Hair of the Dog: Week 8, Houston Texans @ Carolina Panthers

Well, that wasn’t all that much fun, now was it? The Houston Texans came into this game off of a bye, winners of three of their last four, and actually favored in a road game for the first time since 2020. Carolina came into this game in position to give Chicago an awesome draft pick and desperately seeking its first win. Young vs. Stroud, and most had Stroud as the clear cut winner. This had all the makings for a Texans win.

Except...Houston does not play well against Carolina. They just do not. From the franchise’s first hangover game against the Panthers in 2011, to the (late) Ryan Mallet’s first start for Houston coming up short, to whatever those performances were against Carolina in Houston in 2019 and 2021, the Multiverse has decreed that henceforth, Houston shall not beat Carolina. Welcome to this matchup. Sluggish offensive play, a defense that somehow managed to make Bryce Young look like Alabama Young and not the current starter for an 0-6 team and proving that defensively, they aren’t good enough to prevent a team from getting that last-second FG. Ergo, the Texans exit Carolina with their fifth straight loss to that franchise and a 3-4 record.

As always, your Battle Red Masthead had their real-time takes on whatever it was we witnessed on our screens yesterday. As you can expect, there was a liberal amount of questionable language thrown about, thus we edited that for classic work decorum. Hopefully, the Texans second straight last-second road loss will be the low-point of the week and everything is uphill from here.

With that, on to the ‘Dog:

HAIR OF THE DOG VOLUME 21, ISSUE 8: HOUSTON TEXANS @ CAROLINA PANTHERS (I.e. can a Houston professional team actually win a game after an 0-fer week?)

vballretired

Alright ladies and gentlemen. Your Houston Texans are favored in a game. We were in quarantine the last time that happened. The stadiums were empty which means can we really say that happened? It’s time to mix yourself a celebratory beverage. Bars don’t open in the morning. Those pesky blue laws and all. #Bartesian never closes. It never opens. There’s never a muscle bound bouncer to keep you from entering the premises. Because #Bartesian is with you 24/7. It’s with you when the Texans are floundering and it’s with you when they appear to be good again. Vodka? Check. Whiskey? Check. Tequila? Check. Rum? Check. Gin? Check. They have mixers for all of your favorite spirits and there’s no snooty bartender there to ask, “hey buddy can we call a cab for you?” That’s because you’re already home. As per usual, those of us at Battle Red Blog and it’s parent company SB Nation remind you to use #Bartesian responsibly. Don’t drive or operate heavy machinery after use. Be sure to try as many different cocktails as possible but maybe space that out over a full NFL season.

l4blitzer

Gonna make a bold prediction here: no penalty in this game will equal the epicness of the Air Force-Colorado State game, where officials assessed a 15-yard penalty on the CSU fans for throwing snowballs, forcing stadium officials to clear out the student section…even if Carolina fans throw their mustard based BBQ sauce at Texans players, not going to see anyone top last night

vballretired

And nobody would eat that kitteny garbage

Joe

I’m excited to see the first overall pick and second overall pick go directly against each other, especially since Houston has so far been on the better side of the comparison

Patrick

Cowards, they should’ve made it a part of the game and if anyone hit the head ref they win, I dunno, the Publisher’s Clearinghouse or something.

l4blitzer

Really hope Houston can buck its current trend of derping against Carolina, but expecting a textbook Houston letdown

Joe

This should be the Dameon Pierce game, though! I’m hoping that even if CJ Stroud has a [KITTEN]y game, Pierce will just win the game for us

Patrick

And away we go.

vballretired

Pierce just hesitates too much.

HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

And we punt

CAR POSSESSION

vballretired

First penalty of the game on the not so glittery cats

l4blitzer

Hopefully not a preview of a stupid-ball/ref-ball game

vballretired

And it’s a sack

l4blitzer

Titans derp a turnover to the Falcons. Serves them right for the abomination of their Columbia Blue uniforms

vballretired

Cashman was shot out of a cannon

l4blitzer

Dude is impressing me at the LB spot. The LBs might be a little better than I thought

vballretired

Holding penalty for half a yard

l4blitzer

Uh, what I say about no stupid-ball/ref-ball

Patrick

Second one too.

vballretired

BY playing crikett apparently

Tavierre Thomas is back

l4blitzer

…and Young takes the lead in pass completion/yards over Stroud

vballretired

But -5 yards in total offense

HOU POSSESSION

l4blitzer

Nice run by Stroud.

l4blitzer

Guess Stroud can run a little, no?

Patrick

And that run basically took it all back.

vballretired

That will not help Singletary’s YPC

l4blitzer

We don’t need a living embodiment of “two steps forward, one step back”

Patrick

Tytus back at RT, thank Durga.

vballretired

I’d take that on this drive

Patrick

I thought Bryce Young was the short one.

CAR POSSESSION

vballretired

Another one batted down. Let’s see, Stroud running and getting passes batted down. Have they exchanged bodies?

Patrick

I’m getting real tired of 96 batting everything down.

vballretired

Someone needs to pancake that guy

l4blitzer

RedZone nothing but stupid-ball across the league. Our offensive sequence, the Vikings missed FG, the Colts doing whatever the [KITTEN] they thought would work for 4th and inches inside the Saints 10

More TFLs from Anderson, please

vballretired

Yup

Do they still decide ties on penetrations?

l4blitzer

Sleepy start for the offenses in this game.

HOU POSSESSION

l4blitzer

Hewitt now on Frank Ross’ beat down list

vballretired

That’s better

Patrick

Whooo pretty grab by Collins there.

l4blitzer

Can we get home-field Collins on the road? That would be nice.

Joe

Nico Collins is so famous

i love him

Mike Boone!

l4blitzer

Moving the ball…that works

vballretired

As an aside I love Bradshaw talking about how he always passed in the middle of the field and that’s where his interceptions. Howie’s brain got there but Bradshaw is still thinking about it.

Joe

even though i want the dameon pierce show to get on the road, i’d love to see more touches for singletary and boone in this offense

vballretired

Tank Dell!!!

Patrick

TAAAAAAAAAAANK

Joe

TAAAANK

Patrick

I think he’s gonna be okay.

l4blitzer

A speedy Sherman, this Tank fellow…

vballretired

That’s two penetrations by the Texans

l4blitzer

Uh, there might be kids watching…

vballretired

True

l4blitzer

Ware is losing it in the booth…quite humorous honestly

Patrick

¡Caliente!

vballretired

Our run game is just not….what’s the word I’m looking for?…..um good

Patrick

Noice.

vballretired

I love Collins

l4blitzer

It is a work in progress (running game). Meanwhile, Collins gonna Collins

The offensive coordinator looks like he should be studying for freshman mid-terms

Oh great…Mayonnaise boy got his first TD pass in the abomination uniforms

vballretired

Tank Dell and Mike Boone are our rushing attack

END QUARTER ONE: HOU 0 - CAR 0

Patrick

The Cowturds fans here are one first down away from burning this bar down in joy.

Kenneth L.

Offense looks good. Defense looks strong. Need to get points out of this

l4blitzer

Yeah, Cow-Idiots will make the Metroplex sports fan even more insufferable than they already are…

Patrick

OH MY [DURGA] THAT CATCH

vballretired

How in the [KITTEN]?

Joe

HOW

l4blitzer

That’ll do Texans, That’ll do.

Patrick

The kid is a [DURGA][KITTEN] magician.

Joe

This texans team is actually good i dont even care anymore

they can make the playoffs

they are a good team

vballretired

That’s a rushing touchdown

l4blitzer

That was a frickin’ laser beam of a pass

Patrick

Dameon Pierce with the TD.

vballretired

Pierce actually gained positive yards on the goal line

Kenneth L.

TD!

Pierce drought over

I want a three and out now for the defense

l4blitzer

Review: Please stand by….please stand by….please stand by

Patrick

Minshew is hobbled for the Colts.

l4blitzer

Not a TD…another chance for the Texans to excel along the goal-line

Kenneth L.

Ughh

vballretired

I get computer issues. I’m more or less a government employee

No touchdown

l4blitzer

Who do the Ponies have for QB?

If they lose Minshew?

Patrick

Honestly I’m not sure.

vballretired

And Pierce still without a rushing touchdown

l4blitzer

Andrew Beck, please report to the end zone. Andrew Beck, please report to the end zone

vballretired

But Beck gets it

Patrick

Beck, our most powerful offensive weapon.

vballretired

And special teams

ANDREW BECK WITH THE 1 YARD TD RUN: HOU 7 - CAR 0; 13:13, 2nd

vballretired

That’s a nine minute drive. Damn.

l4blitzer

Glitter Kitties derping it in Yinzerland.

CAR POSSESSION

l4blitzer

Ross…not gonna be happy in the film session this coming week

Patrick

Oh sweet mother…the Colts third string QB: Sam Ehrlinger.

vballretired

I just threw up in my mouth a little seeing the Titans uniforms

l4blitzer

For that, we must all pray that ATL mud-stomps them to Hades to see their owner.

Bad penalty by the Texans there.

vballretired

Mayo boy with his first TD pass

Patrick

Gross on multiple orders of magnitude.

Double [KITTEN].

vballretired

Son of a motherless goat

l4blitzer

Oh, so now the offenses want to wake up, and the defenses want to take naps

Patrick

Is this how every game is going to go? The offense picks it up so the defense decides to play like butt on the next drive and vice versa?

vballretired

They were eyelashes away from two sacks

Fourth and goal

l4blitzer

Maybe the D is waking up…

Patrick

Wooooooow goal line stand.

HOU WITH A GOAL-LINE STAND. HOU POSSESSION

Patrick

Unreal.

vballretired

Holy Durga!

l4blitzer

Matt Burke playing 11-degree chess…let teams come so close to the end zone and then not score to maintain their excellent red zone numbers…

Kenneth L.

THOMAS WITH THE DEFENSE

WOW WE DO BE DOING THE DEFENSE

l4blitzer

A good CHUM there

Patrick

TAAAAAAAANK

l4blitzer

MOAR breathing room

vballretired

Man it’s a football team

Ohhh, almost picked

l4blitzer

Rain must really be playing with the Glitter Kitties…and yet, they play in Florida and London, areas of high humidity and rainy-type weather.

vballretired

Hmmmm

Patrick

[KIIIITTTTTEEEENNN].

l4blitzer

Oh, so now the Carolina D shows up? Now that D-line wants to play?

Patrick

Trusting Singletary to block? That’s a choice.

CAR POSSESSION

vballretired

It’s something

Kenneth L.

Brian burns is a problem

Stroud does make sacks much worse

Patrick

They get so close and come up empty, it’s so frustrating.

l4blitzer

When they do start to get home consistently, it will be something to behold

Joe

at some point will anderson will be able to close that gap

vballretired

But a flag

Patrick

Mother[KITTEN]er.

l4blitzer

The ever popular defensive holding. By no one’s request here.

Nice little back and forth going on in Indy right now

Patrick

Let’s not cover receivers that’s a great idea.

Kenneth L.

Their offense is cooking

Patrick

Now [KITTEN]ing what?

vballretired

Encroachment

l4blitzer

Ah, road stupid-ball returns to Houston

TWO MINUTE WARNING

Patrick

I know they’re excited about the goal line stand earlier but let’s not make that a regular occurrence shall we?

l4blitzer

Taking the “Bend” part of “Bend but don’t Break” a bit too far here

…and Carolina shows why they are 0-6. Stupid-ball for all

Patrick

Finally a call against Carolina.

vballretired

And right back where we were

HOU TIMEOUT

vballretired

In all fairness, it’s easy to see why BY was the consensus top pick

l4blitzer

Has anyone done any statistical analysis of the teams with the highest pressure rates but lowest sack totals? It feels like the 2023 Texans would be among the leaders in that category

HOU TIMEOUT

vballretired

Touchdown Panthers

Patrick

Siiiiiiiiiiigh…

Well at least they missed the XP

YOUNG WITH THE 1 YARD TD PASS TO TREMBLE: HOU 7 - CAR 6 (MISSED PAT); 1:35, 2nd

l4blitzer

If not for the Def holding on 3rd and 10…que sera, sera

Metroplex sports fan insufferabilty level at maximum

vballretired

So early half time thoughts. It’s not hard to see why BY was so well thought of. He can make plays off schedule. I’m glad to see Slowik getting creative with the running game but this team lacks something. Pierce just doesn’t feel like a fit for whatever reason. As usual, Stroud doing good things.

HOU POSSESSION

l4blitzer

Uh…not how you want to start the 2 minute offense here

Patrick

Did he forget he can throw the ball away?

The [KITTEN] was that, offense?

l4blitzer

Wow…this drive is vintage 2021-22 Texans…yuck.

Patrick

A 15 second drive. Woof.

l4blitzer

At least the special teams with some good help there

Ho hum…just a 74 yard gross punt/69 yard net for a punt

CAR POSSESSION

Patrick

Getting annoyed by all these catches.

l4blitzer

As long as they avoid the big play, I’ll take these short passes inbounds

Wait…did we…did we actually just complete a sack?

Patrick

If there’s a flag I’ll [KITTEN]ing kill them.

HALFTIME: The home of real BBQ sauces 7 - Home of that vile Mustard-based BBQ stuff 6

HALFTIME REACTIONS

Patrick

I think we should score more points and not let the Panthers do things on offense anymore.

l4blitzer

Well, figured that Houston was in serious danger of dropping this game. Their second quarter performance after the TD is affirming that fear. Stroud is not getting rid of the ball, the pass protection is not good against a dangerous D-line, and when the defense isn’t struggling to contain Bryce Young, they are killing themselves with penalties. All of that, and Houston is technically in the lead. Team is going to have to avoid their usual 3rd quarter swoons if they don’t want to lose their 5th straight to Carolina

START OF SECOND HALF: CAR POSSESSION

Patrick

The irritating part is Stroud is 10/14 which I think is his highest completion percentage so far this season and he’s only gotten 75 yards out of it.

l4blitzer

That yardage accounts for the 2 sacks for 21 lost yards, right?

Patrick

I think that’s just a college football thing.

vballretired

No it doesn’t

Two of the four incompletions were batted down

l4blitzer

Wait, just checked. He has thrown for 75, but the Texans have 54 yards passing

vballretired

Yeah

l4blitzer

Let us hope we have made a few adjustments for the O

Patrick

And the D.

Much better.

l4blitzer

…great, now we have Young thinking he is back at Alabama

Patrick

Some day the Texans will remember to cover receivers and we will laaaaaaaugh and laaaaaaaugh.

vballretired

We are at least defending the run

l4blitzer

I think the Panthers have less than 25 yards rushing…but there is that whole pesky forward pass thingy

vballretired

Field goal time

Patrick

Finally a stop on defense.

vballretired

Is that legal?

l4blitzer

Not for the Texans prior to this season

Patrick

Too much to hope that they’d miss it again.

PINEIRO ONLY MAKES KICKS WORTH MORE THAN ONE POINT WITH THE 46 YARD FG: CAR 9 - HOU 7; 10:46, 3rd

Patrick

Depends on who’s doing the passing.

HOU POSSESSION

l4blitzer

New goals for offense. More positive yards than negative on an offensive drive

Patrick

[KITTEN] me.

vballretired

Mother [KITTEN]er. We are going to lose this game aren’t we?

Patrick

Sure looks like it.

BECK FUMBLES THE BALL AND CAROLINA RECOVERS AND RETURNS TO HOU 27, CAR POSSESSION

l4blitzer

There is always something about Carolina that makes Houston play down several levels

Patrick

Eh, it’s only been three [KITTEN]ing years since we’ve been over .500, I’m sure this will be [KITTEN]ing fine.

PINEIRO WITH THE 37 YARD FG: HOU 7 - CAR 12; 7:58, 3rd

Patrick

Okay let’s try to move the ball forward this time please if that’s not too much trouble.

What the [KITTEN] is going on with these batted passes?

HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

Huge play in this game

Patrick

I don’t know how they pulled that off but I’m glad they did.

They needed that first down.

And of course that won’t count.

l4blitzer

Welcome to this offense

vballretired

Too much dancing

Finally

Joe

this is tank dell’s face every time he gets the football

Patrick

Nice!

What the [KITTEN] just happened?!

vballretired

Wow

l4blitzer

Nice Jack-O-Lantern

Joe

lets go singletary!!!

man is he fast

Joe

thank you!

its always hard making the sharp teeth without them falling out

vballretired

That Beck isn’t going to work again

Pierce still can’t get in the end zone

Patrick

Tush push?

vballretired

Geez, I have no faith they can gain a yard but….

Stroud with a touchdown so far

Joe

id be happy with multiple tush pushes

Patrick

Getting a little chippy at the game.

vballretired

Yup. Takes three carries to gain a yard and Pierce still can’t get it done. It’s just sad watching what’s happened to him

STROUD WITH THE 1 YARD TD RUSH. 2 POINT ATTEMPT FAILED: HOU 13 - CAR 12, 0:35, 3rd

CAR POSSESSION

l4blitzer

…now special teams is failing?

FOURTH QUARTER

l4blitzer

Ok…we are defensing again.

Patrick

I can only hope, maybe with a bit of decent blocking and a nice bomb from Stroud.

l4blitzer

Some run progress. At this point, if it can set up a nice PA pass, I will take it

Patrick

And then they do that and I’m disgusted again.

Okay, we gotta talk about the batted passes.

l4blitzer

Is JJ Watt a Carolina consultant without us knowing?

Patrick

Sigh…

l4blitzer

A decent punt at least.

CAR POSSESSION

l4blitzer

Levis-Hopkins connection in Columbia Blue Abominations…I feel ill for some reason

Patrick

I won’t give the trolls the satisfaction of being upset by the infidels.

l4blitzer

Probably the right attitude, but my sporty-ball fandom has taken a lot of hits lately, so the shields are not as strong

Patrick

Spite can be a very powerful motivator.

l4blitzer

Uh…I think the Texans pass rush is..uh…motivated

Patrick

I should hope like [KITTEN].

l4blitzer

Did we secretly replace our defense with the ‘84 Bears pass rush?

Patrick

I think that’s the best defensive stand of the game, and I’m including the goal line stand in that.

l4blitzer

Whatever motivational technique the DL coaches used for this squad, I want that bottled and shipped to me forthwith

…and Tank Dell redeeming the special teams

HOU POSSESSION

Patrick

And then we run the ball.

l4blitzer

At least it is forward progress

Patrick

Yeah I suppose.

l4blitzer

After the jack-[KITTEN]ery of the 2nd quarter when we went backwards on every drop back…

Patrick

Oh [KITTEN] Patterson’s hurt?

l4blitzer

Oh great, more injuries…

Patrick

Stop injuring our linemen we only have two left and they’re rentals.

l4blitzer

At this rate, our TEs will be lining up in the actual OL positions

Or Stroud can make 1st down passes

Patrick

Cowturds about to hang a 50 burger on the Rams.

l4blitzer

Meanwhile, Atlanta, in a role reversal, is making a comeback against the Fighitn’ Bud Adamses

If we don’t make the 3rd down, do we think about going for it on 4th?

Patrick

At the 40 it’s not unthinkable.

l4blitzer

Ah, the dumb-ball returns

Patrick

4th and 10 though maybe not so much.

l4blitzer

No…4th and 10…may as well punt it. The D is playing hot, but don’t offer the momentum to Carolina

CAR POSSESSION

l4blitzer

Maybe Johnston for player of the game?

Patrick

Yeah let’s not put ANYBODY on that side of the field. Brilliant.

vballretired

Ok, I’m back but might have to edit quickly

l4blitzer

Let’s knock it off with the mental penalties please

vballretired

It’s flag time

Patrick

Do they have money on the Panthers, is that what this is?

Joe

hahaha

vballretired

Terrible call

Joe

awful call

Patrick

OH GET THE LITERAL [KITTEN] OUTTA HERE WITH THAT CALL.

Joe

COME ONNNNN

let shaq griffin play!

l4blitzer

Refs making a play to be the Panthers MVP

or Greenard can increase their degree of difficulty

vballretired

No flag no flag no flag

Joe

SAAAACK

l4blitzer

Make up non-flag

Patrick

If they called a flag on that I’d have had a stroke.

vballretired

Fourth and short

l4blitzer

Panthers have to go for this one…

vballretired

Play of the game

Patrick

And of course they convert.

vballretired

How in the [KITTEN] did neither defender knock that down

l4blitzer

Welp…can they hold them to long FG decision time

How did that get through the D lines…that 4th down pass

TWO MINUTE WARNING

Kenneth L.

This doesn’t look good

Patrick

I think I’m gonna be ill.

HOU TIMEOUT

Kenneth L.

I hated that surrender punt

Patrick

When did they use the first timeout? I thought they had them all going into the two minute warning.

You’d have gone for it on 4th and 10?

l4blitzer

Houston down to zero TOs, and Carolina in the red zone

Patrick

And now they can’t stop the clock. What the [KITTEN]?

Joe

oh man

this is awful

shouldve known this was a trap game

l4blitzer

Don’t think the Texans can get away with allowing a TD to Carolina here

Carolina would probably not fall for it

Patrick

They don’t need one now, they just need a FG.

l4blitzer

True…just could see Houston trying to allow Carolina to score the quick TD to get the ball back…but yeah, not happening here

Kenneth L.

Here comes the L

TIMEOUT CAROLINA

ANOTHER CAROLINA TIMEOUT

vballretired

Just bad offense today

Patrick

[KITTEN] me we can’t have good things.

vballretired

Mother [KITTEN]er

Joe

4-3 would’ve just been too good for the Texans

l4blitzer

Oh…Houston with the offsides…cause…why not

Joe

lets get a flag on the panthers for looking too weird

vballretired

Offsides again

l4blitzer

Oh, why not just add to the penalty total?

vballretired

Trying to commit all his penalties in five seconds?

Rekick? I’d be pissed if I were a Panthers fan

l4blitzer

Well…maybe Ross is trying to play the system…can’t blame him

Patrick

Absolute [KITTEN]ups.

FINAL: CAROLINA 15 - HOUSTON 13. CAROLINA WITH ITS 5TH STRAIGHT WIN OVER HOUSTON. HOUSTON FALLS TO 3-4

Kenneth L.

That’s embarrassing

I’m [KITTEN]ed

Patrick

Pathetic pathetic pathetic.

l4blitzer

Well, figured that Houston would somehow lose to Carolina. Was hopeful we could reverse that fear…was really hopeful, and at one point in the 4th, it seemed likely…but the universe will not tolerate a Houston win over Carolina. The next hope for a Houston pro team to win will be the Dynamo over Salt Lake later tonight

vballretired

No words

Joe

At some point the Stroud miracle would come to an end. It just sucks it had to happen against Bryce Young and the crummy Panthers. This defense had a mostly good game, but it’s clear we can’t be too elated about the team yet. Poor texans

Patrick

I think we have to accept that the Steelers and Jags games were aberrations at this point.

l4blitzer

10 Penalties for 70 yards…seems…significant

vballretired

We really need to fix the running game

Patrick

DeMeco has to be livid at this lack of discipline.

I mean that was David Culley era Texans [KITTEN] there.

vballretired

You can run Tank Dell and Andrew Beck all you want but this team needs a legit RB

Patrick

I’m not a film room guy but I’d kill for someone to do a breakdown of what happened to Pierce between last year and this one.

vballretired

Agreed

Singletary wasn’t good either

Patrick

They’re saying Patterson has an “ankle injury.”

So I think we better hope for Juice Scruggs to get better ASAP.

vballretired

I [hope] we see Juice Scruggs next week

GAME BALLS

• P Cam Johnston: Perhaps it says something that a punter was the MVP for the Texans in a game. However, where defenses and refs dominated (or offenses sucked, you decide), special teams can make the difference. For Houston, special teams was a mixed bag. They allowed some big Carolina returns (not the norm for a Frank Ross unit). Yet, the bigly yuuuuggggeee leg of Cam Johnston did all it could to win the game. 6 punts for a 48.7 yard average, including his usual complement of peak Jack Nicklaus sand wedges (4 inside the 20) pining Carolina deep, The marquee highlight: his franchise-setting mad bomber punt late in the 1st half that completely flipped the field, denying Carolina the chance to take the lead going into the half. A 74 yard punt...that was the gross. The net: 69 yards. Maybe punters don’t deserve a place in the game, you say? In some cases, yes. Yet, see that punt and the results, and then come back when you have a bit more enlightenment.
• DE Jonathan Greenard: For most of the game, the defense was the dominant force. The main driver for making a fair amount of Bryce Young’s day a tough one was the Texans’ pass rush. 6 sacks, including 4 in the second half. The leader of that horde of pain: DE Jonathan Greenard with 2.5 sacks, 2 TFLs/6 total tackles and 4 QB hits. Perhaps could and should have been more...but...well, more on that later.
• Houston Dynamo: Well, we are talking about Houston football...so a little bit of a liberal interpretation here. Still, since Oct 20th, when Altuve launched his game flipping homer against the Rangers to give Houston a 3-2 lead in the ALCS, Houston pro teams had gone a collective 2-6. The Astros: 0-2, the Rockets: 0-3, the Texans: 0-1, the Dynamo: 2-0. At least one team in this city still knows how to win.

SHOULD BE BANNED FROM EVER ENJOYING THE SUCCULENCE OF TEXAS BRISKET, SPENDING THE REST OF THEIR BBQ DAYS FORCE-FED WHATEVER IT IS THAT CAROLINA CALLS COOKED MEATS WITH THAT MUSTARD-BASED ABOMINATION FOR A SAUCE.

• EVERY SINGLE TEXANS PLAYER THAT COMMITTED A PRE-SNAP OR CRITICAL PENALTY: The team finished with 10 penalties for 70 yards. Perhaps the biggest: A defensive hold on 3rd and 10 late in the 1st half that negated a Young sack and allowed the Panthers to move down the field to score their only TD of the game; and a delay of game on 3rd and 5 on the Texans final drive of the game, moving the squad from the CAR 35 to the CAR 40 yard-line and leading to a punt, where, if the team had not backed up 5 yards, could have thought about going for it, or considered an not-unreasonable long FG to try to move the lead to where Carolina needed a TD. Throw in all of the pre-snap penalties on defense, and Ryans might set a record for throwing a film projector through a room in the pending film sessions.
• THE OFFENSE OUTSIDE OF THE 2 TD DRIVES: Setting aside the two long drives that Houston mustered to score its only points of the game, the squad could only muster 69 yards and 1 turnover. Carolina played solid defense, but the Texans did so much to help them out. Penalties, Stroud taking way worse lost yardages on sacks than necessary and Dameon Pierce unable to recapture his 2022 form. This game will not be pretty in the film session for the team.

Thus, the Texans fall to 3-4. They complete their NFC South set by hosting the Tampa Bay Buccaneers next Sunday, noon Central at NRG Stadium. See you there (hopefully with a better result).