HOTD Week 2: Houston @ Denver...What did We Watch and Why Did We Watch It?

How’s everyone doing? Anyone with ill effects from watching the Texans/Broncos tilt? I would hope those have passed. Generally, the idea behind pro football is for the American public to have some late summer/fall/winter entertainment on a Sunday before having to reset for the coming work week.

I guess what transpired on the field in Denver could be thought of as entertaining, sort of in the way that a dance fight between two drunks would be entertaining. No quality actions or movements, but enough stupidity and blunders that you just can’t look away. The game got so bad and stupid that even the Denver home crowd, usually one of the most loyal and passionate, turned on the home team, even while the home team was winning. That takes some serious skill to foul up that badly, while winning, for those fans to do that.

No doubt those of you with the constitutions strong enough to watch/listen/track the game had your own opinions/commentary. For those of you wanted to compare notes, we offer the thoughts and viewpoints of the Masthead for this Week 2 matchup. In the finest HOTD tradition, all swear words have been replaced with KITTEN, to try to make this suitable for reading by those actually working in the physical office once again. For the remote workers, this could maybe help mitigate any issues if your family saw you reading this (unless they questioned you about your fandom, which I am afraid, you are on your own there).

With that, on to the ‘Dog:

Patrick

Kenyon Green getting his first start later today.

vballretired

Awesome. Maybe Quessenberry ranks higher than 32nd at center.

Patrick

First Long Island of the season. Cheers y’all.

Patrick

FIGHT IN THE SAINTS/BUCS GAME!!!!

vballretired

We are watching

On our phone

Remember I live with a Saints fan

Patrick

This makes me so happy.

Same here.

vballretired

Why is Lattimore ejected?

Patrick

He pushed back I think.

Other than that I have no idea.

Watching the Colts/Jags game is only making me angrier that we gave up a tie to the Colts.

vballretired

I figure the Jags can’t help but be better though. All those draft picks, free agents, and actual coaches.

Patrick

Guess the NFL decided Brady needed some extra assistance after all.

vballretired

Always

Levy

Also please take care of any colts friends and family. They are down bad

vballretired

Good thing I don’t know any

Levy

These Commanders uniforms are sick dude. I think the Giants should copy them

Patrick

I didn’t realize they were any different from their old [POTATOES] jerseys.

Okay, show time. And time for another Long Island iced tea.

l4blitzer

Can we make history and go for back-to-back ties?

Patrick

That would be so awesome.

Just franchise record after franchise record after all these years.

l4blitzer

Gotta have something to motivate

[Texans 1st Possession]

Patrick

And we’re off to a flying stop.

vballretired

We have universally decided to take a church pill

Patrick

Church pill?

vballretired

Skipping

Patrick

Wise decision.

vballretired

I see the run defense is right back on track

[Denver 1st possession]

Patrick

What did Stingley do?

vballretired

I see DL and linebacker high up on our draft priority list

l4blitzer

Welcome to the NFL, Stingley…[where] the road calls not as favorable

vballretired

Yeah, it was questionable

Patrick

Man, I hate facing Denver in Denver. Not because they’re that much harder, but the fans have that dumb[KITTEN] “in-comp-LETE” chant and with Davis Mills they’re gonna wear their voices out.

vballretired

Drop gives us fourth down

Patrick

I guess now we get to find out if Denver is better than what they showed on MNF.

Levy

[KITTEN] Trey Lance carted off. Not a good look over here

vballretired

Who is going Matt Ruhle as the first coach fired?

Patrick

Frank Reich might be trying to speedrun the “first coach fired” challenge after that game in Indy.

[Texans 2nd possession]

vballretired

So Frank (insert last name here) going three to two in Vegas?

Lance is my fantasy backup in one league. That figures.

Patrick

Just realized when you combine Frank Reich’s first and last name you get the German word for France, which fits given how many points his team has surrendered.

vballretired

Yeah but he never surrenders

l4blitzer

Oof, Ravens blow it against the Dolphins….

Patrick

LOL, that game was surprisingly fun to watch.

vballretired

QB controversy in Dallas?

Patrick

What the hell was that Mills?

vballretired

Man this team needs a new plan on third and short

Patrick

New implies they had a plan to begin with.

l4blitzer

Ah, Denver may have dodged a face mask call, as per the commentators. This would be in line with all the studies that say that one measurable advantage for home field is in the favorability of calls

[Denver 2nd possession]

Patrick

I would not blink if that were true. Just kind of wish Houston would get that same kind of home cooking.

vballretired

In all seriousness, this is three different OL coaches and two different OCs not counting OBrien calling plays himself. Something ain’t working beyond the schemes.

Patrick

Seeing Russell Wilson in Broncos colors still feels unnatural.

But Pep Hamilton was supposed to save us all with his innovative 37 tight end offense system.

l4blitzer

A 1st and 1? Ok then…

vballretired

That’s what happens when you become so beaten down by a bad regime. Any new person feels like a savior.

Patrick

Oh goody, yet another NYPD-based TV show.

l4blitzer

Why not?

vballretired

Horrible call on Stingley

Patrick

Because there’s like 30 of them now.

vballretired

Not a good sequence there for Stingley

Patrick

Well this game’s over.

And someone brought their dog to BWW.

vballretired

I just want to hear Richard Kind say “I don’t know” over and over.

Emotional support?

Patrick

Him and Richard Karn both, that would be nice.

vballretired

Emotional support?

l4blitzer

(Replying to vball) It is football

vballretired

Better play by Stingley. He’s going to be good. Needs a little better luck with the calls

Patrick

I think if he becomes a household name the way JJ was, he’ll start getting those calls.

vballretired

We have a rot/lab mix. I always figured if we gave him sunglasses and a cane then we could call him a seeing eye dog

l4blitzer

Denver wasted that goal line sequence

vballretired

Or throw just a generic vest on him and call it good

Yeah, with our DL not running it at least once is criminal

[Denver 20 yard FG. DEN 3-HOU 0 5:33 1st Qtr]

Patrick

Pretty wretched once the Broncos got into the red zone.

vballretired

Maybe Hackett needs to hire an OC

There’s a run there by Pierce

[Texans 3rd possession]

l4blitzer

First down runs of 10+ yards will help avoid the short yardage issues

vballretired

That actually looked like a well schemed play to Brown there.

Oh good lord it’s Driskel

Patrick

WHAT THE [KITTEN] ARE THEY DOING?!

vballretired

I thought that was kittens

Patrick

STOP TRYING TO MAKE JEFF DRISKEL HAPPEN.

Levy

Look at us moving the ball

Idk what they are doing lmao

Davis Mills looks yikes

l4blitzer

I see Mills’ passing is picking up right where it left off last week

Levy

Apple is probably spending $100m this weekend

vballretired

Denver being Denver. Maybe the Lovie Smith “let them stub their toe” plan could be a formula to avoid sucking.

Alright, it’s tied

l4blitzer

I guess the Texans make other teams make the stupid moves

[HOU 40 yd FG…avoiding the shutout. HOU 3- DEN 3 2:23 1st Qtr]

vballretired

This is still the first quarter? [KITTEN] this game is dragging.

Patrick

l4blitzer

He is inevitable

[Denver 3rd possession]

vballretired

He’s Taysom Hill without the arm strength, accuracy, speed, or athleticism.

Ouch, another dropped pass negated by defensive holding

l4blitzer

Apparently today was free flag day for the Texans

vballretired

And I realize Hill isn’t particularly accurate. That’s how inaccurate Driscoll is.

[End of 1st quarter; Texans 3- Denver 3. Another tie is still in play]

vballretired

Mathematically at least

Levy

This game feels slow

vballretired

What does it say when Russell Wilson is having a historically bad day and they are still outperforming our offense?

Patrick

It says our offense is living up to its potential.

vballretired

Up is charitable

Levy

What’s Lovie upset about?

vballretired

That he has to sit there and watch this

Patrick

Hey, he didn’t have to take the job. He knew that he’d have to watch this when he signed on the bottom line.

l4blitzer

Is Denver mayhaps a little bit hungover from the Seattle debacle?

[Texans 4rd possession]

vballretired

It’s the immovable object against the irresistible force

Patrick

I’m not entirely convinced that Denver is actually any good this year.

l4blitzer

Ah, so Houston just brings out the suck in everyone…sounds about right.

vballretired

Outside of Wilson are any of those skill position players actually proven to be good? They sure talk about them like they are.

l4blitzer

In theory, they should have big time explosive players at WR, but they can’t seem to stay healthy.

vballretired

First catch by Howard that’s not a touchdown

bigfatdrunk

Is Davis Mills our Lord and Savior yet?

Oh.

vballretired

I love watching Pierce run

Patrick

I think you mean Jeff Driskel, BFD.

Levy

Wow 49ers with Jimmy are up 20-0

l4blitzer

Guess we can put to bed the slogan for Howard that “all he does is catch TDs”

vballretired

These four yard passes are the kind that only franchise quarterbacks make

Levy

News: Pierce runs hard

vballretired

Nice play to Cooks

Patrick

We’ll bury it right next to the “Glover Quin doesn’t allow TDs” slogan.

l4blitzer

Only on Hail Marys

Patrick

[DURGA][KITTEN]

vballretired

Of course

Patrick

Davis Mills....ran...?

FWIW, of course.

vballretired

Another four yarder there to Burkhead

Levy

Holding

l4blitzer

Think of Mills running like a giraffe galloping along the Serengeti.

vballretired

Driskel on third and long

Levy

K so like 2 plays

Patrick

Third and 16 and they’re about to run the Driskel option. Oooookay, gang.

Levy

[WTK] is this Driskel offense ?

vballretired

So if Mills throws four yards to Burkhead then how about repeating that on 3rd and 16

Patrick

STOP THE COUNT! STOP THE COUNT!

l4blitzer

No, Denver would be expecting it. We throw in the element of surprise with Driscoll…he ain’t gonna run for 17 yards…maybe.

vballretired

Driskel must be a franchise QB. Both he and Mills successfully completed the same pass

Levy

News: we have no red zone offense

[Texans add a 44 yard FG: HOU 6 - DEN 3 7:20 2nd Qtr]

uhh Joe

When Davis mills is outplaying Russell Wilson >>>

vballretired

But is he really?

Patrick

KUBES!

l4blitzer

More like Wilson is sucking more than Davis Mills. Neither is in the vicinity of “mediocre”

uhh Joe

Idk really but 3 completions in the first like 20+ minutes of the game is very rough

That’s usually a sign of disaster

I wouldn’t call Davis mills a disaster in this game yet

Patrick

I know we’re only one and a half(ish) games into the season but I’m starting to feel like Nathaniel Hackett has that BOB in him.

vballretired

Yeah, I wouldn’t say outplaying is how I’d characterize that

uhh Joe

I would!

l4blitzer

Apparently Kingsbury from Arizona has entered the chat for “First NFL coach to get sacked”

Patrick

I think the word they use to characterize this game is a “struggle[KITTEN].”

[Denver 4th possession]

vballretired

I’d say Wilson sucks more. However, I’ve counted at least three or four drops

l4blitzer

Is the altitude drying out the tackiness on the football gloves? Surely that should be accounted for in a football mad city like Denver

vballretired

This is tough to watch

l4blitzer

BTW: Astros’ magic number to clinch the division is down to 2, so some positive news for H-town sports.

Patrick

Woohoo!

vballretired

Framber breaks ML record for consecutive quality starts

Patrick

I watched the Saints and Bucs which was 3-0 going into the third quarter. This already has more scoring.

l4blitzer

Yeah, but Saints/Bucs had the luxury of a major donnybrook. Not sure I am going to see that…unless the Denver fans go ape[Kitten] on the performance of their team.

If only my wedges could be like that last Denver punt….

Patrick

Yeah, but that fight didn’t even happen until the fourth quarter, I think.

Wedges?

vballretired

Maybe their DC goes Buddy Ryan on Hackett

[Houston 5th possession]

Patrick

Hey look! A running back capable of running more than three yards for the Texans!

That’s novel!

l4blitzer

Golf wedges….sand wedge/pitching wedge…I usually just blade them and overshoot the green by 30 yards.

Patrick

Oh, duh.

l4blitzer

No worries.

Patrick

Hey, we might get that fight yet, guys.

6 penalties for 77 yards. Yuck.

And we’re not even at the half.

LOLOLOLOL

l4blitzer

I blame the Southern Oklahoma Cowboys for corrupting us…it spread to the South

vballretired

BTW, does any site track three and outs? I don’t know why I’m asking. It’s not related to anything we are watching obviously

Patrick

If there is I’m not aware of it, but it wouldn’t surprise me if one exists.

l4blitzer

I’m sure Elias and all the other fancy statistical sites do…but it will cost more than a few inflation-adjusted pennies to access.

[Denver 5th possession]

Patrick

Oh bull[KITTEN], that penalty.

vballretired

Yeah, again just more an academic question. It’s not like the Texans offense does that a lot.

Patrick

Okay, fine, whatever.

What, three and out? I thought that was part of the game plan.

vballretired

This game is fugly

Patrick

Oh [DURGA], what now?

l4blitzer

Denver doesn’t want to feel left out of the flag party.

vballretired

I will do an article at some point on rushing yards for and against differential

Patrick

If this Texans game was my dog, I’d shave its [KITTEN] and teach it to walk backwards.

l4blitzer

My cat would try to bury this half

vballretired

I’d put whiskey in his bowl

l4blitzer

Ok, Denver should probably not bother passing. Just run the ball…consistently.

[Two minute warning]

vballretired

I guess that tracks based on a 3:25 start but the last 1:20 feels like four hours.

l4blitzer

And you wonder why people think time is relative….

Patrick

This game does feel like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff.

vballretired

Has any team ever had back to back ties at any level?

l4blitzer

Houston did back in 1969

Patrick

I feel like back to back has hapepned before, but never to start the season.

Aw [KITTEN], they woke him up.

l4blitzer

When the Oilers were in Houston, but it was not at the start of the season

Patrick

Which one of you woke up Russell Wilson?

l4blitzer

Ciara

vballretired

Here comes the red zone efficiency we expect from Denver

Patrick

Good answer.

vballretired

I’m not up on all my stats. Is zero percent TDs inside the red zone good?

Did Tim Kelly go to Denver?

l4blitzer

Wow…Denver knows they are playing the Texans, right? They have Russell Wilson at QB, right?

vballretired

Just run the [KITTEN] ball

[Denver with another 20 yd FG. HOU 6 - DEN 6; 0:20 in 2nd Qtr]

l4blitzer

Falcons are trailing a game 28-3. Probably means nothing.

[Halftime]

vballretired

Hmmmmm

Halftime Reactions to a Game that Makes You Question Your Life Choices

vballretired

The ultimate Rorscarch test on both sides. Is it good defense or really bad offense? Both teams seem to be able to run it. Maybe they should do that more.

l4blitzer

Time to see if Hackett can deliver that halftime speech that will rip a new orifice in all of his players. There is no reason Denver should be tied 6-6 with Houston. Don’t know if Houston can keep this game ugly and lower scoring, but if they do, it benefits them more than the Broncos.

Patrick

Michael Jackson is back from the dead and just picked off the 49ers for six.

I’m going to keep saying Nathaniel Hackett is Bill O’Brien 2.0 until he proves me otherwise.

Because it amuses me.

vballretired

Not looking good for anyone that bet the over.

bigfatdrunk

Is Davis Mills our Lord and Savior yet?

l4blitzer

You meant to say Jeff Driskel, right?

bigfatdrunk

LOL!

Don’t you mean Jeff Spicoli?

Patrick

Jeff Driscoli

Halftime over.

[Second Half: Denver 6th possession]

l4blitzer

MOAR laundry….just what this games needs

Patrick

We got the ball? WE GOT THE BALL! This three and out will be phenomenal.

[HOU with the INT, HOU 7th possession]

Jeremy

the defense is actually really good

makes this team watchable imo

Patrick

Patrick Surtain and Jerry Jeudy are done for the day.

Per Aaron Wilson.

Oooooooooooooooooh, that was sexy Dameon Pierce.

l4blitzer

So Denver is trying to make this game even more boring. Good to hear about the violent running of Pierce

“Let’s ride that horse for a long while.” Andre Ware on Pierce…Ware speaks truth

Patrick

Go for it you coward.

bigfatdrunk

Mills is so. Freaking. Mediocre.

l4blitzer

Once again, Pierce validates all of our misplaced hype, hope and dreams

Patrick

I think the Broncos are trying to make things harder for themselves.

vballretired

Nice throw by Mills.

bigfatdrunk

Wide open Cooks, and he missed him by six feet.

Patrick

GLORY TO ALL FIELD GOAL OFFENSE!

vballretired

Hey, I just had an idea: stop doing sudden death and just have a kick off between place kickers….oh, that’s already happening. Never mind. Carry on.

[Fairbairn with a 3-RBI double, er, 24 yd FG. HOU 9 - DEN 6; 8:33 3rd Qtr]

bigfatdrunk

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH pathetic.

vballretired

So, let’s see. Both teams more or less run at will but can’t seem to figure that out, so they let two QBs having bad days stall out their offenses.

l4blitzer

Only if they execute the classic drop kick style

vballretired

What if they go Jan Stenerud and go old straight back style?

l4blitzer

I thought that Jan was the one that brought us the soccer-style. Mosley, the only kicker to ever win MVP, did it the classic straight-ahead way.

[Second Half: Denver 7th Possession]

Patrick

[KITTEN], who’s hurt?

l4blitzer

Pierre-Louis

vballretired

I mix up my old kickers. Was Dempsey straight ahead?

l4blitzer

Another week, another job opening. This time at Arizona State

Yes, Dempsey was a straight-ahead kicker.

bigfatdrunk

Dempsey was a toe kicker, yes. He’s easy to remember because his right foot didn’t have no toesies.

Patrick

Oh [DURGA], that just means we might hire Herm Edwards when Lovie Smith wears out his welcome.

l4blitzer

Parlayed that into a 63 yarder, if I remember correctly

Levy

Hahah

Patrick

I had enough of him as a HC when I was a Jets fan.

vballretired

But Herm plays to win the game

Second best coaching rant ever

l4blitzer

After anything from Jim Mora, right?

vballretired

Nope. “I’m a man. I’m 40” was comedy gold

l4blitzer

Ah yes…the mantra for every middle aged man from that day forth

Patrick

That was all I could think of when I turned 40 last year.

vballretired

Ah 40, the memories

l4blitzer

For me, it was a mix of that and the old SNL sketch of “Middle Aged Man…”

Patrick

Oh no, I think Stingley’s hurt.

vballretired

As an aside, let’s take a moment to appreciate how horrible this game is that we are resorting to talking about 1990s SNL sketches

Patrick

Honestly, I’m surprised it took this long for non-game tangents to start.

l4blitzer

That would really apply for the last two seasons for this team, but your logic is sound

vballretired

I’ve only been in here this season but I’m sure Culley was good for a few laughs.

l4blitzer

Interviews yes. In game decisions, no.

bigfatdrunk

The only thing this game is missing from a Texans standpoint is that this game is so BOB.

vballretired

I wonder if there’d be a market for a mystery science theatre 3000 treatment of these games.

Patrick

And BOB is on the Broncos’ sideline.

bigfatdrunk

That was an absolutely BOB playcall LOLOLOLOLOL!

vballretired

Hahahahahagagahahafa

Patrick

A long way back, I remember the Seahawks played the Browns and the score was almost identical to this. And it was the worst game I’d ever seen, like objectively.

bigfatdrunk

And not going for it LOLOLOLOL!

vballretired

Cue the Benny Hill music

l4blitzer

Yep, this game needs some Yakety Sax

Levy

That was a weird call

bigfatdrunk

We’ve replaced Hackett with BOB. Let’s see if anybody notices.

vballretired

Have Hackett wear his pants around his ankles and be chased by his DC

l4blitzer

Bold strategy by Denver to take the 5 yard penalty. Let’s see if it works, Cotton

Patrick

And a whole bunch of linemen in skimpy outfits or some [KITTEN] chasing him around.

Or he’s chasing them around.

Either works.

vballretired

Mills on the keeper. Their bread and butter play.

Levy

If anyone cares, there’s no scorigami so far

[Denver inexplicably punts and screws this up royally. Houston 8th possession]

Patrick

Three and out. The most comfortable ending for a Texans drive.

Patrick

How is there still another quarter of this?

vballretired

By the way, anyone calling Mills the franchise quarterback better erase any footage of this effort.

l4blitzer

BLASPHEMY!!!!

vballretired

Need one of those Men in Black memory doodads

bigfatdrunk — Today at 6:44 PM

So far in seven quarters, Mills has led two TD drives. The Broncos, btw, have a terrible defense.

vballretired — Today at 6:44 PM

Of course, we weren’t the ones that paid Russ 200+

[Denver 9th possession]

bigfatdrunk

DJ Reader eating souls for Cincy.

vballretired

That’s quite the image there

Patrick

Remember when we couldn’t afford to keep him but somehow had enough money for Eric Murray and David Johnson?

vballretired

This game is like watching two people in scooters collide outside Wal-Mart

l4blitzer

That would be more exciting, actually

vballretired

But about as stupid

bigfatdrunk

GO FALCONS!!!

Patrick

Marcia Gay Harden trying to make a second CBS drama work.

[End of the 3rd quarter. HOU 9 - DEN 6…why are we watching this again?]

Patrick

Because we are stupid people who make bad life decisions.

vballretired

I think there’s a Rizzoli and Isles marathon on CW

l4blitzer

Well, yes, but we don’t like to be openly reminded of this…

vballretired

Sutton was lost

Patrick

LOL.

vballretired

The loser of this game should get two losses in the loss column

Levy

How does that happen

Unbearable

Patrick

Broncos: Woooo! We won, we won! NFL: True, but you barely beat the Texans so we’re only gonna give you half credit.

l4blitzer

Ah yes, the 4th Quarter, when the Texans realize that they aren’t that good.

vballretired

That’s how you score. Don’t wait until you’re inside the 20. That’s death.

Patrick

This is the moment in the cartoon where the coyote realizes he’s no longer running on solid ground and what that means for him.

bigfatdrunk

And the Texans just swallowed the TNT.

vballretired

Why he didn’t sue Acme I’ll never know

l4blitzer

Concussed after all the TNT mishaps. Didn’t know any better

Patrick

::Broncos fans hooting and cheering in the bar, dancing:: Me (hands cupped around mouth): WHAT THE [KITTEN] TOOK Y’ALL SO LONG, YOU SHOULD’VE BEEN KICKING OUR [KITTEN]ES HOURS AGO!

[Russell Wilson realized that he is a good QB. 22 yard TD to Saubert. DEN 13 - HOU 9]

vballretired

Our goal? 17-0 against the spread

Patrick

They’re falling apart in the fourth quarter again.

UN-WIN-FEATED ::CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP:: UN-WIN-FEATED!

TEXANS 10th POSSESSION

vballretired

Holy cow a downfield pass!

Patrick

Good catch by Collins there.

vballretired

Elite accuracy on that pass to Jordan (high and wide)

Patrick

Bless Denver’s heart, they’re trying to make us think we have a chance.

vballretired

What’s that one in a million talk?

bigfatdrunk

RZC is showing trash time vs. the Texans game, and who can blame them?

vballretired

Mills sacked

Patrick

That tracks.

uhh Joe

Well

That’s how it goes

Gotta say he’s really good at negative plays on 3rd down

vballretired

Hahahahahagah, no punt returner. Denver calls timeout

Patrick

Jesus, even BOB knew to put a punt returner out there.

bigfatdrunk

Hackett seems to be completely incompetent.

uhh Joe

The thing is it can’t be just Hackett though

Like this is full team dysfunction

bigfatdrunk

Eh, true.

uhh Joe

Which is even worse

vballretired

I’ve seen bad games. I remember the 3-0 snow plow game. I’ve never seen two teams this incompetent in the same game at the same time.

At least last week we traded incompetence so we both didn’t suck at the same time

Patrick

I think the last time I saw a game this bad was 2008, but at least this game has a touchdown in it.

bigfatdrunk

Marcus Mariota just ended the game the way only Mariota can.

Patrick

[KITTEN]ting himself?

[Denver 11th Possession]

vballretired

Holy kittens that’s hilarious

Patrick

Greenard with the sick sack.

And now the Broncos are out of timeouts.

corydlg

The crowd reactions are great

Patrick

NO I DON’T WANT THIS GAME ON THE BIG SCREEN! TAKE IT OFF IMMEDIATELY!

vballretired

Let’s chip in and get the BR radio guys a beer a piece for having to recap this thing on air.

Patrick

Hey if we’re doing that, I have to write the recap and I will accept nothing less than Scaphism imperial stout from Nightmare Brewing for my efforts.

vballretired

I’m good for it

Just let me know when you’re in town

Or if one of us goes on this week we can have a beer too

Patrick

The Broncos were 10 point favorites today and they’re only now about to cover. We’re either that bad or the Broncos are that...good?

Levy

this drive is demoralizing

we really cant stop them

we are getting pounded

vballretired

The let’s let them stop themselves plan seems to have hit a snag

That play has got to be run on continuous loop in Denver this week

Technically there’s a chance

So who gets credit for that “sack”?

Levy

even so - this browns team is tragic

LMAO the crowd yelling out the play clock is hilarious

l4blitzer

MOAR flags…that kinda game

vballretired

I love them talking up the drama

[McManus with a 50 yd FG; DEN 16-HOU 9]

vballretired

Hey, nice catch for Collins. He’s had a nice game.

Patrick

4 for 58 yards, yeah, solid outing.

[Texans 12th Possession]

vballretired

Hahahahahahahahahaha

Howard with a horrible block

bigfatdrunk

That time of game when I am supposed to get excited about Mills’ trash time play, I guess. Yes, I realize we are still in it, but it’s the only time he pushes the ball.

Levy

where the [KITTEN] have these throws been

oof Tytus Howard that looks horrific

l4blitzer

Texans increasing the degree of difficulty on this drive.

vballretired

Are they purposefully restraining him or is this who he is? Seriously asking here

[2 min warning]

vballretired

We can’t call him great just because he has 0 INTs

Patrick

Kenneth, you cracked it. Davis Mills is a less athletic Eli Manning.

vballretired

Check down Charlie

Patrick

If we somehow force overtime for a second time I am going to laugh myself to death.

l4blitzer

…and imagine if we tie it

vballretired

Nope

Patrick

Well, that’s that.

uhh Joe

Welp

vballretired — Today at 7:22 PM

We do have three timeouts

[Denver 13th possession]

bigfatdrunk

Mills: 5.2 YPA.

Against a kitteny defense, I should add.

uhh Joe

Yeah that was pretty terrible

Not the 350 and 3TDs game I was hoping for

In fact it was about as far as that as possible

vballretired

Hackett is the luckiest coach in history

Patrick

Wow, 13 penalties for the Broncos and they’re still going to win.

vballretired

Plus horrible clock management

l4blitzer

Amusing that you can hear the crowd singing Bon Jovi in unison. One of the few amusing things about this matchup

uhh Joe

Also the Colts’ tie doesn’t look nearly as favorable now that they got killed by the Jaguars

vballretired

And they lost the turnover battle

[Texans 14th Possession]

Patrick

Looks like we got one last possession. Taking all bets, how do the Texans blow it?

l4blitzer

5:4 that it is 4 straight incompletions from Mills

uhh Joe

I swear if he takes another embarrassing sack I’m gonna have to retire as a Davis Mills defender

Levy

this drive will be freaking critical

Patrick

How about giving Driskel a carry? ::kills myself::

l4blitzer

Doth thou disparage the Wild Jeff?

Patrick

Whenever I can.

bigfatdrunk

Thank Durga for Davis Mills.

vballretired

This is just sad. You can kiss that 5.2 YPA goodbye

Levy

this is not going well

Patrick

Outstanding throw there, Mills.

l4blitzer

Raiders letting the Fightin’ Kingsburys stay alive for another series

bigfatdrunk

OMD, he’s missing guys by furlongs at this point!

Levy

welp that was awful

[Denver 14th Possession]

bigfatdrunk

4.6 YPA!

Levy

like. that didn’t even get started

l4blitzer

Sad to see Houston waste the 9 RBI effort by Fairbairn

Patrick

Oh thank [DURGA] that’s over.

[Final: HOU 9 - DEN 16] Houston now a half game back of division leading Jacksonville…yes, Division leading Jacksonville.

uhh Joe

That was embarrassing

Patrick

And yet a wholly expected outcome

uhh Joe

Davis Mills looked like Ben Dinuccci out there today

vballretired

OT for Raiders and Cards

[Editor’s Note: Somehow, the Raiders derped in OT and the Cardinals saved Kingsbury’s job with the come-from-behind-win].

GAME BALL(S): For the Texans, probably the only one who won’t need to run any extra laps after practice would be Ka’imi Fairbairn, who put up all of the Texans’ points, giving them the lead after 3 quarters. A shout out to the Denver Broncos’ fans, who took trolling their struggling team to a new level by counting down the play-clock, seeing as how the Denver coaching staff was having trouble with that rather minor detail.

GETS TO CARRY THE DIRTY LAUNDRY BAGS TO THE BUS: This time, the Texans only blew a 3-point 4th quarter lead. That being said, David Mills once again could not deliver for the Texans in the 4th. Yes, it was on the road needing a TD facing off against one the toughest home crowds out there, but 6-13 for 81 yards and 2 sacks is not going to get it done. Granted, the offense writ large struggled (how badly: The Astros outscored the Texans 11-9), but for a guy trying to keep his place as the starting QB beyond this season, this type of performance does not help. If Mills wants to remain the guy for this team, he has to deliver better late game performances than he has thus far in 2022.