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Can’t miss, won’t miss picks for Week 5

Hey, got some money you can spare? Put your money to work with these mortal locks*.

Tomorrow, the Houston Texans begin their tour of the dirty south with a stop in the ATL to play against the Atlanta Falcons at the stadium with the contracting and retracting orifice in the roof. Boy, it’s hard to make vaguely distasteful jokes while also trying to be on your best behavior.

But there are others playing tomorrow too. In fact, they’re having games from all the way across the pond to start things off with.

So let’s take a moment to make some picks for those other games that you could possibly make some extra scratch on.

The following picks are brought to you by DraftKings Sportsbook.

For entertainment purposes only, please do not take financial advice from a football blog.