Hair of the Dog Week 3: Bear Down...or Just Grin and Bear It?

The season is still very, very young. 3 games does not a season make. That being said, you can start to see a few trends among teams in the start of a season. For the Texans, we are starting to learn a few things....some good, some not. For the good, some of the younger players are playing to their promise. The defense can make a few plays from time to time. The team has entered the 4th quarter of every single game either leading or tied. The bad: the team seems to be well-prepared and competitive for 3 quarters, but that pesky 4th quarter is proving problematic. Outscored 30-0 in three games. Not great. This is not helped by the struggles of Davis Mills and the offense writ large in the 4th. The defense is competent, but they are not anywhere close enough to win games by themselves.

The game against the Bears was very winnable. Yet, the Texans lost their second straight game of 2022, and their second straight game against Chicago overall. As you can imagine, your Battle Red Blog Masthead had a few thoughts on the game. Here we offer a look into our take on this game, classic TV shows, NFL history and the quality, or lack thereof, of some types of whiskey/bourbon. In the classic tradition of HOTD, all swear words have been replaced by [KITTEN] to match pre-2020 (and possibly post-2020, maybe) office decorum.

With that, on to the ‘Dog:

vballretired

The excitement is just dripping off this matchup.

corydlg

Was that stat 25% on 3rd down

vballretired

That’s what they said

l4blitzer

Yep, gonna be must see TV…whether it is a quality matchup or a comedy of errors…TBD.

Patrick

::monkey’s paw curls::

Dress rehearsal for Hell, boys.

vballretired

An auspicious beginning

Patrick

Okay, I will say hurdling that lineman was pretty great.

vballretired

Nice play by King or really bad execution?

Patrick

Yes.

vballretired

Lots of crappy matchups in the league today

Patrick

LOL, this [KITTEN]ing defense.

bigfatdrunk

No pass rush. Pathetic.

[Bears possession]

vballretired

Classic battle of four bad units colliding at the speed of molassces in January.

corydlg

Hey a 4th down!

Patrick

So we’ve watched one series with Justin Fields now, we’re now officially experts, is Justin Fields actually bad?

corydlg

Yeah, all jokes aside, they should have concerns about him. It’s been a rough start for him

vballretired

The closer you look the worse it gets

However, their handling of him has been borderline criminal

[Santos open scoring with a 47 yard FG: Bears 3 - Texans 0; 11:22 1st]

[Texans possession]

Patrick

Trainers out looking at Quessenberry.

vballretired

Not good

l4blitzer

Speculation about being poked in the eye, so hopefully not a long-term issue

Patrick

Now...he was covered Davis, why you throwing to a covered receiver?

vballretired

Another three and out…actually ninth by my count if you count the four and out at the end of last week.

So, one third of your possessions end in three and out. That’s good right?

l4blitzer

Another reminder about the 25% 3rd down conversion rate.

[Bears possession]

l4blitzer

…and we have our first Eric M***y sighting

vballretired

Shhh

Patrick

::points to the “NOTHING GOOD HAPPENS WHEN ERIC MURRAY IS ON THE FIELD” sign::

l4blitzer

Hmmm…might want to think about defending the end-around. Those can work from time to time.

vballretired

Nice pass attempt there.

I’m looking forward to updates and Alcoa You Make the Call commercials

l4blitzer

Offsetting roughing the passer and intentional grounding…and you wonder why these teams are leading contenders for the #1 pick in the draft.

Patrick

Needs to be funnier.

Levy

Hello boys

Bears offense looks consistent so far

Patrick

Hiya Levy

l4blitzer

Give it time. The best slapstick acts take a little time to warm up.

vballretired

That pass from Fields reminded me of a Billy Joe Tolliver effort where he fell on his butt and threw it in the flat.

Patrick

“So Help Me Todd” coming soon to a cancelation near you.

l4blitzer

A Billy Joe Tolliver Reference…now that’s a name I’ve not heard in a very, very long time. Long time

vballretired

Maybe it will run on Freevee

bigfatdrunk

Owens with the tackle, AND THAT IS WHY YOUR SAFETY LEADING THE TEAM IN TACKLES IS A BAD THING OM[KD] LOLOL LM[K]O.

Patrick

Oh my [KITTEN]ing [DURGA], this defense is all butt.

vballretired

Maybe give away the first pick on a reverse Q rating sort of deal. Our winless team has to suck more than the other winless teams.

bigfatdrunk

Grape job, D.

l4blitzer

Commentators noting the soft defense. They speak truth

Patrick

The Texans have the So Help Me Todd of defenses.

vballretired

The rushing yard differential stat is alive and kicking

[11 yard TD Run by Herbert: Da Bears 10 - Duh Texans 0; 6:45 1st Qtr]

vballretired

Do we score in double digits today?

l4blitzer

You presume that we will actually score?

That’s nice. The Chiefs allowed the Ponies to get a 7-0 lead.

Patrick

Blind squirrels and acorns.

l4blitzer

I guess the bigger challenge is will the Texans allow the Astros to outscore them again…at least from last night’s bonkers total (11)

vballretired

Blind pig, mud

[Texans Possession]

corydlg

Come on Collins

vballretired

Wow that was wide open

Derp

Patrick

[KITTEN], Howard’s slow getting up.

Pierce is fun to watch run. I will say that.

Levy

good offensive drive

l4blitzer

Good bounce back from Pierce after the fumble.

vballretired

Touchdown!

Levy

and he just fumbled my [DURGA] all mighty

Patrick

[KITTEN] of a catch by Akins there.

[4 yard TD pass to Akins. Fightin’ Halases 10 - Fightin’ McNairs 7; 3:40 1st Qtr]

Levy

Ooooo what a catch!!

I forgot Akins was resigned woahhh

goo team

vballretired

That drive actually looked good

Levy

It looked smooth

Also - have I told y’all I HATE Texas Longhorn football?

Patrick

I’m not sure I believe you.

vballretired

The Frogs won the Iron Skillet, UT and Oklahoma lost. I’m already running on house money.

Levy

About the hatred or the smoothness of a Davis Mills drive?

[Bears Possession]

Patrick

The hatred. The smoothness is obviously just a drug hallucination.

Pitre!

vballretired

Pitre with a pick. Nod to Patrick on that pick in fantasy

Levy

haha

Patrick

What could they possibly be reviewing on that?

vballretired

He dropped it after making a football move

Patrick

Aw [KITTEN], nevermind that’s not going to count.

Levy

The Texas longhorns.... I’m just jaded. Everything hurts so often. And the Alumni association out here is blech. I really want to take it over but i know fans will only show up if they win if it happens

vballretired

Ah kittens

Levy

I think that was a catch

Patrick

Wow, we kept it!

vballretired

This has the look of one of those “look how great Mills is” games

[Pitre with his 1st interception in the NFL. Texans withstand the review process; 2:46 1st Qtr; Texans’ 3rd Possession]

Levy

yeah man not going to complain haha

l4blitzer

Hey, this completing forward passes thing is kinda cool…let’s keep at it.

vballretired

Never mind

Patrick

OH. MY. [DURGA].

[Mills with his 1st Interception of the year; Bears start at 20 yard line; 4th Possession; 0:45 1st Qtr]

Patrick

Does either team want to win this game? Or do they think this game has golf rules to it?

Levy

That sucks

[l4blitzer] you [kitten] jinxed that dude

l4blitzer

Mills forget the part of the script where he is supposed to throw TDs to TEs only. WRs to move the ball down the field, TEs to score the TDs.

vballretired

Well, the equivalent would be 300 yard drive, approach green side, chilly dip, three put, double bogey

l4blitzer

Not my fault that Mills was too locked in on the WR there.

vballretired

You mean we can’t actually blame you?

[End of 1st Quarter]

Patrick

Look, we’re not saying it’s your fault, we’re saying we blame you for it.

l4blitzer

Irrational blame…alrighty then.

Patrick

If we were rational we would not be watching the Texans right now.

l4blitzer

All too true….all too true.

vballretired

Depends on our other TV viewing habits. It might make perfect sense if we had a bigger picture.

Patrick

Lately all I’ve been watching is British panel shows and Iron Chef reruns.

l4blitzer

A Jerry Hughes sighting. Cool

vballretired

I mean, someone watching a steady diet of McMillan and Wife. Quincy M.E., or Matlock would be expected to absorb Texans football.

l4blitzer

What, no Kojak?

[Texans possession]

vballretired

Maybe Banacek

Levy

Gawd they suck hahah

vballretired

That’s not what I watch now but I’ve dabbled occasionally

Patrick

It’s definitely not for Kojak fans. Because what’s the big catchphrase everyone remembers from that show? “Who loves you, baby?” And if there’s anything I’ve learned from watching this team for half my life is that they do not love us, baby.

l4blitzer

Maybe if the Texans threw in some Tootise Pops

vballretired

Perfect third down call. Short pass to Burkhead. That’s a great call to one of the worst playmakers in football.

Patrick

Just Cal McNair hanging out at the grill with a grape tootsie pop dangling from his mo—I have to go. ::runs to bathroom::

l4blitzer

GLORY TO ALL DEFENSIVE PENALTY OFFENSE!!!!

vballretired

Cal desperately wants to keep Daniel Snyder in the NFL

It will keep the heat off

[Editor’s Note: We apologize for the reference about Cal McNair and Tootise Pops. We recommend Pepto Bismol or some sodium bicarbonate]

[Bears Possession]

vballretired

Tums is better.

Levy

I honestly can’t tell when Davis Mills will complete a pass

Patrick

I’m not sure he does either.

vballretired

I have no idea. I just a video and online warnings.

bigfatdrunk

Watching the Texans and Longhorns try to tackle on back to back days is...upsetting.

Levy

When I watch QBs and I cant see the receiver, I pride myself in knowing by the throwing motion if it’s a catch or not

Levy

With Mills, I truly can’t tell

bigfatdrunk

Good kitten, Bears, grow a pair.

vballretired

Nice to see the Bears not even try

[Texans Possession]

vballretired

Touchdown!

l4blitzer

Two of them…is that possible…allowed?

bigfatdrunk

Pierce is going to be great once he has a QB that isn’t kitten.

uhh Joe

Texans are looking better!

Patrick

We...we lead?

bigfatdrunk

Pierce is going to be great once he has a QB that isn’t kitten.

uhh Joe

Very yes

Patrick

We can do that?

vballretired

This has the look of a pyrite game

uhh Joe

We leed!!!

[Pierce logs 1st NFL TD: Texans 14 - Bears 10; 7:32 2nd Qtr]

bigfatdrunk

Pyrite game. Perfect.

vballretired

12 carries for 66 yards

Levy

TOUCHDOWN BABYTT

That’s a good YAC

vballretired

Fool’s gold for those that don’t remember high school science

Levy

lmao Colts playing Sweet Caroline on their own one yard line

And they are in shotgun

Okay [KITTEN] me they got 30 yards on the first play

vballretired

The Bears are just a bad team.

l4blitzer

You may start the dueling chants: Bears: We Suck!!!; Texans: We Suck More!!!!; Bears: No we Suck More; Texans: NO, WE SUCK MORE!!!…(repeat for 5-10 minutes)

[Bears Possession]

Patrick

How, I repeat, how, do you have that open a blind angle, unguarded and still completely whiff on the sack?!

l4blitzer

The Buffalo Bills Pass Rush from the 2019 Wild Card Game has entered the chat

vballretired

Is that like the new Miller Lite chant? “Beer flavored….Water….Beer flavored….water” repeat as needed

l4blitzer

Works for me.

bigfatdrunk

Owens with another tackles...7 yards down the field!

vballretired

I thought that was Pitre

bigfatdrunk

1st down run. Sorry.

l4blitzer

Owens trying to channel his inner Dick Butkus

Patrick

Hey, it’s almost the end of the half and we haven’t trotted out Jeff Driskel for poorly established reasons.

vballretired

Please let Fields keep passing

Patrick

TIL the NFL has an official invisible braces partner.

[2 minute warning]

Patrick

Boom, sacked the [KITTEN] out of him.

vballretired

Boy that was rough

Someone perfected the look-out block

l4blitzer

Bears with 161 yards on the ground. George Halas would be so proud…at least until he saw the scoreboard.

Jerry Hughes has returned to the chat

vballretired

Another one of those games where the loser really has to hang their head in shame

[Santos continues his streak of not kicking a “Double Doink” for the Bears; 50 yard FG; HOU 14- CHI 13; 1:48 2nd]

Patrick

Is Pierce already going to the locker room?

bigfatdrunk

Mills is trying to 2-yard pass his way down the field.

[Bears Possession]

bigfatdrunk

Davis Mills is so kittening bad.

Owens with another tackle 13 yards down the field.

vballretired

I go to the bathroom and miss a three and out?

bigfatdrunk

Ah, I guess not.

Patrick

Would you say you “missed it” though?

bigfatdrunk

If you poop during this game, you might miss a quarter.

l4blitzer

“Ball was quackin’ its way to Mooney” “It was a change-up pitch”…insightful commentary about Fields’ passing

Patrick

Which is weird because this game has felt really slow today.

vballretired

That’s more of a personal thing

Patrick

BFD, see a doctor, would you? Jeez.

vballretired

I don’t get this play calling

Patrick

Love seeing Jerry Hughes do a safety dance despite being a solid 20 yards away from the end zone.

bigfatdrunk

Two kitteny teams with kitteny coaching.

[Halftime: Thank (insert deity/spiritual entity here). HOU 14-CHI 13]

HALFTIME REACTIONS

Patrick

It’s like someone made a game using a formula of mayonnaise combined with human [KITTEN]. Two awful tastes that taste worse together!

vballretired

Pierce keeps looking better each week. I guess that has got to be the one positive takeaway. Mills is having another one of those games. He looks great at times and then awful. The defense looks about the same. There are great plays interspersed with horrible ones. There’s just very little consistency on either side of the ball.

Patrick

Yeah, Pierce has been fun to watch. The rest of the game, however...

vballretired

I’m a fan of mayo myself

Patrick

You’re fired.

(not really)

vballretired

I’d already be fired from my own family

l4blitzer

Dec 31 1988. On that date, a playoff game between the Eagles and the Bears was obscured by perhaps the densest fog to ever hit a sporting event. There was no legitimate way to watch the game on TV (or even in the stands). Apparently, the Bears won that game 20-12. Based on what we are seeing in this game, the fans on that day were truly the lucky ones.

vballretired

Titans beating Raiders convincingly. Perhaps LV going all in this season is similar to going all in on a jack high hand.

bigfatdrunk

I remember that game! That was so much fun.

vballretired

Randal Cunningham was fun to watch

bigfatdrunk

Thoughts: I cannot wait to grab a QB in the 1st round in 2023. No more freaking Davis Mills, for kitten’s sake.

vballretired

The living motto for the remainder of the season: “Davis Mills: better than Justin Fields and Trey Lance.”

Patrick

Jesus, Tua took a [KITTEN] of a hit during the Dolphins game, I don’t know if y’all saw it or not.

bigfatdrunk

Also, it’s funny how we have the D team calling this game.

vballretired

James Lofton isn’t C team material?

bigfatdrunk

No. He was such a great WR, though. Boldin in his prime good.

vballretired

Oh I remember him well

bigfatdrunk

That was for the kids.

Patrick

Thanks Grandpa.

vballretired

Tell me what Don Hutson was like Grandpa?

bigfatdrunk

Mills is going to get Cooks killed.

Cook Cooks.

Oh, Burkhead. Great idea.

Patrick

Go for it you cowards.

[TEXANS PUNT, BEARS BALL]

bigfatdrunk

Let’s see if he snaps the ball.

LOLOLOLOL COWARDS.

vballretired

Burkhead ranks lower than Pierce in rushing, blocking, and receiving, but he has a 70.5 grade on his beard according to PFF so there’s that.

They said “well groomed with excellent coverage. Plus, the distinction with the bald heads really sets it off well.”

Patrick

Did they grade Lovie’s beard?

vballretired

I think only players unfortunately

Patrick

Boooooooooo.

vballretired

It’s Chris Collensworth. What do you expect?

Patrick

Derek Stingley saved the touchdown.

vballretired

Bears over 200 yards rushing. We just entered the third quarter

bigfatdrunk

Owens with another tackle 15 yards down the field. HE LEADS THE TEAM!!!

Patrick

If you gave me that much space in the middle of the field, I could probably get a first down. I would die immediately upon being tackled but I might have enough time to get the first down.

vballretired

Pitre with a sack

I think that sentiment describes most of us Patrick

[Bears with rushing touchdown. Bears lead 20-17.]

vballretired

241 yards rushing for the Bears. That’s with a quarter and a half of football left

Patrick

That’s bad, right?

vballretired

That’s with knowing that is literally all they can do effectively

Patrick

Answer the question!

[TEXANS POSSESSION]

vballretired

Yeah, I’d say that’s bad

Patrick

Because it seems bad.

l4blitzer

Are we sure the ghost of George Halas isn’t calling the plays for the Bears?

bigfatdrunk

The whole offense lining up outside is stupid as kitten.

vballretired

Anyone see anyone that looked good in the “amateur” games on Saturday?

Patrick

Hey, we haven’t seen Driskel in yet, maybe we’re lear—nope.

bigfatdrunk

The Bears have one decent player on defense, and he just defenestrated Pierce.

vballretired

He was smoked on that one

bigfatdrunk

Mills can’t even throw a checkdown accurately.

vballretired

It’s like watching 1960s football or Technobowl with Bo Jackson

Patrick

GO FOR IT YOU COWARDS.

bigfatdrunk

Wow.

Patrick

See? Good things happen when you go for it.

vballretired

Fake punt!!!!!

bigfatdrunk

Great play design.

l4blitzer

Wait, you can execute those…and THEY CAN WORK???

Well, we did get rid of that Justin Reid punk, so that is probably why.

bigfatdrunk

Why are they giving our receivers 10 yards of cushion?

Patrick

This is one of those moments where you can appreciate having an actual coach designing plays instead of whatever the [KITTEN] we’ve had the last decade or so.

Because Davis Mills is throwing to them. I’d feel secure too.

l4blitzer

That’s nice BFD that you think that only the Texans are capable of dumb football, and that other teams will actually play smart.

vballretired

We are just used to outdumbing the opponent

Why hasn’t Dorsett been used before now?

l4blitzer

See previous statement about “outdumbing”

vballretired

The bearded back on a short pass

Handoff to Burkhead. Why?

Patrick

Because we can’t make it easy for ourselves.

vballretired

Predictable play. Predictable outcome.

bigfatdrunk

Kitten, not Green.

[KITTEN]

Patrick

Aw [DURGA][KITTEN].

vballretired

Seeing Justin McRay and Charlie Heck on the field made me throw up in my mouth a little.

uhh Joe

Couldn’t punch it in, again!

These past three games have been about field goals instead of touchdowns

bigfatdrunk

Welp, we hit 20 points this game. Hooray?

Patrick

Our high-water mark on the season.

[Fairbairn continuing to be the #1 Texans’ offensive weapon: 23 yard FG: HOU 20 - CHI 20…not a score we have seen at any time this season…nope, totally not ever seen in 2022.; 0:54 3rd quarter]

vballretired — Today at 3:15 PM

0-1-2 just feels oh so right

l4blitzer

If we used the point system from professional soccer, the Texans would have 2 points for the season

vballretired

Hahahahahaha that pass hahahahaha

bigfatdrunk

Throws like that by Fields, I mean, I was throwing that sort of pass on the street when I was like 8. How do you miss it that badly???

Patrick

If we had the system they use in professional soccer, we’d have been relegated ages ago.

vballretired

Hockey then

corydlg

How does either team have 290 yards though. True question...

l4blitzer

Bears: Your top two rushers are averaging over 9 yards a carry…and you want to pass the football…sorry, channel the inner Red Grange…run it.

vballretired

Crazy Legs Hirsch

[End of the 3rd Quarter: Is the universe going to give us another tie? HOU -20 CHI - 20]

corydlg

Such a bad bad bad throw from Fields

vballretired

Has football gotten this bad? We are three games in, playing like this, and we have a chance to win.

Patrick

Oh yeah.

[Pitre gets INT #2 on the season. Why did the Bears pass??? Anyway, Texans possession]

Patrick

Well that was stupid.

vballretired

That was a very unfortunate series of plays there

Patrick

Kenyon Green back in the game.

bigfatdrunk

Do you have to dumb down the playbook more for Fields or for Mills?

[Texans waste the INT; Chicago possession]

vballretired

Fields. Mills reminds me of the backup QB from Necessary Roughness

l4blitzer

Where’s Robert Loggia when you need him?

Patrick

Oh, you mean Popke? I just wish Justin Fields had that scared, break-y voice under center.

vballretired

Blow the whistle. Blow the whistle. Blow the GD whistle!

l4blitzer

Hmmm…the Bears realize they can run the football still. If they even think about throwing a pass in the quarter, they need to fire the coaching staff NOW!

Patrick

This defense can be so painful to watch sometimes. It makes me feel alive.

vballretired

“Before we win games we have to stop losing games.” Boy howdy, I love coachspeak

l4blitzer

The Texans making someone feel alive? That’s a new one. Your logic why is sound, but hadn’t heard that in a long time.

bigfatdrunk

Owens with yet another tackle 15+ yards down the field.

Patrick

Kind of my homage to Big Matt. It feels like the kind of thing he’d say.

l4blitzer

Oh, now we give Fields confidence throwing the football.

Patrick

“Snap infraction?” That’s a new one on me.

vballretired

Absolutely kitteny football

bigfatdrunk

Jeez, that’s not close, Lovie.

vballretired

Listen to Lofton, knee down and then fumbles. Close?

Patrick

This challenge brought to you by Bill O’Brien Football Consultant Services and Soft Serve.

l4blitzer

Welp, nice to see that our 4th quarter execution is playing exactly to standards ::takes another shot of Jim Bean:: (not going to waste Jack Daniels on this game).

We lost the challenge…shocking

vballretired

Well if you’re going to go bad whiskey then go all the way with Southern Comfort

l4blitzer

Ah yes…I do have that in reserve. Hoped to put that behind me from 2020-21…but it may have to make a return.

Patrick

If it weren’t too early in the day for them and too late in the game for them to be effective, I’d be hitting the edibles right now.

[Editor’s Note: Please don’t drink and drive. Use a designated driver]

vballretired

Jim Bean is actually mediocre

corydlg

16 men on the field? How many yards is that?

l4blitzer

We actually got a run stop?

vballretired

[reply to corydlg] 30

bigfatdrunk

First penalty for the Texans, but we still look like kitten? Amazing.

vballretired

Come on. No confidence in your QB to convert?

l4blitzer

All in favor of the Texans’ execution in the 4th quarter?

vballretired

Nah, let’s see how this works out for them Cotton

bigfatdrunk

Frankly? I’m rooting for the tie.

Patrick

There should be a sliding penalty/bonus for the number of men on the field you come out with. Like you can come out with 12 men on the field but you have to add another couple of yards for difficulty. Same thing with too few men, then you can move up a yard or two.

That would be hilarious.

l4blitzer

This game is turning out just as dumb as we could have hoped.

vballretired

I could see the old Chiefs with the center and Christian Okoye

But it’s close and dumb I guess

[Bears Punt, and the Texans get it right back]

bigfatdrunk

THEY HAD IT IN THEIR [KITTEN]ING HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

corydlg

Sssooo execution?

Patrick

Oh, it’s the fourth quarter. Time for our offense to transform from a pumpkin to a butternut squash.

vballretired

Hahahahahagahahaha

bigfatdrunk

Major hold.

l4blitzer

Do the Bears have money on getting a tie? Do the Texans have money on a second one?

Patrick

Jesus, we don’t even have the D team camera crew for this game.

vballretired

You can dance if you want to. You can leave your friends behind.

bigfatdrunk

Tunsil was holding most of that play.

vballretired

Well kittens

Patrick

A CHUM? A Rex Burkhead CHUM?

vballretired

All Burkhead all the time

l4blitzer

There is no escape from the CHUM

Patrick

A Rex Burkhead CHUM deep in your own territory?

l4blitzer

The CHUM is all season, all purpose

Patrick

Third and I give up.

bigfatdrunk

Davis Mills has never met a play in which he wouldn’t opt for the checkdown.

vballretired

Hahahahaha, more Burkhead

Nice special teams tackle there

bigfatdrunk

Owens with another tackle after a 15+ yard gain. I think that’s at least four.

[The Texans do not score yet again in the 4th Quarter, and punt again…we know, you’re as surprised as we are. Bears possession]

vballretired

Go for 300

Patrick

How many points have we scored in the fourth so far this year? Three points?

l4blitzer

The single game record is still 295 (yards), right? I bring this up for no reason whatsoever.

vballretired

So three second half point?

Jalen Pitre! Holy kittens

l4blitzer

We are still 0-fer for points in the 4th quarter. The FG was in the 3rd against Denver (edited)

Patrick

I thought we scored a field goal against the Broncos in the fourth, though?

vballretired

Ok, turning snark off for a minute, we have some good-looking young players. We just obviously need more.

Patrick

Yeah, I’m still on the fence about Stingley but I think Pierce, Green, and Pitre are going to be fun to watch at least.

[Two minute warning.]

vballretired

Playing for the tie

Patrick

And Durga bless them for it.

vballretired

Tie looking more likely

[Bears punt; Houston will try to drive down the field for the win…in theory]

Patrick

Aw [KITTEN], we’re not getting the tie!

bigfatdrunk

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

vballretired

Hahahahahagagahafagagalololol

Patrick

Yeah, I think I’m getting [KITTEN]ed up after the game.

uhh Joe

NOOOOO

[Davis Mills with INT #2 on the day…Bears with the ball]

vballretired — Yesterday at 3:55 PM

And who was the intended receiver? If you guessed Burkhead give yourself a gold star

uhh Joe

I can’t believe I got my hopes up again

l4blitzer

Getting hopes up only to break ‘em??? That’s one of the mantras for the Texans since 2002.

vballretired

Hey we played to keep it close and have a chance to win….come on shank. Come on shank

l4blitzer

“Double Doink Part Deux???”

Patrick

Joe, remember our motto: Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

Yup.

l4blitzer

Dante: “Hey, that’s my line…oh, wait…no, I see what you mean…I’m good.”

Patrick

vballretired

Watching games with no expectations is so freeing

[Santos mercifully ends this game w/a 30 yard FG: CHI 23 - HOU 20]

Patrick

Look at Fields getting congratulated like he had anything to do with the Bears winning.

vballretired

Cue the Mills apologists in three, two, one

Colts ahead

l4blitzer

Time to start the Kyle Allen chants?

Patrick

I’m going full hipster and starting Jeff Driskel chants.

bigfatdrunk

Davis Mills leading the Texans to a whopping 16.3 points/game. We haven’t even played a good defense yet.

vballretired

You heard why the hipster burned himself with coffee right?

l4blitzer

Texans in the 4th quarter: Opponents 30 - Houston 0

vballretired

He drank it before it was cool

Patrick

Boooooooooooooo.

vballretired

I’m a dad. I have to have dad jokes

Patrick

I’ll allow it.

bigfatdrunk

The Davis Mills apologists really have their work cut out for them this week.

Patrick

“But he threw for 245 yards! That’s a good day at the office! He threw with intentionality and matriculated things down field and everything!”

vballretired

Seriously, I guess you continue with him because what is the option? Kyle Allen is perfectly mediocre I guess but…

Colts win and Titans should win

Patrick

The Colts just beat the [DURGA][KITTEN] Chiefs.

l4blitzer

CJ Stroud, Bryce Young, Will Levis…all sorts of those names.

vballretired

Is Richardson a possibility?

Patrick

I think Justin Fields might be the first quarterback who will actually hurt the draft stock of a college player simply because he played for the same school. Because after watching this, I’m less excited about CJ Stroud simply because he plays for the same school Fields did.

vballretired

Miami about to kitten the bed

Maybe. How much of that is Fields and how much is Chicago?

GAME BALLS: Probably obvious to most who watched the game, but have to go with Jalen Pitre for a game ball. When you log 2 INTs and a sack in only your second NFL game, you clearly are in the running for rookie/defender of the week, to say nothing about the vaunted HOTD game ball designation. Unfortunately, his two INTs did not lead to points (more on that in a minute). We will also throw one towards Jerry Hughes with 2 more sacks. Nice rebound for this wayward free agent.

SPENT THE POSTGAME CLEANING OUT THE CHICAGO STOCKYARDS AS PENANCE: Davis Mills. While he did have 245 yards passing and a TD. He threw his 1st 2 INTs of the season, including the game-breaking one deep in Texans territory. While deflected, he gets charged with it. Oh, and those two INTs from Pitre...the Texans turned those into exactly ZERO points. One 3 and out, and one terrible red zone pass from Mills that was the 1st INT. Perhaps QBs get too much blame, and there is plenty to go around. However, if Mills ever wants to be the “Man” at QB, he has to produce in the 4th quarter in competitive games. All 3 games this season were winnable. That the Texans didn’t is as much on Mills’ ineffective play as anything. Also, the run defense should join him, as they allowed Chicago to run as if Red Grange, Gale Sayers and Walter Payton were taking the handoffs, as opposed to Khalil Herbert.

So it goes for the Week 3 HOTD. Next week, we will have our takes on Houston facing the San Diego LA Chargers. Perhaps it will be a better game. Maybe the Texans might actually score a 4th quarter point? No promises, but we will tune in to find out.