Hair of the Dog: Week 10, Houston Texans @ Cincinnati Bengals

Just another Texans game this past Sunday. Houston won in Cincinnati 30-27, moving to 5-4 on the season, 2-3 on the road. Yeah, that is about all on that one, I think...well, if you don’t count:

• CJ Stroud passing for ONLY 356 yards and a mere 1 TD with his second INT on the season (arguably his worst throw as a Texans). Ok, he did have a rushing TD, but 3 less TDs and 114 yards less passing from last week;
• Houston rushing for a season-high 188 yards, the most since 2021 with Singletary getting the highest rushing total for a Texans player (150) since 2019;
• Houston falling down early 7-0, overcoming 2 first half turnovers in CIN territory (including the worst call against the Texans this season), only to outscore the Bengals 27-10 early into the 4th quarter, where the defense got 2 INTs off of Joe Burrow, only to throw a bad INT to let the Bengals get within 3 with less than 4 minutes left;
• The Texans playing their 5th straight game where they held a one-score lead at the 2 minute warning and the other team driving, letting Tyler Boyd go off on a 64 yard catch-and-run, only to get bailed out by Boyd dropping the go-ahead TD catch on 3rd and Goal;
• CJ Stroud then leading his second-straight game-winning walk-off drive, this time setting up Matt Ammendola (I know, you were expecting Ogunbolwale, but anyway) for the 38-yard FG to win at the final whistle.

Yeah, that about covers it. Oh, if you don’t factor that the Texans have their best win total since 2019 and there is half a season left to play. Also, there is the little matter that Houston holds a tie-breaker over the vaunted Bengals for an honest-to-[DURGA] playoff spot. So, some heady times for a Houston fan here.

As always, your Battle Red Masthead had their real-time takes on the contest at hand. As expected, quite a lot of...excitable...language. While the definition for “bad” words is shifting in modern journalism, we still hold to an older, more civilized standard. So, unlike those other dumb[KITTEN] organizations stocked with a bunch of stupid-heads with ugly faces, we will hold ourselves to better decorum and edit out the questionable language for more traditional business settings.

With that, on to the ‘Dog:

HAIR OF THE DOG: VOL 21, ISSUE 10, HOUSTON TEXANS @ CINCINNATI BENGALS (so you’re saying there’s a chance)

l4blitzer

In others news, job opening at A&M if anyone wants to submit a resume. Unrelated, the term “golden parachute” to be forever replaced by the term “a Jimbo Fisher” in business schools

vballretired

They pulled the trigger after a win? That’s ballsy.

l4blitzer

Probably waited until Bama clinched the west and all but ended the pipe dream of A&M making it to a SEC title game or even a New Years bowl. Still, did they make a deal with Elon Musk/Jeff Bezos, or is A&M going to host a whole lotta bake sales to off-set the “Jimbo Fisher”?

Joe

Almost time for the big game! I’m really nervous about today since the Bengals defense, especially their linebackers, have been fantastic the past few years. I’m hoping Stroud can keep this hot streak rolling, but the Bengals are a complete team and can pile on points fast. Texans looked amazing on offense last week, though, so I’m excited

talk about a big time matchup in november, the bengals are gonna give us a good idea of how good the texans are real fast

l4blitzer

Indeed

Patrick

Greetings from the motherland!

Joe

hahaha

hey patrick!

it’s time!

Patrick

Hi Joe.

Joe

Hoping that Stroud has another big game, or that singletary gets more involved as a rushing and receiving threat

I have a hard time believing they’ll be able to improve their rushing attack in this kind of game, but i could see them getting something defendable going if they get singletary and boone the ball out of the backfield or on short routes

here we go!

Patrick

One play in and it’s a flag for roughing the passer. Lovely.

Joe

COME ON

he was going for the deflection!

big hit by thomas!

ooh and we got kevin harlan on the call

right now he might be my favorite announcer

jeez

Patrick

He’s pretty good at the voice stuff.

Joe

He sure is

I like Houston-Carson but I also would like to see more or grayland Arnold and kadar hollman

perryman making up for the play earlier though

Patrick

Ugh...

Joe

My goodness

Patrick

Yuck.

I was starting to think this drive was taking too long.

Joe

NOOOOO

well we knew this was gonna happen eventually

Burrow has been on a heater recently

We can’t stop him from scoring

Patrick

TD Bengals, Bengals lead 7-0.

Joe

Alright, C.J. Stroud. Gonna have to resume the scoring streak immediately

BURROW WITH THE 32 YD TD PASS: CIN 7 - HOU 0; 9:43, 1st

l4blitzer

Not the return that Stingley was hoping for…or us, for that matter

Patrick

Okay, let’s get that one back.

Joe

Yeah I’d like to see something more from Stingley

At least Perryman and Thomas made some plays

HOU POSSESSION

Patrick

Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaank

Joe

LETS GO STROUD

stroud to Dell already!

LETS GO SINGLETARY

AAAAAA

finally a good run!!!

I’ve never seen something so beautiful

l4blitzer

Nice trucking of a defender by Singletary

Joe

Lou anarumo cam

Patrick

Well [KITTEN].

Joe

That might be the first drop of Xavier Hutchinsons career

oh man

That was close

Well not the hottest start

l4blitzer

Wooooooo…..that was too close

Joe

At least they got a few first downs, showed something and evaded the big mistake at the end

l4blitzer

A lot of traffic around him though.

Joe

Yeah that was a scary pass

CIN POSSESSION

l4blitzer

Ravens Edger Allen Poeing the Browns…kinda nice to see honestly

Joe

Interception right here

Nope

Okay well the tight ends are clearly the problem right now

l4blitzer

Burrow with that quick release. Gonna be tough if we can’t get pressure up the middle.

Patrick

Trying so hard to get that pick there.

Joe

yeah cincinnati’s offensive line is having their way

good tackle by christian harris

Patrick

They got him! Sorta!

Joe

hahaha

collective achievement

l4blitzer

Any 3rd down stop on Burrow you will take

Patrick

Gladly.

Joe

thank goodness for blake cashman

HOU POSSESSION

Patrick

I was about to say if we need to have the “we need to talk about Dameon” talk.

vballretired

Like I said, could just be the Bengals

Joe

I think if Singletary finishes this game as well as he’s starting it, there’ll be an open competition in practice for the starting position the next few weeks

l4blitzer

Awww…thanks CIN…so generous with the flag there

vballretired

Yeah, pretty obvious when the helmet comes off

Joe

Singletary getting a lot of touches now, though, and it’s working, but that means we could try using Mike Boone to see if he has similar success right now

Patrick

And now, we capitalize.

vballretired

Tank!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joe

TANK DELL TOUCHDOWN

STROUD TO DELL FOR THE 6 YD TD: HOU 7 - CIN 7; 10:33, 2nd

l4blitzer

Yeah, Watson doesn’t have a lot of good memories about playing at M&T…and will likely continue to be that way

vballretired

Tavierre Thomas with a nice tackle

Joe

He’s looking good!

CIN POSSESSION

vballretired

Another third down

Patrick

Christian Harris doing a better job of covering than Derek Stingley is.

Joe

Another stop!

vballretired

Lucky

Joe

Yeah haha

l4blitzer

Well, better lucky than good…

Patrick

You took the thought right out of my head.

l4blitzer

Although, Stingley probably drew the worst possible outcome to return to playing after an injury…facing Joe Burrow at CIN

HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

We might have a pair of longterm Alabama linebackers on our hands

Joe

Wouldn’t it be funny to have two starting Alabama linebackers being coached by a former Alabama linebacker

Patrick

Roll [KITTEN] tide, I guess.

Joe

Like how many do we need

l4blitzer

ROLL TI….ROLL T…ROL…nope, sorry, can’t do it. Just can’t say it

vballretired

It’s amazing how different three drafts look with a competent coaching staff

Joe

I’d feel better if there was some linebacker U representation, but Houston hasn’t drafted a Penn state linebacker yet

vballretired

Who was their last good one?

l4blitzer

Got some defensive linemen that might work…but that offense…yeah, less said about that, the better

Joe

Hahaha…yeah….

Patrick

That last pass completely fooled the cameraman

vballretired

Arrington?

Joe

NOAH BROWN

l4blitzer

Micah Parsons is probably the top one right now

Joe

Another big completion to Noah Brown!

vballretired

Now that we don’t automatically run on first down

Patrick

CJ Stroud has his 25th completion of 25+ yards, leading the NFL.

l4blitzer

Big Play Brown…baddest man in the whole [KITTEN]ed town

vballretired

And then…….

Patrick

Oh [KITTEN] [KITTEN] [KITTEN] [KITTEN] that looked bad.

Joe

Can you imagine this Texans team with Abdul carter or Curtis jacbobs though

That could be a complete defense

vballretired

Oooooh

Joe

Oh no

l4blitzer

Carter I don’t think is eligible, but Jacobs could be a fun one

Because only half the team was injured, now Tank is down…grrrreeeeeaaaaattttt

vballretired

The Jardiance song is annoying but people have been mean to that actress

l4blitzer

Just showed the replay…yeah, that hurt

Patrick

To the blue tent.

I’ll be surprised if we see him again today.

vballretired

As Collinsworth said on Sunday on Jemarr Chase. Tank will be crawling out of bed

Nice. Thanks Laremy

l4blitzer

Laremy Tunsil False Start has entered the chat

Joe

Oh boy

vballretired

Schultz!!!!!!!!

Joe

DALTON SCHULTZ

what a pass!

l4blitzer

Houston matriculatin’ that ball down the field, boys!

vballretired

Ok, we need to talk about running on first down

Patrick

Dell’s back on the field!

Joe

Oh wow that was fast!

vballretired

Smart pass by CJ

l4blitzer

Should be incomplete there…

Joe

That was incomplete!

vballretired

Arm going forward

CJ will be sore tomorrow

l4blitzer

Under Review…please stand by…please stand by….please stand by

Joe

Oh boy commercial break

This feels like a cursed commercial break

vballretired

Pretty obvious pass attempt

Joe

Please just give us a the field goal

Patrick

Stingley’s out again.

l4blitzer

MOAR injuries…Ross didn’t consult a cursed book again, did he?

Patrick

Call stands.

[KITTTTEEEEENNNNNN]

HOME FIELD CALL GIVES CIN THE BALL AFTER THE “FUMBLE”

vballretired

Terrible call

CIN POSSESSION

Joe

YOUVE GOT TO BE KIDDING

I knew it

I hate this

vballretired

Cashman is the most improved defender in the NFL

l4blitzer

“Cincinnati Screw Job???”

vballretired

Extracurriculars

Joe

They’re getting chippy!

vballretired

But short

l4blitzer

Do they go for it at this part of the field?

Guess so

Joe

Oh man

Patrick

There’s a case to be made, but probably not there.

vballretired

Ok, thank Durga

l4blitzer

Think CIN was trying to draw them off-side. Not a bad call given our problems with offside penalties

vballretired

Four straight stops

HOU POSSESSION

Joe

Houston should be running away with this game by now with how they’re defense is playing and how the offense has moved the ball

vballretired

Given our strife over the last four years I’m glad Billy O is this miserable

Joe

They just need to keep this momentum rolling into the 2nd half, and the points will come

l4blitzer

Well that is what one turnover and one screw job call will do to a team

vballretired

Makeup call in progress

l4blitzer

Off-setting penalties. A lot of sound and fury…for nothing

vballretired

Bull[KITTEN] offsetting penalties. Mentally strike my last comment

Patrick

Salutations, do you have a minute to listen to the good news about our lord and savior CJ Stroud?

l4blitzer

Mason with a good run block…miracles do happen

vballretired

I’m sure this ground has been covered, but getting Kevin Harlan is a huge step up

l4blitzer

Big Play Brown…x2

TWO MINUTE WARNING

vballretired

Dare we say Brown was a better signing than Woods?

l4blitzer

If HOU hadn’t derped against Carolina, you have to figure this game might have been worth moving to a prime time slot

Joe

Noah brown again!

Joe

You’re absolutely right

Houston might be considered a top 10 team if they would’ve beaten Carolina

vballretired

Considering the excrement the NFL has there this week you could argue it should have anyway

Patrick

Is the game down for anyone else?

vballretired

Nope

Patrick

[KITTEN], then it’s just this BWW.

vballretired

Ok, again with first down runs

Joe

At least the bad runs are defendable now since it was working earlier

vballretired

Just haven’t been on first down

l4blitzer

Cinny D bowing up here

vballretired

I’ll feature it this week

Big play Brown

Joe

NOAH BROWN AGAIN

what is this Noah brown resurgence game!

This is great!

l4blitzer

Hmmm…this Brown fella…he receiving good…let’s continue

Patrick

Nonononononononononononononononononono

vballretired

Ouch

Joe

NOOO

Please be okay stroud

l4blitzer

Oline gonna get some talking to at half for pass blocking

vballretired

Decent play

l4blitzer

Ok…no turnover in scoring position please

Joe

Yeah please no turnovers

Just run it honestly

HOU TIMEOUT

vballretired

Tunsil just not good enough in non-contract seasons

Joe

Keep stroud alive into the second half

l4blitzer

Commentators mad about time running…I think just getting a lead will be fine

vballretired

Nice throw but…….

Patrick

Whew, just barely made that kick.

vballretired

You’re ahead

Joe

Schultz can’t catch em all I guess

Yeah I’ll take the points

Finally get the cheap points

Patrick

I’m as surprised as anyone.

Joe

After them getting stolen from us two times in a row

AMMENDOLA 45 YD FG GOOD: HOU 10 - CIN 7; 0:10, 2nd

vballretired

I paused a commercial to talk to Alexa

CIN POSSESSION

l4blitzer

Ogunbowale murdered Irwin on that one

Joe

Ogunbowale making special teams tackles a week after nailing a field goal

Patrick

Not often a kicker gets a tackle on special teams.

HALFTIME: HOU 10 - CIN 7, Refs: Still suck

HALFTIME REACTIONS

vballretired

Okay, as half time approaches there is a lot of good and a little bit of bad. Defensively this has been a great performance. You get off the field four times in a row. Those are almost like turnovers. This game could easily be 16-7 with a bad fourth down and bull[KITTEN] fumble call. These kinds of missed opportunities ALWAYS comes back to bite you. You get the ball first so you can set the tone in the second half.

Joe

Overall, great first half by the Texans! Besides the first drive by Cincinnati, the Texans defense has been sharp, sticky in coverage, and great at tackling. Tavierre Thomas, Denzel Perryman, and Blake Cashman are all having games. CJ is, again, looking very good, and is now being boosted by a resurgent rushing attack led by Devin Singletary. Singletary was one of my favorite players out of the 2019 draft cl[KITTEN], and one of my favorite signings by the team this offseason, so this makes me ecstatic. If it wasn’t for those killer turnover in the red zone. This game might already be over. How are the Texans this good?

l4blitzer

In one respect, the Texans are probably lucky to have a lead, given all the hits that Stroud is taking and that Tank Dell had the injury scare. Yet, the Texans can also say that they’ve left points on the field. The botched snap at the CIN 9 yard line on 4th and 1 hurts, and then the Cinny Screw Job on the “Fumble” (Which was really a pass, but anyway…). The Houston D is holding Burrow in check. Can that continue? Really encouraging that Singletary has 62 yards rushing right now, when the entire team only had 53 total yards rushing all last week. Thought Cinny would force Houston to beat them on the ground, but if Houston can keep rushing like this, that augers well for the second half.

l4blitzer

Joe, saw there was a job opening in State College as of this afternoon. Got any experience calling offensive plays?

START OF SECOND HALF. HOU POSSESSION

l4blitzer

Nice run by Singletary to start the half

Patrick

CJ Stroud is a wizard.

Joe

Hahaha I just saw this! I would tell them to give it to Kaytron Allen every down

I think cj stroud is officially durga

Brown again!

This is so funny

l4blitzer

Of course we all called this Stroud-Brown connection. Of course we did

Joe

Stroud and brown are actively diving up one of the best defenses in the league

Joe

This is one of the funniest things to happen this season so far

Patrick

With Singletary slicing up the ground.

Joe

Does it count as a Weird Game if your team is doing good

Patrick

If the circumstances behind the doing good is weird, then yes.

Joe

Holy [KITTEN] Devin Singletary!

Joe

This is a very weird game

Patrick

Metchie with his one catch of the game!

l4blitzer

Houston moving it forward…again

Joe

Woo!

METCHIE

FANTASTIC THROW

I think the Texans might be really good

l4blitzer

Yeah…I think the 49ers might have shaken off their malaise

Patrick

Oh. My. Durga. Y’all.

Joe

Man it’d be nice to have a touchdown here

l4blitzer

Is this gonna get waived off…illegal touch?

Joe

OH MY GOODNESS

OH MY [DURGA]

TOUCHDOWN

Patrick

Wow, they’re pulling out all the obscure rules for this game, huh?

Joe

give us the touchdown!

Oh I hate them

I HATE THEM

THEYRE EVIL

l4blitzer

Can’t see a replay if Woods stepped out…more home cooking?

Patrick

Aaaaand now it’s under review.

l4blitzer

Under review…please stand by….please stand by….please stand by….

Joe

Refs just want to twist the blade a little more into the ribs of Texans fans

l4blitzer

I assure you that we don’t need any assistance in that department

Call stands. Texans fans will now be looking into the bank accounts of these refs

Joe

I hate these refs

l4blitzer

AMMENDOLA WITH THE 23 YD FG: HOU 13 - CIN 7; 9:27, 3rd

Joe

Whatever, it’s points I guess

Patrick

It’s something.

Joe

I want to turnover here in the 3rd quarter so the Texans can put the bengals AND refs to bed early

l4blitzer

Still, that play which doesn’t count had some Randall Cunningham type action…quite fun to watch, even if the end result sucked

CIN POSSESSION

Joe

Yeah I mean what a mvp level play by stroud there

l4blitzer

Need to make sure we limit the broken tackles this half

vballretired

Nice drop

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!

Joe

WOOOOO

LETS GO SHELDON RANKINS

l4blitzer

The Most Interesting Defense in the World, led by the Most Interesting Defensive Coordinator in the World is defensing pretty solid here.

HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

The weekly third quarter plea…..no turtling please

Joe

I think this defense might officially be fixed

vballretired

Like most teams that’s likely a week to week thing

Patrick

The most “well no [KITTEN]” flag of the day.

Joe

I don’t know, Houston’s linebackers have been pretty trustworthy all season, which was their biggest problem the last few years

vballretired

Are you sure?

l4blitzer

Home cooking can’t help Bengals there

vballretired

I’m still behind and Fubo has caught up

Joe

Yes

vballretired

Are you sure on the PI BTW

l4blitzer

Nice slant to Singletary there

vballretired

Wasn’t disagreeing on the Lbs

Patrick

And now we get the running game in on the scoring!

Joe

ohhh i see sorry haha

LETS GOOOOO

SINGLETARY

l4blitzer

Hey, how bout that…a rushing TD

vballretired

Holy Durga! That’s a rushing TD BY A RB!!!!!!!

Patrick

This game is going sooooooo well and I don’t know how to react to it.

Joe

i dont know either haha

i have no idea how to react to this team perfectly executing their gameplan against one of the best teams in the league

vballretired

I’m finding as much wood as I can to knock on

SINGLETARY WITH THE 6 YARD TD RUN: HOU 20 - CIN 7; 7:08, 3rd

Joe

I just can’t believe it!

l4blitzer

Gonna need at least one more TD I think. 4th quarter Burrow…scary business

vballretired

Yup

No turtling allowed

Joe

like the great passing, yes. The solid defensive coverage and some three and outs, yes. But, the defensive line? the successful running with singletary? Huh? What is this team?

l4blitzer

Massive TD by the Ravens…and I think that Watson had another injury in that game

Patrick

Tragic. Really. Much unfortunate.

vballretired

With no sarcasm intended, you cannot underestimate the importance of competent coaching.

CIN POSSESSION

vballretired

Maybe he can go on IG and……

You cannot hold down Burrow forever.

l4blitzer

Yep…good pressure too, but this Burrow guy is kinda good at football

Joe

i smell a fumble coming on

Patrick

Just when I was starting to relax.

l4blitzer

Relaxing…with the Texans leading on the road?

vballretired

I haven’t smelt anything since getting COVID last spring

Patrick

I should know better, I know.

Yikes.

vballretired

[KITTEN]

Joe

Oh jeez and now they’re gonna forget how to tackle

vballretired

Holding on the Bungles

Yeah

Pretty blatant

l4blitzer

Need to avoid those missed tackles here

vballretired

Solid defense there

Ok, tackling is better

Need a sack

Joe

I almost can’t watch I’m so nervous

Patrick

A sack is good.

Joe

Idk how the Texans are this good right now

vballretired

And a sack is delivered

I’ll be here all week

l4blitzer

Greenard stepping up with the much needed sack

The Most Interesting Defense in the World with the hold

vballretired

Ok still a two score game.

Joe

Greenard and Anderson!!!

vballretired

Need one of those 17 play, ten minute drives

While I’m hot at calling my shots

MCPHERSON 50 YD FG GOOD: HOU 20 - CIN 10; 3:00, 3rd

vballretired

They are going to make this interesting

Joe

Man…

CIN POSSESSION

Joe

Now I’m nervous

vballretired

Wow

[KITTEN]

Joe

Maliek collins just like ate Tyler boyd for lunch

l4blitzer

Of course…wondering when those yellow thingys would return.

Joe

They just HAD to come back

vballretired

Look at the Horned Frog

Patrick

[KITTTTEEENNNNNNN]

vballretired

And it’s a game again

Patrick

Maybe y’all want to make some adjustments, I dunno, just a thought.

Joe

Oh man

vballretired

Time for Stroud to shine. NO FIRST DOWN RUNS.

BURROW WITH THE 64 TD PASS TO CHASE: HOU 20 - CIN 17; 0:10, 3rd

Joe

Well they kept Burrow from making explosive plays for most of the game up until this point, which is admirable, but now Stroud has to match him

l4blitzer

Well, there is a reason why Burrow is arguably the best QB in the league (depending on what Mahomes is doing)

Joe

[KITTEN]

l4blitzer

Well, Watson is back in for the Browns.

HOU POSSESSION

l4blitzer

Ok…a positive 1st down run. It’s…something

END OF 3rd: HOU 20 - CIN 17…ANOTHER NAIL-BITTING ROAD GAME FOR THE TEXANS…WHO KNEW THIS COULD HAPPEN?

Joe

Here we go Singletary

Patrick

In Stroud we trust.

vballretired

If I had said we’d be up three with the ball in the fourt would you have taken it?

Big play Brown

l4blitzer

Hmmm…glad for Houston, but I would think that the Bengals might want to lock that guy down at this point?

Joe

LETS GOOOOO

NOAH BROWN

vballretired

Don’t give them ideas

l4blitzer

Hey, they are the pros, but if I am seeing this…

Joe

Houston is too good

l4blitzer

Tight coverage there

vballretired

Rare first down incompletion

Patrick

Even rarer second and long conversion on a running play.

vballretired

Singletary

Joe

Singletary!!!!

l4blitzer

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a 100 yard rusher for the Texans

Joe

Best game of all time??? Again???

Joe

WOOOO

first time this decade?

l4blitzer

This season I think

vballretired

Durga you are the best!!!!!!!!!!

l4blitzer

Stroud to Singletary: Anything you can do, I can do better

Joe

LETS GOOOOO

WOOOOO

STROUD WITH THE 8 YD TD RUN: HOU 27 - CIN 17; 12:42, 4th

Joe

Bengals and Texans are just making big plays all over the place now

CIN POSSESSION

Joe

Here we go!

Burrow is in spicy mode now

It’ll be all about stopping him now

vballretired

Nice

l4blitzer

Ogunbowale…Special teams nightmare

Joe

Sheldon Rankins is just tearing burrow down today!

Man he needed everything to bring down burrow, too

vballretired

Way too open

Joe

Dang

vballretired

Intended for Bill Canaraman

What a time to miss a tackle

Patrick

PICK!!!

l4blitzer

Oh the Texans with a bad whiff. That was a surefire TFL

vballretired

Nice

l4blitzer

But that is a nice make up play

Joe

Yeah I just saw the Mixon play!

was about to be mad but the the pick happened!

LETS GOOOOO

CARSON WITH THE INT; HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

Now the uncomfortable balance between smart aggression and turtling.

l4blitzer

Well, the run game is actually working, so everything is in play. A good play-action bootleg would be real nice about now.

Joe

I can’t believe this is happening!!!

Do whatever you can to get 2-3 first downs, then just run it till the game is over

vballretired

Knock on wood please

Joe

I’m knocking

vballretired

There’s one.

l4blitzer

Some that Shanahan ground game will be nice here

vballretired

That looks more familiar

Joe

Devin Singletary again!!!!

Patrick since you went to that game last week the Texans have been like cured

vballretired

Another first down

Joe

128 yards rushing for Singletary

vballretired

Ok, I’m good running it on first down now. You gotta roll clock

Ok, need one key third down play

Patrick

That was not it.

l4blitzer

Commentators lamenting how we let Reader get away. Can’t disagree

vballretired

Thank Durga no pick there

Joe

Oh [DURGA]!!! Whyyyyy

vballretired

Rare off throw

l4blitzer

Well, he is still a rookie

vballretired

Ok, you pin them back and take time off the clock.

CIN POSSESSION

Joe

Man it would’ve been nice to get another first down and kick a field goal

Patrick

He shoulda had that!

Joe

That would’ve been just too perfect

vballretired

Cannot allow chunk plays

Darn Pitre

Ok

l4blitzer

Stingley having a not great day

vballretired

Burrow being Burrow

l4blitzer

Here we go again

Joe

Yeah maybe it was too early for stingley

My heart

He can’t get away with this

l4blitzer

I guess it is better than Ridder/Young doing this, but still

Great pressure, but have to get home on Burrow. He is too [KITTEN] good to miss

Patrick

Oh come ON

l4blitzer

….and your textbook Texans dumb-kitten 4th quarter penalty

vballretired

No. He’s going down you can’t expect a defender to suddenly change trajectory

l4blitzer

Ok…yeah, saw the replay. Yeah, not quite as dumb as usual for Houston

Joe

BOOOOO

REFS ARE CHEATING

Patrick

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

vballretired

[KITTEN] Patrick! Stop stealing my joy.

GRIFFIN WITH THE MUCH-NEEDED INT; HOU POSSESSION

Joe

WHAT

ANOTHER INT?!?!?!

LETS GOOOO

LETS [KITTEN]ING GOOOOO

l4blitzer

Would have figured Stroud to make the bad throw there, not Burrow

vballretired

Now you can turtle.

Joe

SHAQ GRIFFIN PUTS JOE BURROW AWAY

l4blitzer

CIN with its 1st time out

vballretired

Ok, key third down

l4blitzer

CIN 2nd TO

Patrick

BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD

Joe

NOOOO

vballretired

What are you doing?????????

Just hit a popcorn vendor

STROUD WITH THE INT; CIN POSSESSION

Joe

WHYYYYY

vballretired

Lucky

Joe

WHY WOUKD YOU THROW

RUN WITH SINGLETARY

l4blitzer

Trying to go to Tank…CIN was going to eventually pick up on it

Joe

why in [DURGA]’s name

vballretired

Agreed

Penalty

Joe

[DURGA][DURGA]

Is Houston trying to lose

vballretired

That’s pretty blatant

l4blitzer

The Most Interesting Defense in the World continuing to live up to its name

vballretired

Perryman trying to win the flag award

Joe

Yeah I can’t argue with that one

MIXON WITH THE 1 YARD TD RUN: HOU 27 - CIN 24; 3:18; 4th

Joe

Now they just run the clock out

[DURGA] [DURGA]

vballretired

Ok, that’s what we figured would happen before our pick. You need two first downs.

Joe

Just had to be some theatrics at the end

Couldn’t just win it

HOU POSSESSION

Joe

Here We go

Let’s go cj stroud! I believe in you!!!!

You can do it!!!!

vballretired

Nice run

Get the first down and then kneel it down

Joe

Please

PLEASE

Patrick

Why. Why did you call THAT play?

l4blitzer

Incredible patience by Singletary

vballretired

Oh no

Joe

PLEASE LET SINGLETARY WIN IT

what happened

vballretired

Why that route at that time?

l4blitzer

I get the kill shot, but Tank was double covered

Joe

THEY PASSED IT

l4blitzer

Schultz mayhaps…anyway

Joe

are you kidding me

They’re gonna lose this game

vballretired

Do an RPO or something

Joe

WHY WOULDNT YOU RUN IT

CIN POSSESSION

Joe

Texans are choking BIG TIME

vballretired

Gee and a small lead in the fourth and our defense is out there. Am I watching Groundhog Day?

l4blitzer

Just the not as funny version

vballretired

Really not funny

Joe

This is awful

l4blitzer

Nightmare pass play there before the 2 minute warning

Joe

NOOOOO

TWO MINUTE WARNING

Joe

They’re choking!

They earned this after that interception and pass on 3rd and 2

l4blitzer

Ok…wonder if the Texans just decide to let the Bengals score now and then get Stroud the ball to try to win it

vballretired

Game on pause. [KITTEN] Fubo

Joe

They fully earned this [KITTEN] cake they’re eating

Joe

I think you have to do this

vballretired

I’m blaming Joe for premature celebration

l4blitzer

Yeah, that 3rd and 2 is going to haunt Stroud and the offense this week

…and Baltimore is doing the same thing as they just gave up a pick-six to get within one

Joe

I will take some blame….

l4blitzer

Huge hit for the D…better late than never, but where was that last play?

Joe

I just can’t believe they would even consider passing on 3rd down on two straight possessions when they’ve been running this good

Thank [DURGA] for Sheldon rankins

Patrick

[DURGA][KITTEN] Browns stop that!

Wow

l4blitzer

Collins with a Brock Lesner Suplex on Burrow there

Joe

At least that’s satisfying

vballretired

Do you trust Stroud now?

l4blitzer

Oh….the Bungles missed that one. It was right there….

Joe

YESSSS

EAT IT BENGALS

Joe

I have no idea

l4blitzer

MCPHERSON WITH THE 31 YD FG: HOU 27 - CIN 27

Joe

I truly have no idea

I guess we’re about to find out!

He better not blow this [DURGA][KITTEN] game

He needs to land the plane now

l4blitzer

Well, the first 3rd down throw was bad. However, the other one was great coverage. I’ll take my chances with him on the final drive

The Bengals should have caught that TD to take the lead. Maybe there is a chance after all

HOU POSSESSION

l4blitzer

Houston with 1 timeout

Joe

Here we go!

All the time in the world

l4blitzer

Tank…don’t you get butter fingers too

vballretired

Schultz!!!!!!

Joe

AGH

Patrick

See, now you’re caught up vball!

l4blitzer

Ok…that is good Schultz

Joe

I like good Schultz

l4blitzer

Steelers/Packers ending on a nice donnybrook

Patrick

ALWIEN;RGOLWIEFNE;LVKNH;ELIRTJFG;LKSJDFAL;KDGJAS;LDFKJG!!!!!

Joe

LETS GOOOO

WJDJXJENNWNQ

l4blitzer

Nice play by Houston. Great time management there

Patrick

I think I’m going to be sick.

Joe

In gonna throw up

I’m gonna throw up!

l4blitzer

The Most Interesting 4th Quarter Team in the World continues to be…The Most Interesting 4th Quarter Team in the World

Browns missed the PAT? How funny!!!

Joe

WOOOOOOOO

LETS GOOOO

TEXANS WIN!!!

Oh man!

Patrick

They beat the [KITTEN]in’ Bengals! THEY BEAT THE MUTHA[KITTEN]IN’ CINCINNATI BENGALS!

AMMENDOLA WITH THE WALKOFF FG: HOU 30 - CIN 27. HOUSTON MOVES TO 5-4 AND MY BLOOD PRESSURE IS STILL 300/250!!!!

vballretired

Yes

l4blitzer

They are…the MOST INTERESTING TEAM IN THE WORLD

Joe

They are absolutely the most interesting team in the world

This was, by far, one of the most entertaining football games ive ever watched. I don’t think there was any possession that ended normally. I think any unexpected, weird thing that could’ve happened in this game (besides more fumbles), happened. My heart has never raced so much in a short span of time, and i think im ready to go all in on the CJ Stroud MVP hype train.

GAME BALLS:

• The Houston “Triplets”: Two of the “Triplets” in QB CJ Stroud and RB Devin Singletary have already been discussed. However, the 3rd member is WR Noah Brown, who logged 7 receptions for 172 yards, including the huge 23 yard catch-and-run that set up Houston’s walk-off FG. Brown has logged back-to-back 150 yard reception efforts, which only Andre Johnson and DeAndre Hopkins have done in Texans’ history. Good company there.
• DT Sheldon Rankins: When facing a QB like Joe Burrow, a team is going to have to get pressure up the middle if they hope to disrupt such a dangerous QB. Enter Sheldon Rankins, who logged 5 tackles, 4 QB hits, 3 sacks, 2 TFLs and a forced fumble. DT has not exactly been a consistent strength on the Most Interesting Defense in the World, but on this day, he was huge against the dangerous Bengals’ machine. His 3rd sack game in the 4th quarter, pushing the Bengals further away from the goal-line in forcing just a game-tying FG. Oh, and his efforts were critical to holding the Bengals to a mere 66 yards rushing. You never saw numbers like that the last two seasons.
• RB/Special Teams Ace Dare Ogunbowale: So he didn’t actually kick the ball today, but K Matt Ammendola (3-3 FGs, 3-3 XPs, 4 TBs out of 6 kickoffs) did well enough...actually, let’s give him a game-ball, as he was on the “street” this time last weekend). Still, Ogunbowale logged two big Special Teams tackles, including a soul-crushing annihilation of Bengals’ return man Irwin to end the 1st half.

SHOULD BE FORCED TO CONSUME ONLY SKYLINE CHILLI FOR THE REST OF THE WINTER:

• Houston’s late 4th Quarter Defense: This is getting to be quite the trend. For the 5th straight game, Houston’s defense faced a situation where they had a one-score lead, but the other team was driving down the field. On Boyd’s 64 yard catch-and-run, the pass coverage was bad, and the tackling was worse. No way should Boyd have been able to make that play. Burrow is good enough to make those type of plays, but he didn’t need that help. Additionally, the team was only bailed out by Boyd’s inexplicable drop. Yet, for the 4th time in those 5 games, the Most Interesting Defense in the World gave up a late score, albeit a FG that only tied the game and allowed Houston the chance to answer last. Not that it isn’t fun and exciting, but Houston cannot make a living winning games like that. The defense is going to have to hold on to those leads.
• The Refs (first half): Ok, the Texans have been a bad team for so long that whatever decisions the refs made didn’t matter in the slightest. Yet, the so-called “Fumble” in the 2nd quarter when Stroud’s arm was clearly going forward in a passing motion when the ball went forward was the worst call of the game. Thought replay was supposed to resolve those things, but, we have the case where it was missed...badly. Fortunately, the call didn’t alter the balance of the game. The refs also missed some “unnecessary roughness” hits on Tank Dell in the 1st half as well (at least based on the standard they are calling things this year). The second half, well, some penalties were called and I am sure both sides can look to missed calls, but they were not near as egregious. At least ref-ball didn’t screw that up (Houston and Cincinnati nearly did that at various points on their own).
• The Houston Texans: For not putting up warnings about how dangerous this season has been to Texans’ fans with weak heart conditions. Might need to start with those disclaimers.

Anyway, the Texans are on a two-game winning streak and have won 5 of their last 7. They return to NRG next Sunday for a noon CST kickoff against the Arizona Cardinals, where they will look to avoid the “trap” game. Yes, the Texans...look to avoid...a trap game...for them. Until then.