TOTALLY NOT FAKE NEWS: Know Your Terms, Houston Texans Post-2023 NFL Draft

(HOUSTON) - With the 2023 NFL Draft now in the rearview mirror, the NFL fan can start to process all the changes their team made, between free agency and the draft. Sure, there might still be a few additional signings, trades, other news. Once the NFL gets around to issuing the schedule (Sources report that the NFL and Amazon are trying to sort out the details about adding a Black Friday game that the NFL assures Amazon will be just as great as last season’s Amazon games, and apparently Amazon is asking for a Black Friday discount and free returns after that assurance), we can settle in to wait for that most glorious of moments: The start of pre-season football.

For the Houston Texans, one could argue that the preseason is perhaps the most exciting time of year...at least since the start of the 2020s decade. New players, new leadership, inkling of hope...all of those things. Yet, there is a different feeling about this team, especially after the calendar turned to 2023. From perhaps the most significant “octopus” in team history to the hire of DeMeco Ryans to the events of this past week at the Draft, there is a different feel about the team.

To that end, we at Totally Not Fake News, to account for some of the strange feelings/concepts Texans fans might be feeling after the events of the past few months, offer this handy guide to help provide insight/understanding.

Photo by Todd Rosenberg/Getty Images

Smile: (noun)

Definition: A facial expression in which the eyes brighten and the corners of the mouth curve slightly upward and which expresses especially amusement, pleasure, approval, or sometimes scorn; a pleasant or encouraging appearance

Example: Many Texans’ fans and personnel reported sore facial muscles, especially after many said that they had a smile on their face after the Texans drafted two potential franchise cornerstones in the 1st 3 picks of the NFL draft.

[Ed Note: After talking with the Totally Not Fake News Medical Desk, we can report that the muscles used for the act of smiling involve the following: The zygomaticus major and minor (corners of the lips) and the levator labii superioris, which raises the upper lip. Granted, many of the same 44 muscles in the face used in smiling are also used for frowning, which is something most associated with the Texans know all too well. Our medical desk also informs us that the soreness should resolve itself within a couple of days…or at least the conditioning should settle just in time for the pre-season].

Photo by Frederick Breedon/Getty Images

Optimism: (noun)

Definition: A doctrine that this world is the best possible world; an inclination to put the most favorable construction upon actions and events or to anticipate the best possible outcome

Example: With the aggressive moves in the NFL draft, the Houston Texans’ front office infused its organization and fanbase with a major injection of optimism.

Photo by Nick Tre. Smith/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Joy: (noun)

Definition The emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires; the expression or exhibition of such emotion

Example: The results of the most recent draft for the Houston Texans brought feelings of joy, which many Texans’ fans have not experienced in several years.

These concepts are not completely unknown to the Texans, but the degree of those three words taking up so much of the dialogue of Texans’ personnel with clinicians, it reflects the impact of the most recent draft had for the team.

Still, there were some more…familiar…terms used by personnel in these interviews:

Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images

Apprehension (noun)

Definition: Suspicion or fear especially of future evil

Example: While many were stunned and happy that the Texans made such aggressive moves to fill some key shortfalls on the roster, a number of fans still feel apprehension about the future success of these draft picks, given the team’s recent struggles and all the negative national press about the price the Texans’ paid to move up to the third pick to draft Will Anderson, Jr.

A collective use of the terms described:

“Despite the apprehension that most Texans’ fans generally have with any moves made by the current brain trust of the franchise, the joy and optimism exhibited by Texans fans over multiple forums saw perhaps the greatest number of smiles by those that cheer for the team since the start of the 2020s.”

Certainly, the Houston Texans fan, by nature, will be cautious (that term needs no explanation for anyone whose followed the fortunes of this franchise for more than three series). However, the magnitude of the moves that the Texans made, especially for the second and third pick in the draft, along with picking players that generally filled open needs on the roster, have done much to alter the words used to describe the team. Will that carry over past August and into September? That is the challenge. Still, the 2023 season may be the most anticipated by fans since the calendar turned to 2020, if not longer.

Still, we at Totally Not Fake News feel like you, our loyal readers, have your own well-thought out and defined takes on the state of the team. So, to that end, we will fire up the greatest polling mechanism in journalism today to bring you this: