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Three And Out: Texans-Colts Predictions

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The Masthead gathers to give predictions for the Week 4 contest against the Colts in Indianapolis

Indianapolis Colts v Philadelphia Eagles Photo by Elsa/Getty Images

I have a lot of walls to bash my head against thinking about this 0-3 start, so let’s jump right into the predictions. I don’t want to waste one precious moment that I could be concussing myself rather than thinking about the Texans’ offensive line.

Diehard Chris: Colts 23, Texans 20.

I just can’t pick the Texans to win a game this season until they win a game. This one is certainly winnable, but so were, you know, the other ones. Right now my confidence in the Texans will be based on things that HAVE happened, not things that might.

I see no reason Bill O’Brien will suddenly figure out what he’s doing with this offense. I see no reason Deshaun Watson will turn into Tom Brady and excel in the offense O’Brien has clamped to his ankles. I see no reason this offensive line will suddenly go from AVERT YOUR EYES GOD AWFUL STENCH OF ROTTING FLESH to even up to the level of “below average”.

I see no reason, I see no reason, I see no reason. Let me see it on the field.

Titan Matt Weston, Slanderer of Blade Runner, a huge fan of the Texas Rangers, and legitimate believer that David Robinson should be allowed to exist on the same planet as Hakeem Olajuwon: Colts 23, Texans 20.

Until I see a change in Houston’s offense actually happen, I won’t assume it will happen. I’m expecting the same—more inside run plays, no play action, no one getting open, Watson holding onto the ball forever, receivers failing to beat man in isolated routes, no play action, and no use of Watson as a runner.

Indy’s defense has been surprising this year too. Margus Hunt is playing better than he ever should have. Jabaal Sheard is the most underrated edge rusher in football. Darius Leonard is a great tackler and blitzer. Al Woods is stopping the run. Anthony Walker is a speedy rusher. Malik Hooker can influence the entire deep part of the field no matter where he lines up. The Colts are 12th in defensive DVOA. I’m shocked by how well they’ve played. They held Philadelphia to 20 points and it took a weak defensive holding call on 4th and 5 to save their drive.

Despite the fact that Andrew Luck is throwing a football like a Super Cuts balloon, averaging just 5.3 yards an attempt, which is only better than Sam Bradford, and has the weakest arm I’ve seen this year, I still like Indy to score just enough. Luck is still doing all those other quarterback things. He feels the pocket well, finds open receivers quickly, and throws with accuracy. Even playing press coverage, I don’t think Houston can cover long enough or well enough to help out the rush.

Indy’s defense and offense has been better to start the year. Bill O’Brien is still the Texans’ head coach. The Colts win.

Luke Beggs: Colts 24, Texans 17.

Will Fuller’s gonna score a great TD off of a deep pass and then there are going to be four quarters of offensive nonsense. I think the defensive line will get more purchase as a collective unit, but overall there won’t be enough to stop Andrew Luck and the Colts.

Kenneth L.: Texans 34, Colts 17.

Yes, the Texans win. Yes, in Indianapolis. Yes, by a wide margin. Reason? Because nothing makes sense with this team and as soon as you give up on them, they give you reason to believe again. Both teams are in need of a win, and I think the Texans are at the brink of a good victory. It will feel like a flash in the pan game as the offense opens up and the Texans overwhelm the Colts early.

The Cots’ run game does not scare me, and that will allow the pass rush to tee off on Andrew Luck. The Colts’ defense looks improved over last year, but so does the entire team when you have five of the first 65 picks in the draft.

The biggest mismatch for the Texans is our wide receivers against their cornerbacks. Safety Malik Hooker is a stud but only one person. If the Texans can spread out the Colts, pressure them down the field, and avoid simple penalties, we should be able to beat Indianapolis.

Capt. Ron: Texans 17, Colts 17.

Let’s go for a tie, because that seems fashionable in 2018. Plus, the narrative of how Houston is finally improving (since they didn’t actually lose) and is THAT much closer to a win will make for great media content all next week as the intrastate home game against the Cowboys looms.

It’s difficult to determine if the Texans can effectively compete with an opponent until they stop defeating themselves. The lack of preparedness and widespread mental errors that plagued them in the first three games simply undermine any confidence I have in them winning on the road in Indy.

Starting the season winless the first four weeks would have seemed improbable back in August, but now it appears more likely than not unless the players decide amongst themselves to show up energized and focused to impose their will and win a football game despite the lack of leadership and questionable game-planning from the sidelines.

/drink

Mike Bullock: Colts 31, Texans 17.

17 might seem like an offensive explosion based on what we’ve seen so far, but one of those touchdowns is coming from J.J. Watt, who continues to reassert his dominance despite the fact the rest of the team looks like an exercise in chaos.

If they go 0-4, expect Bill O’Brien to be unemployed Monday morning.

BFmf’nD: Colts 17, Texans 12.

In their last 13 games, the Houston Texans are 1-12. As a starter, Deshaun Watson is 3-6 under the wise guidance of Brain O’Brain.

Until the Texans win, they deserve absolutely no benefit of the doubt.

Colts 17, Texans 12 (yes, that’s on four field goals because of “This Vanilla Ice Cream is Too Spicy” Bill O’Brien).

Tim: Texans 24, Colts 20.

I’ve picked the Texans to win every week thus far this season. That has not worked out very well to date. A lesser man might think it’s time to bail on this winless team, be it for legitimate reasons (e.g., the offensive line is worse than we could have ever possibly imagined, Houston’s cornerbacks leave so, so, so much to be desired, the head coach makes questionable decision after questionable decision without appearing to learn from his mistakes, etc.) or jinx purposes.

Not I, friends. Not I.

In fact, I’m doubling—nay, tripling—down. Your Houston Texans are going to beat the Colts on Sunday. Then they’re gonna beat the Cowboys next week, and then they’re going to defeat the Bills the week after that. 3-3 is coming.

There can be miracles when you believe. Though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill. Hit it, ladies.

Thanks for the uplifting predictions, fellas. *Wipes blood from forehead*. I think I’ll switch from bashing my head against the wall to water-boarding myself. In whiskey. Whiskey-boarding? Is that a thing? Can we start that YouTube channel?