored against the Texans today. Not. A. One.

I would, instead, like to dedicate the remainder of this recap to the garbage morality of the NFL, the Cleveland Browns, and capitalism as a whole for making this entire game possible.

The NFL knew they were going to suspend Watson; the only question was how long. Their initial suspension of six games, which barely even scratches the surface of what he should’ve faced, got expanded to an 11-game suspension.

Keep in mind, this suspension happened after the Watson trade to the Browns and the release of the 2022-23 NFL schedule. So the NFL knew who the Browns would play when they suspended Watson and they magically decided an 11-game ban — not 10, not 12, but 11, would be the PERFECT punishment for someone who allegedly sexually harassed more than two dozen massage therapists during his time as a Texan. It would be just long enough to put the Browns’ season in the wringer; just long enough that casual NFL fans would be OK with it being “not just a slap on the wrist” for allegedly sexually harassing and assaulting more than two dozen women — but not long enough that it would, oh I don’t know, deter the next superstar-in-waiting from doing something equally horrendous to another bunch of potential victims.

I say this to condemn the NFL for their, still, impeccable record on how to discipline their millionaires so stuff like this doesn’t happen anymore. You see, the NFL doesn’t care, and if we’re being really honest, has never cared, about the harm their players have caused in the course of their existence. As long as their most monstrous players can still bring eyes onto their product, they do not care what crimes their players commit, because it’s still a net gain for the NFL and the team that employs that “misbehaving” superstar.

The NFL has a track record of light punishment for players accused of any type of violence against women. There is no crime their players could allegedly commit that would make the NFL turn its back on them; unless we’re talking about gambling, then they’ll jump on that player with both feet.

I know this kind of diatribe against the NFL is not new, considering how little they care about their fans and the alleged victims of their players. But I would like to think that some day we’ll finally be at a point where having to root against such an allegedly awful person is a thing of the past.

Until that glorious day, I guess I will just have to make do with cursing Deshaun Watson until his dying day (or mine, whichever comes first) and hoping something meaningful comes of it.

The Texans lost, but not because of Deshaun Watson; and considering how his very existence on the football field is an affront to anybody with a decent sense of ethics, that’s as close to a moral victory as we can hope for these days: a loss where the offending alleged criminal didn’t have a single thing to do with any of the points that were scored.

I do not blame the Browns. Especially as someone who has been starved for a contender, you could understand how they’d be so desperate for a winner that they’d ignore their own morality to win. When you get desperate enough, your moral calculus changes significantly until you finally win consistently. I can only wonder if Browns fans, in the fullness of time, will eventually feel shame that their victories came on the back of someone facing so many heinous allegations.

Personally, I blame capitalism, because there is no morality to capitalism, but that’s neither here nor there.

Just...just forget I said anything about What’s His Face, I still hope he [EDIT] of an infected [SERIOUS EDIT].

Anyway, if you want to vent about the Texans, this is where you can do it. Vent as needed and then put that remaining vitriol against the Dallas Cowboys, where it belongs.