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Hair of the Dog, Week 15: Houston Texans @ Tennessee Titans

The real Houston team takes it in walk-off fashion over the “fake” Oilers

Houston Texans v Tennessee Titans Photo by Wesley Hitt/Getty Images

Perhaps last week was the anomaly. The fluke for both Houston and the New Jersey Jets. The New Jersey Jets took the momentum from their 30-6 beatdown of Houston...and proceeded to get the [KITTEN] beaten out of them by the Dolphins, 30-0. As for Houston, well, they went into Nashville, who had just logged a major come-from-behind win against those same Dolphins 28-27, and the Texans would be without C.J. Stroud, Nico Collins and Will Anderson Jr., among others. Didn’t figure to look good for the real Houston team. Yet, for the ninth time in 10 games, it came down to the final minute (this time, the final seconds of overtime).

This time, Houston kicked the walk-off FG to finish off the Titans, who decided that it would be a great idea to wear the old Columbia Blue uniforms and revert to the Oilers name. Even Mike Vrabel tried to go all Bum Phillips for the game. Maybe it seemed a good idea, much like it seems like a good idea to send out that offensive joke of a tweet to your coworkers and bosses when inebriated. Instead, the “Oilers” decided to revert to more than the uniforms. They captured the late Oilers tendency to blow a convincing lead to see a team effectively end their season (Titans were eliminated from playoff contention with the loss).

With yet another dramatic game, your Battle Red Blog Masthead had their real-time takes on the game. As always, especially with the high drama of the games this season, colorful, slightly non-professional language was used. In the finest Hair of the Dog tradition, we have edited out those words for more, classic, professional reading. Also, for those with a delicate constitution or cardiovascular issues, consult a doctor before watching any more Texans game this season.

With that out of the way, on with the ‘Dog:

HAIR OF THE DOG, VOLUME 21, ISSUE 15: HOUSTON TEXANS @ TENNESSEE TITANS (and let the chips fall where they may)

vballretired

On one side we have Mills nation. On the other side we have the Keenum truthers. In between there’s the rest of us needing a drink. #Bartesian has you covered. Whiskey? Rum? Tequila? Gin? Vodka? #Bartesian has mixers for all of them. Those [KITTEN] Titans are wearing the beloved Oiler blues. Screw ‘em’ and have a drink. #Bartesian has you covered. As per usual, those of us at BRB and its parent company Vox Media remind you to use #Bartesian responsibly.

l4blitzer

Nico Collins officially inactive. Can the back up, back-up receivers do better than last week? At least the Titans secondary is not as dangerous as the New Jersey Jets

vballretired

Okay folks, my better half made us ditch Fubo so I’m ready running the antenna today. It might be a slog unless I can get our daughter to hold the rabbit ears in place (old people reference for our AARP fans)

Joe

It’s almost time! Feels blasphemous that the Titans are wearing the Oilers uniforms for todays game, but that’ll make it much sweeter when Case Keenum beats them for the first time since….2013? Has Keenum beaten the Titans yet?

vballretired

Maybe as a Viking or Bronco

Joe

Really worried about Nico Collins being hurt for this game

Patrick

Can’t remember off the top of my head but every fiber of my being says he has.

vballretired

He has appeared in only one game against the Possums. They won 41-7 but he was 0 for 2 in mop up duty

Joe

Still counts!

Okay he can beat them today

I predict it’s gonna be a big Noah brown game

Or Dalton Schultz

vballretired

Mr. December for anytime score. Play those LONG odds

vballretired

Thank Durga I didn’t eat breakfast before seeing those [KITTEN] uniforms

Patrick

It’s downright difficult.

Joe

Here we go!

FIRST QUARTER

Joe

Oh boy there’s Mr keenum

The return of the keenum

vballretired

Ok, more CHUM on second down

Kittens

Joe

Uh oh

Patrick

Bless your hearts, you tried being interesting.

vballretired

You know, running the ball would be good with your third string qb. Oh well

Nice run defense

Patrick

Bring me the blood of Will Levis.

vballretired

I’ll just take any blood

Stay tuned folks

Joe

Hahaha

vballretired

Maybe

Joe

The AFC South has 3 rookie starting qbs and they’ve all looked good at some point this season

vballretired

First down mother[kitten]s

Patrick

Don’t give me hope [KITTEN].

vballretired

Still good run defense though

Gosh darn it to heck

l4blitzer

Welp...guess the pass defense is picking up from last week

vballretired

Still good run defense

Patrick

Ugh....not only are they in our territory, I’m a play or two behind.

Joe

Yeah I’ll take the good run defense for now!

Im also a few plays behind

vballretired

Third and long

Joe

Derrick Henry has ruined the Texans in multiple games, so if we can keep him bottled up, I feel like we have a chance

vballretired

Ward down

Patrick

Sure, why not. Not like we have an injured list that reads like something after the D-Day invasion.

vballretired

Of course

l4blitzer

Vendermeer with the “Fake Oilers” call...fully concur with that analysis

vballretired

You can’t get off the field on two third and longs

Patrick

DeMeco, what are you doing?

l4blitzer

Challenge...please stand by....please stand by

vballretired

It’s a [KITTEN]ing catch

Patrick

DeMeco, staaaaaahp...

vballretired

Catch confirmed

l4blitzer

....aaaannnndddd it didn’t go Houston’s way.

Seems like a theme for the start of this matchup

vballretired

Geez, it’s almost as if our pass defense sucks

Mayo boy with the score

6-0 Titans

Patrick

And there it is.

And offsides to boot. Grape job, y’all.

LEVIS USING THE ENERGY FROM HIS MAYO COFFEE FOR THE 1YD TD PLUNGE (PAT MISSED): HOU 0 - TEN 6; 7:09, 1st

vballretired

The Texans offense and defense are mirror images. One can only pass and the other can’t defend the pass.

Patrick

LOL, missed the XP.

l4blitzer

Wonder if Ryans fired up the team a little too much...multiple offsides to start the game seems the team is a bit jumpy/over-eager to do something

vballretired

Keep keying on Henry

l4blitzer

When a RB’s worst game against you in the last 5 is 125 yards...yeah, you are going to want to key on him

HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

Geez, almost like we should be passing it

l4blitzer

Noah Brown already doing more this game than all of the last one

vballretired

Maybe a pass beyond five yards

Nevermind, what in the heck do I know?

l4blitzer

Not trusting Keenum’s arm, or worried about the pass rush?

Hmmm....At least they got a 1st down on the drive...

vballretired

I guess

l4blitzer

Number 1 weapon for the Texans with a nice punt.

TEN POSSESSION

vballretired

I think it’s going to be hard to run or throw when everything happens five yards and in

Patrick

Yeah, this game is gonna hurt.

Joe

Well this is disheartening so far

Joe

I hope this doesn’t sting as much as last week

Patrick

Jimmie Ward going under concussion protocol.

Getting real tired of all the concussions.

vballretired

[GATITO]

Patrick

Bozhe moi.

l4blitzer

Well, in the micro-perspective, this rates as a rough one for a team in playoff contention. Marco, the team is already well ahead of where they were the past 3 years, and they still have 3 games left (2 at home) and can still make a playoff run...ok, now back to the illogical hope of this game

vballretired

Run defense still stout

l4blitzer

Mayo Boy gonna have to go for 350 and receivers not named D-Hop gonna have to do it

vballretired

Nevermind

l4blitzer

Oh wait, not Henry...that changes the game

vballretired

Making second rate QBs look like Pro Bowlers

l4blitzer

You get the feeling the the BE-SFs are carrying momentum from that Miami win?

Ok...now BE-SF fans are calling for all passing

vballretired

Third and long

Patrick

Mike Vrabel was wearing a [KITTEN]ing cowboy hat on the sideline.

Bring me his head.

l4blitzer

Given that he was ready to sacrifice another body part...and his wife was eager to help...might need to clarify

vballretired

MOAR flags

Fourth down

Patrick

Whenever y’all want to call that facemask against Tennessee.

l4blitzer

Penalty on the (Fake) Oilers...an Oiler call...been...what...25 years since that was a thing?

HOU POSSESSION

Patrick

Just about. 24 years by my count.

vballretired

Well except for the last time they wore that [KITTEN] this season

l4blitzer

Public math...what can I say?

Miami taking it to the Jets? Of course, that would happen...of course it would

....and Bears receiver Tonyan will go into Witness protection after dropping that easy big play catch

Patrick

Gross.

l4blitzer

Noah Brown...really making up for that New Jersey abomination

Patrick

The dog just turned off the TV.

END OF 1ST: REAL HOUSTON TEAM 0 - FAKE HOUSTON TEAM WEARING REAL HOUSTON COLORS 6

l4blitzer

Your Laremy Tunsil False Start ladies and gentlemen

MOLDEN WITH THE 44 YD INT RETURN FOR THE TD: BE-SFs 13 - HOU 0; 13:56, 2nd

Joe

NOOOOO

vballretired

Andre says that’s on Dare

Joe

Are we back in the sad times again?

Patrick

Maybe the dog had the right idea.

Only in the short term.

l4blitzer

Miscomm between Dare and Keenum. Keenum threw to the outside and Dare was looking more inside. Molden with the easy catch and run

Patrick

Siiiiiiigh...

l4blitzer

The offensive performance of the Texans the past two games should chill any thoughts of Slowik being elevated to a head coach, at least for this season

HOU POSSESSION

Patrick

Best thing for us.

l4blitzer

...and the Texans with all the laundry

Joe

So when does Davis mills show up

It’s too early to give up but like…

l4blitzer

Now Tunsil is in the injury tent?

Patrick

Fine, shoot your prisoner.

Joe

Hahaha

There’s the Davis mills shot!

Right on time

Patrick

There are like six different ways that should’ve gone wrong. Or at least worse than how it did go.

l4blitzer

Brown doing his best to try to keep this somewhat interesting

Joe

There’s Noah brown!

l4blitzer

MOAR penalties...not that the (Fake) Oilers need the help

Patrick

And there it is.

I’m too sober for this game.

l4blitzer

Dare running on 3rd down a bit better than receiving on 3rd down this game.

...and Texans MVP Johnston with another good resulting punt.

TEN POSSESSION

Joe

Wow Dare getting a lot of yards on the CHUM there haha

Let him try the 70 yard fg after that lol

l4blitzer

That would require this offense to actually get close to that part of the field...which has not quite really happened yet

Patrick

“Nashville, one of the great American cities...”

Do not lie to these people, Spero.

l4blitzer

Guess Mayo Boy is going to be our Kryptonite for this game...

Patrick

I hate this kid.

l4blitzer

And the problems from earlier in the season return...getting close on pressure, but not getting home

Joe

Will Levis needs to chill out!

l4blitzer

That’ll do Davis...that’ll do

Joe

I love him since he went to Penn state but he needs to not do his thing for this one game

l4blitzer

Of course, you have to remember, Levis had the chance to beat out Clifford...and he couldn’t do it...during Clifford’s worst season at PSU

HOU POSSESSION

Patrick

Clifford?

l4blitzer

Sean Clifford

Patrick

Ah, right.

Joe

Yeah idk how that happened

I have no idea how Levis didn’t get playing time at Penn state

Heck he would’ve been a better Tommy Stevens than Tommy Stevens

l4blitzer

Kept using Levis as that running QB change-up...but then again, nothing in 2020 worked for PSU (or really for anybody else, but for the purposes of this conversation, we are looking at PSU)

Tunsil back on the field

Patrick

Well that’s a relief.

l4blitzer

Goal for the offense...points...please

Offense...forward...not backwards...and no flags...please

Patrick

Mr. December, thank you. I didn’t want to make this too easy.

l4blitzer

Well, Jordan, that is one way to make up for the dumb-kittenery

Joe

Ughhhh

Patrick

I’ll forgive you this time Jordan.

Joe

Singletary doing something

l4blitzer

One step forward...five steps back...Ware calling this right for the Texans offense

Patrick

OH COME ON

Joe

Let’s go Brevin Jordan! Redemption

TWO MINUTE WARNING

Joe

Oh [DURGA]

l4blitzer

Decision Time for H-town...

Good decision

Patrick

All those in favor of making Singletary RB1 going forward?

l4blitzer

Unanimous Consent

Say Thank You to the BE-SFs, boys and girls

Patrick

I refuse on moral grounds.

l4blitzer

What if they do it an annoying sarcastic voice?

HOU TIMEOUT

l4blitzer

Disappointing couple of plays there...but at least there will be points to end the half

FAIRBAIRN WITH THE 23 YD FG: HOU 3 - BE-SFs 13; END OF THE HALF

HALFTIME REACTIONS

Patrick

IT’S NOT A SHUTOUT! IT’S NOT A SHUTOUT!

Joe

Glory to the all fg offense!

vballretired

Ok, nice defensive effort overall. Only one offensive score. Hopkins and Henry have been minimalists. Mayo boy playing well. This offense is VERY limited. We will need a turnover or two to win.

l4blitzer

Sluggish game for the Texans’ offense, at least to start. BE-SFs took advantage. Houston will not let Derrick Henry beat them this game. Levis has had more good plays than bad. BE-SFs maybe should have put up more points than they did to start. A bit disappointing that Houston didn’t get the TD at the end of the half. Still, encouraging to see Singletary run as well as he did to end the half. This game seems to be the BE-SFs to win, but perhaps Houston can build on their last drive

Patrick

I hope Satan punches Bud Adams in the tits

vballretired

I hate to ask this question given all that happened to him but is John Metchie a bust?

Patrick

It’s still a little early to make that call I think but I think he’s trending that way.

vballretired

Given Scruggs relative struggles can we say the Texans second round has a voodoo curse on it?

Patrick

It has since forever. Since Brandon Harris at least.

vballretired

Trade out for two thirds or a third and a fourth

3RD QUARTER

TEN POSSESSION

vballretired

Ok, that’s a start

It’s third down

[KITTEN]

And Zach Wilson sucks again. You know I can’t put my finger on it but there might be a pattern here.

And we are back into “watch Texans pass d or clean the bathrooms” mode.

Patrick

I will let y’all know when we reach the “well, I do still need to [KITTEN]emble that bed” point of the game.

vballretired

This is nuts. Henry can’t do anything.

Steven Nelson ladies and gents

NELSON WITH THE INT OF LEVIS: HOU POSSESSION

Patrick

Finally, a break on defense!

vballretired

You know, you take away the annoying pick six based on the fourth string running back running the wrong route you’d say this game was easily winnable. Oh well…

Joe

LETS GOOOO

finally!!!

Patrick

I don’t know that I’d say “easily” winnable given the injuries, but it’s not a preposterous notion.

vballretired

I think it’s safe to say Singletary has won the job

Patrick

Ugh, sure, another flag. Why not.

vballretired

On them

l4blitzer

This could set up some nice play-action passing...with All-American Case Keenum...I’ll allow it

vballretired

Yet another one

Scruggs

Kenneth L.

Scruggs scares me

l4blitzer

Ref ball in action

Patrick

STOP THAT!

vballretired

My psyche can’t handle this. I keep having to remind my 20 year old self not to root for the team in blue

l4blitzer

Oh...so we are increasing the drama...got it

Kenneth L.

I really hate not having access to Texans on cable

vballretired

Ok, here we go

Patrick

Yeah, this watching on Fubo isn’t great either but until KHOU gets its [KITTEN] toghether with DirecTV, I’m stuck.

l4blitzer

So, you mean with have players other than Singletary and Brown on the field? Who knew?

Patrick

Hey, a big play that didn’t get called back on a penalty!

vballretired

Singletary cooking

l4blitzer

We are matriculatin’ that ball down the field, boys!

vballretired

They like these jet sweeps

Joe

Something is happening!!!!

l4blitzer

Helps when we don’t fumble the snap before the sweep

vballretired

Nope

More Hawaiian

FAIRBARIN WITH THE 27 YD FG: HOU 6 - BE-SFs 13; 6:27, 3rd

TEN POSSESSION

vballretired

Beautiful run D

l4blitzer

Chiefs look like they are finally pulling away from the Pats

vballretired

And then that

l4blitzer

Well, guess they are going with the “Force Levis to beat you defense”...so far, Levis doing his part

vballretired

Holy Durga. Is that coming back?

Patrick

::sobs uncontrollably::

I miss DHop

l4blitzer

“I wish to revise my previous statement, you honor”

vballretired

That’s eight total negative plays for the Texans D

Patrick

Outstanding play by Pitre there.

vballretired

Punt

l4blitzer

That was a MASSIVE call for H-town. Instead of BE-SF moving to up the score by 10, HOU forces the punt with some major TFL-age

Patrick

[KITTEN] [KITTEN]IN’ YEAH MALIEK COLLINS I SEE YOU.

HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

This D has had a [KITTEN]uva game so far

l4blitzer

Need a number bigger than 3 for the offense on this drive

Patrick

100% this drive has to end with a touchdown.

vballretired

Sims almost broke it

l4blitzer

Can see why several commentators were high on the guy

Kenneth L.

Defense looks fearsome

Collins deserves a new contract, again

vballretired

Wow! Tony the Tiger has a bowl

Kenneth L.

TONY

Patrick

Yeah, he has for years.

vballretired

MOAR flags

Kenneth L.

Chiefs are dominating the Pats.

Can anyone explain why that game is on in California?

Patrick

Because it’s on all through the west coast.

l4blitzer

Ladies and Gentlemen, we are deep into the 3rd quarter, and the Texans killer Henry has all of 0 yards rushing against us

vballretired

More CHUM

Patrick

We’ve been selling out all day to make sure he doesn’t burn us, I’d be pissed if he didn’t have single digit yardage.

vballretired

MOAR flags

l4blitzer

Bears up on the Elite Joe Flacco and the Cleveland Browns

vballretired

Offensive offsides

Patrick

You look at this map and tell me there’s a [DURGA].

vballretired

Yes you heard that right

Fourth down

l4blitzer

Ever since Toney got that called against the Bills, I am seeing more and more of that penalty getting called

Patrick

Oh [KITTEN] me sideways offsides on the offense.

vballretired

By six inches

l4blitzer

And Brown did the same thing as Toney...did he not think to check with the ref?

vballretired

Thank Durga for the Hawaiian

Patrick

The sad part is the play that Toney got all that [KITTEN] for in the Chiefs/Bills game, he wasn’t even the guy offsides.

FAIRBARIN WITH THE 53 YD FG; HOU 9 - TEN 13; 2:42, 3rd

vballretired

Those three weeks of Ammendola now tell you why the Hawaiian was paid

And signal is weak

TEN POSSESSION

l4blitzer

Henry had a play for positive yards...our strategy is now busted

vballretired

Oiler down

Patrick

There are no Oilers.

vballretired

Thought I’d get a reaction

Patrick

Booooooooo

l4blitzer

Guess the BE-SFs were about due to move the ball forward. Really needed a TD on one of those last three drives

vballretired

Our 100 pound Rottweiler is scared of the Roomba

Patrick

“Our” Great Pyrenees won’t go outside if it’s cloudy outside.

vballretired

No to the Henry. No to the Henry

Patrick

(Techincally my nephew’s horse, I mean dog)

vballretired

Stingley!

l4blitzer

D bowed up after the deep play

vballretired

[GATITO] We are pinned back

HOU POSSESSION

vballretired

Third quarter over

Patrick

15 minutes to death or glory.

END OF 3rd: HOU 9 - BE-SFs/TEN/FIGHTING BUD ADAMS/FALSE OILERS 13

vballretired

Nevermind

l4blitzer

Welp, not punting out of the end zone, I suppose

vballretired

Lookout blocks from the boys upfront

Patrick

Welp.

vballretired

Scruggs and Dieter suck something awful

TEN POSSESSION

vballretired

Heck isn’t good either but he’s like the fourth or fifth tackle on the depth chart

Okay D, let’s see something

Joe

The offensive line made it through a lot of the season weathering a m[KITTEN]ive pile of injuries, but it looks like this game was the one they finally fell apart

It was bad last week too, though

vballretired

They are better this week but still weak on pass protection

l4blitzer

Can’t allow anything worse than a FG. Ideally, no score, but no more than 3

Patrick

Injured Traitor on the field.

vballretired

I hate talking dogs

Joe

Hahaha

l4blitzer

Ugly game between ATL and CAR...and that is not even factoring in the wx

Joe

You’re right, I still miss George fant and Jarrett Patterson

vballretired

I might have to breakdown and do Fubo again.

Joe

Are the browns going to actually lose? Wasn’t expecting that

Patrick

The words “I...miss George Fant” should be a clear indication that there’s something seriously wrong.

Joe

Hahahaha

He’s been pretty good though!

l4blitzer

Maybe the first clue is identifying as a Texans fan these past 3 years...all else then makes sense.

vballretired

[KITTEN]

l4blitzer

Ok. Need a turnover in the worst way, either a Mayo Boy pick or a fumble

vballretired

Clear weakness on the D side. I can’t put my finger on it

Joe

Oh [DURGA]

vballretired

Tommy Devito has turned back into Danny

l4blitzer

Some major missed tackles on that Henry run...could have had him for a 3 yard loss vs. the 6 yard gain

Patrick

That’s a Snickers ad I need to see yesterday.

Joe

Yeah that one really hurt

vballretired

Wow, more mayo magic on second down

Joe

Can he chill out?

vballretired

Ok, holding them to a field goal

Patrick

That should be a turnover.

Kenneth L.

That’s a fumble

Patrick

I know it won’t be because rules and stuff, but it should be a turnover.

l4blitzer

Just missing all the breaks...The Texans just not quite good enough to get those breaks

vballretired

It is but it went out of bounds

Kenneth L.

Well out of bounds

Joe

oh yeah that should be a fumble out of bounds

vballretired

It was

I’m ahead of y’all this week

Joe

Oh good

FOLK WITH THE 45 YD FG. HOU 9 - TEN 16; 7:28, 4th

Joe

Yeah my stream has been chaos all game haha

It’s been behind and freezing

l4blitzer

Levis was so bad on that fumble that it went way beyond any Texans player

Joe

Hahaha

l4blitzer

Perhaps for the best for them. Any of our guys get it...scoop and score

vballretired

Ok, need seven here.

Joe

Yeah its time to get in the end zone now

Man we could use Nico Collins!

l4blitzer

I sense something familiar about this...a game deep into the 4th quarter and it being a one score difference.

Kenneth L.

I also have Texas women’s volleyball on and the game on my phone ha

l4blitzer

Flacco picked at the goal line

vballretired

[KITTEN]

[KITTEN] to Keenum

Kenneth L.

Haha

I’m behind so I’ll watch

They just kicked the ball on my stream

vballretired

Dalton Schultz!

HOU POSSESION

Patrick

Woof.

vballretired

Another turncoat down

l4blitzer

This Schultz fellow...has some potential. Let’s continue to find out

Patrick

SCHULTZ!

Kenneth L.

Atta boy

vballretired

Maybe two or three more of those and we will know for sure

Kenneth L.

Gosh the titans have been injured today

Patrick

True, but nobody has it worse than us.

vballretired

How about dem Bears

Schultz!

l4blitzer

Maybe the Jets sans Rodgers, but our injuries have been particularly harsh for the key contributors

vballretired

Noah Brown!

Joe

Schultz and Noah brown!!!!

vballretired

Flags!

Joe

Hahaha

Kenneth L.

Again Schultz

vballretired

I’ll take it

l4blitzer

Ah, the refs want to up the BE-SF penalty numbers...fine by me

Patrick

You could get tickets to today’s Panthers/Falcons game for $3.

vballretired

Too much

l4blitzer

Does that include a voucher for drinks and food?

vballretired

Schultz!!!!!!!!!!

Patrick

If it doesn’t, it should.

l4blitzer

Hey, if the Oilers want to bust out the throwbacks, how about some throwback Oiler 4th quarter performances as well

Patrick

Do not do this to me today.

I don’t know how Schultz wrestled that ball away but [KITTEN] I’m glad he did.

vballretired

Need one more

No more CHUM

Joe

Oh my goodness

My heart!

Come on case keenum!

vballretired

Brown for the TD!!!!!!!

l4blitzer

Singletary is not a power back ala Pierce...not that Pierce has been all that powerful...

Patrick

Grrrrrrrrrrr...

vballretired

And we are tied!!!!!!

Patrick

No [KITTEN]ing way!

vballretired

Sorry guys

Kenneth L.

TOUCHDOWN

YEEEEEHAW

KEENUM TO BROWN FOR THE 3 YD TD. HOU 16 - BE-SFs 16; 3:03, 4th

Patrick

I’ll be [DURGA][KITTEN]ed.

Joe

LETS GOOOO

TEN POSSESSION

Joe

AAAAAA

Wait we’re punting???

vballretired

I’m ahead

l4blitzer

Need a big boomer from Johnston to get this to OT

Joe

Oh [DURGA]

vballretired

Late hit maybe

Joe

Okay now I’m caught up to the punt

TEN POSSESSION

Joe

That was a few [KITTEN]py plays in a row

vballretired

Pitre!!!!!

l4blitzer

What’s Folk’s max range? 50-55? BE-SFs with 45 seconds, all 3 TOs, and need about 35 yards

vballretired

Doesn’t matter

Third and forever

l4blitzer

Gotta watch the deep throw...Levis has made a living all game with that

vballretired

Fourth down

Panthers win!!!!!!!!

l4blitzer

Texans with the TO...gonna have one with 20+ seconds left.

Patrick

Hurrah!

Kenneth L.

Collins have a day

Joe

LETS GOOOO

What????

Hahahaha what the heck

Patrick

Saints win too.

vballretired

And we aren’t the only ones

l4blitzer

9-7. A game winning 3-run double in Carolina

HOU POSSESSION

l4blitzer

Texans really need about 35-40 yards on this drive...

Patrick

Nice return there.

Okay, American Hero Case Keenum, this is where you live up to your name.

vballretired

Y’all caught up?

l4blitzer

Just missed a breakout on the punt return, no?

Patrick

They just made the first pass after the punt.

Joe

Here we go!!

Yep I saw that

vballretired

Ok?, caught up

l4blitzer

No TOs...65 yards to glory

Joe

Oh man

Thank goodness we have Fairbairn back

Patrick

I just want points, I’m not precious about how we get them right now.

BESF TO

vballretired

We’ll need a Hail Mary

Joe

Maybe like a 8 yard pass out of bounds?

And then really long field goal attempt?

vballretired

Need a Stefon Diggs special

l4blitzer

I am thinking the old Marv Levy call: “Run the 8-8-8 and hope to [KITTEN] we get a pass interference call”

vballretired

Mills sacked

It’s OT baby

Patrick

Honestly, I’d have just tried it the FG from there.

vballretired

73 yarder?

l4blitzer

At least it wasn’t a fumble...which Mills is known to do

Joe

It’s OVERTIMEEEE

yeah on second thought I don’t think a field goal could’ve happened there haha

l4blitzer

In these conditions and with Fairbairn’s leg, probably wouldn’t let him try anything more than the 53 yarder he tried earlier

Joe

I thought they were closer to a 60-something yarder when they weren’t at all

Patrick

I don’t think he’d get it but at least it’s an attempt to end game then and there.

BONUS FOOTBALL: TIED AT 16 AT THE END OF REGULATION

vballretired

Turncoats receive

l4blitzer

Browns have tied it up with the Bears

vballretired

I hate the Bears

Joe

Yeah, I do agree with this, too. Sometimes I just want to see them try just for the [KITTEN] of it

Oh my goodness the browns tied it up?

Are you kidding me

l4blitzer

Wish I was, but the Classically Elite Joe Flacco has somehow managed it...and the Bears are the Bears

OVERTIME

TEN POSSESSION

vballretired

Eburfluz trying to get fired early?

Patrick

Wait, did the Bears lose? I thought that game ended.

vballretired

Greenard!!!!!!!

l4blitzer

Tied at 17 with 3+ left in the 4th

Need a BE-SF turnover to end it

vballretired

Third and long

I hate Steven Nelson

Joe

Hahahaha

vballretired

No Desmond king. Sorry

Patrick

Greenard is one of the best second rounders we’ve ever drafted.

l4blitzer

Welp...need no worse than a FG attempt. But still need a turnover badly

vballretired

Thought he was a third

Patrick

Oh maybe he was and I’m thinking of Blacklock instead.

Joe

I love that Mike Vrabel stress squat

l4blitzer

Greenard was a 3rd...and would put him as one of the best in that round in team history...pending the further development of Tank Dell next year

Joe

NOOOO

Patrick

That...that one hurt.

vballretired

Third and long

And they punt

Kenneth L.

Collins is a man

Joe

Let’s go Collins!

Patrick

This pass rush has been on Levis like a pack of dogs on a three-legged cat.

Kenneth L.

LOOK AT THE OLD MEN

Joe

Thank goodness for our defensive line!

vballretired

Ok, here we go

HOU POSSESSION

Joe

HERE WE GO!!!

vballretired

Nevermind. It’s kiss our sister time

Joe

Ugh my heart

l4blitzer

I guess the olines are playing that classic game of WHO! CAN! SUCK! MORE!

vballretired

And another stupid screen

Patrick

You walked right [KITTEN]ing into his grasp, Keenum!

vballretired

We are losing this game because of the OL

Patrick

And playcalling.

Joe

You’re both right

Patrick

The [KITTEN] has this playcalling been?

Joe

I have no idea

vballretired

MOAR flags

l4blitzer

Agreed. Going -21 on a drive in OT...that is not the formula for great playing.

Joe

Keenum just ate that!

Bleugh

Vomit drive

vballretired

Why call a screen? Because it’s worked so many times before?

l4blitzer

Can’t expect Johnston to always blast a 70 yarder to help you. Now the BE-SFs only need like 15 yards to seal the game winner

TEN POSSESSION

Patrick

Flag

Nobody wants to win football games anymore.

Joe

What if this game ends in a tie

Does that help us

vballretired

Eh

l4blitzer

Ok...so there is a little more room for Houston, but still...the Oline really either wants the BE-SFs to win or they want the D to bail them out

Patrick

Not really, puts us half a game back of Jacksonville if they lose to the Ravens.

Joe

Levis stoooooppp

Someone needs to tell him to stop running around

vballretired

Third and long

Two minute warning

Joe

What if blocked punt in overtime

Patrick

Man, I’m like 40 game seconds behind.

Joe

Me too lol

I was caught up once upon a time

l4blitzer

Normally, I think that Pancakes McClain catastrophizes, but I can’t disagree with his tweet about that Texans drive in OT was the worst and most embarassing of the season

TWO MINUTE WARNING

Joe

Okay so blocked punt im calling it

That’s how we win it

l4blitzer

Cleveland just went up 20-17 with 32 seconds left

vballretired

Fourth down

Patrick

[DURGA][KITTEN] Bears, give me SOMETHING today.

Joe

Here we go!!!

Let me see it!!!

vballretired

Pat has his blood

Joe

Let’s see that block!!!

l4blitzer

Both Olines deserve to be bull-whipped by their respective QBs today, especially their performances in the last 5 minutes of the 4th/OT

...and Levis is hurt...

Patrick

I didn’t want to injure him!

Joe

Oh man

Jeez

Kenneth L.

I’m sorry but Desmond king should be fined for that.

That was overly aggressive and unnecessary

vballretired

You should have been more specific

Confidence is lukewarm. I repeat confidence is lukewarm

l4blitzer

We have logged 7 sacks today...impressive, and that is without Will Anderson Jr.

vballretired

Holy Durga!!!!!!!!!!!

l4blitzer

BE-SFs with 4

vballretired

Singletary is the man

Joe

Well [KITTEN]

That wasn’t the block

l4blitzer

Hey, that Singletary guy...he’s been a decent offensive weapon. Let’s try him in the passing game

Joe

I’d be okay with that

Oh HE DID IT

Patrick

IN TORPEDO RANGE!

Joe

lmao

vballretired

We win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’nnnnnn

Kenneth L.

DEVIN SINGLETSRY

Patrick

Prepare a shooting solution

Kenneth L.

YAS

Joe

OSIXJXNNENE

OH MY [DURGA]

vballretired

Nevermind

Penalty negates the touchdown

Metchie

Kenneth L.

GAME

SET

[KITTEN]

Nooooooo

l4blitzer

Hmmm...well, now 50 seconds...worst case, a tie

Joe

AAAAAA

Kenneth L.

Boooo

AHHH

Joe

AWW MAN!!!

Patrick

Son. Of. A. [KITTEN].

Joe

Shoot!!!

Kenneth L.

no freaking way

vballretired

Hawaiian in

l4blitzer

Vandermeer’s call on that run is heartbreaking...just heartbreaking

Patrick

Metchie may or may not be a bust, but I’m done with him for now.

vballretired

You’re a receiver. Why hold at all?

Joe

Yeah idk

l4blitzer

So a 53 yarder..again...

Joe

Im just putting all my hope in Fairbairn right now

He can do it!!!

l4blitzer

TO time...take ALL the TOs here

vballretired

We win!!!!!!!!!!!

Patrick

You sure this time?!

HOLY [KITTEN]ING [KITTEN] THEY DID IT! THEY DID IT! THEY DID IT! THEY DID IT! THEY DID IT!

Joe

WOOOOOOO

FAIRBARIN WITH THE MONSTER 54 YD FG TO BEAT THE VILE BE-SFs AND THEIR ABOMINATIONS OF THE REAL HOUSTON UNIFORMS: HOU 19 - TEN 16. HOU MOVES TO 8-6, AND 2-2 IN THE DIVISION, ALONG WITH WINNING ITS 3RD STRAIGHT GAME IN NASHVILLE

Kenneth L.

Ahahahahha

vballretired

I’ll [KITTEN]ing take it

Kenneth L.

NEVER WEAR OUR UNIFORMS AGAIN

Patrick

This is the kind of bad game that good teams find a way to win.

Joe

GLORY TO THE ALL FIELD GOAL OFFENSE!!! IT HAS WON US ONE OF THE BIGGEST GAMES OF THE SEASON!!!

vballretired

Amen brother

Joe

He slugged out the nasty game and this how we can be a playoff team!

Hahaha

Oh man!

l4blitzer

Great to see the team gut this one out with so many key players injured. Oline going to have some brutal film session reviews and Demeco Ryans might actually chokeslam one or three of them to [KITTEN], but this is the type of win we haven’t seen in Houston in a long, long time

GAME BALLS:

RB Devin Singletary: On a day when the Texans offense was without its most dangerous weapons and got off to as bad as start as possible, it was Singletary that sparked this team. His 44 yards rushing in the first half set the tone for the Texans to make their second half/overtime comeback. He had 26 rushes for 121 yards and added 49 yards receiving, giving him 170 combined yards of offense. The Texans had 340 yards of total offense, so Singletary was literally half of the offense by himself. WR Noah Brown (8 receptions/82 yards/1 TD) and TD Dalton Schultz (4 receptions/58 yards) did their part to help Case Keenum guide the offense to just enough points to win this slugfest.

The Houston Defensive Line: In a game when the Texans lacked their top QB, top WR, top pass rusher among other key contributors, the Most Interesting Defense in the World would have to play far superior to what they showed in the second half of the New Jersey game. They did that and then some. Texans’ killer Derrick Henry, who had averaged over 203 yds rushing/game in his last five against Houston only mustered 9 yards rushing on 16 carries (and held the Titans to 66 yards total on the ground). The Titans logged only 80 yards of total offense in the second half/overtime. A key reason was a pass rush that swarmed Will Levis. The team logged seven sacks on the mobile QB, with Jonathan Greenard (2.5 sacks) and Malik Collins (1.5 sacks) leading the charge.

K Ka’imi Fairbairn: On a day when points were at a premium, especially with the Texans struggling in the red zone, the leg of Fairbairn yielded the Texans 13 points, including two massive 50+ FGs, which included the walk-off kick. Quite the welcome back to the lineup for the Pro Bowl Alternate kicker.

SHOULD BE FORCED TO LISTEN TO ALL OF BUD ADAMS’ SPEECHES AND PRESS CONFERENCES ON CONTINUOUS LOOP WHILE WATCHING ALL OF THE WORST MOMENTS IN “HOUSTON OILERS” HISTORY, ALL WHILE BEING SERENADED BY HORDES OF DRUNK BRIDAL SHOWER ATTENDEES DOING BAD COUNTRY KARAOKE

The Houston Offensive Line During that First Offensive Series in Overtime: After the defense forced Titans to punt on their first possession in overtime, the Texans had a chance to march down the field. Instead, in 3 plays, they gave up 2 sacks, allowing the Titans to push them back 21 yards. Only continued great defensive play allowed the team to redeem itself on a second drive in OT. Still, for all of the good they had and all of the injuries they are overcoming, that Oline did surrender 4 sacks of Keenum, and that 3 and out made all of us think of the team from 2020-2022.

Amy Adams Strunk and the Titans Organization: So, you thought it would be cool to wear the Columbia Blue Oilers uniforms on a day when you hosted the current Houston team? Thought it would look good, and maybe kinda troll the current team, huh? Well, I think the results speak for themselves. Granted, motivation to show up a trolling organization that engages in a low-caliber move is not usually something that makes a difference in the NFL. However, don’t think that the Texans didn’t hold that in the back of their minds. DeMeco Ryans mentioned it, and it was certainly a driving thought for the organization coming into the game. Given the narrow margin of the game, can you honestly say that it might not have contributed to the Titans’ season effectively ending? Yeah, might want to shelve that idea for the future...or at least until a time when you can actually beat Houston on your home field.

With that, Houston moves to 8-6, and still in the thick of the playoff hunt. They get another huge game next week, when they play host to the Cleveland Browns, with the aging-like-fine-wine elite Joe Flacco and that ferocious defense. Maybe Stroud and Collins return, but even if they don’t, expect another dramatic slugfest that will likely come down to the final minute. Kickoff is noon CST at NRG Stadium on Christmas Eve Sunday.