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After seven months of nothing, the NFL kicked off this weekend. We were all waiting to see what the season had in store. For the Texans, it was the start of another new era, and maybe, a chance to show the haters and doubters that maybe this squad could surprise people. I think that the Texans managed to do that...just not in the way that anyone quite expected.
For the past couple of seasons, I have called for at least one tie a season for the Texans. Given all the dumbness and shortcomings of the team, it just seemed fitting that this team would notch a tie, and possibly in the dumbest, most amusing way possible. While I wouldn’t have called it for this game, the Texans (and the Colts for that matter), didn’t disappoint. Houston playing above their abilities for 3 quarters, only to nearly go all Houston and gag it away in OT, only for the Colts to show that they didn’t seem to want to win this either. All in all, a just, if not entirely expected, result.
Whether you feel that this tie was a good result or not, you can read how the Masthead reacted to this historic event in Texans history. While this version of HOTD is under new management, the classic rules still apply. All swear words have been replaced with [KITTEN], so as to allow you to read this at the office (for those of you who actually do go into a physical office while you are on break and not “quiet quitting”. For those of you remote working, well, maybe imagine you are back in the old office building...)
With that, on to the first HOTD of the 2022 season!!!
HOTD FOR 9/11 WEEK 1 vs INDIANAPOLIS COLTS
vballretired
Let’s go!
bigfatdrunk
I was honestly wondering if the local Austin stations would even show the Texans game today.
uhh Joe
ITS TIME!!!!
IT’S FINALLY TIME!!!
bigfatdrunk
Lots of fans dressed as empty seats today!
[Kickoff: Colts Receive, 1st Possession]
l4blitzer
Broadcasters reminding us how many yards after contact Taylor had last season. A lot against Houston
vballretired
Hey, a third down stop.
bigfatdrunk
Ryan audibled to a run with a stacked box??? LOL!
vballretired
More like a surrender but I’ll take it
Patrick
It’s The Neck!
Gird your loins, kids.
l4blitzer
IIRC, Ryan will be trying to win his first game at NRG. 0-2 regular season and 0-1 in the post-season.
Guess the Texans realize that good things happen when you stop the run.
[Texans 1st Possession]
Patrick
Not a CHUM to start. I’m impressed.
vballretired
Five yards at a time baby!
Patrick
The [KITTEN] was that throw?
vballretired
“If we go three and out, we’re good.” — David Culley
bigfatdrunk
Hot and wild.
l4blitzer
And here I was thinking that they discarded the playbook from last season…
bigfatdrunk
That’s great if it’s a date! Not so much for a pass.
uhh Joe
Man that neck
l4blitzer
Now if Mills could bite down on the football and maintain that grip on QB sneaks, that would be at least worth a yard and half on the spot…
[Colts 2nd possession]
vballretired
Hey, some of us have long necks…
Nice play from Collins there.
Patrick
That was a CollinsCopte
uhh Joe
Collins is famous
bigfatdrunk
Yeesh, wide open.
uhh Joe
Do we think Matt Ryan will be any good with the colts
vballretired
Probably can’t be worse than Rivers was
bigfatdrunk
Excellent play by Stingley on that run.
Patrick
That beard is still glorious.
l4blitzer
If Taylor can play like he did last year, Ryan will have perhaps his strongest play-action team, even greater than the best of the Falcons teams.
vballretired
The D doesn’t look terrible so far
Patrick
Well yeah, I’ve yet to see Eric Murray on the field.
l4blitzer
Shhhh…don’t summon the demon.
vballretired
Nah, you have to say his name three times
l4blitzer
…and that’s one.
Patrick
Who, Eric Murray?
vballretired
Consecutively
Patrick
runs away
l4blitzer
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
bigfatdrunk
Ryan looks semi lost out there. Weird audibles. That play.
vballretired
Biggy Smalls, Biggy Smalls…..
And they are on the board
bigfatdrunk
Yes, why have a profile of being aggressive in the NFL? My Durga, so stupid.
Patrick
Because being aggressive is uncivil.
[Indy kicks a 45 yard FG. Ex-Baltimore team up 3-0, 5:13, 1st Quarter]
vballretired
And that field goal was brought to you by saltine crackers. When you need a non threatening snack…
[Texans 2nd possession]
vballretired
Pierce is a tough dude
uhh Joe
Pierce could really be something special
Patrick
He looked like that gif of the hippo being attacked by cheetahs and they all just bounce off him as he trots along.
vballretired
Spencer Tillman says this is a top three offense
uhh Joe
if the offensive line is decent this year, the run game can be almost completely fixed in just a year
l4blitzer
So , translation for the rest of the world…about average on O then
Patrick
Did he seriously say that?
vballretired
No
l4blitzer
I see the defense is going to be given the chance to excel against the run yet again.
vballretired
I gotta keep riffing on the Tim Kelly top five play caller
[Colts 3rd possession]
Patrick
Fair point, it’s just sad that you can say that and I have to stop and think about whether he actually said it or not.
LOLOLOLOL, Matt Ryan with the ole! bull[KITTEN] there
And then he does that and catches the defense with its pants down.
vballretired
I know this is crazy talk, but eventually they’ll have to throw it further than five yards on their (Texans) third possession
corydlg
It would be nice if they had a drive
l4blitzer
The Texans play the long game. Their strategery is to get the Colts to wear down their 1st string, then the Texans can unleash fury against the Colts 2nd/3rd stringers.
vballretired
The defensive PFF grades will be interesting. Plenty of snaps.
[End of 1st Quarter: Fighting Irsays 3-Fighin’ McNairs 0]
vballretired
Anyone see anything good at QB yesterday?
bigfatdrunk
(replying to l4blitzer) Worked in the pre-season!
vballretired
Don’t know why I ask seeing as how Josh Allen er Davis Mills is playing.
Patrick
Stingley’s not exactly looking great so far.
l4blitzer
Job opening at Nebraska for those needing a career change.
bigfatdrunk
At this point, Tillman is the weird guy at the end of the bar that nobody wants to make eye contact with because ain’t nothing going to stop him from yelling crazy [KITTEN] at you.
Patrick
I’d apply, but then I’d have to live in Nebraska.
bigfatdrunk
Nice catch, Pierce.
vballretired
You know what the N stands for on their helmet?
Very nice stop
Patrick
We stopped ‘em!
I’m almost afraid to ask. What?
vballretired
Knowledge
Patrick
LOLOLOLOL!!!
bigfatdrunk
This play-calling is awful. My goodness.
corydlg
What a terrible choice... you gotta take the points in the 1st quarter
vballretired
Six QBs in six years and 0-6 on opening day during that time. I wonder what the common denominator is.
[Texans with a yuge goal-line stand. 3-0 Colts, Texans 3rd Possession coming up]
l4blitzer
Either that, or if you are going to do the whole Wild Colt thing, get the ball to Taylor…you know, like one of the best backs in the league and all.
Patrick
Shhhhhhhh, you might make Reich come out of retirement next season and play QB and I don’t think Houston’s ready for that level of PTSD.
l4blitzer
Even if we spot him a 3-35 deficit?
vballretired
Only if Don Beebe is in the house
Holy cow a down field pass!
Patrick
To a tight end even!
l4blitzer
Green in on the Oline
Patrick
I can’t believe in the year of whoever’s lord 2022 that we have a fullback on the roster.
bigfatdrunk
Fullbacks: still not people.
l4blitzer
He’s bad, he’s bad, Pharroh Brown! Baddest TE in the whole [KITTEN] town…
vballretired
Zig where they zag I guess
Patrick
They’re focusing on Hairston a lot, did I miss something.
corydlg
Fullbacks making a comeback I think like 6 teams have one this year
vballretired
He caught a pass
Patrick
They completed a pass!
l4blitzer
What’s old is new again. In the next 5 seasons, I expect the Single Wing and the T formation to be standard on offense
Patrick
You literally took that out of my head l4, the first part at least.
corydlg
That was way too close
vballretired
Bring back Sammy Baugh
l4blitzer
Are we….are we matriculating that ball down the field? With the first team offense? In a game that counts?
Patrick — Today at 1:44 PM
This feels like intentionality.
l4blitzer
Ah, reality set in.
vballretired
Do they still use penetrations to break ties?
bigfatdrunk
And then we put in the FB and give it to Burkhead for a CHUM. Sigh.
Patrick
Yeah but you need a safe word first.
corydlg
Every time David Mills gets touched he’s off on the next play
Patrick
WHERE IS PIERCE?
l4blitzer
You can’t deny the inherent nature of the Texans to run the CHUM.
vballretired
Taking the series off
bigfatdrunk
WTK IS THIS [KITTEN]?
Patrick
WHAT THE [KITTEN]?!
Davis Mills could’ve done that!
vballretired
Wait, can we say that?
[DURGA] that was an awful throw
Patrick
When it’s Jeff Driskel we can. [Ed note: Well, not exactly...]
l4blitzer
Speaking of the Single Wing…
vballretired
That’s what I like seeing on second and ten.
bigfatdrunk
Mills is so freaking inaccurate outside of like 5 yards.
Patrick
GLORY TO ALL FIELD GOAL OFFENSE!
vballretired
Well, we tied it
corydlg
Mills needs rhythm he’s so up/down
vballretired
I’m going to enjoy watching talking heads and commenters turn this Mills performance into gold.
corydlg
We can’t let him get hit and we can’t let Driskel take snaps
[Fairbairn with his first FG of the season (45 yards): 7:50 2nd Qtr, Colts 3-Texans 3]
l4blitzer
Houston has now matched the totality of their points against the Colts from all of last season. Progress.
bigfatdrunk
As “good” as Mills has been, his y/a is still below 5.
corydlg
Progress is if we pass it
Patrick
Oh dear...
vballretired
It’s that Culley “just don’t turn it over” mentality
[Colts 4th possession]
vballretired
What happened to our pass rush?
corydlg
45 abandoned the edge on that Taylor 3rd down run
Patrick
PICK!
vballretired
Then there’s Jerry Hughes
l4blitzer
I guess we are going with the new defensive strategy of forcing the Colts to make a 4th down decision and relying on Reich to make the wrong call.
bigfatdrunk
Wow, Ryan, that was horrible.
l4blitzer
Or we could do that.
vballretired
(replying to l4blitzer) Go to your strengths
l4blitzer — Today at 1:56 PM
Is Ryan having some flashbacks to Feb 2017?
corydlg
I don’t know who thinks Matt Ryan is the second coming of good QBing, but Atlanta has been offensively offensive since that Super Bowl.
MattRNot
#BetterThanWentz
[Jerry Hughes with the INT. Texans 4th possession]
corydlg
#Lowbar
vballretired
Pierce is just clearly different
corydlg
Maybe they should use him more
Patrick
Aw, Dameon.
l4blitzer
Hey, this Pierce guy might be good…
bigfatdrunk
These announcers are awful.
vballretired
Lucky flag
corydlg
Bad announcers is a permanent Texans curse
bigfatdrunk
Oof, that was borderline.
Patrick
And this is why I’m so happy my game is always on mute here at the bar.
vballretired
We are the fourth or fifth game
MattRNot
Green and Tunsil actually work really well together
vballretired
Welcome to Houston O. J. Howard
Patrick
And then Mills does some [KITTEN] like that with OJ Howard even.
l4blitzer
GLORY TO ALL PASS INTERFERENCE OFFENSE!!!
Patrick
Are we...leading?
vballretired
It’s a lead!
Patrick
Can we do that?
vballretired
I wonder if Reich lasts the season.
MattRNot
[Mills to OJ Howard for 16 yard TD. Houston scores 1st TD against the Colts since 2020. HOU 10 - IND 3. 2nd Qtr 2:37]
corydlg
The sports writers in Indy will bury Frank Reich if this colts team isn’t deep in the playoffs. The hype is this might be a super bowl team. (Not my opinion but definitely what Indy sportswriters have said all week on Houston sports radio)
Patrick
So here’s an important question that’s relevant and important: I saw an ad with Slash and Alice Cooper so far during the game and was wearing a giantic, oversized top hat like a thing in the 80s and I don’t remember it? BFD, you were middle aged back then, was this a thing?
vballretired
I don’t know about a deep run but they should at least win the division.
Yeah it was
[Colts 5th Possession]
bigfatdrunk
It was one of Cooper’s things. The top hat.
corydlg
They were 3 wins behind Ten last year, why did this magical leap frog occur in everyone’s minds?
bigfatdrunk
I think the assumption is that Ryan >> Wentz.
[2 minute warning, 1st half]
vballretired
They were the more talented team last year. They do less with more than anyone.
l4blitzer
BitWallet the official Bitcoin of the Houston Texans. Why do I expect that to drop in value like ASAP?
vballretired
Why do we have an official Bitcoin?
MattRNot
Defense showed a lot of promise. Offense was loaded with young weapons Wentz couldn’t take advantage of. I didn’t think they’d be a top seed but growth seemed inevitable
corydlg
If they pay they play
I guess but Ten is also young and hungry and better coached
vballretired
Do we have an official fertilizer?
Patrick
Because Cal McNair doesn’t recognize a scam when he sees one. If he did Jack Easterby would be getting splinters in his ass in a pew in South Carolina somewhere.
I’m pretty sure Jack Easterby is the official fertilizer.
l4blitzer
I expect the Texans will get a packaged deal with the fertilizer and livestock feed.
Easterby sells livestock feed?
vballretired
Womp womp womp
Patrick
Well he does feed lies to McNair, and McNair in some cultures would be considered livestock. So yes. Yes he does.
vballretired
That was wide open.
bigfatdrunk
Our [Safety] play is going to be so bad against the pass this year.
vballretired
Hughes again!
bigfatdrunk
Hughes has done nothing but speed rush the entire game, and Smith still didn’t expect it.
l4blitzer — Today at 2:13 PM
Is Eric M****y mentoring our secondary coaches?
vballretired
Maybe he became one
MattRNot
On the bright side, safety has been an issue since Glover left
[Colts Time Out ]
Patrick
False start on Clots.
I think Matt Ryan might be rinsed.
bigfatdrunk
The difference in this game is dropped passes.
l4blitzer
Lovie channeled some special beard energy
bigfatdrunk
Just run out the clock.
vballretired
Well, it’s a big jump from whatever you could call our coaching last year to mediocre.
[Texans 6th possession]
bigfatdrunk
Stupid pass.
[Houston Timeout]
vballretired
Why did you call a TO when you’re running out the clock?
Patrick
Ugh...more Burkhead.
vballretired
Hey, it’s Nico!
[Houston Timeout]
Patrick
Yeah, I’ve been wondering where he’s been today.
bigfatdrunk
He is not, in fact, an accurate passer.
vballretired
Exhibit A
[Houston Timeout…last of the half]
bigfatdrunk
That was an immensely stupid drive.
vballretired
He reminds me of [Name Redacted] in the sense that he had really good throws mixed in with bad ones.
[Halftime: HOU 10 - IND 3 (that is not a mistype)]
HALFTIME REACTIONS:
vballretired
Okay, no snark. The defense looks improved. They aren’t great but made plays when they needed to.
Patrick
They’ve been worse than this before and that alone is heartwarming.
[SECOND HALF STARTS; Texans receive the kick, 6th possession]
l4blitzer
After a relatively fast moving half, now we have all the flags
[Colts 7th possession]
bigfatdrunk
Oof. Pierce with another drop, too.
That’s a tough call for Pitre, but it’s correct.
Patrick
Yeah, that helmet to helmet really speaks for itself.
vballretired
It would have been an ejection in college
[Colts timeout]
Patrick
We’ve been getting some good pressure on Ryan, which I respect, frankly.
vballretired
Another turnover
Patrick
We got da ball!
vballretired
Is this actually happening?
[Texans recovers the fumble; 7th possession]
Levy
I saw the flee flicker. That was fun. And that Pierce isn’t getting many reps. What else have I missed
vballretired
Burkhead. Why?
Patrick
Is it asking too much to put Dameon Pierce in more regularly?
Jeremy
Don’t question Rex. we’re winning.
uhh Joe
What is the thing with Burkhead
Patrick
But for all the hoopla that Pierce got, and the fact that he’s supposed to be RB1, Burkhead’s somehow getting the lion’s share of the carries? It doesn’t make sense.
uhh Joe
Like he must be amazing in practice or something
bigfatdrunk
I think it’s the distrust of rookies.
LOL! Might want to cover Howard.
uhh Joe
I think you’re right
Patrick
OJ Howard again.
vballretired
Howard again!!!!!
Patrick
If anyone says they started OJ Howard because they liked the matchup they’re liars. They’re lying liars who lie.
Jeremy
lol this is great
bigfatdrunk
The Colts are a mess. My goodness.
vballretired
He wasn’t open. He was lost.
[Mills to Howard for 22 yards; HOU 20- IND 3; 7:16 3rd Qtr]
Levy
Pierce with a great block
...Twitter appears to be quite critical of the Colts...
Patrick
I am fast becoming convinced that Sylvester Stallone’s entire current career is seeing popular TV and movies and saying “I wanna do a superhero movie. I wanna do my own version of Yellowstone. Etc.”
uhh Joe
Texans looking sneaky good?
Patrick — Today at 3:02 PM
They’ve played like complete [KITTEN] the first half.
uhh Joe
Handling Matt Ryan?
Patrick
The Clots I mean.
bigfatdrunk
Nelson was holding the arm just like Moore was earlier, but it wasn’t called.
vballretired
Don’t you love how every “southern” city looks incredibly rural?
[Colts 8th possession]
Patrick
How so?
bigfatdrunk
Holy kitten Ryan is a mess.
vballretired
Tulsa is not that country
l4blitzer
Commentators talking about Luck
Patrick
Maybe not, but I gotta imagine there’s at least some element of country to Tulsa that isn’t there in say Toronto.
Holy [KITTEN] if y’all want to feel better about our run game, Mark Ingram just got tackled and tossed the ball straight up into the air and it got picked off by the Falcons. Like he did it on purpose.
[Texans 8th possession]
vballretired
Sure, but I remember when they had kids playing in the desert in Dallas for the X Files movie.
l4blitzer
Texans now looking for that patented 99 yard TD drive
Patrick
Okay, that’s just ridiculous then.
Although considering they filmed X Files in Vancouver, I would’ve thought it’d be Dallas surrounded by giant fir trees or something equally insane and impossible.
vballretired
QB sneak?
More Burkhead
bigfatdrunk
Burkhead over Pierce here is stupid.
Good Durga the Colts are a mess.
Patrick
Burkhead: 10 carries for 31 yards (3.1 YPA) Pierce: 6 carries for 21 yards (3.5 YPA) I get being leery of rookies but COME ON.
vballretired
The Colts are just playing stupid football
Patrick
Keep your eyes peeled, I’m starting to think David Culley got a job with the Clots.
l4blitzer
The Colts know that we’re supposed to be the stupid team, right?
vballretired
He might be the next coach when Reich is fired after the game.
bigfatdrunk
Oh kitten.
Patrick
Why. Why. Why. Why. Why are we doing this again?!
vballretired
Look at Driscoll go
Patrick
I mean I guess if it’s stupid and it works...
vballretired
If it gets the Broncos staff to talk it about for 90 seconds it could be worth it
bigfatdrunk
The Colts are having a full on meltdown.
l4blitzer
GLORY TO ALL COLTS-DERPING OFFENSE!!
Patrick
This feels like a Freaky Sunday kind of situation.
bigfatdrunk
Groundball by Mills.
Patrick
If the Texans were to draft one of those real housewives, what position would they put her at?
vballretired
Burkhead (holds up fists and screams)
Fullback
Patrick
I just had a horrifying thought: what if the Texans higher ups think Jeff Driskel is the second coming of Taysom Hill?
And that’s why he gets these snaps in the middle of the game.
vballretired
Ouch
[4th Quarter]
vballretired
Obligatory Watson update
bigfatdrunk
At least they didn’t waste the TO there. Culley would have. 100%.
Patrick
Booooooooooooo.
vballretired
Up 20-3 with one quarter left. I’d punt.
l4blitzer
With VBall on this one
bigfatdrunk
Who? The Colts?
[Colts 9th possession]
vballretired
No need for a Rosencoptor moment
Patrick
My Saints fan wife, who has watched a lot of Matt Ryan when he was with the Falcons, seems to think the reason Ryan is playing like ass is because he’s flustered and he tends to fold when he’s flustered. I cannot dismiss this as a possibility.
vballretired
My wife is a Saints fan too. I’m trying to keep out of the way of projectiles right now.
bigfatdrunk
Another dropped TD.
vballretired
In all fairness there have been a number of those.
Patrick
Great coverage there.
uhh Joe
Big stop!
bigfatdrunk
Holy kitten, are they really kicking here???
Patrick
Not anymore!
uhh Joe
Oh shoot
vballretired
If Reich survives to Monday it will be a miracle.
Patrick
This game is so stupid and for none of the reasons I thought it would be.
uhh Joe
The 2022 Texans season will come down to how many stupid games we can win
Levy
STINGLEY
Wow colts needed another preseason game
vballretired
Of course, Lovey won’t likely have those what the kitten moments like Culley
[Colts go with the short FG. Colts 6 - Texans 20; 10:10 4th Quarter]
Levy
I’ll take the field goal. That was their best drive
Patrick
Stingley as the nearest defender so far today has only given up one reception for 17 yards on two targets over 34 coverage snaps.
[Texans 9th possession]
l4blitzer
Commentators talking about how Hamilton has cooked up a good plan. Time for a steady diet of Pierce, no?
corydlg
Surely
vballretired
Game is not over yet folks
bigfatdrunk
Speed sack for Speed.
corydlg
Why are they throwing on 2nd down?!?!
[Colts get a fumble recovery deep in Texans territory, Colts 10th possession]
vballretired
Of course, why are they running it?
Levy
Ugh here we go
Patrick
Because Matt Ryan has been less than impressive today under center?
bigfatdrunk
Still super conservative play calling by Reich. I don’t get it.
vballretired
I guess but….
Patrick
I’m not saying it makes sense or anything.
vballretired
I’m with BFD here
corydlg
Yeah if they want to run it they have maybe 15 plays left
vballretired
And it’s a game again
Patrick
Well they were never stopping Taylor at that point.
bigfatdrunk
They’ve missed several 2nd and short situations that called for more aggressive play calls. That’s my point. PLUS, the Texans weak link is their secondary, and the Colts aren’t pushing the ball down the field at all.
[Taylor with the 2 yard TD run; Colts 13 - Texans 20; 7:42 4th Qtr]
vballretired
Taylor with 100+ rushing and Ryan with 200+ passing. Yet they could still lose. This is what I meant when I said they have more talent but still find ways to lose.
bigfatdrunk
The two dropped TD passes have been massive.
[Texans 10th possession]
vballretired
If you squint really hard, Burkhead almost looks like Christian McCaffrey.
bigfatdrunk
BOB playing to win by a score strategy going on right here. FB in. Pathetic.
Do they think they are running out the clock here???
vballretired
Burkhead for a yard
Levy
Good run Pierce
bigfatdrunk
Shouldn’t be a play here.
Patrick
That’s OPI.
Levy
@vballretired are you squinting so hard your eyes are closed?
vballretired
Just a bit outside. Tried the corner and missed.
bigfatdrunk
Oh, illegal shift. 4th down.
BOB playing to win by a score strategy going on right here. FB in. Pathetic.
MattRNot
They always think they are running out the clock #establish
vballretired
Either that or having a stroke
Patrick
Then why am I the one smelling toast?
l4blitzer
Texans maybe starting to realize they are the Texans?
[Colts 11th possession]
vballretired
Nah, just put it in the hands of our defense and Reich’s play calling
Patrick
Sure, give up nine yards on a first and ten
vballretired
Nice run defense there
Patrick
We’re [KITTEN]ed.
vballretired
There’s still overtime
bigfatdrunk
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA
Pitre blew that tackle.
vballretired
Maybe Reich goes for two and bones it
l4blitzer
I think the Texans are thinking the same thing.
bigfatdrunk
Always remember it was Frank Reich who allowed BOB to keep his job in 2019 with his stupid coaching decisions.
vballretired
I wonder what the record is for negative rushing yards differential for a season.
Levy
Wow Taylor is smoking us
[2 minute warning; 4th quarter]
Levy
At least we aren’t at the Bears/49ers game
Patrick
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand there it is.
vballretired
Tied if they get the point after
[Ryan to Pittman for 15 yard TD; Colts 20 - Texans 20, 1:54 4th Qtr]
Patrick — Today at 3:53 PM
bigfatdrunk
It’s Nelson that’s smelling toast.
vballretired
Carolina coming back on Cleveland
bigfatdrunk
AND THE STUPID FOOTBALL CONTINUES!
vballretired
Colts doing Colts things
Levy
Alright Davis Mills. Let’s see what you’ve got
vballretired
Running with Burkhead
Patrick
Fairbairn practicing for a GW kick, so we need to get to the 1/2 yard line.
Levy
Alright Davis Mills. Let’s see what you’ve got
vballretired
Looks like not much
l4blitzer — Today at 3:57 PM
Colts are being cruel, giving the Texans hope by letting them start at the 40
[Texans 11th possession]
bigfatdrunk
There’s that elite Mills accuracy.
vballretired
Hahahahahahahahahaha
Patrick
Sure, they wait until I’m about to leave the bar to start [KITTEN]ting themselves and now I don’t even have enough time to get a drink in.
[Colts 12th possession]
vballretired
Kittens. They’ll lose this in regulation.
Nah, Colts going conservative
Levy
This is horrific
Patrick
[KITTEN] Jamarr Chase had one of the prettiest non-touchdown non-catches I’ve ever seen.
vballretired
Ooh, almost a pick for Pitre
bigfatdrunk
TJ Watt looks bad hurt.
Like a pec.
Texans going to prevent their way to a L.
vballretired
What’s the beer of choice for this fourth quarter effort?
Another drop
l4blitzer
Beer? I would think we’d be looking for the hard liquor.
vballretired
I’ve got church later. I can’t get that blitzed
l4blitzer
Might make the sermon that much more entertaining…
Patrick
I tend to go for Long Island Iced Tea myself.
vballretired
Good play by Stingley
bigfatdrunk
Holy kitten. This is like 2019 all over again.
vballretired
Could Reich be doing it again?!
l4blitzer
Not sure what Taylor was thinking on the catch and run there.
Patrick
Another timeout?
vballretired
Looks like a punt
bigfatdrunk
Huge mistake by Taylor.
Patrick
Must’ve been trying to draw them offsides.
So it’s overtime.
bigfatdrunk
Neither of these teams deserve to win this game.
corydlg
Very typical Texans 4th quarter
[Texans do nothing with 12th possession. End of regulation: HOU 20 - IND 20]
vballretired
Texans receive
bigfatdrunk
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH
vballretired
That’s head pounding you feel following that fourth quarter has been brought to you by Goody’s Hangover Powder. When a 17 point lead evaporates and you’ve had one too many jack and cokes you can turn to Goody’s.
l4blitzer
Ya know, I tend to joke about when the Texans would get their first tie. I would almost accept a tie here given how this game has gone. The dumbness from both teams almost demands this from the universe.
vballretired
Down goes Mills. Down goes Mills.
corydlg
Another out of bounds kick off
[Colts kick ball out of bounds; Texans 13th possession]
bigfatdrunk
More of that trademarked Mills accuracy.
Patrick
And dumb penalties.
Can’t make it too easy.
vballretired
Inexperience at wide receiver….right
Patrick
And 3rd and 22 now…
vballretired
Saints pull one out
bigfatdrunk
Ultimately, here’s the deal: Davis Mills is not going to win you games.
vballretired
Down goes Mills again
l4blitzer
At this point, does Lovie feel like the team can better win with his defense?
vballretired
That was tremendous execution all the way around on that drive.
l4blitzer
…and you wonder why people picked Houston to finish with the best chance for the #1 pick in 2023.
MattRNot
This is one of the weirder games I’ve seen. And this comes from a guy who sat through last year’s games
uhh Joe
It’s the necks!
Levy
Are you kidding me!
vballretired
I’m having some Oiler flashbacks
Levy
That’s on Tytus. That’s egregious
[Colts 13th possession]
vballretired
Good play by Nelson
And King
l4blitzer
If Ryan is going to beat us with his AARP legs, we really do deserve to lose this game.
uhh Joe
LMAO
vballretired
[KITTEN] first down
Patrick
Matt Ryan has to hate this. I mean he’s missing out on all you can eat Salisbury steak at the VFW for this game.
vballretired
[KITTEN] another fumble by Ryan.
There’s a Ryan’s steakhouse somewhere in Indy
Patrick
That’s game.
bigfatdrunk
Here comes a missed FG!
vballretired
TD coming
bigfatdrunk
Is Ryan even trying to read the D? Eight in the box, and he went with the play.
Levy
This is crazy
Patrick
Again, he’s thinking of the Salisbury steak he’s missing out on and it’s distracting him.
vballretired
Kittens. Cleveland won.
bigfatdrunk
MISS IT clap clap clap MISS IT clap clap clap MISS IT clap clap clap.
They aren’t kicking on 3rd????
Patrick
Jesus. Cincy do you want to win this game or not?
vballretired
Nice sack for Hughes on a stupid play call
He gets the Shasta Imitation Soda player of the game award
MattRNot
That was a good ole fashioned old man juke off with Ryan and Hughes
bigfatdrunk — Today at 4:26 PM
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
vballretired
No good, holy kittens
Patrick
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL This [KITTEN]ing game.
vballretired
That looked like one of my five iron shots
l4blitzer
Doth my hopes and dreams for a tie for the Texans still draw breath?
corydlg
Win this [KITTEN]ing game!!!
l4blitzer
Tie Texans Tie!!! Tie Texans Tie!!!
vballretired
It’s a one man offense. You can’t stop Burkhead …. Well you know the rest.
Patrick
Have you ever tried throwing a boomerang and it didn’t exactly work right? That was the Colts kick there.
uhh Joe
This game is so weird
Patrick
What the [KITTEN] is going on?
l4blitzer
This game HAS to end in a tie. It just has to…
corydlg
Center false start?!?!?
uhh Joe
Also idk if you guys would believe but the Bengals and Steelers are having like the exact same game
vballretired
No, it’s me on the seventh tee, “don’t slice it in the water. Don’t slice it in the water. Ah, kittens”
l4blitzer
You too?
[Texans working on 14th possession after Colts’ missed FG]
bigfatdrunk
That throw to Moore was pure luck. He wasn’t the intended WR.
vballretired
Timeout for some dumb reason
bigfatdrunk
Just imagine Lovie trying to open the bottle by turning it to the right, Patrick.
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
vballretired
Who didn’t see that coming?
bigfatdrunk
Burkhead CHUM!
l4blitzer
In pressure situations, you must do what you do best…for the Texans: CHUM!!!!
vballretired
That’s how you lose with your third best running back
Patrick
Insult to injury they put the BESFs game on instead
vballretired
Excuse me. Tie
l4blitzer
Tie Texans Tie!!! TIE TEXANS TIE!!
uhh Joe
I can’t believe
l4blitzer
It Happening!!! It Happening!!!!
corydlg
We should have won this [KITTEN]ing game
vballretired
Here comes the UCal band play
[Colts 14th possession]
bigfatdrunk
Mills ends with 6.5 yards/attempt. Even with the flea flicker. That’s pathetic.
vballretired
It’s a [KITTEN] tie. Kiss your sister everyone
[Texans log their first ever tie. HOU 20 - IND 20]
l4blitzer
The Texans get the Tie!!! The Texans get the Tie!!!
MattRNot
This game: Much ado about nothing
l4blitzer
Well, Lovie didn’t LOSE his first game as Texans’ coach…
corydlg
Yes he did, he gave away a win
And played for the tie
vballretired
That’s going to mess with Indy come playoff time
Levy
We gave that away
l4blitzer
Well, sure, if you want to think that way, but what does the record say…
corydlg
Lol
Levy
Wow the Bengals just had an accidental fumblerooski play get called back
bigfatdrunk
Stabler rule.
I was watching that game (Stabler) when it happened. It was marvelous!
vballretired
Silver linings playbook. You are up by 17 and they kick TWO out of bounds. They miss a kick to give you another chance. Kittens
l4blitzer
See, this game was fated to end in a tie.
uhh Joe
One of the weirdest games I’ve ever seen
Game Balls:
Let’s see. I suppose you could go with Jerry Hughes and OJ Howard for on-field performances. Yet, I feel that all of us who witnessed this moment of historic glory are all worthy of game balls. The cosmic stupidity of this game just begged for the universe to reach down and declare that neither side was better or worse than the other. Perhaps one of the few moments of universal balance to found in this era.
Those that Need to Run Extra Laps After the Game:
Whatever collective brainpower that oversaw the offensive execution of the Texans in the 4th quarter. While I enjoyed the end result of the 1st tie in franchise history, there was some serious buffonery going on for the Texans in the 4th. It is probably a collective foul-up, and Houston is not a stranger to blown leads, but a 17 point lead gagged away in the 4th quarter, even against the Colts, and even with this Texans’ roster?
There you have it folks. The first tie in franchise history, and the first ‘Dog of the season. Your 1st place Texans (yes, you read that right, the Texans are atop the AFC South) will dance with Russell Wilson and the Denver Broncos next week. Until then...
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