Hair of the Dog: Week 6, New Orleans Saints @ Houston Texans

Over the past two seasons, the Houston Texans have averaged 3.5 wins against a 17 game schedule. In 2021, it took them until Week 15 to log their third win. Last season, the Texans only hit the three-win mark in the last game of the season, in what at the time was considered one of the most unwanted wins in team history. This season, the Houston Texans hit the three-win mark in the SIXTH week of the season, and before their early bye. By virtue of beating the Saints 20-13, Houston has matched their win total from all of last season. They also have their first home game winning streak since 2019.

Of course, being the Texans, it would not be easy. Stroud finally threw his first interception as an NFL pro, but the Saints defender immediately fumbled, and Stroud drove the team down for a subsequent TD. The team entered the half up 17-10. If the Texans offense was the story of the first half, its defense was the author of the second. The mantra of the Texans defense this season seems to be “bend but don’t break”. On three consecutive fourth quarter drives, the Saints got inside the Texans’ 25-yard line, but came away with zero points (one missed FG and two failed fourth down conversions). The Texans offense could only muster 59 yards of total offense in the second half, and failed to score a TD despite a first and goal at the N.O. one-yard line. With all of that pressure, the defense did what they could not in Atlanta: hold on the final drive (albeit it is easier to prevent a TD vs. a FG).

As always, your Battle Red Blog Masthead had their real-time takes on the game. The stakes were higher for some than others, as this match had a “house divided” sort of feel. Likely that some marriage counselors and/or florist shops should see some nice income from our staff this week. Still, for this side of the force, a good start to the week, and somewhat of a salve after the other “house divided” engagement at Minute Maid Park. Still, that was one of seven, and it is likely a lot of games will need to be played. All questionable language has been edited for “classic” business decorum. With that, on to the ‘Dog:

HOTD VOLUME 21, ISSUE 6: NEW ORLEANS SAINTS @ HOUSTON TEXANS (Or where there will be many a house divided on this major day for H-town sports)

vballretired

And this is one of those homes. The cats and dogs are even fighting amongst themselves. Vomit and fur is everywhere. You have to clean up the mess but why not enjoy an adult beverage while you do? Too early? Someone looking at you sideways after you mix that sidecar for yourself? #Bartesian will never judge you. #Bartesian will never let you down. Early morning margarita? You’re covered with #Bartesian. You can keep those beverages going right through the game. Vodka? Check. Tequila? Check. Whiskey? Check. Bourbon? Check. Gin? Check. Rum? Check. You name it and they have a mixture for you. As always those of us at BRB and it’s parent company SB Nation remind you to never drive or operate heavy machinery after enjoying #Bartesian.

vballretired

Okay, the wife and I have a bet established. Winner buys the other their favorite six pack (our beer tastes are not compatible). She has the Saints and I get the Texans +1.5.

Joe

Nothing better than Tim Kelly grimace to start football Sunday

Patrick

My wife and I went to sleep just a little after midnight last night and I told her that she sucked, that her mother was a hamster and her father smelt of elderberries and that I hope her family steps on legos all day today.

We’re well-adjusted people.

l4blitzer

Ah yes, I can feel the love from everyone right now. Nothing like a full day of sporty-ball civil conflict dominating in H-town. The Bayou City vs. De Bayeaux City for the openers, and then Houston [Astros] vs. Deep Southern Oklahoma [Rangers] for the nightcap. All the DRA-ma...

[Editor’s Note: Deep Southern Oklahoma took a 1-0 ALCS series lead. You may take two minutes to swear copiously]

For the football game, I am just hoping that it does not devolve into the Stupidball that emanated out of Knoxville yesterday. That game between A&M and UT (Tennessee)...sheesh. Even for someone who has watched the Texans these past couple of years...that was beyond dumb and honestly, neither team should have won that game.

vballretired

We went to bed at three AM waiting for our daughter to come in from a Band competition. Adjusted? Eh. Exhausted? Yeah.

The high school team lost 43-6. We had an opening kickoff for a touchdown, a fumbled kickoff, an onside kick with the opposing team making the kick up 24-0. A timeout with 20 seconds in the half up 34-0. Yeah, all kinds of stupid and pure kitten behavior from the opposing coach

Seeing the Texans and Texans players listed as breakout opportunities and not facepalm opportunities is a new experience

Patrick

It’s certainly one I haven’t experienced in a while.

l4blitzer

Looks like the ex-Browns are leaving England with the W...

vballretired

Massage boy is out again. Glorious.

l4blitzer

Some sort of shoulder structural issue, so that might limit him for multiple games...not sad about that for multiple reasons.

vballretired

Clowney with two sacks today

I’m thinking I have a St. Arnold’s Oktoberfest purchase in my future

With the NFL trade deadline approaching do we think there is anyone out there that moves the needle?

Could we get Space Force to present the colors?

l4blitzer

Given that many color guards tend to be joint, I am sure that has, or will soon, happen

vballretired

Have y’all heard the space force song (the real or parody version)

Patrick

I kind of want to forget the space force is actually a thing we have to say now.

l4blitzer

Never should have been a separate service. Combatant Command, yes, but not a separate service...anyway, rant over.

vballretired

My wife works in the space industry. It’s virtually impossible for us

She’s an actual rocket scientist. Well sort of

Texans get ball first

FIRST QUARTER

vballretired

Already a flag

Awesome, holding so we start at the nine

l4blitzer

Not a fan of the all-white Cleveland uniform, btw

Patrick

And we start with a hold, fantastic.

vballretired

Running play sort of

l4blitzer

Texans, what did I say about “Stupidball”?

Joe

yeah the all white cleveland uniforms are really nasty

HOU POSSESSION

Patrick

And, I might add, racist.

vballretired

Cleveland “Whites”?

Missing zip so far

Schultz!

Patrick

SCHULTZ!

l4blitzer

Multiple penalties on the Browns...great start for them...

vballretired

First down Collins!

Patrick

I just let out an audible “[DURGA][KITTEN]” on that completion out of outright awe.

l4blitzer

Nico loving him some home-cooking...that would be a great development

vballretired

That’s some angry running

l4blitzer

and Bryce Young gets killed again on a sack...seems like a trend for Carolina

Joe

i love nico collins

vballretired

A guy on XM was saying the Lions average 3.2 YPC BEFORE contact. We average .2

We punt

l4blitzer

This McCaffery guy for San Francisco...he’s kinda good.

Patrick

Okay, time to get mad now.

N.O. POSSESSION

vballretired

Saints start from their 20. Come on DL and LB, Carr is slower than kittens

Patrick

I have a question about this polar bear plunge ad for Amazon. If you have a hairy chest why in Durga’s name would you shave your chest before you plunge? That’s just going to make you even colder.

l4blitzer

Maybe we can actually get a sack, vs. just pressure for once.

How painful is frozen chest hair, especially if it pulls on your skin?

Patrick

I have dreams too, l4.

vballretired

Beyond stupid either way fellas

l4blitzer

Can the Ponies actually win in Jacksonville...for once?

Patrick

Cashman on the TFL!

vballretired

Yes, Cashman is a new man

Wrap up guys

l4blitzer

One step forward...another step back

Patrick

Someday we’ll get a defensive coordinator who will explain the use of arms in tackling and we’ll be unstoppable.

vballretired

Okay we are getting some pressure

This run defense sucks

That’s better

l4blitzer

66 missed tackles and counting on the season.

Patrick

Kurt Hinish looks like Alice Cooper with that eyeblack.

vballretired

Okay third down

Fourth down….likely field goal

Patrick

Some day we’ll sack Derek Carr.

Joe

at least its a field goal

Patrick

I might not live to see it but some day.

l4blitzer

That’s next season

Patrick

Whew. Missed FG.

vballretired

Wide right

Joe

lets gooooo

Patrick

NOLA doing their best impression of the Oregon Ducks in yesterday’s UW/Oregon game.

GRUPE MISSED THE 52 YARD FG WIDE RIGHT: NO 0 - HOU 0; 6:40, 1st

vballretired

Some day I will invent a cool name for the rushing differential stat I started last year (opponents rushing - your rushing)

HOU POSSESSION

Patrick

Oh [DURGA] we’re CHUM-ing

vballretired

Gotta run the ball

Patrick

And there it is.

AND WE GOT IT BACK!

Joe

Im feeling CHUMmy

vballretired

The best possible outcome in that scenario

Patrick

That is the dumbest of dumb luck there.

vballretired

Maybe Singletary should start. I know that’s sacrilegious but…..

Patrick

I feel like that pick shouldn’t count.

STROUD WITH HIS 1ST INT, BUT THE TEXANS RECOVER THE N.O. FUMBLE. HOU POSSESSION. STUPIDBALL CONTINUES

Joe

poor stroud, i knew it was probably gonna happen in this game though

vballretired

Stroud looking shaky

Joe

i think it’s time to get some more chums in tbh

vballretired

That’s better

l4blitzer

Saints must have practiced the same tackle drills we do.

Patrick

This field goal is going to be amazing.

Joe

hahaha

vballretired

A 25 yarder? Hmmmm

l4blitzer

Noah Brown enters the chat

vballretired

Somehow

Patrick

Xavier Hutchingon, there?

SCHULTZ!

vballretired

Schultz with a [KITTEN] of a catch!!!!!!

l4blitzer

Can’t see the Texans ever running the Rugby sneak with Stroud

Patrick

He’s so lanky they might break him

vballretired

Joe didn’t you go Schultz for a TD as a prop bet

STROUD WITH THE 1 YARD TD PASS TO SCHULTZ; HOU 7 - N.O. 0; 3:41, 1st

Joe

if you’re talking to me, i didn’t haha

Patrick

Nick had prop bets this week.

And yes he did

vballretired

Who did the prop bets ….ah okay

Patrick

He owes me money now.

l4blitzer

Carolina kinda looking good to start the game at Miami

vballretired

Love fulfilling props in the first quarter

Joe

see he got a td on the first drive he threw an int so like that int is now fully canceled out

like erase it from the stats

it never happened

vballretired

It was a great result. You knew it would happen but gotta love it

Patrick

Colin Cowherd is one of the stupidest mother[KITTEN]ers in sports punditry today; only behind Skip Bayless for most useless mouth expressing vibrations that we interpret as words.

l4blitzer

Well, the pressure is off to maintain the no INT streak. Stroud can just sling it now.

Patrick

I figured Stroud was due because the longer it goes the more likely it happens, but that’s how you throw a pick, I guess.

l4blitzer

The team maintains a 0 turnover margin

vballretired

What did the jack[KITTEN] say

N.O. POSSESSION

Patrick

Nothing, just a critique of his overall existence.

Joe

you’re very right every time you critique him

vballretired

Skip is a dip[KITTEN]

Patrick

Taysom Hill alert.

Joe

skip and cowherd are obnoxious

vballretired

Incomplete

Joe

also joel klatt

l4blitzer

If you had Carolina up 14-0 on Miami, congratulations

vballretired

The lack of a pass rush is noticeable

Patrick

Eric Murray is hurt.

Finally, things are looking up.

Joe

whos gonna come in, now?

is grayland arnold already in?

vballretired

Wedge Fickus

l4blitzer

If our DB depth was better, but alas, we aren’t at the point of having nice things

Joe

wedge fickus

vballretired

Oops, maybe not

Joe

i just want the texans to get a player named Brick on the roster

vballretired

That’d be solid

Patrick

“And that’s the third sack of the game for Beef Punchley.”

vballretired

Stewart in

Joe

hahaha

l4blitzer

You want Brick for the kicker, right?

Patrick

Long snapper.

Joe

long snapper would be perfect

vballretired

How about Brick as a three point shooting specialist?

Patrick

Soooooo Shaq?

l4blitzer

I thought he did play for the Rockets for a while, especially in the playoffs

Joe

yeah can we get shaq

vballretired

Here comes our shooting guard Clank Jones

Joe

CLANK

clank would be a good name

Patrick

I literally made elephant noises at that missed pick.

Joe

carr is good name for a qb though

vballretired

Nelson should have had that

l4blitzer

Hope they don’t rue that on this drive

vballretired

Third down

Joe

so is michael thomas good again

vballretired

Average

Joe

oh okay

Patrick

Yup.

Joe

thank goodness

Patrick

Sigh.

vballretired

What the [KITTEN] was that?

Where is the [KITTEN]ing pressure?

Patrick

Our defense, ladies and gentlemen.

CARR WITH THE 34 YD TD PASS TO SHAHEED: N.O 7 - HOU 7; 0:13, 1st

l4blitzer

Yep, we definitely came to rue that missed pick

Joe

NOOOO

awful

l4blitzer

Do we have to have a discussion about our pass defense?

vballretired

When you give a QB six or seven seconds that will happen

Patrick

It’s still not good, it’s just a bit more opportunistic.

vballretired

Ok

HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

Nice run by Pierce

Joe

he’s piercing!!!

i’m gonna pierce!!!

FIRST QUARTER ENDS: BAYOU CITY 7 - BAYEAUX CITY 7

Patrick

Not here you’re not. This is a family movie.

Joe

hahaha

vballretired

Let’s keep kittening this thing

Joe

sorry i see dameon pierce and this wild feeling rushes over me

also the ice spice dunkin’ donuts munchkin shake or latte is not that good

vballretired

Looks like a first down

Joe

i dont know if you guys keep seeing those commercials but i cant escape them

Patrick

It’s hilarious that we both have a turnover and it happened on the SAME PLAY.

vballretired

Seeing local politics

Patrick

We get them here, even though I don’t think there’s a Dunkin Donuts within a thousand miles of Seattle.

vballretired

Mr. December!

Oooh a pitch play

Patrick

TRICKERY!

vballretired

Mr. December with the block

That play was rough

Nico!!!!!!!!!

Patrick

Oooooooooooooooooooohhh.

vballretired

That was sexy

Patrick

I’m all tingly.

l4blitzer

Texans matriculating that ball down the field

vballretired

Decent play

Joe

nico collins!

vballretired

Field goal

l4blitzer

Nice tackle by the Saints to stop the gain

vballretired

Why is Davis getting this kind of run?

Joe

dang and we got a joel klatt drop on the call

Patrick

The Saints get away with so much [KITTEN].

::runs away::

FAIRBARIN WITH THE 24 YD FG: HOU 10 - N.O. 7; 10:28, 2nd

Joe

you’re right tho

regardless of what happens today, they still lost to baker Mayfield

vballretired

My wife just discovered what it means to give me the Texans AND the points

She’s not happy

Patrick

Although the line was what? 1.5? That’s almost a pick’em at that point.

Yeah

It actually went to 2.5 at kickoff. But I stuck to 1.5

Patrick

Saints possession, my turn to be mad.

N.O. POSSESSION

vballretired

That’s what happens when you apply pressure guys

Patrick

I can’t swear in a room full of children so I just started muttering in incoherent (fake) Russian.

vballretired

[GATITO]

l4blitzer

The Donald Duck, Yosimite Sam technique should work there

vballretired

I figure no one there knows Spanish

Patrick

Anybody see who got hurt for NOLA?

There’s a lot of people here who speak Spanish.

vballretired

[GATITO]

[GATITO]

Patrick

Granted not as many as those who speak Korean up here but still.

vballretired

Benefits of a classical education

Third down

l4blitzer

Why is a New Orleans based broadcast allowing an advertisement for California-based physic hotline? Don’t they have a bounty of those in NOLA?

vballretired

They be punting

Patrick

Are phone psychics still a thing? I thought they all disappeared after they failed to predict 9/11.

l4blitzer

Bend-but-don’t break defense still in effect

vballretired

That was a [KITTEN] of a play by #1

Joe

Itd be cool to see some Will Anderson on this possession

HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

On offense?

Joe

Oop nevermind

Patrick

I’d laugh.

l4blitzer

Just as long as Anderson isn’t used like Watt was in that WT[K] formation in the playoff game in 2015

Joe

Though yknow if he showed up as a fullback, I wouldn’t mind

vballretired

It’s all good

Like that Hunter kid for Coach Prime

Joe

Hahaha

Idk how that Travis Hunter doesn’t get injured sooner

vballretired

Nico!!!!!!!!!

Joe

He plays like 98% of the snaps

LETS GOOO

Patrick

::fans self:: My goodness Nico, you’re gonna give me the vapors.

l4blitzer

Nico likes playing at NRG...and I like that Nico likes playing at NRG...let’s keep this up

vballretired

Singletary!!!!!!!

Again

Patrick

I don’t want to jinx it but the offense looks like it’s working as intended.

l4blitzer

The Saints are tackling worse than we are

vballretired

Third and manageable

Patrick

[KITTEN] they might could go for it on fourth if they don’t get it here.

l4blitzer

...and Miami is starting to reassert order in the universe

vballretired

Don’t speak it into existence

Joe

Hahaha

vballretired

Another tough run

Patrick

I’m surprised how much we’re running Singletary today.

l4blitzer

...and apparently N.O. also has an aversion to stopping the run

...and Beck powering the way on the runs

Patrick

Craig Robinson cannot possibly need the $500 that Burger King is offering him for these ads.

vballretired

Laughing at the wife. She was yelling the same stuff we yell on defense

Patrick

Ooooooooh mama.

That run.

l4blitzer

Pierce rage mode activated

vballretired

Hey, are you turning down 500?

l4blitzer

...or not...

vballretired

[KITTEN]

Patrick

Me? No. But Craig Robinson has to be like a multi-multi hundred thousandaire by now.

l4blitzer

Nice pick by the Glitter Kitty defender

vballretired

Timeout Texans

Touchdown!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joe

LETS GOOOOO

vballretired

Welcome to the end zone Robert Woods

Patrick

That touchdown pass made me all tingly.

vballretired

17-7 Texans

STROUD TO WOODS FOR THE 6 YARD TD: HOU 17 - N.O. 7; 2:56, 2nd

Joe

Stroud is officially famous

vballretired

TOP on our side today

l4blitzer

At least Houston is scoring some TDs vs. the FGs from last week

If you have a near 2 to 1 advantage on TOP, you better get some TDs

Joe

It’s very satisfying to see fewer field goals, you’re right

This is what should have happened last week and the week before

vballretired

Well, let’s not stand around kittening each other quite yet fellas

Patrick

I’m still just taking in the fact that we have a quarterback, let alone an offense, that can make a touchdown throw like that so [KITTEN]ed easy looking.

vballretired

No giraffes anymore

Patrick

Oh [KITTEN], they just lost the feed.

vballretired

Sunshine is now my starting fantasy QB

l4blitzer

Spoken like the experienced Texans fan you are, vball

N.O. POSSESSION

vballretired

Actually experienced Oilers fan

Patrick

Sunday Ticket is down.

vballretired

Third and two

Patrick

Phew, it’s back.

And now I wish it wasn’t.

vballretired

Nice throw to Olave

TWO MINUTE WARNING

l4blitzer

Would be nice to not live in dread of our 3rd down defense, even if they were facing just a 3rd and 2

vballretired

Bud Light will not be the six pack bought on either side

Patrick

I’ve made no fewer than three references to the fact that the refs are clearly on the Saints side by not calling any penalties against them and Mrs. UT has stopped speaking to me.

It’s [KITTEN] beer anyway.

vballretired

Ward is a nice addition

Nice tackling finally

Joe

Maybe the best free agent move of the offseason

vballretired

First down holy type people

Nice tackle by Cashman

Third down

Patrick

I’m not mad, Matt Burke, I just want to talk.

vballretired

The left tackle has held on the last three plays

l4blitzer

Bend but don’t break...hopefully

Patrick

Something’s wrong with Carr.

l4blitzer

...and Miami has taken the lead

vballretired

Inevitable

Patrick

Glitter Kitties up 21-3 on the mules.

vballretired

That’s not grounding?

Patrick

I was about to say if that’s not grounding what the [KITTEN] is?

vballretired

Ok, original LOS

l4blitzer

Maybe the Saints should have taken the TO?

vballretired

No whammies no whammies no whammies

Long field goal

17-10

l4blitzer

Coach not happy about the missed FG early. Wants to work on the longer kicks...and it worked

Joe

I’ll take the field goal!

GRUPE WITH THE 48 YD FG: HOU 17 - N.O. 10; 0:18, 2nd

Joe

Shaquill Griffin was another crucial free agent signing

l4blitzer

Saints broadcasters ripping the team’s 2 min offense execution

vballretired

Saints get ball first in the second half

HOU POSSESSION

l4blitzer

Vikings take the lead in this week’s Suck Bowl

vballretired

The screen to Noah Brown

HALFTIME: H-TOWN LEADING OVER NOLA 17-10.

HALFTIME REACTIONS

l4blitzer

Well, a relatively good half by the Texans here. Stroud’s INT-less streak is over, but the Texans immediately got the ball back and scored the TD. pass defense is concerning, but if the offense can keep moving the ball and the Texans can avoid their usual 3rd Quarter swoon, this should go Houston’s way

vballretired

Stroud with his first pick. It was a bad play but with the fumble on the return it means nothing. We have a running game this week. Maybe Devin Singletary should be the starter. The defense is tackling better but still doesn’t get enough pressure. They have played seven straight halves without a sack.

Joe

Great ending to the first half with the touchdown drive and forcing the Saints to a field goal. Derek Carr has been looking good for most of the game, but Houston’s defense is looking better now. Stroud got the first int out of the way and immediately starting playing great, and is yet again the main reason the Texans are winning. Nico Collins is looking good again, Devin Singletary looks like he really deserves more touches. Big surprise so far has been the Houston run-defense, which has played pretty well so far

l4blitzer

New Orleans Color commentator ripping the Saints a new one...that Cajun accent coming through the anger...

Joe

Hahaha

Patrick

Do they still have Bobby Hebert doing their color commentary?

vballretired

Adding the color to color commentary

Joe

New Orleans has been suffering in their professional sports since they traded Anthony Davis

l4blitzer

I think so.

Yes...yes he is

vballretired

They were jobbed by the refs on the non interference call

The pain is real

SECOND HALF

N.O. POSSESSION

Patrick

Oh, fightin’ time.

vballretired

Extracurricular

l4blitzer

Glitter Kitties taking it to the Ponies...still

Patrick

Oh [KITTEN] here we go.

vballretired

Yup

Joe

Here we go!

vballretired

Nice pressure

l4blitzer

Welp, if you can’t get any sacks, at least force some penalties

vballretired

Third and long

l4blitzer

Commanders up 14 on Atlanta...so we were cursed there, but not them

vballretired

Yes!!!!!!!!

Joe

Happy to see Khalil Davis making some more plays!

vballretired

It’s about kittening time!

l4blitzer

Wait...we got a sack....WE GOT A SACK?!?!?!?!?

Joe

WOOOOO

vballretired

Okay absolutely no turtling

Patrick

Okay, now Mrs. UT is actually pissed at me.

l4blitzer

...and the Glitter Kitties with another pick

HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

Love watching the possums play dead

l4blitzer

Minnesota Twins up 12-6 on the Chicago Cubs in an offensive explosion...hold it, we are being told it is just the Vikings and the Bears in the NFL...yeah, that game sucks

vballretired

Looks like a Thursday night slugfest

Singletary needs to start

[KITTEN], we are turtling

Patrick

Did Bill O’Brien do a pass on this second half offense?

l4blitzer

Maybe avoid those outside runs and try more middle runs

vballretired

[KITTEN]

l4blitzer

Or, even, play action?

vballretired

Great punt

Patrick

[KITTEN], Shaq Griffin just limped off the field.

That’s fine, we have a glut of corners on this team, right? Right?!

l4blitzer

Saints D-line saved them on that play

N.O. POSSESSION

vballretired

Stroud is frustrated and I don’t blame him. The off tackle [KITTEN] needs to stop. Stop [KITTEN]ing turtling and kick some [KITTEN]

l4blitzer

Maybe Ridder just got lucky against us...cause it ain’t workin’ for him today

Joe

Of course Ridder goes back to sucking after the Texans game

He’s so annoying

Patrick

24-6 Jags over Mules.

l4blitzer

Ummm....I thought that San Francisco was supposed to be dominant. Now, they are in a dogfight in Cleveland (pun kinda intended)

Patrick

I’m starting to get legit annoyed that we lost to the Colts now.

vballretired

Will Anderson have yourself a tackle

l4blitzer

Not a TFL...bust

vballretired

It evens out. I’m sure the Jags are annoyed

Three and out. Don’t turtle. Attack [KITTEN]!

l4blitzer

ok...looks like they gave Anderson the TFL...so he can stay

vballretired

There are flashes

HOU POSSESSION

Joe

This defense is playing!

vballretired

When you have a non-mobile QB it’s a lot easier

It’s sad to me that pizza just doesn’t look good anymore

Let’s go!!!!!!!

Patrick

That was so pretty.

It’s like if a football pass could be a pretty pretty princess.

Joe

Absolutely beautiful

It’s like art

l4blitzer

Fascinating...you have a hot playing rookie QB and you let him throw...and it works

Patrick

Guess the refs finally woke up.

l4blitzer

First and Goal at the One....CHUM!!!!

Joe

Delicious chum

Where’s the tush push

vballretired

My [KITTEN] dog is freaking out

l4blitzer

Almost had it too from Stroud to Schultz

No, not THAT CHUM!!! The other CHUM

vballretired

You get it to the one and can’t score?

Joe

Yeah where’s the chum

Patrick

I don’t know what that was but no.

A foot away from a touchdown.

l4blitzer

Good grief, Stroud ran about 35 yards back for that incompletion

vballretired

That’s going to figure in the outcome

Joe

Okay well this was a disappointment

FAIRBARIN 22 YD FG; HOU 20 - N.O. 10; 7:01, 3rd

Patrick

All that backpeddling and it was still very close to getting the score.

vballretired

I missed first and second down because of my Puck

Joe

Nearly a miraculous completion to Woods but…another field goal

Field Goal Up the Middle

vballretired

Puck is my dog

l4blitzer

Ok...next time, just give it to Beck. He would only lose, like 1 yard vs. 3

Patrick

Ahhhh okay.

Joe

Puck! What was he doin

vballretired

We have an air show going on right now. He’s freaking out

Patrick

Ohhhh poor fella.

l4blitzer

Yeah, that will do it. Especially if any of the fighter jets go into afterburner

vballretired

Yup

Maybe just maybe Pierce needs fewer carries

Nice play by Carr

l4blitzer

Admittedly, the Saints DLine was pushing the Texans line back on some of those plays something fierce

Patrick

I think we need to get the line back to full strength before we fully diagnose Pierce’s struggles.

vballretired

True but Singletary is better now

Vikings with the kill shot

l4blitzer

About 3 missed tackles that should have had him in the backfield...sheesh

Patrick

Here it comes.

vballretired

Holding on the Saints

Patrick

A “well no [KITTEN]” holding against NOLA there.

l4blitzer

Please, I told you guys, no Stupidball here...even if the Saints are leading in the dumbness factor

vballretired

Sack for now

That’s two sacks

l4blitzer

A sack or a trip...yeah, take the sack now

vballretired

Field goal time

Actual pressure on the QB

l4blitzer

Bend but don’t break in effect. Can somewhat live with that...but need a TD next time or so

Patrick

I missed what that penalty against NO was on.

l4blitzer

Tripping

GRUPE WITH THE 45 YARD FG. HOU 20 - NO 13; 2:17, 3rd

vballretired

Okay, let’s punch this one in

Or score outside the red zone

l4blitzer

Miami has now activated PlayStation mode against Carolina

vballretired

Sega!

Patrick

Took ‘em long enough.

Joe

Even though Houston’s offense has been up and down the past few weeks, this defense has been very good through it all

Patrick

::Sonic the Hedgehog theme plays::

vballretired

Oh no

Patrick

That was uncharacteristically stupid of Stroud there.

HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

First time sacked since week two

l4blitzer

No Housotn, not that end zone!!! The OTHER End Zone

vballretired

Ok, third in manageable

l4blitzer

I don’t mind trying play-action on 1st down, but not a great time for a sack

vballretired

Punting again

Patrick

[KIIIITTTTTTEEENNNNN]

vballretired

That was not a good time to pull that off

Joe

Man

vballretired

That’s too easy

Joe

I guess we were due for a 3 and out

N.O. POSSESSION

l4blitzer

Uh, Houston, let’s not bend THAT much

vballretired

Decent

END OF 3RD QUARTER; HOU 20 - N.O. 13. Got a tight one in the Bayou City

vballretired

Although Olave is on my fantasy team

Patrick

Mine too. Only because Tank Dell is out today.

vballretired

Better tackling this half

4TH QUARTER

vballretired

That’s better

l4blitzer

Need to tighten up a bit more now

Patrick

Welp.

vballretired

First down

l4blitzer

What is the TOP for the 2nd half, ‘cause I think that N.O. is winning that one now

vballretired

[KITTEN]

Patrick

This game’s over.

Joe

Don’t say it!!!

vballretired

Don’t speak it into existence

Patrick

I’m trying to reverse jinx.

Joe

Oh okay I can get behind that

The Texans suck monster [KITTEN]

l4blitzer

I mean, if the Saints want to replicate our red zone results..ok

vballretired

No whammies no whammies no whammies

Patrick

It’d be nice if our offense woke up.

Joe

Yeah it’s time!!! Stroud I need your help again!!!

vballretired

Those four points would be nice

Patrick

Well I’ll be damned.

vballretired

Okay, we are -1 on the durp trade off game

GRUPE MISSED THE 29 YD FG...YES, HE MISSED A 29 YARD FG INDOORS: HOU POSSESSION

Joe

LETS GOOOO

What are the chances!

l4blitzer

Frank Ross Magic in action

vballretired

Miss four points on the would be touchdown and gain three on one of my patented snap hooks off the tee

That was snapped like an Ian Baker Finch drive

No turtling

l4blitzer

Forward progress. Will take it

vballretired

Flag on the play

Patrick

What the [KITTEN] Stroud?

l4blitzer

Hey, Finch did actually win the British Open. Ok, fell apart afterwards, but still...

vballretired

[KITTEN] the [DURGA]ly Folk committing a lot of sins

l4blitzer

Thanks NOLA. Appreciate the charity

I guess maybe they need Pope Francis to give them a shoutout on Twitter again

Patrick

TRICKERY!

vballretired

First down on jet sweep

Patrick

I guess my sense of trickery has been skewed over the last three+ years.

vballretired

That was something

l4blitzer

Admittedly, seeing more plays go for positive yards will skew that sense of trickeration

Patrick

The receiver fell.

vballretired

Helped

Kenneth L.

great move by hutch!!

vballretired

Another sack

Patrick

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Stroud looks hurt.

Kenneth L.

how many sacks?

vballretired

Two for each team

l4blitzer

2nd one H-town surrendered today

Patrick

Okay maybe not.

vballretired

Ok, win the field position game

l4blitzer

Well, at least it is positive progress after that bad play

Patrick

I can’t believe I’m about to say this but more screen plays for the Texans, please.

vballretired

Tunsil got beat like a rented mule

N.O. POSSESSION

l4blitzer

Actually, I think the commentator for the Saints is Duce McCallister. But man did he go off on the Saints defense for allowing Houston to get those yards to flip field position

vballretired

Nico having himself a day

l4blitzer

Nico really likes playing at home this season. Averaged 7 receptions/155+ Yds with 3 TDs coming into this game

Joe

OH NO

vballretired

Pierce with 26 yards on 11 carries. Just saying

Patrick

We’re so [KITTEN]ed.

l4blitzer

Sometimes, it does seem the Pierce will dance a little much before running

vballretired

[KITTEN]

l4blitzer

Uh...that is not supposed to work that way Houston

vballretired

That should have been picked

Kenneth L.

how the [KITTEN]...

l4blitzer

Yeah, Nelson was real close...but Carr way underthrew it. Could have been a TD if it was in stride

vballretired

Here it goes

Kenneth L.

that was a duck

l4blitzer

Think that Saints will have to go for the TD here.

Joe

CAN THE TEXANS DO SOMETHING

vballretired

That’s better

Timeout Texans

Patrick

Thank goodness because that was a hair away from being offsides there.

vballretired

That’s awesome

Going for it

Joe

Oh no

My heart

Oh my goodness

vballretired

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’n

Patrick

Praise Durga!

vballretired

All Kamara offense stopped short

Joe

YESSSS

HOU WITH AN ACTUAL 4TH DOWN STOP; HOU POSSESSION

Joe

LETS GOOOOO

vballretired

Need at least one first down

l4blitzer

Beeeeennnnnnnnddddddddd....butdontbreak is the manta of the day

vballretired

There’s Pierce

Kenneth L.

LETS RIDE

l4blitzer

Pierce Rage Mode Needs to be in business...now

Kenneth L.

that feels like a monumental shift in the entire franchise

vballretired

Another two yards

l4blitzer

Saints with all 3 TOs

Niners just took the lead in Cleveland

Joe

Now we just need to score, don’t even need a touchdown just a score

vballretired

Key flag after a stupid play call

Both on defense

l4blitzer

Commentators losing their minds. Fun since it is on them

vballretired

Massage that clock

l4blitzer

GLORY TO ALL PENALTY OFFENSE

vballretired

That was going nowhere

Kenneth L.

hahahahahahaha

Joe

THANK YOU PENALTY [DURGA]S

Kenneth L.

yahoo

Patrick

My wife may very well divorce me after that penalty and I had to say that the ref is going to call that PI every time when the defender wasn’t facing the ball.

vballretired

This running game still needs work

l4blitzer

I get trying to make N.O. burn all the TOs, but after last week...would rather HOU get the 1st down

vballretired

No divorce but she ain’t happy

[KITTEN] guys

Patrick

I don’t like these playcalls at all.

Not one little bit.

vballretired

We are limping through this one

Joe

Yeah these suck

Patrick

Something’s not right.

Joe

What are we 15 yards away from winning?

l4blitzer

Where’s the Nico screen?

vballretired

And you only make them use one timeout

Bobby Slowik not having a good half

l4blitzer

Welp, N.O. has 2 TOs, the 2 minute warning...and they’ve been able to move up and down the field. Gulp

Kenneth L.

offense looks stalled for us

Patrick

I feel like Stroud’s not feeling right or something.

Joe

Oh man

l4blitzer

Yeah, Stroud had no choice...but for timing sake, maybe could have taken a sack to at least get NO to burn a TO. Johnston can boot it

vballretired

Holding on the tackle again…not called

N.O. POSSESSION

Kenneth L.

who is our #76??

Patrick

Deculus

vballretired

On D?

Kenneth L.

no.... who was playing left tackle? they just got beat

l4blitzer

At least the Saints need a TD. Last week, needed a FG

Patrick

It’s Deculus.

TWO MINUTE WARNING

vballretired

Their left tackle keeps grabbing the arm

Patrick

76 is Austin Deculus.

vballretired

This is two weeks in a row we just hope our defense holds. That field goal coming back to haunt us.

l4blitzer

First half, I think we had nearly 90 yards on the ground. Saints clamped down on that hard second half (30 yards)

[Editor’s Note: It was worse: The Texans had 97 yards in the 1st half, so they managed a sterling 22 yards rushing in the 2nd]

Patrick

I’m getting PTSD from watching this unfold when my wife and I were at the Saints/Texans game in NO in 2019 (I think).

Joe

Yeah I’m getting anxious about how often we’re relying on the defense to bail us out

Joe

Oh no

The game that we do not mention

Im so sorry

l4blitzer

Washington actually held Atlanta. ATL with their first home loss of the season

vballretired

Uncatchable pass to Joe Camaraman

Patrick

Oh sure they couldn’t have played like that last week?

vballretired

[KITTEN]

Patrick

That was [KITTEN]ing stupid Shaq.

l4blitzer

Of course, it can’t be easy for us. Of course it can’t

Joe

Im gonna throw up today

vballretired

[KITTEN] they are matriculating

Patrick

l4blitzer

The only saving grace...N.O. needs the TD.

vballretired

[KITTEN] Shaq

l4blitzer

At least the tackling is improving

Patrick

I want Shaq Griffin yeeted to the [KITTEN]ing moon.

vballretired

Ward!!!!!

Intended for the popcorn vendor

l4blitzer

That was a good tackle by Ward

vballretired

Timeout Sinless folk

Joe

I can’t watch

l4blitzer

Miami outscored Carolina 42-7 since the 14-0 deficit

Joe

This should be illegal

l4blitzer

Not a good sequence by the Saints there

vballretired

First down

l4blitzer

But it worked out...unfortunately

vballretired

Intended for Bob Sideline

l4blitzer

Making money with the comeback routes

vballretired

No whammies no whammies no whammies

Patrick

Flag coming in 3...2...1...

vballretired

Nope

l4blitzer

DRA-ma time in Houston...

Joe

I can’t watch!

I can’t do it

Patrick

Crisis averted.

vballretired

Ok, that’s all she wrote

BEEEEEENNNNNNNNNDDDDDDD BUT DON’T BREAK DEFENSE HOLDS; HOU BALL

Joe

LETS GOOOOO

AAAAAAAA

l4blitzer

Nice blitz by the DB there

vballretired

Great defensive effort

l4blitzer

You would rather the incompletion there

vballretired

Nelson wants it for contract purposes

Patrick

I’m not sure it really matters at this point.

Joe

Oh my goodness my heart!

This defense has won me over fully

Joe

They are ready for the big time

Patrick

Either way we get the ball back and victory formation until the clock’s out.

vballretired

Conspiracy

l4blitzer

It would be a field position issue. Ball on the 3...MOAR heart attack. Ball at the 24...relief

Joe

What a win

Patrick

Then we run the ball a couple of times, we’re used to them getting no yards running up the middle.

CORRECTION: NELSON WITH THE INT ON THE 4TH DOWN. BALL AT THE HOU 2; HOU BALL

l4blitzer

Be real, real careful on the kneel downs

No University of Miami stuff here

Patrick

Shame I can’t be outwardly happy about this game.

Joe

Just run it forward

Of course even the end has to be scary

FINAL: HOU 20 - N.O. 13. HOU WITH ITS SECOND STRAIGHT HOME WIN.

vballretired

My game ball goes to Jimmy Ward. He’s made some key plays along the way in the open field. Kamara got the ball in space and they controlled him for the most part

Offense had moments but this was a defensive win.

Kenneth L.

HUGE WIN

go team

wow we matched our win total from all of last year

Patrick

Unrelated but Suzanne Somers died.

Joe

This was one of the best Texans games I’ve ever watched. I’ve said this a few times now already this season so maybe that doesn’t mean much from me anymore, but I’ll remember this game for the fantastic defensive effort by Houston. DeMeco Ryans and this defense have completely won me over, and I think they’re ready to take on anyone. They saved, SAVED the Texans in this game after New Orleans put the clamps down in the 2nd half. But, despite the rough second half, I still think Stroud had a good game. This was definitely the best defense he’s faced up until this point, and it showed, but he was still effective. I love this team.

vballretired

Zebras paid off by the Browns

Browns will go ahead after two horrible calls

It’s going to be one of those where the league office sends an official apology that does nothing

GAME BALLS:

• LB Brain Cashman: On a day when the defense was bending as much as possible without breaking, Cashman was leading the charge. Logged 15 total tackles, 2 TFLs, 2 PDs, and was in on just about every key defense play for the Texans. In the 4th quarter, he helped stop Alvin Kamara short of the line to gain on one 4th down stop, and put the key pressure on Derek Carr on the Saints’ final possession that resulted in a game-clinching 4th down interception.
• S Jimmie Ward: With both Ward and Pitre back in the secondary, it is helping the Texans D not be the liability of seasons’ past. Ward logged 7 tackles (5 solo), which included a key 2nd down tackle on the final Saints drive that saved critical yards and time.
• P Cam Johnston: Now back after missing the 1st 4 weeks of the season, Johnston made his home debut for 2023 a good one. 5 punts for a 47.4 yard average, including a field-flipping 63 yard bomb. Some of those punts were PGA-style wedge shots, pinning the Saints deep and forcing them to exert so much energy just to get to the red zone where the Texans held firm

SHOULD BE FORCED TO TAKE PRECISE DICTATION OF A BUNCH OF DRUNK CAJUN SAINTS’ FANS AFTER A NIGHT OF DEPRESSED DRINKING IN THE FRENCH QUARTER:

• The Texans’ Second Half Offense: Credit to the Saints’ defense for making the critical half-time adjustments and showing flashes of the team that crushed the soul out of the soulless Belichicks of New England, but Houston’s offense production went from effective to vanished. 59 total yards in the second half, to include the inability to score at TD when they had a 1st and Goal from the NO 1. This added way too much drama to the game. There were a number of issues, from O-line protections/blocking, some decision-making from Stroud and a running game that just could not make any positive yards. If Houston has hopes of doing anything post-bye, they can’t have a repeat of the second half offensive performance.

With that, the Texans enter the bye at 3-3. They next return to the NFL fields of conflict October 29th, when they travel to Carolina to face the Panthers and their rookie QB, Bryce Young for a noon CDT kickoff. Any guesses as to what the main subplot to that matchup will be?