Hair of the Dog: Week 5, Houston Texans @ Atlanta Falcons

Well, another fall Sunday has come and gone for Houston. The Houston Texans came into this matchup 2-2 and feeling fairly confident about the chance to pick up their first 3+ game winning streak since 2018; let that sink in, five YEARS since a winning streak of at least three games (the nine-gamer). All they had to do was beat the Atlanta Falcons, a team that was undefeated at home, and coming off a bad road loss against Jacksonville at their London digs. Atlanta featured a potentially devastating ground game with Bijan Robinson, some talent at TE, allegedly, as they never seem to get used, and Desmond Ridder, a 2022 third round QB who, uh, has not played well to date.

If you had told me that Houston would hold Atlanta to 96 yards rushing and won the turnover battle 2-0 and Stroud didn’t throw a pick or get sacked and threw the go-ahead TD with under two minutes left, I might reply with “oh, a nice win for Houston then?” However, you would immediately counter by noting that Desmond Ridder went for 329 yards with two total TDs, no INTs and no sacks. You would throw in that the Falcons held an 11 minute edge in time of possession and that they went 7-14 on third downs, while Houston went 4-13, all of that to go along with 14 fourth quarter points to beat Houston on the final kick of the game (21-19). So it went, to the dismay of Houston fans.

There will be games like this, and your Battle Red Masthead sat through the good, bad, and ugly (mostly the latter two) to offer their near-real-time takes. As always, all questionable words are edited out for more “professional” work reading. Hopefully, as things move forward, these type of games become the exception, not the rule. However, with a young, evolving team, there is the likelihood we will see more these type of games before we move forward.

With that, on with the ‘Dog:

HAIR OF THE DOG: VOLUME 21, ISSUE 5; HOUSTON TEXANS @ ATLANTA FALCONS (really hoping this game does not go like 2015. Please and thank you)

l4blitzer

Something called a Jason La Canfora is singing the Texans’ praises in the Washington Post (legally obligated to always say owned by Jeff Bezos even if he is not part of the story), so the Texans are probably now screwed the rest of the way. Sorry

vballretired

We’ve reached stage two of the Texans rebuild. Stage one saw this team lose routinely and slowly accrue talent. Stage two might be the most challenging as a fan. We don’t know what will happen. They could win or lose. Each is equally plausible. In that world, the uncertainty can be frightening or exciting. In either case, we invite you to enjoy #Bartesian. It can either curb your anxiety or fuel your excitement. Bartesian mixes dozens of different cocktails flawlessly in the comfort of your own home. Whiskey? Rum? Vodka? Gin? Tequila? Name your favorite spirit and they have a mix for you to enjoy. Drink until your heart’s content. Toast to another Texans victory. Wash away another Texans defeat. You are covered both ways. We at BRB remind you not to drive or operate heavy machinery while enjoying #Bartesian.

Kenneth L.

Flying back from a wedding

vballretired

Cash bar or on the house?

No big surprises on the inactive list

Patrick

Jason Can’t Confirma?

Kenneth, give them [KITTEN] for having a wedding in fall on a Sunday.

(Conveniently ignoring fact that I got married on a Sunday in winter)

vballretired

We got married on the day Darryl Kile died

Patrick

Ooooof.

vballretired

Howard should at least be better than either Green.

vballretired

By the way gentlemen, our Houston Texans were actually a talking point for something other than dumpster fires on the CBS pregame show

Okay here we go on Fox yet again

Seeing Danny Devito dance is just very very wrong

Patrick

And yet it’s so right.

vballretired

Texans with ball first

FIRST QUARTER

FALCONS POSSESSION

vballretired

Flags down

Patrick

Wow, we’re wasting no time with the dumb [KITTEN] penalties this week.

vballretired

Falcons on offense first. Announcers get a ten yard penalty for unnecessary confusion

Kenneth L.

Well I had a UT wedding on Texas-OU weekend. Tough loom

vballretired

Decent tackling

Kenneth L.

Look

Patrick

Yikes.

A three and out to start. I could get used to this.

vballretired

No whammies no whammies no whammies

Texans start inside Falcons territory. You can’t draw it up much better.

TEXANS POSSESSION

Joe

ooh it looks like its a good start

vballretired

Five yards to Pierce

Patrick

Ooh, run angry Dameon.

vballretired

Dalton Schultz!!!!

Okay, we are distributing the football

Patrick

And Metchie, we’re gettin’ everybody involved today.

vballretired

Third and short coming up

Joe

id love to see more metchie

Patrick

Well, [KITTEN].

vballretired

Tonsil and Howard are in but it doesn’t matter on third down

TEXANS KICK FIELD GOAL, LEAD 3-0

Patrick

C’mon, go for it.

Or don’t. Whatever.

vballretired

Nope, here is the Hawaiian for an automatic three

Joe

would’ve been happy to see them go for it, but ill take points on the first drive!

Kenneth L.

Ugh both teams knew where that ball was going. Bad call

Patrick

That’s okay, we’ll get it back.

Kenneth L.

Why is Howard playing guard?

Patrick

Who would you put in his place?

vballretired

Okay, when your highest paid linemen are on the left side, maybe running right isn’t a good idea on third and one

Kenneth L.

Also my flight is delayed so I am streaming this game in the airport.

And yes that means my data is democratized for all

Patrick

That’s hero [KITTEN] right there.

vballretired

Legalities are so murky. Laws change all the time.

Kenneth L.

No the hero is the flight attendant jumping from one plane to another (not in air) to help us get going soon

Patrick

Although it’d be really impressive if it was in the air.

FALCONS POSSESSION

vballretired

That’d make the news

Look at Anderson hustle on that [KITTEN]ty defensive effort

Patrick

I think this is their plan, a lot of jet sweeps and [KITTEN] like that to keep the defense unbalanced.

I don’t like this at all.

vballretired

Oooh razzle dazzle from the Falcons

Patrick

They’re emptying the entire bag of tricks for this game.

Oh no, the defense turned back into a pumpkin.

vballretired

Chunk yards from Robinson

This defense is just so inconsistent

Kenneth L.

The fact they are running double reverses right now is a good thing

vballretired

They look great at times but….

Patrick

It means they’re worried.

Maybe, I don’t know, cover someone in the secondary, just a [KITTEN]ing thought here.

Try it for a laugh!

FALCONS TD. FALCONS LEAD 7-3

vballretired

That was non competitive defense right there

Patrick

Sooooo, does this defense not understand the concept of a fake handoff or something?

Kenneth L.

Impressive drive by the falcons

vballretired

A LOT of misdirection on that drive

Kenneth L.

We lost all concept of contain

vballretired

So I have to remember how a skunky beer tastes? Can I remember anything else first?

Titanium is mined on earth. I have to keep repeating that for the Apple 15 folks.

TEXANS POSSESSION

Patrick

What say we try that [KITTEN] again, huh?

vballretired

There we go. That’s running that pill.

Patrick

Oh [KITTEN] me.

Joe

can we get a 40 yard pass to tank dell plz

vballretired

Ok, maybe running right isn’t a good idea

Patrick

Maybe, I dunno, have our extremely accurate quarterback throw a pass?

vballretired

To Dell but not quite 40 yards

Joe

woooo!

ill take it!

vballretired

Ok, it’s time for our first string punter

Patrick

That was...well, dog[KITTEN] seems to be accurate so I’ll go with that.

vballretired

I don’t know, dog[KITTEN] has a certain quality to it. That series had little quality.

FALCONS POSSESSION

Patrick

Okay defense, let’s get back on track.

vballretired

Okay, that was a good throw

Patrick

[DURGA] [KITTEN]ing [KITTEN].

vballretired

That was better

Flags

Patrick

THEY DON’T NEED YOUR [KITTEN]ING HELP, DEFENSE!

vballretired

Greenard with the flag

Joe

oh man

well its not a good start

vballretired

They blew that [KITTEN] up

Dropped so fourth down

Joe

alright!

there’s some good defense!

vballretired

This is phase two of the rebuild. We will see competence in spurts.

Falcons are in the same spot. This matchup is just interesting.

I’m not thanking Applebees for anything

Joe

I thought the falcons were expecting to be a little bit further in their rebuild

but ridder has certainly stymied some of their development

vballretired

Depending on what you think of Ridder

TEXANS POSSESSION

Patrick

Every Falcon fan I follow has been complaining about Ridder so I’m getting annoyed that he decided to show up today.

Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank.

vballretired

Tank Dell half way to my prop bet

Joe

i was personally hoping to see ridder do good cuz i liked his cincinnati team and liked several of that weird 2022 qb class but i feel like he’s got a few weeks left to prove he’s good

me too

Patrick

Are we afraid of their secondary or do we just not respect their front seven and want to run it on them?

vballretired

It’s so refreshing to see WRs actually get yards after the catch

Joe

you’re so right haha

im loving the 49ers style offense

vballretired

STOP RUNNING TO THE RIGHT

Patrick

::snarling angrily::

STOP THAT [KITTEN].

Joe

hnng

SECOND QUARTER

vballretired

First quarter in the books

Joe

they still have to have their own version of the CHUM

vballretired

Someone is getting their [KITTEN] beat routinely on the right side. Either Mason and/or Fant are performing like trash

Patrick

My guess is Fant, but I don’t know.

FAIRBAIRN 46-YARD FG, FALCONS LEAD 7-6

vballretired

I don’t either but it’s annoying to see them still going that way

Good throw to Jim Sideline

Okay, manageable field goal

7-6 Falcons

Patrick

I miss it being easy like against Pittsburgh and Jacksonville. Can we do that again, please?

I would enjoy that forever.

Joe

i wouldnt mind that either haha

vballretired

Okay, get Scruggs back and move Howard back to tackle.

Joe

i feel like its too early to start complaining but….i would like to see more points….

yeah im really excited to see this offense with scruggs back

Patrick

Or get a less [KITTEN]ty left guard to patch it up until Scruggs returns.

vballretired

We knew this wouldn’t be completely smooth

Joe

i feel like the ground game can really improve with Scruggs, even though patterson has been doing an alright job at center so far

vballretired

Patterson center, Scruggs left guard, Howard right tackle

FALCONS POSSESSION

vballretired

Or Scruggs center, Patterson LG and Howard RT.

Either suits me.

Joe

wouldve been nice to have seen this lineup with Kendrick Green :(

vballretired

What’s encouraging is Stroud is still making good decisions. We just won’t dominate every week

Patrick

STOP [KITTEN]ING HELPING THE OTHER TEAM [DURGA] [KITTEN] YOU.

Joe

hahahaha

vballretired

Okay, that’s better

Much better

Patrick

That’s more like it.

Nice.

vballretired

Another punt

Patrick

Defense finally woke up.

Pitre with the sweet deflection there.

Joe

Good time too! The ridder comeback is over!

TEXANS POSSESSION

Joe

I wanna see taylor heinicke enter the game in the second half

vballretired

If #23 plays two or three more years does he get in the ring of mediocrity?

I can’t say his name

Joe

Haha

Bill Murray?

vballretired

Derrick Durray

Joe

It’s crazy he’s actually been on the Texans since 2020

That’s wild

vballretired

No kidding

Patrick

I had to look up his name because my brain refuses to remember his number on moral grounds.

Joe

I respect that

vballretired

Somewhere William O’Brien is laughing has [KITTEN] off

Patrick

He’s in Boston and getting his [KITTEN] handed to him by New Orleans.

vballretired

Unspellable!!!

Joe

Do you think he could possibly get fired this season

vballretired

Or somehow promoted

Joe

Lmao

vballretired

Oh [KITTEN] that was wide open

Patrick

I’ve seen more than one place suggest Belichick might be on the hot seat so that’s not impossible, just highly improbable.

vballretired

That was a bad throw. Throw that sucker into the third row.

Joe

I’ve seen this too but i just refuse to believe Belichick is really in danger this year

vballretired

But somehow the universe demands it

FALCONS POSSESSION

Joe

ugh

I can see their being plenty of drama and a potential for a firing like next year but I just don’t see him going down cuz the Mac jones era didn’t work out

vballretired

I think Belicheck retires but if they’re smart they go outside the Beicheck tree

Joe

Yes but what if he made bill obrien the head coach

And then obrien would get mad and have to resign on a napkin

Patrick

I would laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh and laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh

Joe

And it says I resign of hc of the ne and then he takes a job with the jets

Like it’s too perfect

vballretired

Universe demands it

Joe

I want that instead

vballretired

That was kitteny coverage

Patrick

I just want a win.

vballretired

Nice

Saints kicking some Patriots [KITTEN]

Patrick

To’oTo’o hurt. Wonderful.

vballretired

[KITTEN]

Patrick

I hate this game. Football is stupid.

Joe

Nooo!!!

This is terrible

vballretired

Stop jumping offsides you idiots

Patrick

::points at previous THEY DO NOT NEED YOUR [KITTEN]ING HELP posts::

vballretired

Bijan is really good

They are actually playing well against the run

Joe

The hard count with +15 rush yard at 6.5 fantasy points or whatever

vballretired

Nice blitz by Cashman

Patrick

Someone on the Falcons missed an assignment.

vballretired

Timeout Texans for some reason

Patrick

Toots is back out on the field.

vballretired

False start

Patrick

Finally some good news.

Joe

Thank goodness

I hope he’s alright

vballretired

Third and 16. You have to get off the field

No whammies no whammies no whammies

Joe

Speaking of which, is this the best Texans rookie class in the last 8 years? 9 years?

TEXANS POSSESSION

vballretired

Probably best ever depending on staying power

Patrick

I’m hesitant to say it because I know the minute I do it’ll all turn to [KITTEN] but this could be the best draft class we’ve had since 2006.

vballretired

You have to measure against 2006

Joe

2006!

Wow

vballretired

It’s about longevity though

Joe

Still though, things are looking pretty great now

vballretired

Let’s focus on this good defensive effort

Patrick

What VB said, it’s too early to call but if the Texans can keep this up and these players stay consistent, you could make a legitimate case.

vballretired

Houston possession

The run game is very spotty…yeah I’ll stick with that…spotty

Patrick

Stroud’s receivers are NOT doing him any favors today.

vballretired

Woods has to catch that

Patrick

How do you not catc—see this is why Nico Collins is ahead of you Woods.

vballretired

Well kittens

FALCONS POSSESSION

vballretired

Is Woods the 2020s Kevin Walter?

Patrick

No because Walter could catch the ball when it mattered.

vballretired

But the Blocking…rolls eyes….

Patrick

Lowering expectations, please stand by...

vballretired

First down

These are two offensively challenged football teams

Not a whole lot of Robinson

Flag down

It’s third down boys

[KITTEN]

Patrick

Like [KITTEN]ing clockwork.

Now I remember what the last two years was like.

I hated that.

vballretired

For the love of Durga stop this [KITTEN]!

Patrick

STOP THAT MOTHER[KITTEN]ING IDIOTS.

vballretired

Almost a great catch by Pitts

Patrick

They’re so jittery today what the [KITTEN] is this?

vballretired

That was sexy run defense

TWO MINUTE WARNING

vballretired

The DTs have shown up today

Patrick and I might join forces on this BK thing

Okay, fourth down but flags

Patrick

Anthony Richardson is hurt for the Colts. Sounds like his shoulder.

vballretired

That was stupid

Richardson was my fantasy QB

Patrick

Do they still have spearing as a penalty? Because that was spearing by Atlanta.

vballretired

I guess so but they don’t call it that

Okay, do you go conservative or go for it. You get the ball first in the second half.

TEXANS POSSESSION

Patrick

Stop [KITTEN]ing around offense.

vballretired

Nice screen

Patrick

A working screen. The Texans can run screen plays.

I feel like a princess.

vballretired

Schultz

Joe

Wooo Schultz!

vballretired

Third catch today

Patrick

SCHULTZ!

Joe

I like seeing the Schultz and woods make plays

vballretired

Fourth catch

Joe

Even more good production from this year’s free agent class

vballretired

More flags on Falcons

Woods not exactly clutch

Tank!!!!

Patrick

Oh [KITTEN].

He landed on his head.

vballretired

Hit his head on the catch

Joe

Oh no

vballretired

He reaches the over on receiving yards though

Patrick

That stinks of a concussion.

vballretired

Yup

Patrick

But he’s not under the tent which I DESPERATELY hope is a good sign.

vballretired

They get the half to dust the cobwebs off

Joe

Oh man I hope he’s alright

What a catch

Talk about giving yourself up to secure the catch

Patrick

Pretty catch.

vballretired

Flag

Of course. You can’t have a play without one.

Patrick

If I wanted to spend three hours looking at zebras, I’d go to the [KITTEN]ing zoo, refs.

I mean I’m glad you’re calling fouls against Atlanta but my point still stands.

What was the flag for? I missed it.

Joe

Yeah what happened

vballretired

Delay of game

They didn’t let Collins get up

Patrick

Ahhhhh, that’s [KITTEN]ty of them.

vballretired

Ok, go for three now

Fairbairn: fantasy kicking legend

TEXANS FIELD GOAL. TEXANS LEAD 9-7

Patrick

GLORY TO ALL-FIELD-GOAL OFFENSE!

Joe

Hahahaha

I was waiting for you to say that Patrick

Patrick

Mrs. UT actually said it to me, funnily enough.

Joe

Theres a lot of new things in this Texans team, but this sure isn’t one

HALFTIME REACTIONS

TEXANS TO RECEIVE SECOND HALF KICKOFF

Joe

The glory is generational

Kenneth L.

I’ll take a lead into the half. We get the ball back

Joe

This has been a good, if somewhat slow first half. I was worried about Atlanta’s defense giving Houston problems, and it is, but Houston is still getting points and now have a lead at halftime. And the defense for the Texans has been the big story again, playing great and quelling the hot start the Falcons got to. It would be really, really nice to see the Texans’ interior offensive line block better so they could get some CHUMs, or DPUMs in, so that they can control the clock more. But if they need C.J. Stroud to play well all day in order to to beat the Falcons, I’ll take it.

vballretired

Okay, half time thoughts: this has been a good defensive effort. They’ve bottled up Robinson so far and made Ridder beat them. Ridder is playing well but not good enough to win. The offense has some issues, the right side of the offensive line has been horrible. Stroud has been good. He is really consistent and has worked through some drops. This is the state of the football team. They have a quarterback. What else do they have? We will find out in the second half.

l4blitzer

Well, a close matchup between two teams that are both competing for division leadership and are overall very young. The Texans brought the run defense, and Ridder has not shown enough to beat them that badly. (That and Atlanta is allergic to using the [KITTEN] out of their stupidly talented TEs). However, the Texans just can’t build on consistency, settling for FGs over TDs and/or seeing promising drives end due to some badly executed run plays. Should continue to be a tight one.

Any bets that DeMeco reads the DLine the Riot Act and or executes a choke slam on the next DL-man that jumps off-sides?

Patrick

Oh he is probably howling at them for such a lack of discipline on the LOS.

l4blitzer

BE-SFs learning that generally, getting the ball to Nuk results in good things.

Joe

Isn’t it crazy how far this run defense has come in a year? I remember complaining week after week last year about how Houston couldn’t do anything to stop the run

I mean I don’t wanna jinx them but this competent performance against a good running team is truly alien to me

l4blitzer

If you can improve a defensive aspect of your team by over 50 yards/game, like the team has done with the run defense, that usually bodes well. It is early in this game/season, but at least the team is not going to let other squads completely “run” all over them.

Wow…is Belichick just mailing it in in NE? Is he angling to become the new defensive coordinator for Deion at Colorado?

Patrick

I think he’s remembering what life was like before he had Tom Brady.

THIRD QUARTER

TEXANS POSSESSION

Patrick

I want to watch Jerry Rice play bocce ball in his retirement castle.

Auspicious start complete to Metchie there.

Let’s never do that again.

vballretired

Ok, back from scheduling the child for shots. We will all be zombies.

Schultz

Six catches

Patrick

SCHULTZ!

l4blitzer

Looks like we will have to rely on the passing game for the rest of the day…which is not a bad fate right now

Patrick

Just saw on Twitter, Robert Woods now has four dropped passes this year, half of them have come from today’s game.

vballretired

What’s a normal amount of drops?

Patrick

Not sure, but the fact that half of them come from today is interesting.

l4blitzer

Geesh…is Richardson from Indy ever going to play a full game without a major injury?

vballretired

This running attack sucks

Patrick

We can stop running the ball now. It’s clearly not working.

vballretired

That was rough

Joe

Man

Patrick

That was just a bad throw.

vballretired

Running plays are just wasted downs at this point

FALCONS POSSESSION

vballretired

Buckle up boys (says in Jonathan Gannon voice). It will be a battle fight

Patrick

Dell being evaluated for concussion per the Mothership.

l4blitzer

Oline starts to get healthy…now let’s test the playmaker depth…the scriptwriter for the Texans has a bad sense of humor, no?

Patrick

I’ll take that deflection.

vballretired

Greenard with the tip

Patrick

What the [KITTEN] was that?

vballretired

Robinson with the cheat code juke

Patrick

I am going to burn Burger King to the ground if they continue to use that jingle.

vballretired

Fumble!!!

Patrick

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

I NEVER DOUBTED THEM!

vballretired

We have a turnover ladies and germs

ROBINSON WITH THE FUMBLE: TEXANS POSSESSION

vballretired

TCU showing up

Patrick

Why are we running the ball again? We’ve been over this.

Joe

WOOOOO

FUMBLEEE

Patrick

Ibid.

vballretired

Ultra conservative third quarter offense

l4blitzer

That wasn’t a terrible 1st down run

vballretired

Damn another drop

Here comes Fairbairn

Patrick

He should’ve had that.

vballretired

Thats a common line from today

Patrick

We really are going all field goal offense this week, aren’t we?

vballretired

Fairbairn is a fantasy stud

FAIRBAIRN WITH THE 41 YARD FG: TEXANS 12 - FALCONS 7; 9:35, THIRD QUARTER

Joe

Lmao

Fairbairn on a heater today

Patrick

Y’know Texans, when I made the “all field goal offense” joke, that was not an indication that you should continue to do that.

Joe

I think they really liked that joke Patrick

vballretired

Just three more and we seal this thing

Joe

Maybe too much

This is an ugly stupid game we’re somehow winning.

vballretired

I’ll take it any way I can get it

FALCONS POSSESSION

vballretired

Woods is out with ribs or KFC fingers. Take your pick

Patrick

We don’t feel like we need to cover receivers, I guess.

l4blitzer

IIRC, the record for FGs in a game is 8…which I think the BE-SFs set against us.

vballretired

Will Anderson beast mode

Patrick

I don’t want to remember that game.

l4blitzer

Well, the Texans are out to force Ridder to beat them…he’s had his moments

Patrick

Oh [KITTEN] you defense.

vballretired

Pitts seems to be uncoverable

l4blitzer

I’m pretty sure the Falcon fanbase has been saying that for about a year or so.

Joe

Ridder stop having a game challenge

vballretired

Geez, maybe going conservative might come back to bite them

Patrick

I’m pretty sure the Texans haven’t successfully tackled an opposing player in like 15 years.

They’ll hit them but tackling just seems to [KITTEN]ing elude them somehow.

vballretired

That was a good one on second down but not third done

They successfully make tackles but only 50 percent of the time

Patrick

Oh great what now

l4blitzer

Our 3rd quarter lull is in full effect

vballretired

Holding

Ok back to second and ten

Another fumble!!!!

Patrick

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

vballretired

Pitre!!!!

PITRE WITH THE FUMBLE RECOVERY: TEXANS POSSESSION

vballretired

The marksmanship on the bullet to the big toe is remarkable

l4blitzer

Classic defensive struggle at PIT…or just a bad offensive game.

Joe

WOOOOO

Patrick

Lions are [KITTEN]stomping the Panthers.

Joe

let’s go!!!!!

l4blitzer

Hey Texans: You can score a TD and NOT bust…you’ll still be under 21

Since it seems like we are going with the Blackjack plan

Patrick

I’d prefer it if they did get 19 that they not stand there.

Joe

Let’s go grayland arnold!

l4blitzer

Beck…much better kick returner than fullback…at least based on this game

Patrick

2/10 on third down, absolutely not [KITTEN]ing acceptable guys.

vballretired

Man this offense is about as inspiring as a rice cake

FALCONS POSSESSION

Joe

That was too close

vballretired

Alright defense….apparently you are expected to score too

Joe

In my opinion cj stroud should be the first rookie quarterback to go all 17 games without throwing a single interception

l4blitzer

Looks like Pickett is back in at the game for PIT…but that’s about all the good news for him.

vballretired

One game at a time

Joe

Yeah, besides a few great George Pickens catches, it’s been another rough game for Pickett

Patrick

I’ve seen enough of this kind of defense the last three years, guys.

Joe

The announcers for the ravens/steelers game talked about it being less of a bone bruise and more of a calf injury, but he’s playing either way

vballretired

Good play by Pitre

Flag

l4blitzer

The problem with Complementary Football is that if any of the parts struggle, the whole system struggles…hence with the Texans today.

vballretired

Third down

Patrick

Offsetting penalties.

vballretired

No just declined

l4blitzer

Maybe Judge/Patricia weren’t the problem with the NE offense?

vballretired

Matriculating

Patrick

The words “regression to the mean” are floating through my head.

l4blitzer

Houston is great with pressure, but just…can’t…close the deal…with sacks

vballretired

[KITTEN]. They seem to be better at this whole offense thing

Joe

Tank Dell is now Out with a concussion

vballretired

Figured

END OF THIRD: TEXANS 12 - FALCONS 7…Birds driving

l4blitzer

Admittedly, that would be an awesome World Series score for Houston, but we aren’t playing that sport right now

vballretired

I’m having flashbacks from that Culley Miami debacle

Another first down

Patrick

I will not drink I will not drink I will not drink I will not drink I will not drink I will not drink I will not drink I will not drink I will not drink.

FOURTH QUARTER STARTS…WITH AN FALCONS CONVERSION FOR A FIRST DOWN

vballretired

Bartesian is available

Just saying

l4blitzer

Meanwhile, New Orleans obliterating New England 31-0

vballretired

Actually tackle him!

Patrick

[KITTEN] it, I’m drinking.

[Ed. Note: He did not, in fact, drink.]

l4blitzer

ATL with a 10-min advantage on Time of Possession. That doesn’t bode well here.

vballretired

Might I suggest Bartesian

Patrick

Falcons fan in the bar griping about the last play. I want to yell at him “relax you’re going to [KITTEN]ing win.”

l4blitzer

Yeah, too many tried for the hit, and forgetting that humans have the ability to make full use of their frontal limbs known as arms

ROBINSON TAKES THE 6 YARD SHUFFLE PASS FOR THE TD; ALLGEIER WITH THE 2 POINT CONVERSION FROM RIDDER: ATL 15 - HOU 12; 12:12, 4th

vballretired

Falcons now in front

I also hit on my second prop bet

Patrick

[KITTEN] this [KITTEN].

Joe

Oh man

vballretired

15-12 Falcons

Patrick

Sigh...

Joe

We couldn’t contain Bijan Robinson forever

vballretired

Can we tie?

l4blitzer

11 minute TOP advantage to ATL.

vballretired

[KITTEN] the run. Hand it to Stroud and let’s go.

l4blitzer

Welp, Stroud really hasn’t worked on his 4th quarter comebacks…now would be a good time for a successful execution of that concept

TEXANS POSSESSION

vballretired

[KITTEN] guys. Maybe play action only works if they fear the run

Ok that’s nice but my commentary still stands

This offensive game plan needs to go into the circular file

l4blitzer

Don’t think that was a planned rollout…really what the D didn’t need

FALCONS POSSESSION

vballretired

Geez

l4blitzer

Welp, guess that Ridder was tried of all the “you suck” talk…answered the mail there

vballretired

A larger woman is starting to hum a few bars

l4blitzer

Defense is gassed here…but if you are losing the TOP by double digits, can’t say I am shocked

Joe

It’s not over yet

vballretired

This defense has performed

It’s not their fault

l4blitzer

Good coverage on that big pass play. ATL just making the better grabs/tackles today

vballretired

Maybe someone should cover Pitts…just a suggestion

l4blitzer

Don’t figure on Smith to make it a habit for ATL

vballretired

Let’s say we hold them to a field goal. Is this offense scoring a touchdown?

l4blitzer

Well, the thing with a guy like Stroud is that it only takes one play. He is capable. Can the line help him and the receivers catch…TBD

KOO WITH THE 33 YARD FG: FALCONS 18 - TEXANS 12; 6:57, FOURTH QUARTER

vballretired

Technically there’s a chance

l4blitzer

Meanwhile, a 10-8 game between BAL/PIT…speaking of baseball scores

vballretired

Don’t run the [KITTEN]ing ball

Joe

Joey Porter Jr just got his first interception in the end zone

TEXANS POSSESSION

vballretired

Ok, but my commentary still stands

l4blitzer

Well, maybe that one run.

Patrick

googles “is it legal for the Texans to run for a first down”

vballretired

[KITTEN]. Stop running the [KITTEN]ing ball

l4blitzer

At least we aren’t NE…now down 34-0

vballretired

Ok, that’s more like it

l4blitzer

Hey, trying to give the D some rest with the run…

vballretired

Ok, I’m taking a mental break

l4blitzer

Ware speaks truth about spreading out the ATL D here

Joe

Dameon Pierce the receiver!

l4blitzer

Of course, as the commentators say 18-12, the music for the overture immediately takes over as my life soundtrack

Joe

Hahaha

vballretired

Nice QB sneak. I actually like that call.

Patrick

It’s oddly fascinating to watch the Texans double commit to running the ball despite being down 6 with four-ish minutes to go in the game.

l4blitzer

Keep Matriculating That Ball Down the Field Boys…

Ok, like that sneak. Don’t think Stroud is the guy to try the Rugby-type sneak

vballretired

Ok, that’s more like it

Patrick

Glad you remembered how to hold onto the ball Woods.

A little late in the game but I guess it’s something.

l4blitzer

Steelers with the late TD…could be a sad weekend in Baltimore if the Os can’t take care of business later on this afternoon

vballretired

DO NOT RUN IT RIGHT

Patrick

Don’t you dare give me hope right now Texans, don’t you [KITTEN]ing dare.

l4blitzer

Wow…surprised that Pierce held on to that pitch

vballretired

Four down territory I guess. That’s the only reason to run it on 2nd and 13

Joe

The Texans always have to make it exciting!

TWO MINUTE WARNING

l4blitzer

There Vandermeer goes again…the cannons are roaring…

But, then again, this is Atlanta we are talking about…leads in ATL…

Patrick

This is not 28-3.

And we are not the New England Patriots.

l4blitzer

True, but have to find something to help here…

vballretired

Touchdown Schultz!!!!

Patrick

WLEITHSN;VLW3IR;HGN’PECOJQJKREPEVIWNELTIGHDKFJVWILGHW;OEEGN;CILWEJ!!!!!!!

vballretired

But ALOT of time left

Joe

KWKAKXKXNS

WHAT

AAAAAAAAA

Patrick

Yep. I’ve seen this movie before.

l4blitzer

Welp, Stoud maybe proving that you don’t need to be great all the time…just when you need to be.

Joe

CJ STROUD MY HERO

STROUD WITH THE 18 YARD TD PASS TO SCHULTZ: TEXANS 19 - FALCONS 18; 1:49, FOURTH QUARTER

l4blitzer

19-18…not any specific music soundtrack for that one.

vballretired

Schultz best game as a Texan

l4blitzer

Do not let ATL hit 21…this is not Blackjack. Do not let ATL hit 21

Joe

You got that right!

This was the Schultz game

FALCONS POSSESSION

l4blitzer

ATL with all 3 TOs

vballretired

Robinson is next level

Joe

This Texans team is like a miracle

vballretired

I don’t like this

[KITTEN]!!!!

l4blitzer

Well, we have all 3 TOs

vballretired

Now two

l4blitzer

Welp…gonna have to do that now.

vballretired

Stupid penalty time

l4blitzer

Learning experience

Joe

Yep

vballretired

I had a feeling following that touchdown just too much time

Patrick

It’s the 2019 New Orleans game all over again.

vballretired

Come on dealer, let’s see that face card

l4blitzer

Ok Frank Ross. What do you got for us?

vballretired

Will Anderson hopefully

l4blitzer

Baltimore falls in PIT

vballretired

Game over. Good effort boys but just didn’t score enough when we had the chance.

Joe

Tj watt sacked Lamar to end the game

Patrick

[KITTEN]ing worthless-[KITTEN] team.

Joe

Man

What a hard way to lose

KOO WITH THE LAST SECOND 37 YARD FG: FALCONS HIT BLACKJACK WITH THE 21 - 19 WIN. HOUSTON FALLS TO 2-3

Joe

Poor guys

vballretired

The die was cast when you score three points off two turnovers. Way too much turtling

l4blitzer

A lot of wasted chances in the 1st half, particularly on that first drive when they were stopped at the ATL 20, and had all the momentum to put up 7 vs. 3. Also, the final defensive stand, where the Texans could not get any pressure on Ridder…a guy whose actually having a good day passing…well, that is going to happen.

vballretired

Good games from Schultz and Stroud. Slowik with a poor effort and some folks on the OL got their [KITTEN] kicked all day long.

l4blitzer

Longer term view, a young team like Houston is going to have games like this, where they are going to have to learn how to win. Stroud at least offered us a view into a QB that can rally the team in the 4th when it needs it.

Joe

Even though this was a loss, it was still a good game from the Texans since they showed their defense can play well against a run-heavy team, but getting diced up by Ridder is unacceptable. Also, the field goal offense is still in full swing, and it cost them this week as they lose by 2 points. Any of those first half possessions could have ended in a touchdown and the Texans would’ve won this game. But, what that means is this team is still growing, clearly ahead of schedule, but still not fully ready for prime-time action.

vballretired

He made good decisions most of the day. He only had two or three questionable throws. The receivers were no help today

Joe

Robert Woods was certainly one of the players that didn’t help

GAME BALLS:

• QB CJ Stroud. While the offense had issues with consistency, converting 3rd downs and scoring TDs in the Red Zone, Stroud at least gave Houston the chance to win. He, Pierce and Schultz did their best on the final drive to get Houston into a position to win with the go-ahead TD.
• TE Dalton Schultz also gets a game ball for his best performance as a Texan to date (7 receptions, 65 yards, 1 TD).
• S Jalen Pitre did his best when the defense was holding forth for 3 quarters, with 11 tackles (7 solo) and a fumble recovery.
• K Ka’imi Fairbairn also gets some consideration, given he provided 13 of Houston’s 19 points.

SHOULD BE FORCED TO NAVIGATE ATLANTA TRAFFIC, LOOKING FOR A SINGLE HOUSE WITH NO GPS, NO MAPS, AND WITH THE ONLY CLUE THAT THIS HOUSE IS LOCATED ON ‘PEACHTREE’ SOMETHING:

• WR Robert Woods. On a day decided by the slimmest of margins, mistakes get magnified. For an inconsistent offense, one that needed to sustain drives to help a solid but not great defense, two drops do not help the cause. With Tank Dell out and emphasis on covering Nico Collins, Woods needed to be that reliable veteran. He was not.
• The Texans Defensive Line: Normally, the Texans holding a team under 100 yards rushing should be a cause for celebration. However, they recorded no sacks of Ridder, got zero pressure on Ridder on the final drive and committed 4 encroachment penalties. Not great here folks.

With this loss, Houston falls to 0-3 lifetime in Atlanta and 2-3 on the season. They get another NFC South opponent next week, when they face off against the New Orleans Saints (3-2) at NRG Stadium. Kickoff currently set for noon Central Daylight Time. See you then.